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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

It took only one human to invent electricity, one to discover the theory of relativity, one doctor to cure polio, and one man to lead the civil rights movement of the 60s. Albert Einstein had a problem, Jonas Salk had a mission, Martin Luther King had a dream, Thomas Edison had a goal, and hundreds like them had the same courage to live out their dreams no matter what that entailed.

Albert Einstein once said ‘It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.’

Martin Luther King had a dream that many were afraid to listen to, yet he told the world about it.

Jonas Salk tested the initial polio vaccine on his wife, daughter, and himself.

Thomas Edison failed thousands of times before he revolutionized the world by inventing the incandescent light bulb.

All of these men were not afraid to be themselves, and trust in who they were, especially when times were rough. They knew the obstacles they faced caused everyone else to run in the opposite direction, however they stayed the course because they believed in themselves, no matter what that meant.

The question is, are you afraid to be yourself and live out your dreams?

This is not a challenging question, but rather one to be contemplated for a bit. You see, I can admit that I was very afraid to be myself for a long time. If you would have asked me then, I would have told you you were crazy, and probably tried to fight you (ooooh, to be young again).

Finding ourselves

Being who we are can be very difficult at times, especially when it conflicts with those around us. That is why there are so many mean people in the world. They are mean because they are afraid to be themselves, and some, rightfully so. Being themselves has caused others to mock, pick on, or worse, even physically hurt them. The world can be a tough place when you try to walk your own path. However, the end result is you wind up where no one else has before.

Being honest with ourself is another daily challenge we all face. Are we really listening to ourselves, or are we listening to our own excuses? It is the complexity of our mind that can make self honesty such a challenge. Yet, if we can truly be honest with ourselves, our life intelligence will grow at a rapid pace.

It took major surgery and a year of being stricken with a severe case of Crohn’s disease for me to see the importance of being myself. I was 18 years old, and faced with the prospect of never living a normal life again. After that experience, I started to chase what I love in life. There have been some bumps in the road since then, but somehow, I always wind up back on the same course toward my dreams. Sometimes a tragic experience can have an effect where suddenly, everything you thought was important means nothing now. In another words, your mind is cleared from all the bullshit we encounter in our lives, so it can see what really is important in our life.

Just Go Do It

Being yourself is not as easy as we might think. It takes hard, consistent work. Our brains are extremely adept at rationalization. So you may want to be that baseball player, but your brain will rationalize whether or not you can before you even try. You may think you are not big enough, or fast enough, or strong enough, or athletic enough, or even lucky enough. Whatever rationalization works best, your brain will find to avoid failure.

However, if we were never told such things, and wanted to be a ball player, we would simply just go out and do it.

What I have found is that being yourself is a challenge worth undertaking. It is like an individual revolution all inside your head. Suddenly, the straps are off, and you are free to roam the world fueled by your passion, without the chains of other’s judgement and/or opinion to hold you down. Every decision you make is actually decided internally, and not through three phone conversations and your Facebook friends list.

Standing Out is a Superpower

Being yourself is the only true way to stand out from the crowd, and conquer your dreams. You may think and feel like everyone else, but we are all unique in certain ways. It can be our passions, dreams, goals, or simply confidence that we can go where no one else has gone before, that separates us from the pack. Whatever it is, it is certainly worth pursuing.

Becoming an individual is like having a superpower, and not the crap super powers you see on twitter either. It is a superpower of individuality. No longer will you have to have others think for you. No longer will you accept the spoken word as fact. No longer will you live an ordinary life. It will become extraordinary, because it becomes your own.

Life in pursuit of your dreams is a sacrifice many of us are unwilling to undertake. There is much bark, but little bite when it comes down to the moment of truth. I think this is because the first, and hardest step, is going out on our own and simply being who we are, no matter what that means. People may not admit it, but there is a certain respect we have for someone who does their own thing, even if it’s not our thing. If we were to dig deeper in our psyche, I bet we would find that that respect is based on a hint of jealousy we have not done the same.

Everyday I work on being myself. I discover new things, work on my weaknesses, and continue to grow. We all do, whether we realize it or not. Some days are better than others. I can safely say that it is not a steady climb up the mountain. Some days we climb up, and some days we fall down. However, if we keep pursuing that goal, there is only one possible destination.

If you need a reminder stronger than this, check out the stories of Albert Einstein, Martin Luther King Jr., Jonas Salk, and Thomas Edison. Believe it or not, they were not that much different than you.

