Yin vs YangThe Battle for Success in Life

Every Jiu Jitsu class starts out with warm-ups, then some drills, a few instructional lessons, more drills, and live sparring which is called ‘rolling’. Yesterday, right as we were about to roll, I was matched up with a 4-stripe White Belt. White belt is the initial belt in Jiu Jitsu. After that it goes blue, purple, brown, and finally black. There is only one ‘red’ belt that I know of, and that is the absolute highest you can go.

I am a purple belt, which is about 4 years worth of experience. This 4-stripe white belt is only about a year and 1/2 deep in his experience. However, he is pretty good for his level. I have taught classes where he has rolled considerably well against higher ranked opponents. We slapped hands and just as we are about to start rolling, he leans in and says….

“Listen.  I am going to try my hardest this time and really push the pace because you are pretty good.  Okay?”

I laughed, and said “That’s no problem.  Next time, you don’t have to warn me.”

And so we engaged….

I couldn’t help think why on earth this kid would say that.  I mean, I know he is going to come at me full speed.  We have rolled before and I have killed the kid with technique.  It’s not that I am more talented, I am just more experienced.  That’s it.  However, for some reason probably pertaining to the Ego, this kid had decided he had not tried his all.  He had decided to make it clear to me that the last few times he was not ready.  The last few times were different.  Now, by expressing himself verbally, he had made his point that this was the real test.  This would decide if I really could beat him.

The thing that made me laugh most about this was the mindset.  Why on earth would you warn someone that you are going to try your hardest?  Did I expect any less?  Does he think that this changes anything?  Was he not trying his hardest the last few times?

As the match started, I realized this kid just wanted to tap me, not necessarily beat me.  He was trying to satisfy his Ego.  For example, he tried these ridiculously fancy, low percentage arm-bars.  By low percentage, I mean he had a very small chance of actually landing these on anybody, let alone someone more experienced.  This was his way of saying I’m going to throw caution into the wind and see what happens.

He had decided his only option was to take drastic measures because nothing else had worked.

Needless to say, I controlled and tapped the kid two or three times in 4 minutes.  It was the exact same result as the previous two times, if not a bit worse.  The kid, who is an extremely nice guy, thanked me and moved on.  I showed him a couple of things I noticed about his game, and that was that.

I thought I would share this story because I have been in that kid’s shoes many times before.  When you are facing a tough challenge, one that you have failed at before, it is important to realize the reality of the situation.  Every one will always make the excuse that they did not put in enough effort, but that is rarely the case.

Working hard is important.  However, working smart is the key to tackling any challenge.  Many people will always question their own effort after a failure.  The truth is, whether you succeed or fail, there is always more effort you could have given.  There is always more work you could have done.  That does not mean it would have been any more effective.  Losing may have been inevitable.  There is nothing wrong with that.

Sometimes, when tackling a challenge, we wind up in over our head.

When I started my mortgage company, I thought I knew what I was doing.  I thought if I tried as hard as I could I would be able to accomplish anything.  However, working hard is only part of the battle.  As hard as I tried, I just did not find much success in it. In fact, I failed miserably. The odds were heavily against me.  The industry was dying, the economy was changing, and I was very inexperienced.  Could I have done more?  Absolutely.  Would that have made a difference?  If anything, it would have postponed my inevitable failure.

Just like the white belt, sometimes we all make tough personal challenges even tougher.  We can put unnecessary pressure on our self which actually inhibits our ability to succeed, rather than help it.  Plus, even when me make a greater effort, we usually wind up with the same results anyway.

It is only when we accept that we have failed, and look for the lesson in it, that we are able to move forward.

Working smart and relaxed is much more effective than overworking.  Over working just makes the challenge that much tougher.  Without a clear, relaxed mind, your body will not be able to deal with the tension.  The mind & body are directly related to one another.  Your body will tire out physically, rendering you unable to perform at an optimal level mentally.

When facing a tough challenge, I think it is best to forget the past, disregard the possible futures, and just enjoy the process. Do not even concern yourself with the outcome.  Just deal with the task at hand.  When I roll with a tougher opponent that I know will kick my ass, I simply try to enjoy the learning process.  I may lose, but at least I will get better each time.  Eventually, that challenge will no longer be a challenge, and I will have advanced closer to my end goal of a black belt.

Success is more about persistence and perseverance, than plain old effort.  Effort is not enough when the odds are against you.  The best way I have found to deal with a tough challenge is by calming myself with these thoughts….

• Relax by breathing in extra deep, and exhaling out your tension.
• Focus on the task at hand. Any potential outcomes are meaningless.
• Failure or Success in this battle is not the end of the war.  It is only a part of it.
• Each challenge you experience helps prepare you for future challenges.
• Be proud you are trying to accomplish what many others only talk about.
• Enjoy the process by remembering, win or lose, you are getting more experience either way.

By relaxing my mind & body, I am ready to tackle any challenge.  I may not succeed, but I will always learn something from the process to help me out in future challenges.

How do you deal with facing tough challenges?

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