photo credit

There were no mats. Just little pieces of rubber flooring on top of cheap carpet. I was the least athletic of the three of us, and we had never heard of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu before I got on the ground that very day 4 years ago. Kenny, a top shelf, athletic ex-wrestler I had just been introduced to, mounted me right away. He smothered my face, pushing my body into the ground with his hips. Just as I could take no more, he suddenly slid off my chest, giving me room to gasp for air. However, that momentary relief was immediately replaced with the sharp pain of my arm being hyper extended in an arm bar. I tapped as fast as I could, yelping…

‘TAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!’

I suddenly felt sick, and burst outside to throw my guts up. I wobbled back inside to find Brian, the instructor, amused.

‘So how do you like your first day?’ he asked.

I wearily nodded in approval, half scared he would tear off my limbs if I showed weakness, and half cause I did not have any air left to speak.  All I remember thinking as I sipped my Gatorade was…

‘Why on Earth did I agree to try this out?’

The Benefit of Trying New Things

As a writer, and someone addicted to creativity, I have found my greatest resource is attempting to try new things. Mixing up your life is a great way to expand your perspectives by seeing the world through different eyes. Each perspective you gain in life, helps increase the value of your collective perspective on life as a whole. I have never tried something new that did not come with a lesson. In fact, trying new things, especially those OUTSIDE my comfort zone, has been key to my own personal development.

Learning to Step Outside Your Comfort Zone

“Without having the courage to step outside our comfort zones, we can not possibly realize our full potential.”

Four years ago, I was very hesitant when a friend of mine asked me to start learning Brazilian Jiu Jitsu from him with a couple of superior athletes. I knew I would be on the bottom of the food chain, and who wants to go into something they know they are going to lose? Believe me, that first day was VERY uncomfortable. However, I stuck with it mostly cause of the challenge and my friendship with the instructor. Flash forward to now and I can not think of a single thing that has had a greater effect on the way I live my life. If not for Jiu Jitsu, I’m not quite sure where or who I would be today. It is the most consistent topic in all of my personal development posts. This is because Jiu Jitsu was personally challenging to me. By overcoming that challenge, I have filled myself with the confidence that I can overcome any other challenges in life. Therefore, simply by trying Jiu Jitsu, I became a stronger person in all the facets of my life. I replaced the fear of failing at a new challenge with the confidence of having overcome that fear.

The fear of failing, however strong it is, is just a fear.

Oxford American dictionaries defines fear as…

‘a feeling of anxiety about the outcome of something.’

Simply put, you are scared you will not meet your own expectations. To get passed this initial fear, here are….

5 Incredible Tips when trying new things:

1. Look Forward to the Challenge

Challenging yourself is quite rewarding to your spirit, even when you don’t succeed. Each time I feel anxious about trying something, I take it as a sign that I must do it. Conquering that anxiety becomes common practice after awhile, and that is the true victory of my efforts.

2. Remove All Expectations

Many people tend to get wrapped up in unrealistic expectations. On our first run, we want to beat a 6 minute mile. On our first swing of the bat, we expect to hit a home run. Be aware of the weight your expectations can hold. Otherwise, you are surely headed for disappointment.

3. Failure is a necessity

‘I can’t do it’ is not an excuse, it’s a reality. Of course you can’t do something you have no experience in. That’s why failing is necessary: It builds experience. Simply put, failing is the 1st step on the way to success. It’s like paying your dues, something every successful person has a story about. Forget the possibility that you are a one of a kind prodigy. Simply try it, fail, then try again. Repeat until successful.

4. Take Baby Steps

Talent is wonderful. Natural ability is a gift. Being a genius is an honor. All of these have one thing in common though: they represent no effort. All rewarding things in life take effort, and lots of it. Talent has to be developed. Natural Ability has to be discovered, and no matter what they tell you, no one becomes a genius without doing their share of work. When trying something new, take the pressure off of yourself to take that leap to success in one giant step. Try learning to crawl before you run.

5. Success Does Not Have A Time Frame

Do not put a time limit on achieving success. This is just another expectation that needs to be removed.  Giving up is the only surefire way to fail, so when you make the effort to try something new, stick to it. Give it time and see it all the way through, even on the bad days. The worst thing you can do is take one step and not follow up with another. Besides, you may be surprised just how far you can go.

What are you going to try?

Let’s start a discussion. What have you ever tried, despite your initial fears, that has benefitted you immensely?  Hopefully, each comment will provide motivation for all of those teetering on taking that first step out of their comfort zone!