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Everyone in life has their position. Whether at work, in your own business, in sports, at the dinner table, financially, or even in your personal relationships, their is an element of positioning. When trying to climb the ladder of success, we are inherently trying to improve our position in life, be it at work, or in our bank account.

Accountability

The first step to fighting for a better position in life is similar to a lot of first steps: Accountability. We must understand that what ever position we are in, it is because we settled for that spot. It is not because of any other reason. We decided at some point that this particular position was good enough. It might not have been a conscience decision. You may not have even thought of it that way, but the truth is, at some point, you accepted the position you are in.

That is okay. We all settle into a position at some point, at least until it gets uncomfortable again. Then we squirm around to try and find a new position. Some of us are eager to move up. Some of us will come tumbling down, and many of us will find it easier to move laterally. Moving laterally means we switch positions, but instead of moving up or down the ladder of success, we just move a little to the right, or to the left. So, yes our position has changed, but not the level we are on. It is almost like sitting in an uncomfortable chair, and then shifting your weight. It may feel good for a minute or two, but the bottom line is, no matter how much you try to make it, the chair will never be comfortable for long.

Settling for Less

Every position you are in you have settled for. Now that we understand that, we can see that if we are unhappy with our position, then we are really just unhappy that we settled for it. The position is not the problem. That is just a space that we fill. However, if you find that space uncomfortable, or unsatisfying, then only you can make the choice to improve it. To do this, you must make a deal with yourself that you will not settle for less than what you want.

When I graduated film school, I had to do something to make money quick. My family sold their 7 year old summer camp business, and now I was on my own to earn a living again. I was engaged to be married, had no job, lived at my parent’s house, and didn’t have a clue how to make money with the skills I had with a camera.

I started out trying to write screenplays, but they just were not good enough to garner any attention. So, instead of chugging along and finding my way, I jumped at the first opportunity I had to earn a living: mortgages. A friend of mine from Jiu Jitsu owned a huge company and I was eager to make some money and get some bills to pay. At the time, it seemed like the decision to take this job was what was best my wife to be, my parents, and myself.

This is the perfect example of settling for less. I didn’t want to just pay my bills. My goal was to pay my bills doing what I was passionate about. However, as soon as it got a little difficult, I switched paths to the easier road, and convinced myself paying my bills in anyway is what was best for everyone. So yes, for a little while I got to pay my bills, but in the end, when the economy got in trouble, I was left right where I started, with more debt, higher bills, and still with the problem of trying to earn a living using a camera.

Due to this, one rule of thumb I now live by is that if I am debating a decision, and the best argument I can come up with to do something is that it is what’s best for everyone ELSE, then I will no longer do it. I have learned that it is not selfish to do what’s best for you, cause in the end, what’s best for you is really what’s best for everyone else around you.

Learning First Hand on the Mat

As with most of life, I have found the perfect analogy for this in Jiu Jitsu. Just like chess, Jiu Jitsu is a big position battle. You are constantly fighting to get a better position then your opponent. In fact, many people who watch the UFC will complain when it goes to the ground because they feel the fight is boring. If you actually trained, you would enjoy all the battling for position that goes on when it looks like these fighters are just rolling around on the ground, because you would understand the importance.

Position is extremely important in Jiu Jitsu, just like in life. And, just like life again, if you wind up in a bad position on the mat, there is no one to blame accept you. You either made an error, or gave up fighting, and now your opponent has secured a dominant position.

When you are rolling (the term for sparring) in Jiu jitsu, many times you will find yourself tired as another one of these position battles happens. For example, you are exhausted, and your opponent is holding you down in side control like the following pic…

photo credit – Side Control Position

From here, as you are trying to catch your breath to escape, your opponent begins sliding their right knee across your stomach to try and gain the following mount position.

photo credit – Mount Position

Once an opponent has the mount position, it can be very tough to survive much longer. They are in a dominant position that makes it extremely tough for you to get out without exhausting much of your energy. Many times this is the beginning of the end in a match.

So let’s review the steps one more time. An opponent who had side control while you are catching your wind, begins to slide their knee across to try and get the dominant mount position. You have two choices here.

1. You can rest up, let the opponent get the mount, and then try to fight from there.
2. You can suck it up and fight like hell to make sure the opponent never gets the knee across and secures the mount because you know the fight from there is a hell of a lot tougher then the one you face now, no matter how tired you are.

