YinVsYang was created to help shed light on the internal battles we all have on a daily basis, but usually fail to vocalize with others. We wanted to open up our souls, and tell all of the things we silently tell ourselves to the rest of the world. We figured if we think like this, than it must be that other people do as well.

By understanding the way we all function inside, it will help us to better understand other people’s reactions as well.  This helps us immeasurably in our daily lives.  Each time you interact with people, your emotion subsides, and your understanding takes over.  It leaves you calmer, with a clearer mind, and able to think from different perspectives.  Instead of being mad at someone for how they are acting, you turn it around, by understanding their motives.  This gives you the edge.  The person who gets the most emotional is the person who is the most out of control.

So what is the Mind Vs. Body?

With this in mind, I have decided I am going to do a three part series on the Mind Vs. the Body.  I hope that others will join in the discussion in hopes we may all learn from one another’s experiences.  I have found that controlling this internal battle is the key to winning the external war we know as ‘life‘.

I always write about the story of the 4-minute mile.  This short video explains a little more about the story and why it is an example of the MInd vs. Body.

The Mind

The mind is one of the most powerful muscles in the entire universe.  It represents the cerebral part of life, where all of your thought processes take place, such as….

• Dreams
• Goals
• Desires
• Beliefs
• Mood
• Fears
• The Conscience
• Interpreting Emotions & Feelings
• Judgement
• Memory
• Visualization
• Willpower

The Body

The body, is the other part of the equation.  It represents the physical world.  Your body provides all of the communication about the outside world to the mind, such as…

• Temperature
• Perception (sight)
• Taste
• Smell
• Sound
• Touch
• Pain
• Breathing
• Energy Levels
• Health

Spirit

The balance & connection between these two entities make up your spirit.  It is your spirit that drives your daily life.  For example, the mind has dreams and desires which effect which sights, sounds, and any other stimulus you pay attention to.  If you are interested in Jiu Jitsu, and you hear someone speak about it, then you are more likely to stop and listen.

What happens sometimes in all our lives is that one part of this equation takes control and messes up the balance inside us.  You may have a person who is lost in their beliefs, dreams, fears, or past memories, and is unable to function in the physical world.  This can be the story of their entire life, or it can be a small phase.

Or, on the other side of the coin, you have a person that is completely sensual, paying only attention to the physical aspects of life.  They ignore all of their rational thoughts in order to pursue a life of the flesh.  They have decided that feeling good physically is much more important than feeling good inside.

I’m sure, at one time or another, we have all experienced highs and lows like these in each of our lives.  Maybe we let the physical feelings control our mind and our actions, or instead, had our fears override any normal logic. It is in this regard that life is a constant challenge that never ends.  Each of us struggle to balance our mind & body on a daily basis, whether we are aware of it or not.  It is the people who learn enough discipline on both sides of the battle that go on to achieve their wildest dreams.

How Can This Help Me Achieve My Wildest Dreams?

Well, you’ll have to be patient and tune in for part 2.  I guess, this in itself, is your very first lesson in discipline .  But first, I would like to hear any thoughts or stories where you have found (or at least just realized) that your body & mind may have been a bit unbalanced.  The first step is always awareness.

Before we continue, I want you to think about this idea of balance.  See what takes precedence in your life: body or mind?.  Are you a person who follows your emotions &/or fears, wearing them on your sleeve?  Or are you a person who leads a life of the flesh, learns from experience only, and listens to no one but themselves?  Or maybe, you are somewhere in between, like the majority of us?  Either way, it is important to understand how you work before we go any further.

For me, I like to think I do a pretty good job of balancing the two.  When I was younger, I was completely a Mind person.  I was overridden by emotion, fear, and life like most of us are.  As I grew older, I began to understand more about the body.  I began to understand how my body communicates with my mind, and how to interpret what it is ‘really’ saying.  I began to understand that there is a lot more to this balance than I thought.

I also began to understand the dual Power of the Mind and the importance of the spirit.  See you here for part two, if you have the discipline…

Have you ever thought so much about life after death that you got to the point of internally debating whether or not to kill an annoying insect?  I mean, really thought about if it is wrong, or whether Karma, or God, or whatever will haunt you because of this action?  You want to do it, but you feel guilty.

Well, right in my garage, I have a fly that is annoying the hell out of me as I write.  I desperately want to smash it against the wall, but I just feel like taking any life is not right.  I mean it is only an insect.  It does not know any better.  Why should I be the judge of whether it lives or dies?