——————————————————————————————–

If you like what you see, get all the latest updates right to your email…

Clerk: “Occupation?”
Comicus: “Standup Philosopher!”
Clerk: “What?”
Comicus: “Standup Philosopher! I coalesce the vapor of human experience into a viable and logical comprehension.”
Clerk: “Oh – a Bullshit Artist!”
Comicus: “Hmmmmmm….”
Clerk: “Did you bullshit last week?”
Comicus: “No.”
Clerk: “Did you try to bullshit last week?”
Comicus: “Yes!”
–From Mel Brook’s History of the World Part I

Have you ever been in the middle of a sentence, when you realize everything you are claiming is 100% complete BS (bullshit)?

Well, I have many times in my life. Sometimes I’m saying something I would like to be true. Sometimes it is something I hope, or wish, is true.  Sometimes, I don’t know what the hell it is or where it came from, but it feels like a veiled attempt to sooth my ego as the words leave. I can feel my facial expression change, and I wonder if the person I’m speaking to realizes it.

I know I’m not alone out there.

Bullshitting others is one thing, however, it becomes a real problem when you are not aware of your own ‘BS’. Nothing is worse than talking yourself up in your head. It’s one thing to fool others, and a whole other thing to be fooling yourself.

Over the course of my life, I have made a consistent effort to try and not claim anything that is not true, even if it sounds good at the time. This was further ingrained in my head when I started to take Jiu Jitsu. BSing is completely useless on the mat. Either you tap someone or they tap you.  What is said or thought before matters little once the action starts.

I have found BSing completely useless in life as well.

What do I mean by BSing? Let’s say you and a friend are talking about how fast you can run a mile. He says 7 minutes on average. You know you have never run faster than 7 minutes, but you have never really tried to either. If he can do it, then you assume you probably can too. So, before you have a chance to think, you hear the words as they leave your lips…

‘I can do 6 1/2 minutes easy.’

Now, while that may or may not be true, you have just set yourself up for failure. You naturally wanted to be able to run a faster mile, and believe you can, so you verbalize your emotions. If your friend asks to time you, then you may be in some trouble, as the truth is, because you never have, you don’t know if you can. However, by saying you can, you feel like a winner, at least for the moment.  The problem is…

Humans can smell BS from a mile away.

I would venture to say, that if this story was real, the friend would know the person was BSing right away. Humans tend to have an innate way of sensing other people’s BS. Maybe it’s the way it rolls off their tongue, or the look that envelopes their eyes, or the sudden lack of eye contact.  Whatever it is, how many times have you heard someone say something, smiled, and then muttered under your breath..

‘Yeah, right.’

Don’t think it has not been done to you as well. What I have found, is the best way to get to know yourself, hence personally develop, is to make a firm goal to not make any exaggerated claims, even if it’s just in your head. Whether it’s ‘I will finish that by tomorrow,’ or ‘I am the best at that’, if it is not true, or possibly not true, than your words will have little meaning. If it is true, then let your actions speak, rather then meaningless words.

If what you are claiming is not a firm fact, try this approach. Instead of setting the bar so high for yourself, set the bar low. Your friend says, ‘I can run a 7 minute mile’.  You respond, ‘Really, I think I can beat that, but I have not tried in awhile.’

Or try turning ‘I will finish that by tomorrow’ into ‘I will try an finish that as fast as I can. I’m shooting for tomorrow.’  How about changing ‘I am the best at that’ to ‘I’m usually pretty good at that.’

A simple change in your approach is all it takes to save face. Don’t become that person who just says things to sound good. Nobody respects a person like that. However, think of how much respect you have for someone when they say they are okay at something, and it turns out they are incredible at it.

Changing your expectations does a few things:

1. It gives your words more meaning. Instead of someone who is always BSing, people will look at you as someone who always does more than they say they will. Even though the same outcome may occur regardless of your approach, the person who did not try to ‘win’ with words always is more respected.
2. It puts less pressure on you. Why set the bar higher than it has to be? Why not just leave the bar where it is and try and surpass it with actions instead of with claims? Isn’t it better to say ‘I broke the world record’ then to claim ‘I’ll break the world record’?
3. It helps build your reputation. People respect honesty and a sincere approach. It also helps you be honest with yourself and know where you really stand, not pretend to be where you wish you were. Nothing worse than getting caught up in your own BS, and realizing it half way through your 8 minute mile.
4. It creates the aura of modesty around you. One of the best compliments someone can receive is how modest they are. Think of someone you consider modest and think of the opinion you carry of them. Now think of someone you consider a bullshitter. Which person would you prefer to be known as?
5. It let’s others easily accept you for who you are. Someone who knows their own weaknesses and is modest about their strengths, is a true winner. Let the actions speak for themselves. The reverb from those actions will easily drown out the small whispers of bogus claims.
6. If you are wrong, you still have your dignity. Let’s say you don’t beat that 7 minute mile. If you claimed you would without a doubt, you look like a liar and your words hereafter will have little authority. However, if you responded that you were unsure, but would try, you look like a winner. You met a challenge, tried your best, and let the results speak for themselves. Nothing better than that.