Many times as a white belt, I chose choice #1, letting my opponent advance while I recovered. This always turned out to be a mistake no matter how tired I was. By resting, I was delaying fighting a necessary battle to reach my goal of winning. Inevitably I would have to fight anyway, but now from a much worse position. Each time I thought the rest was more important when the battle started. Each time, I was wrong.

In life, it is much the same. Many times we decide not to fight for a certain position because we are tired, or we convince ourselves it is not worth it. We fail to fight for better pay, or a better deal, or a better whatever. We settle for what we don’t have to fight for and just like on the mat, we usually find ourselves still fighting that battle, but from a much worse position later on.

The Key

The best way to secure a better position in life is to always be prepared to fight for it. Identify the position you are in, and where you are trying to go. Then, even when you are tired, worn out, or it is the last thing you want, if it is relevant to your success, you must fight for it. Otherwise, you risk losing ground to many others who will be trying to pass you on their way up the ladder. Once they get ahead, it is at least twice as hard to catch up.

In Life, unlike Jiu Jitsu, instead of battling one opponent, we face a myriad of opposition every day. So these fights can come from every direction. Sometimes they don’t even appear to be a fight. However, the bottom line is, if you want a better position in life, it is not going to come easy. You have to be prepared to pay the price for the position you want, and fight like hell to maintain and improve it. The better the position, the harder the fight. It’s all relative.

So the next time you feel that something is no big deal, or you’ll just handle it later, think of your positioning. Many times, you will realize, better to fight now, rather then let it go, and have to work twice as hard later on.

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Every Monday is personal development through Jiu Jitsu…

Jiu Jitsu is very much like a chess match. In each match, you are constantly positioning yourself to capitalize once all the pieces are in place. However, unlike chess, there is a very brief moment of time that those pieces will be in place. In fact, as you become more and more advanced at Jiu Jitsu, the shorter that window of opportunity becomes.

I can not tell you the countless times in my BJJ career that I have seen a perfect opportunity and failed to react to it. The majority of time is when I am rolling with someone who is better than me. When I am better, I am much more patient, and trusting in my abilities, but when the opposite is true, I tend to not trust my instinct as much because I am expecting to fail.

This is the mistake that I have learned to recognize.

The Window of Opportunity

Many times in life we have an opportunity appear in front of us. Be it at work, with a love interest, or anywhere else, all of us can talk about the times we should of done something, but failed to do so. The question I’d like to deal with is why?

Why do we let the fear of failure ruin our opportunities? If I analyze all of the times I can remember not going for a move in Jiu Jitsu when I should have, 99% of the time it was because I was afraid I would wind up in a worse position. I did not trust that the I would be successful going for the move, therefore, I was frozen in my tracks till the opportunity passed.

The same happens in everyday life. Ever see a girl or guy that you really wanted to talk to? Suddenly the opportunity presents itself, and you are full of excuses why you can not do it. The real reason you can’t do it, is the same reason I did not go for the move. We were both afraid of winding up in a worse position because we doubted our chances of success. However, on the mat, I have figured out a way to get around this, and it has really improved my game.

The Big Picture

What I had to do was come to terms with failure. I had to realize that not going for the move was actually worse than going for it, failing, and winding up in a worse position. You may be wondering how?

Simply put, I had to take my focus off of the moment, and look at the big picture. The moment suggests there is a pass or fail opportunity. The big picture though, paints quite the opposite picture. By going for the move and failing, I will learn a lesson. The next time that opportunity presents itself, I will be that much more prepared.

The same goes for life. Take the girl or guy from before. By talking to them, one of two things will happen. Either we will hit it off  and take it from there, or I will screw up and learn a lesson to help me the next time. Either way, if you look at the big picture, I come out on top.

If you walk through your life judging it from moment to moment, you will never see the big picture. Fear of the moment is over once the moment passes. However, with the unpredictability of life, it is safe to say that these moments can be few and far between. So the next time you have the chance to go for something, but fear has you frozen in your tracks, think of the big picture. Take your eyes off of the moment. If that does not work, then maybe you can try this.

Strange but True Solution

Another technique I use sometimes is to think of myself as an old man in a nursing home. Not just any old man, but actually myself in the future. I picture myself in a wheel chair telling the story of the moment I am facing to my peers in the home. I think about how I would want that story to sound. What would I want to say about the girl I saw? I would want to tell the other elderly that I went right up to that girl and gave it everything I got. I don’t want to say, yeah I should have, but I didn’t. It may sound strange, but this visualization has helped me on numerous occasions to see the big picture. By thinking like an old man in the future, I am able to glimpse the outcome of the opportunity in hindsight before it happens.