Just as I am contemplating whether or not I am a better person for this, my cat pounces out of mid air right on the fly and eats it.  The look on his face is definitely not about whether it was right or wrong.  He just followed his instincts and now that it is over with, he is ready to move on.

At least I will have good company in Hell, I thought.

Growing up in a Roman Catholic household, I was well versed in the concept of life after death.  When I was little, I was taught my actions in life would determine if Heaven or Hell would be my final destination.  I was preached all of this in Catholic school as if it was coming straight from the Creator himself.  It was a rather simple concept:  Live a good life and you are in, live a bad life and you burn.

As I got older, my thirst for knowledge grew.  I had a voracious appetite for movies from all over the world.  These films allowed me to digest unique perspectives from foreign places with very different viewpoints than typical Hollywood movies.  I was introduced to many, many different ways of thinking and it really peeked my curiosity.  I began to surf the web as the internet popped up and read all sorts of history books & classic Renaissance novels in search of truth.

The more I learned, the more I strayed from the fear based teachings I absorbed as a youth.  I realized the entire world has various views on life after death, and proving any of them wrong or right is impossible.  There is not one accepted concept because no one really knows anything for sure.  It is simply all about what you believe.

I find it remarkable how some people live their life solely for this belief, and how some people could care less one way or the other.  This simple difference in thinking has been the cause of countless deaths and atrocities.  I wonder, is either way necessarily a better way to live than the alternative?  Is it important to worry about what happens when you die?

I believe, just like me, society has begun to reject fear based concepts as our collective intelligence has grown through increased communication.  It’s funny, because after a long journey, I have come almost full circle.  I believe all of the ideals I was taught in my upbringing are vital to living a good life NOW, not after I die.  I also am amazed as I look back, just how much of my life has been spent preparing for death.  It is quite remarkable when you think about it.

The great thing about the internet is it allows us to hear a myriad of wonderfully diverse views from around the world.  I believe there are positive aspects in all of our beliefs. I am dying (no pun intended) to hear what you think.  What are your thoughts?

Does your belief (or not) in the afterlife affect your day to day life?

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@YinVsYang we always write about the power of the spirit.  Well, tonight, I learned a little more about the spirit world than I ever have before.  As a matter of fact, I was completely and utterly moved by a story my mother told me.  It really got me thinking afterward about all sorts of stuff.

So I figured I would share.

My mother has owned a Nursery School for almost 18 years.  She has had many wonderful Teachers and Aids over the years that I have gotten to meet.  One of those was a woman named Jean, who also happened to have two daughters I went to high school with.  Well, sadly, a few months ago, Jean died of cancer in her fifties, leaving behind her two daughters, a husband, and her own mother.  Being that she was so young, it was obviously very hard on the family.

Tonight, I went to eat at my parent’s house with my wife, sister, and Uncle.  We all caught up a bit, argued about the presidential race, and talked about the upcoming football season for the NY Jets (at least the guys did).  Then, my mother turned to me and said she had an amazing story to tell me I would not believe.

Before we get to the story, let me just fill you in on a little history.  My mother is an avid believer in heaven and the afterlife.  I, for one reason or another, am not that convinced.  It’s not that I don’t believe in anything.  It’s just I don’t see a point in arguing over something none of us will ever live to prove.  Because of this, my mother loves to share enlightening stories with me.

My mom begins by telling me that Jean’s daughters and husband went to an acclaimed Psychic somewhere in Long Island.  Apparently, this Psychic, whose name I do not know, was trained under the famous psychic on TV, John Edwards.  My mother knew this is not something I really believe in, but she said to take it for what it is worth.  I’m pretty open minded, so I went with it.

Well, the two daughters and the husband walked into a room and met the Psychic.  They paid with an untraceable money order, just to be sure there was no way to do any research on them.  The Psychic greeted them and explained that a woman was following them holding the letter ‘J’.  He also explained she was dancing.  The Psychic asked the woman why she was dancing.  He said she responded ‘Because I can.’  The family could not believe it.  This was one of Jean’s favorite answers to give to her friends and family.

The family was impressed, and the Psychic was off to a good start.  However, I privately had my doubts as my mom continued.  Next, the psychic told the two daughters that their mom Jean wanted them to know that it was okay for them to wear all of her clothes and her shoes.  ‘They might be expensive, but they will go to waste otherwise,’ the Psychic told them she said.  Apparently, the girls had had many arguments over this and decided it was best to not wear the clothes.  They could not believe the Psychic knew this.

