Yin vs YangThe Battle for Success in Life

Clerk: “Occupation?”
Comicus: “Standup Philosopher!”
Clerk: “What?”
Comicus: “Standup Philosopher! I coalesce the vapor of human experience into a viable and logical comprehension.”
Clerk: “Oh – a Bullshit Artist!”
Comicus: “Hmmmmmm….”
Clerk: “Did you bullshit last week?”
Comicus: “No.”
Clerk: “Did you try to bullshit last week?”
Comicus: “Yes!”
–From Mel Brook’s History of the World Part I

Have you ever been in the middle of a sentence, when you realize everything you are claiming is 100% complete BS (bullshit)?

Well, I have many times in my life. Sometimes I’m saying something I would like to be true. Sometimes it is something I hope, or wish, is true.  Sometimes, I don’t know what the hell it is or where it came from, but it feels like a veiled attempt to sooth my ego as the words leave. I can feel my facial expression change, and I wonder if the person I’m speaking to realizes it.

I know I’m not alone out there.

Bullshitting others is one thing, however, it becomes a real problem when you are not aware of your own ‘BS’. Nothing is worse than talking yourself up in your head. It’s one thing to fool others, and a whole other thing to be fooling yourself.

Over the course of my life, I have made a consistent effort to try and not claim anything that is not true, even if it sounds good at the time. This was further ingrained in my head when I started to take Jiu Jitsu. BSing is completely useless on the mat. Either you tap someone or they tap you.  What is said or thought before matters little once the action starts.

I have found BSing completely useless in life as well.

What do I mean by BSing? Let’s say you and a friend are talking about how fast you can run a mile. He says 7 minutes on average. You know you have never run faster than 7 minutes, but you have never really tried to either. If he can do it, then you assume you probably can too. So, before you have a chance to think, you hear the words as they leave your lips…

‘I can do 6 1/2 minutes easy.’

Now, while that may or may not be true, you have just set yourself up for failure. You naturally wanted to be able to run a faster mile, and believe you can, so you verbalize your emotions. If your friend asks to time you, then you may be in some trouble, as the truth is, because you never have, you don’t know if you can. However, by saying you can, you feel like a winner, at least for the moment.  The problem is…

Humans can smell BS from a mile away.

I would venture to say, that if this story was real, the friend would know the person was BSing right away. Humans tend to have an innate way of sensing other people’s BS. Maybe it’s the way it rolls off their tongue, or the look that envelopes their eyes, or the sudden lack of eye contact.  Whatever it is, how many times have you heard someone say something, smiled, and then muttered under your breath..

‘Yeah, right.’

Don’t think it has not been done to you as well. What I have found, is the best way to get to know yourself, hence personally develop, is to make a firm goal to not make any exaggerated claims, even if it’s just in your head. Whether it’s ‘I will finish that by tomorrow,’ or ‘I am the best at that’, if it is not true, or possibly not true, than your words will have little meaning. If it is true, then let your actions speak, rather then meaningless words.

If what you are claiming is not a firm fact, try this approach. Instead of setting the bar so high for yourself, set the bar low. Your friend says, ‘I can run a 7 minute mile’.  You respond, ‘Really, I think I can beat that, but I have not tried in awhile.’

Or try turning ‘I will finish that by tomorrow’ into ‘I will try an finish that as fast as I can. I’m shooting for tomorrow.’  How about changing ‘I am the best at that’ to ‘I’m usually pretty good at that.’

A simple change in your approach is all it takes to save face. Don’t become that person who just says things to sound good. Nobody respects a person like that. However, think of how much respect you have for someone when they say they are okay at something, and it turns out they are incredible at it.

Changing your expectations does a few things:

1. It gives your words more meaning. Instead of someone who is always BSing, people will look at you as someone who always does more than they say they will. Even though the same outcome may occur regardless of your approach, the person who did not try to ‘win’ with words always is more respected.
2. It puts less pressure on you. Why set the bar higher than it has to be? Why not just leave the bar where it is and try and surpass it with actions instead of with claims? Isn’t it better to say ‘I broke the world record’ then to claim ‘I’ll break the world record’?
3. It helps build your reputation. People respect honesty and a sincere approach. It also helps you be honest with yourself and know where you really stand, not pretend to be where you wish you were. Nothing worse than getting caught up in your own BS, and realizing it half way through your 8 minute mile.
4. It creates the aura of modesty around you. One of the best compliments someone can receive is how modest they are. Think of someone you consider modest and think of the opinion you carry of them. Now think of someone you consider a bullshitter. Which person would you prefer to be known as?
5. It let’s others easily accept you for who you are. Someone who knows their own weaknesses and is modest about their strengths, is a true winner. Let the actions speak for themselves. The reverb from those actions will easily drown out the small whispers of bogus claims.
6. If you are wrong, you still have your dignity. Let’s say you don’t beat that 7 minute mile. If you claimed you would without a doubt, you look like a liar and your words hereafter will have little authority. However, if you responded that you were unsure, but would try, you look like a winner. You met a challenge, tried your best, and let the results speak for themselves. Nothing better than that.