So the next time you are facing an opportunity, think of the big picture. The big picture is your life. The moment you are facing, is just that: a small moment in the long, long journey that life is. You think of the outcome in terms of the big picture, but you focus on the moment while in it to make the most of it. Either way, you win. When you look at it like that, why not take a chance?

Comments

How do you deal with windows of opportunity when fear freezes you in your tracks?

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Every Monday is personal development through Jiu Jitsu…

Today, it occurred to me that achieving success in life is a lot like setting up a good arm bar. For those that don’t know, an arm bar is a submission attempt in which you use your body to hyperextend the elbow on someone’s arm. In training, and even fights, the person ‘taps’ before their elbow is hyperextended, unless they are rather dumb, which happens from time to time.

Today I was rolling with a lower belt in Jiu Jitsu. He was a stronger person than me, and weighed about 30 pounds more. I was on my knees in his guard (between his closed legs). He was ripping my right arm with all his strength, desperate to kick his leg over my head and apply an arm bar, similar to the guy on his back in the picture below.

photo credit

Now, trying to force a move on someone may work when they are less experienced because they don’t know what to do either. However, when dealing with someone more experienced, it’s a waste of time. This is because, one of the keys to Jiu Jitsu is…

Position before Submission

Before you attempt to apply the arm bar, you must first put yourself in a position to succeed. When my opponent starts pulling my arm, and sloppily wrapping his leg over my head, I immediately know what he is going for. Not only that, but there is plenty of space to escape through. This means my defense will be more successful than his submission attempt. He is trying to force my position, instead of properly setting it up.

The Set Up

After training for a bit, you realize that you must ‘set-up’ a successful arm-bar. You do this by applying the proper grips. Then you place your foot on the hip, rotate, slice your leg over their head, and apply pressure with your hips.  After doing these for a while, you realize the key is the first few steps. By making the first few steps successful, the rest of the move just flows. Once the grips are secured, and the foot is tight on the hip, the person will have a very tough time escaping, whether they know the move or not. Here is the right way to set up an arm bar…

Life is Like An Arm Bar

Life is very much the same. You can not force your way into any position in life. In order to reach your dream position, you must take the proper initial steps. Depending on your goal, it may take a long time, even years to achieve, but it is certainly worth the wait. Remember, it is not the speed that matters, it is the results.

The rest should be as simple as following your plan of action. The proper set up to any plan will make the final steps that much easier. However, if you take sloppy initial steps, your chances of success will diminish drastically, just like my opponent’s arm bar attempt. In fact, you could even wind up in a much worse position then when you started, just like he did.

Whatever you do in life, make sure you take the right steps and do it right. Put yourself in the position to succeed, or take the risk of dealing with the failure.

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Every Friday is Video Day…

Two days ago, at the tender age of 95, one of the most influential martial artists in history, Helio Gracie, passed on from this world.

He is one of the founders of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, also known as Gracie Jiu Jitsu. His list of accomplishments are too long to list. If you are interested, I certainly invite you to check out his Wikipedia page. His story is the stuff legends are made from.

The video up top is an interview from October of 2007. Helio talks about his long lasting legacy and what he considers his greatest accomplishment. As a student of Gracie Jiu Jitsu, I’d like to personally wish the entire Gracie family my condolences during this trying time. I have never met a bunch of nicer, more down to earth people than the Gracie family, and all those that train in their schools.

The video below, as explained in the voiceover, is s great example of why Helio had such a profound impact on the world of Martial Arts. It is two minutes of footage from Helio’s world changing fight against Kimura.

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YinVsYang was created to help shed light on the internal battles we all have on a daily basis, but usually fail to vocalize with others. We wanted to open up our souls, and tell all of the things we silently tell ourselves to the rest of the world. We figured if we think like this, than it must be that other people do as well.

By understanding the way we all function inside, it will help us to better understand other people’s reactions as well.  This helps us immeasurably in our daily lives.  Each time you interact with people, your emotion subsides, and your understanding takes over.  It leaves you calmer, with a clearer mind, and able to think from different perspectives.  Instead of being mad at someone for how they are acting, you turn it around, by understanding their motives.  This gives you the edge.  The person who gets the most emotional is the person who is the most out of control.