Then, the Psychic told them Jean wanted them to tell her Mom something.  The family Grandma had been devastated by her daughter’s untimely death.  Jean wanted to let her mom know that every time she cries at her kitchen table, she is right there kneeling next to her.  When the family spoke to the Grandma, she could not believe it.  The kitchen table is exactly where she always sits and cries!

Now, I was starting to believe.  How could this possibly be true?  The Psychic could not have possibly known all of this….could he?

Finally, the Psychic turned to Jean’s husband.  He told him that Jean wanted to tell him that the white feather he found the other day was from her.  She just wanted to let him know she was still there.

The husband must have been freaked at this point.  It turns out that he was watching TV a few weeks ago when something slowly fell out of nowhere from a shelf.  He did not pay much attention to it until later, when he went to pick it up, and found only a white feather.  He did not think much of it at the time, except that it was a little strange to find a feather.

After hearing a story like this, I can’t help but wonder about the spirit world.  We spend so much time working on balancing our spirit in life, I guess it is only natural it should continue on in death.  If anyone has any similar stories or incidents they would like to share, I would be much obliged.  Stories like this always lift my spirit.  I hope they lift yours as well.

If you enjoyed this, please click DIGG IT below.  Thanks in advance.

This past weekend, I was in Cape May, New Jersey for the first time.  What a beautiful, wonderful place pulsating with history.  A little known fact about Cape May is it is the only ‘entire’ town to be declared a historic landmark in all of the USA.

Cape May is also a beautiful beach town and America’s first summer getaway.  Perfectly located where the Delaware Bay feeds into the Atlantic Ocean, it is a town that benefits tremendously from its thriving sea ports. It was at one of these where my wife and I purchased tickets to take a boat out to see dolphins and other animal life.  The tour took us out of the cape and through the nutrient rich waters off the southern tip of NJ, until we finally found a group of dolphins.

These handful of dolphins happened to be hunting.  We could tell this by the way they were swimming.  They would team up to swim circles around a school of fish causing panic among them.  Then, the dolphins would each take turns swooping in for the catch.  We, of course, only saw them when they surfaced, but the tour guide painted the picture down below for us.

In case you do not know, dolphins are extremely intelligent creatures.  They are mammals in an ocean filled with fish and use their resourcefulness to survive.  We could learn a thing or two from these dolphins.  We could learn even more from the school of fish though.

A school of fish are all individually equal, but incredibly on their own.

Even though they swim with one another in the same direction, the minute there is danger lurking, they all scatter in fear.  This panic, caused by a moment in which they are forced to act individually, leaves them in their most vulnerable state, and ripe for the picking of a hungry predator such as the dolphin.

Life is very similar to me.  Staying with the pack gives you the illusion of confidence.  You feel the safety in numbers, much like the school of fish.  This many fish can’t be wrong, can they?

Of course they can, and truthfully, they usually are.  Staying with the pack gives you the illusion of confidence because you are following a path someone else has set.  The majority have decided to follow as well which is why it feels like the right thing to do.  However, history has shown that staying with the pack is the least safest place to be.

Life is going to throw every one of us giant curve balls, some more than others. It is during these moments that we are defined as individuals.

However, if you have followed someone else’s decision making for the majority of your life, then you will not be prepared when it comes time to make your own crucial decision. Many of us follow the majority because we fear being wrong.  Our education system has taught us that we should not make mistakes.  We should all strive to be perfect.  This is the same education system that claims no one is perfect.  Basically, they are teaching us to strive for the impossible.  When we don’t reach that plateau, we feel like a loser.

However, those of us that look past the judgments, and continue making decisions for ourselves even after we fail, are the ones who will be prepared, and ultimately, successful.  We are the dolphins who will swim circles around the rest of the pack if and when it is necessary. We are the ones using our brains, like mammals were intended to do.

Sometimes the pack heads in the right direction and sometimes they don’t.  Only by thinking like an individual are you able to tell which direction is best for you.

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.  Alan Cohen

America is a giant competitive country built on a dream.  Any person has a chance to make a fortune and everyone is chasing it, especially where I live in the Northeast.  While being financially sound is a necessary goal, the path to getting there may not be as clear.  As a matter of fact, I believe it is hidden for good reason.  But instead of chasing the dollar, what if you could make the money find you?  Sounds crazy?  Maybe not.