I challenge you to try and become aware of your own words. Try, at least for one day, to not make any claims that are not 100% true. Try to only speak the truth. This is not only to help your reputation with others, but also to help build confidence in yourself. I think you will find the results of this approach to be life changing.

‘On affaiblit toujours tout ce qu’on exagere’ (We always weaken whatever we exaggerate.) –Jean Francois de la Harpe

YinvsYang is just now entering its 7th month.  I thought that is a good reason to celebrate.  Maybe I am in the celebratory mood as my wife’s birthday is today (happy birthday babe!).  Either way, it’s a great time to look back on the incredible journey that started with a simple idea.

The first 6 months of writing for this blog have taught me an awful lot about myself and the world around me.  Anytime you have consistent communication with people from various places & backgrounds it seems you can’t help but grow as a person.

Growing as a person means learning plenty of lessons.

When I first started this blog, I now realize I had a certain way of talking ‘AT’ people.  As I read some of the old posts, it is obvious that my personal writing style has evolved.  I’m not saying it has gotten better or worse.  It has just grown into it’s own approach.  Consequently, this way of speaking has seeped into my everyday life because I now have a better understanding of how I may sound to others at times.  It has also taught me the benefit of trying different ‘approaches’ with different people in order to better communicate.

In my opinion, communicating with others is what a blog is all about.  When YinvsYang began, I really did not know where it would go.  I know a lot of bloggers plan & track their growth, and are dedicated to the stats as they should be.  I definitely find joy when I reach a new level of subscribers, or have a particularly strong day of traffic, but for some reason, it is not what drives me with this site. What drives me is the communication.  When this blog first came to be, I barely knew what a blog was.

In fact, the greatest attraction to writing was just to share my thoughts.  I have always found that sharing my thoughts, however embarrassing they may be, benefits me tremendously.  It helps me come to terms with some of my past that I wish I could change.  It also helps me write all of the things down that I want to be.  I can not say I follow everything I write to a tee.  In fact, the reason I can write about self improvement is because I have a lot to improve on myself.  Sometimes writing about a certain subject gives me the strength to improve in that area of my life.

Teaching others is sometimes the best way to reinforce those teachings in yourself.

I also have benefited from getting others to share their thoughts.  For instance, sometimes I write a post, and believe in it whole-heartily as I publish it.  Sounds good to me, I think.  Then one comment from one reader can make me re-evaluate my whole logic.  It is amazing how it opens my eyes to other view points.  It reveals how other people may have a totally different interpretation then I intended.  It expands my perception, and enhances my communication the next time around.

I thought on our 6 month anniversary we would be a bit different at YinvsYang.

This post is not to celebrate a certain number of subscribers we have reached, or any other statistical success of the site.  This post is to celebrate any way our thoughts may have helped you in your life, and all the ways expressing ourselves, and reading your reactions, has benefited us in our lives.  When it is all said and done, that is what I will remember most about this experience anyway.

In light of this celebration, I’d like to share some of the small success that YinvsYang has had recently. One of the people I have ‘met’ through blogging recently bestowed YinvsYang with the honor of putting us in the Top Personal Development Blogs.  There are links to some wonderful, wonderful blogs to peruse in your spare time if you get a chance.

We’ve also recently added a new category here called ‘The Spirit World‘.  This will focus more on the spirit.  It was inspired by the success of this post.  Also, here are some other popular posts we have had at the site for any new readers.

In the Spirit of Getting Out of Debt

3 Practical, Pertinent P’s to Success in Anything

The Joy of Pets

Setting Your Own Pace….Part 2

It’s What You Have, Not What You Don’t

The Secret Edge Of Workout Warriors

Being Courageous in the Face of Fear

The Beauty & Brilliance of the Blogging Universe

Also, just a reminder, check back for part 3 of ‘The Eternal, Internal Battle of Mind vs. Body’.  For those that missed it, here are the links for the 1st two parts…

Part 1

Part 2

Now, that we have taken time to walk down memory lane & celebrate our achievements, I’d like to turn the eye toward the future.  We have a brand new design coming soon that I am very excited about.  We also are looking to improve the site for our readers.  Please leave any and all suggestions in the comment box.  Here are some questions we are hoping to get answers too…

1. What post’s do you enjoy most from YinvsYang?
2. What post’s do you tend to skip?
3. What would you like to see more of from YinvsYang?
4. Are there any other comments, questions, feedback, or suggestions you have to add?

Thanks in advance for helping us make YinvsYang a more enjoyable place to visit.