So what is the Mind Vs. Body?

With this in mind, I have decided I am going to do a three part series on the Mind Vs. the Body.  I hope that others will join in the discussion in hopes we may all learn from one another’s experiences.  I have found that controlling this internal battle is the key to winning the external war we know as ‘life‘.

I always write about the story of the 4-minute mile.  This short video explains a little more about the story and why it is an example of the MInd vs. Body.

The Mind

The mind is one of the most powerful muscles in the entire universe.  It represents the cerebral part of life, where all of your thought processes take place, such as….

• Dreams
• Goals
• Desires
• Beliefs
• Mood
• Fears
• The Conscience
• Interpreting Emotions & Feelings
• Judgement
• Memory
• Visualization
• Willpower

The Body

The body, is the other part of the equation.  It represents the physical world.  Your body provides all of the communication about the outside world to the mind, such as…

• Temperature
• Perception (sight)
• Taste
• Smell
• Sound
• Touch
• Pain
• Breathing
• Energy Levels
• Health

Spirit

The balance & connection between these two entities make up your spirit.  It is your spirit that drives your daily life.  For example, the mind has dreams and desires which effect which sights, sounds, and any other stimulus you pay attention to.  If you are interested in Jiu Jitsu, and you hear someone speak about it, then you are more likely to stop and listen.

What happens sometimes in all our lives is that one part of this equation takes control and messes up the balance inside us.  You may have a person who is lost in their beliefs, dreams, fears, or past memories, and is unable to function in the physical world.  This can be the story of their entire life, or it can be a small phase.

Or, on the other side of the coin, you have a person that is completely sensual, paying only attention to the physical aspects of life.  They ignore all of their rational thoughts in order to pursue a life of the flesh.  They have decided that feeling good physically is much more important than feeling good inside.

I’m sure, at one time or another, we have all experienced highs and lows like these in each of our lives.  Maybe we let the physical feelings control our mind and our actions, or instead, had our fears override any normal logic. It is in this regard that life is a constant challenge that never ends.  Each of us struggle to balance our mind & body on a daily basis, whether we are aware of it or not.  It is the people who learn enough discipline on both sides of the battle that go on to achieve their wildest dreams.

How Can This Help Me Achieve My Wildest Dreams?

Well, you’ll have to be patient and tune in for part 2.  I guess, this in itself, is your very first lesson in discipline .  But first, I would like to hear any thoughts or stories where you have found (or at least just realized) that your body & mind may have been a bit unbalanced.  The first step is always awareness.

Before we continue, I want you to think about this idea of balance.  See what takes precedence in your life: body or mind?.  Are you a person who follows your emotions &/or fears, wearing them on your sleeve?  Or are you a person who leads a life of the flesh, learns from experience only, and listens to no one but themselves?  Or maybe, you are somewhere in between, like the majority of us?  Either way, it is important to understand how you work before we go any further.

For me, I like to think I do a pretty good job of balancing the two.  When I was younger, I was completely a Mind person.  I was overridden by emotion, fear, and life like most of us are.  As I grew older, I began to understand more about the body.  I began to understand how my body communicates with my mind, and how to interpret what it is ‘really’ saying.  I began to understand that there is a lot more to this balance than I thought.

I also began to understand the dual Power of the Mind and the importance of the spirit.  See you here for part two, if you have the discipline…

Yesterday morning I took a Jiu Jitsu class.  My good friend & training partner, Tony, teaches at my school once a week.  He asked the class if they remembered the move he had taught the week before.  Even though many of them were there and Tony tried to explain it, they barely remembered it at all.  I, being the seasoned veteran I am, boldly declared that I remembered the move, which was a guard pass.

Tony picked me to be his dummy and began to review the details of the move with the class.  He was barely two steps into the demonstration when I realized I had forgotten numerous details.  I knew the idea of the move, but as far as the details, I was lost. Thank God I did not have to show it!

I tend to do this a lot though.  I learn something once and all of a sudden I feel I am an expert at it.  However, in order to be an expert at something, you have to have experience in it. When we first learn something, we learn the concept and the basic breakdown of things.  Then, because we have found this new knowledge, we suddenly feel we have no more to learn.  However, what we are forgetting is the details.

The details are what we learn through experience.