Let’s break it down to basics.  You grow up, leave your nest (some earlier than others), and are forced to sink or swim.  Each of us have many options and ways of making money.  What happens is, we tend to focus on the short term.  I need $2000 for expenses this month, therefore where can i get a job making $2000 or more.  Though this seems logical, and it may very well be, but it is extremely short sighted.

The only way to excel in this world is to do what you love.

Whatever that is, you do it to the best of your ability and I guarantee money will attract to you like a magnet.  It will come out of the woodwork and feel like it is falling off trees.  When we do what we love, it no longer becomes work.  It becomes a challenge, a game, and it is fun every time.  Success, money, and opportunity all come knocking eventually.   It just takes time.

For me, this love is film making.  Whether a commercial, short film, or a dance recital, I love to create something from a puzzle of moving images.  Since I was little, all I did was watch movies.  Not that I sat on the couch all day, but if I was watching TV, it was not a show, it was a movie.  Any movie.  I have seen movies made in Africa, Australia, France, Japan, Russia, Taiwan, China, India, Iran, France, Italy, Spain, Mexico, South America, Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Iceland, and countless other places.

I have also seen thousands of American movies before my time including silent films, early talkies, musicals, film noir, and anything else I could get my hands on.  I went to film school with a voracious appetite for film and I ate up everything I could. I soaked up as much knowledge as possible.  I even worked on countless other people’s films multiple times for free who never returned the favor.  However, I never got mad.  Not even once.

Now, the reason I saw all these films and dove head first into the world of film making, was because I love it.  I was gravitating around it my whole life.  I didn’t have to force myself to watch all those films or go to all those shoots on my own dime.  I did it for myself, because I wanted to.

Yet, when I graduated film school, I was torn.  I wanted money to live the life I was used to and film making was not bringing me any money anytime soon.  So instead of sticking with my dream, I went on a two year chase after the almighty dollar only to wind up in more debt than I ever have. I was chasing the dollar in my head, but in reality it was getting further and further away.

It was only when I was pulled back into film making by a friend that things started to turn around.  Since then, I have been asked numerous times at Jiu Jitsu if I have been working out extra.  They ask if I have started going to the gym because I feel stronger to them.  I laugh because it is not physical strength.  It is mental strength.  My head is at a better place now, therefore my body is much more in tune with it’s desires.

Doing what you love is one of the hardest things to accomplish in life.  It is a struggle up a mountain filled with people yelling at you to turn back.  It is only those with the resolve not to listen that wind up in a place those detractors will never see.

Doing what you love will make you rich, not just financially, but spiritually as well.  And the best thing of all, is it comes to you.  Just keep on grinding.  The apex of the mountain is just over the bend.

For those that check in in the morning, sorry for the late post. I was at a Kindergarten graduation this morning. My mother has owned a nursery school for 14 years. For the last 6 or 7, I have done the end of year video for the Kindergarten graduating class. Today, her latest bundle of joys donned the stage in front of all the immediate family: grandparents, parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, etc. They sang their hearts out with the help of their teacher’s guidance. The parents applauded again and again.

Then it was time for the video. Let me explain a little about this end of year video. It is a collection of video from 3 days during the year (the first day, mother’s day, father’s day), plus a slideshow of still images from the beginning of the year all the way to the end. It is just like watching the entire year happen right before your eyes. Cue in the heart wrenching music and it is a hit every time with the parents. It makes me teary and I barely know the kids.

However, every year, the video for me is pretty unexciting. It not that I don’t like doing it. It’s just I have done it so many times, it is like an old routine. There is very little to satisfy my creative urges. I am doing much bigger work now, and this is like kid’s work. I have to do the same shots, year after year, with the same music, and the same format for the most part. I film it, put it together, cut up the video parts real nice, add the music, and voila, the video is done. Big deal.

But then I went to the graduation today for the first time in awhile. Once again, just like every year, half the people in the room were crying. The kids were laughing, reliving their kindergarten experience. The teachers were crying too. It is such a touching moment to see people moved like that by something you created.

Afterwards, there were many compliments on the video. I know it is good, but during the routine I always forget about this. I forget that I created a video structure that routinely is a success. I forget what the end moment feels like when the parents wipe the tears of joy from their eyes and hug their kids. I forget because I am stuck in the monotony of the routine. I have done it all before.