I challenge you to try and become aware of your own words. Try, at least for one day, to not make any claims that are not 100% true. Try to only speak the truth. This is not only to help your reputation with others, but also to help build confidence in yourself. I think you will find the results of this approach to be life changing.

‘On affaiblit toujours tout ce qu’on exagere’ (We always weaken whatever we exaggerate.) –Jean Francois de la Harpe

About 6 months ago, I decided to give up on my miserable, failing mortgage branch.  I could have got a job somewhere to try and pay some of my bills but I was saddled with so much debt, I figured I might as well go for it all now.  Plus, chasing money got me into this mess in the first place.  I needed a change.

I had graduated film school only to wind up in the mortgage business trying to pay my bills.  Lucky for me, I met my future partner, Chris, through a fellow friend and broker.   Chris offered me the opportunity to get back involved in video, something I always wanted in the first place but was not ready to go after myself.  This was my chance.

We decided we would start our own media production company.  It would be our dream company tailor suited to fit all our needs and desires so we would be able to produce the most amazing work around.  That would be our key to success.

This all sounded great, but it took months to figure out the details.  In this time we discovered who we were through months of research, arguing, trial and error.  We went in one direction, only to circle back to the original direction.  However, we just kept on going.  We even started this blog to track the experiences on our journey to build our dream company.

What exactly is a dream company? Well, for us it had to encompass…

1. Only doing what we were passionate about.
2. Free time every week to spend working out, on personal projects & with our families.
3. Something that would not tie us down to one particular location.
4. Something with multiple income streams and the ability for passive income.

Again, this list was tailor suited to fit for our needs.  For you, it may be different.  However, I would recommend #1 be on everyone’s list.  Doing what you love is something I can’t stress enough.  We never know when our time may be up, so it is important to get the most joy out of every day.  Doing something for money definitely helps in the short term, but long term, I have found it drains me mentally and is actually harder.  Doing something I am passionate about starts out hard, but gets easier every day.

My partner is extremely adamant about being passionate with his work.  It reflects in the quality he provides and has thankfully trickled down to me as well.  What I have learned from him is the quality of work is incredibly valuable in ways you can not even imagine.

For example, one of our first video projects was a commercial we did for my Jiu Jitsu school.  We did it with a $500 budget, and we worked on it for FREE.  That’s right, for FREE.  Not only that, but we also did a $5,000 website for FREE as well.  We basically gave my friend four months of our hard work for NOTHING, and we did it with a smile.

Because we were passionate about what we were doing, we excitedly challenged ourselves to reach a level we had never achieved.  Even when I thought we went far enough, Chris kept pushing.  We were not getting paid, but at least the work might sell itself.  We accepted the risk and managed any personal bills through various side jobs just to make it work.  By June, we had our first commercial complete.  We had the website up and running.  We also had no money and no work in sight.

July was the toughest month for me personally.  I was in desperate need of cash.  I was questioning how much longer I could go on like this.  Everything I was doing felt right, but I was not seeing any financial return.  Nothing.  For a man, I don’t think there is a more inadequate feeling than not being able to pay your own bills.  Times were really rough with no possible end in sight.

Then, in the course of one week, things suddenly changed.

Our commercial started to make some noise.  Suddenly, I had two other Jiu Jitsu schools calling for commercials.  I also had another school calling for a website.  Plus, on top of that, another person called us to do a National commercial.  I could not believe it.  In a mere week, we were suddenly swamped.

But it did not stop there! The work kept on coming in.  After getting those 3 commercials, we also got a huge Web project in a field we love: MUSIC.  We were ecstatic about the project, not to mention the price tag it came with.  By only doing what we love, we have attracted even more work that we love to do.

Only this time, it pays even better!

Starting out on this road has been a challenge all the way through.  Everyday, I still get up and have to manage my debt day by day.  I have to sometimes borrow, finagle, work a side job, or do whatever I can to get by.  However, 6 months in and I can taste the possibilities.  I can see that it is definitely all worth it in the end, if I can just make it there.

Starting any business is not easy, so why not pick one you really like to do?  Even if you can’t see how the money will come, it is okay.  Neither could we.  Sometimes you have to head blindly on instinct and just have faith.  I know this is not easy.  I’m here to tell you, it most certainly is not.  In fact, it is quite hard.  I imagine if it was easy, everyone would do it.  I have found the biggest rewards in life usually come from traveling through the toughest roads.

Don’t be afraid to go after what you want.  In fact, be afraid to NOT go after it.

I am telling you, and my partner will attest, all it takes is passion, patience, and persistence.  You can have anything you want if actually set your mind on it.  That is not just some garbage a parent tells their kid.  That is the utter, and deepest truth I have learned in all my life.  I truly believe there are no circumstances, obstacles, or tribulations that humans can not overcome.  My experience has taught me to ignore all possible excuses because…..

I am the only one to blame.  I am the only one who can stop me from achieving my dreams.  If I do not stop, how can I ever have failed?

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