For example, when I first started in Jiu Jitsu, like any other competitor, I wanted to tap everyone.  Logical thinking lead me to believe that if I learned how to do an arm bar I would be set.  This, unfortunately, is not how things work in Jiu Jitsu.  Learning how to do any submission is only a tenth of the battle.  The other 90% is getting the proper position before you apply the submission.

Without the proper position, you are bound for failure.  Even better is the fact that there is not necessarily one single proper position either.  You have to learn to adapt your position constantly based on what your opponent is doing.  There can be thousands of decisions and movements in order to actually apply a simple submission such as an arm bar.  That is what I have learned through experience.   The simple fact is I can explain the entire theory, concept, and breakdown of moves to anyone in the world.  Until they have tried multiple times and failed at applying the submission, it would be fruitless for me to think they understood.

I also get to see this with many new students.  Eager for success, they surf YouTube for instructional Jiu Jitsu videos.  Sometimes they find stuff even my instructor has never seen.  They come into class foaming at the mouth, ready to pull their new Ace in the hole on a senior student.   The problem is it never works.  Not once.  No one pulls a move off perfect the first time, especially with limited experience in the sport.  They usually wind up asking for help in learning the details.

The same goes for life.

I believe I can kid myself sometimes into thinking I know more than I do.  The simple fact I have found is I always have more to learn.  Every day, every experience, I learn a little something different.  Or, maybe I learn the same lesson over again, and it reinforces that knowledge.  Whatever happens, each day, as a person, we all grow with knowledge if we allow ourselves to absorb it.

So don’t get frustrated, like I used to, when making the same mistake over and over.  Try to keep a clear mind.  On the mat, when someone is frustrated, their focus drops dramatically.  If they are able to keep a clear mind, and figure out what they are doing wrong, they will eventually succeed.

If you find your frustration is too much to handle, try these steps:

1. Breathe 5 really deep, slow breaths.  Inhale…..inhale again…..then exhale….
2. Release your mind of the blame game.  It does not matter if it is your fault or someone else’s.
3. Take a step back, clear your mind, and try to look at the situation from different view points.  Sometimes our focus on one factor hides the view of another.
4. Understand what phase you are in: you are learning.  Frustration is a part of the growth process, so learn to enjoy it because it makes what you are learning much more valuable.  If it was easy, everyone would do it.
5. Focus on the details.  Sometimes, instead of accomplishing the whole goal, we need to accomplish little steps at a time.  For instance, when in debt, it is better to pay back a little each month, rather than waiting for a day you have the whole sum. Try this approach.  What small step can you accomplish that will get you closer to your end goal?

Breathe, release your mind, step back, understand, and focus.

The goal of success is a long, perilous road where your only guide is the experience gained through numerous trial and errors.  Trial and error is the main concept in nature.  It is why, after re-learning the guard pass, I used it successfully at least 4 times in the class.  I now had the experience in it to be effective.  I understood the details I had initially forgotten.  Tony even decided he would teach every move from now on two classes in a row.  I think that is a great idea, as it gives us a chance to digest the information, and then re-learn it a week later.

This is why people with great minds in life never stop learning.  They are constantly trying to improve their depth of knowledge.  I am going to try and take the same approach.  I need to stop kidding myself, and be aware of what I really do know, and what I may think I know.

Has anyone else noticed this occurring in their own life?

Stumble It!

@YinVsYang we always write about the power of the spirit.  Well, tonight, I learned a little more about the spirit world than I ever have before.  As a matter of fact, I was completely and utterly moved by a story my mother told me.  It really got me thinking afterward about all sorts of stuff.

So I figured I would share.

My mother has owned a Nursery School for almost 18 years.  She has had many wonderful Teachers and Aids over the years that I have gotten to meet.  One of those was a woman named Jean, who also happened to have two daughters I went to high school with.  Well, sadly, a few months ago, Jean died of cancer in her fifties, leaving behind her two daughters, a husband, and her own mother.  Being that she was so young, it was obviously very hard on the family.

Tonight, I went to eat at my parent’s house with my wife, sister, and Uncle.  We all caught up a bit, argued about the presidential race, and talked about the upcoming football season for the NY Jets (at least the guys did).  Then, my mother turned to me and said she had an amazing story to tell me I would not believe.

Before we get to the story, let me just fill you in on a little history.  My mother is an avid believer in heaven and the afterlife.  I, for one reason or another, am not that convinced.  It’s not that I don’t believe in anything.  It’s just I don’t see a point in arguing over something none of us will ever live to prove.  Because of this, my mother loves to share enlightening stories with me.