Each year this video puts a smile on my mothers face, the kid’s faces, their family’s faces, and the teachers faces. The parents relive their child’s kindergarten experience. The kids giggle their way down memory lane. The teachers remember why they love to teach. And today, I remember why I still love to do this ‘old routine’. I just have to remember the routine smiles, joy, and tears during the ‘old routine’. I have to visualize the success during the grind.

This is just an example, but it works for all goals. I try to think of it like climbing a mountain. During the climb, it may be so rough that you think about quitting, giving up. Is it worth it? However, when you reach the summit, and bask in the glory of your accomplishment, you will thank God that you did it. You will remember it forever. The moment on top of the mountain may be short, but it is definitely worth it all.

I think we need to ‘bask in the glory of our accomplishments’ before we accomplish them. We can use it as motivation. Think about what it will feel like at your greatest moment of success to help you get through your toughest moment of work. Really feel the feeling of how it would be if you succeeded. Let it run through your body. Visualize yourself in that ultimate moment of triumph.

Then take a deep breath, exhale, and remember that in order to get up the mountain it takes one step at a time. Try to let each step be a little easier by remembering the success that their path leads to.

Not many people enjoy confrontation. Since I happen to be one of them, I figured I’d shed some light on why. Confrontation to me, is one of the most important aspects to understand & master in life. Without it, we can not move forward. Avoiding it causes us to move sideways, and ultimately backwards. Conquering confrontation allows us to excel in life.

What exactly is confrontation? Oxford American dictionaries defines it as:

…a hostile or argumentative situation or meeting between opposing parties.

Sounds wonderful. So why do I look forward to confrontations? The simple answer is that only through confrontation can you to get a glimpse of other people’s viewpoints and ways of thinking. Consequently, it expands your knowledge. Plus, even simpler than that, most confrontations are unavoidable anyway. Basically, there is no logical reason to wait because your health depends on it!

Many people will do anything to avoid confrontations. One reason is a lot of people are not confident in themselves. They lack self confidence, a key trait necessary to deal with any confrontation. So your first goal is to understand the importance of having confidence to stand up for what you think is right. Even the times when you are wrong, the fact you stood up for yourself still garners respect.

I read recently about a company in California that actually gives out an annual award to employees for ‘the biggest failure with the best intentions‘. They call it the ‘Fail Forward‘ award. This worldwide, multimillion dollar company celebrates people who have confidence in themselves even when they are wrong because they understand it is those people who won’t be wrong too often. It is those same people willing to take risks and go out on a limb who have great success as well.

Have confidence in yourself no matter what because with every wrong comes the gift of an invaluable lesson. After all, wisdom is a product of experience, not knowledge. Armed with this wisdom, you are now ready for the next step:

Dealing with confrontation right away !

Confrontation can occur anywhere. It can be in the workplace, in the home, over the phone, in passing, or pretty much anyplace imaginable. Dealing with confrontation is an art unto itself. It takes time getting used to, but here is why the struggle is worth it: You are dealing with it anyway. In fact, by following this advice, you are going to deal with no more confrontation then you do right now. Actually, you are going to deal with less.

Let’s look at an example.

‘John’ works in an office as a web developer. He is working on a major web project for upper management. The project is due in a week, and John is under the gun. The workload is double than what he originally anticipated when he agreed to the deadline. To make matters worse, his Boss, looking like a child waiting to open her holiday presents, asks every day how things are coming. John nods, gives a ‘thumbs up’ and says things are coming great. He badly wants to impress his boss and disappointing her is not an option.

John is headed now for an unavoidable confrontation. He has to meet a deadline, but the workload makes it impossible. Not meeting the deadline is one option. Throwing together a crappy job with a lighter workload is another option. Either way, though, the boss is going to be disappointed. John has a major dilemma.

How would you handle this situation? Try to place yourself in John’s shoes (or Joan’s for ladies). Think about the stress of losing your job, having to start over somewhere else in a tough job market. If you are an entrepreneur, pretend the boss is a major client instead. Also, think about the human aspects, such as the pressure to succeed from the family at home. All of these things play a vital role in the feeling of ‘pressure’.

Pressure is a product of the mind. There is no actual ‘pressure’. It stems from the stress of not meeting others, or even our own, expectations. We say we feel ‘pressured’ because it physically feels like a heavy weight is on our shoulders and we don’t know how long we can hold it. Communication is the only way to make that ‘pressure’ disappear.