My mom begins by telling me that Jean’s daughters and husband went to an acclaimed Psychic somewhere in Long Island.  Apparently, this Psychic, whose name I do not know, was trained under the famous psychic on TV, John Edwards.  My mother knew this is not something I really believe in, but she said to take it for what it is worth.  I’m pretty open minded, so I went with it.

Well, the two daughters and the husband walked into a room and met the Psychic.  They paid with an untraceable money order, just to be sure there was no way to do any research on them.  The Psychic greeted them and explained that a woman was following them holding the letter ‘J’.  He also explained she was dancing.  The Psychic asked the woman why she was dancing.  He said she responded ‘Because I can.’  The family could not believe it.  This was one of Jean’s favorite answers to give to her friends and family.

The family was impressed, and the Psychic was off to a good start.  However, I privately had my doubts as my mom continued.  Next, the psychic told the two daughters that their mom Jean wanted them to know that it was okay for them to wear all of her clothes and her shoes.  ‘They might be expensive, but they will go to waste otherwise,’ the Psychic told them she said.  Apparently, the girls had had many arguments over this and decided it was best to not wear the clothes.  They could not believe the Psychic knew this.

Then, the Psychic told them Jean wanted them to tell her Mom something.  The family Grandma had been devastated by her daughter’s untimely death.  Jean wanted to let her mom know that every time she cries at her kitchen table, she is right there kneeling next to her.  When the family spoke to the Grandma, she could not believe it.  The kitchen table is exactly where she always sits and cries!

Now, I was starting to believe.  How could this possibly be true?  The Psychic could not have possibly known all of this….could he?

Finally, the Psychic turned to Jean’s husband.  He told him that Jean wanted to tell him that the white feather he found the other day was from her.  She just wanted to let him know she was still there.

The husband must have been freaked at this point.  It turns out that he was watching TV a few weeks ago when something slowly fell out of nowhere from a shelf.  He did not pay much attention to it until later, when he went to pick it up, and found only a white feather.  He did not think much of it at the time, except that it was a little strange to find a feather.

After hearing a story like this, I can’t help but wonder about the spirit world.  We spend so much time working on balancing our spirit in life, I guess it is only natural it should continue on in death.  If anyone has any similar stories or incidents they would like to share, I would be much obliged.  Stories like this always lift my spirit.  I hope they lift yours as well.

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In Jiu Jitsu, life is all made pretty clear right on the mat.  You can always tell if a new guy is going to last by the way they handle competition.  Those who thrive on winning, and throw temper tantrums when they lose, never last too long.  Instead of learning the most consistent ways to be effective, they spend the entire time trying to find cheap, lucky ways to win.

The people who last in Jiu Jitsu typically react to winning and losing exactly the same.  If you looked at their face right after a match, you wouldn’t be able to tell the outcome.  They lose, they move on.  They win, they move on.  Either way, they are just happy to be competing.

The same goes for life.  Don’t let the ups and downs of life define who you are.  You define who you are, this way the ups and downs in life are all just a part of one big ride.

Since I have started this blog, I have displayed videos about a blind painter, an armless guitar player, and a crippled musician born with no eyes.  All have achieved unparalleled success by hurdling obstacles no one thought were possible to clear.  The one universal theme in these inspirational stories: the individuals did not let their situations in life define them.

They defined their own life simply by being themselves.

For many people, their life is sadly defined by things like a prestigious job, a wonderful car, good looks, or a big bank account. However, to quote an old proverb, ‘there are good times and there are bad times.‘  Life’s only constant is change.  You should never feel too good when you are up, or too bad when you are down because it is inevitable that you will be both.

If you are going to go through ups & downs anyway, why be mad about it?  You should enjoy the journey rather than fighting it. Besides, the down times produce invaluable lessons, and the good times leave you with lasting memories.  So either way it’s a win.  Just because life changes, does not mean we have to.  We should be the same person no matter what.

Our situations in life do not define who we are.  Only we do.  So says the definition of life itself…

Life: the condition that distinguishes organisms from inorganic objects and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism, reproduction, and the power of adaptation to environment through changes originating internally.

Whether it is an ‘up’ or a ‘down’ time, it is all just one part of a long journey called life.  Try to remember this when approaching the highs and lows of your own life. Face them both with the same demeanor.  It is a valuable lesson that can take a lifetime to learn.

Luckily for me, Jiu Jitsu is a much quicker teacher.

He dares to be a fool, and that is the first step in the direction of wisdom.  ~James Gibbons Huneker

Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.  ~Elbert Hubbard

In today’s rough economy, every expense can be a burden.  It can be tough choosing which expenses to cut.  One of the toughest expenses to decide on can be your gym membership.  Staying in shape is good for your health, and that can make your gym membership feel like a necessity.  However, in actuality, your membership is really a luxury because there are countless ways to work out without ever going to a gym.

When it comes to staying fit, money should never be an issue.

On that note, I’ve come up with 7 ways to stay in shape and save that monthly gym membership fee.  Not only that, but mixing all 7 ways into your workout routine will actually be 100x better for your body than a continued routine at the gym.  Now, some of my suggestions cost some minor money, but it is nothing compared with a monthly membership.  For example, you can’t do a kettle bell routine without kettle bells.  Therefore, I’ve also broken it down by cost.

Free

1. Run, Run, Run – Everyone knows this one, or at least thinks they do.  But you see, I am not talking about just running around the block.  I am talking about mixing it up with jogging, sprinting, high-knee runs, and walking, as well as mixing up distances and surfaces (street, sand, dirt, tracks).  Sprint a 40 yard dash one day, then sprint a block on another.  Jog a mile one day, then jog three miles another day.  You get the idea.  This will help lower the wear & tear on the body while keeping you in excellent shape.  I would say running 2-3 times per week is a nice start, and all you will ever really need to do.

2.  Go to a local park – Local parks can be the most fun to workout at.  I like to do crossfit training there.  This means you come up with a series of exercises you will do one after the other, than rest for 45 seconds, and do the entire set again.  An example would be doing 30 second intervals of pull-ups on the monkey bars, than push-ups in the sand, then box jumps on a bench, then sit-ups on a decline bench or slide, and finish with body squats.  Doing a mix like this builds up your stamina and wind.  It also helps the body get a complete workout.

3. Push-ups, Sit-ups, Dips – These three exercises are all you will need to stay in shape besides your cardio.  I remember when I was younger my Father had a Bike store in Brighton Beach, Brooklyn.  It was a very Russian neighborhood at the time, and still is.  My Father hired a mammoth Russian man to help him clean the store.  This guy lifted three racks of Bikes with his legs and back, as well as bear-hugging a Soda Machine and moving it.  I have never seen such brute power before.  The guy told my Father all he did was 1,000 push-ups, sit-ups and dips every day.

A Little Pocket Change

4.  Exercise Videos – Some exercise videos are great to use, especially for women.  My wife loves Amy Dixon’s videos.  The benefit to these videos is they are cheap, fun, fast, and easy to use.  You can do them on your own time schedule, and they are filled with aerobic movements that really build up your core. Not all videos are good, so do your research, but they are definitely a great way to mix up your weekly workouts.  Cost: $10 – $15 each video.

5.  Exercise Ball – Have you ever seen the big rubber, air filled balls at the local gym?  These are exercise balls.  You can do all sorts of exercises with them.  They can completely replace a flat bench on most exercises.  Plus, they add all sorts of balancing to the exercise, making it more beneficial.  You can buy these balls online, or in a local store.  Some even come with a video of exercises you can do with just the ball!  Cost: $30

Small Investment

6. Kettle Bells – You may have heard of these as they are the new rage these days.  Kettle bells are weights shaped like a kettle bell (hence the name I believe).  I have a guy who comes by my Jiu Jitsu school every Wednesday night to give a seminar on them.  They are excellent for getting your entire body in shape.  They are used a little differently than normal dumbbells, as you utilize your entire body during the routines.  This is an excellent way to stay in tip top shape by just having two kettle bells in your house.  Cost: About $70 – $80 for two.

7. Play a sport – The cost on this can vary from nothing to however much equipment you need.  However, playing any sport that keeps your body active will have a wonderful effect on your condtioning.  The thing about Sports is they are fun.  So it is a great way to have a good time and still stay in shape.  The competition among your peers also pushes you to push yourself.  Playing any sport is good for the body.  Even Golf is, as long as you stay off the cart!  Cost:  Obviously, it depends on the sport.

These 7 ways are just the beginning.  To keep this list going though, I am going to need your help.  Please comment on any other ways that you stay in shape without going to a gym.  I’m sure we could all use some fresh ideas!