What John needs to do is confront the boss. He needs to tell him the truth from his viewpoint. ‘Hey, Ms. Boss, I am sorry but I have a dilemma. The workload on this project is double than what I anticipated due to the growth of the site since the deadline was set. In order to exceed everyone’s expectations and come in with the best possible product, I am going to need more time. If more time is not an option, than I am going to need help brainstorming some ideas on how to accomplish meeting this deadline.’

By laying out the facts as is, John has alleviated all of the pressure. He has made no demands, but instead has laid out the only choices he sees in front of him. His attitude suggests he is looking for advice, not being defiant, lazy, or careless. The boss can answer him ‘too bad, meet the deadline or you are fired.’ The boss can suggest some ways to help speed up the process. The boss may say she will work on extending the deadline. Whatever the response is, you are still coming out on top.

If the boss tells you ‘too bad, meet the deadline or you are fired,’ it may not feel good at first, but it should. Your boss has just given you invaluable information. Her response has communicated to you that the most important aspect of this project is the deadline. If that is the case, then that narrows your options down to one choice: throw something together and do whatever you have to to get it done. Obviously the scope of the project is not the priority. The deadline is.

Confrontation is a necessary form of communication.

If John were to wait all week, trying to finish up something he knows is not possible, he is wasting his own time. He is headed toward the same confrontation with his boss of not being ready on time. However, this time the confrontation is going to take place the day of the deadline. That puts John in a very weak position. The boss expects a completed project and has no other reason to think it is not going to be done. The disappointment is going to be triple for the boss, and she has no time to do anything about it. No explanation is going to be good enough now. It is too late.

This small example obviously does not mirror every confrontation. There are countless examples out there. Every single situation is different in one way or another. However, there is one common solution for handling any confrontation. HANDLE IT NOW. Right now. No need to wait. Get it dealt with and move on. Lingering confrontations can handcuff you mentally, make you physically sick, and bring on depression.

Picking the time to head them off and get them out of the way alleviates stress, reduces pressure, and gives you more control of the situation. Don’t wait for the inevitable. Have confidence in yourself and handle it now before it is too late. It may be scary at first, and scarier during, but afterwards you will treasure the relief of moving on.

Understanding the way humans communicate is an essential key to social life. We all have to interact with others in one way or another. This makes confrontation a natural part of life. Arguing is a way of expressing bottled up emotions that are silently lingering in our body. Communicating them to each other helps us move forward, so don’t be afraid of an argument. As matter of fact, look forward to them. Because open communication is not only a product of confrontation, it is also the solution to reducing it in the long run.

When I went to film school, one of the biggest things I had to deal with was how to properly take open criticism. It is not easy when an entire class gives you pointers on something that took you 5 months to write. Some will say they don’t like it, others will be more specific. But how do you know what is right?

Ego plays a bigger role in all our lives then we would like to admit. We all have different levels of Ego and it affects our every action. One of the toughest things I have noticed for people to do is to properly take criticism. People can get defensive, annoyed, distraught, hopeless, and all sorts of terrible feelings from just a simple piece of criticism. So today, we are going to learn a few simple ways on how to take criticism.

STEP 1: File it Away Unless You Hear it 2x.

This step is simple. One of the things I learned during my four years in film school is how to file away criticism. Let’s take a simple example. Pretend I wrote a script about a boy who rides his bike for the first time and brought it in for a class reading. After the reading, a girl responds that she thought the boy achieved his goal of riding the bike too fast. He only fell once, and after that it was okay. She claims that this did not sit well with her.

My rule of thumb for all criticisms is if you hear it once, simply file it away in your head. However, if during another class reading (or even the same one), someone says something similar, well now it’s time to take that criticism out of the filing cabinet and deal with it.

If one person tells you they don’t like something, so what? But if you hear it more than once, it is probably true. It does not mean you are wrong. It just means that people are interpreting something differently then you are. That’s it.

STEP 2: Always listen, accept and digest.

Because of our ego, sometimes criticism takes a while to settle in. It is not our fault. Picture it like a big meal. You just need time to digest. Until that meal is properly digested, you are not going to fully appreciate it. The reason is we can sometimes hear a criticism that maybe we kind of knew was coming. Or we hear something we thought might be brought up. Due to the anticipation, our ego automatically defends our decision.

But the important thing is to always digest the criticism. After all, it is just a critique. It is not law, or a judgment. It is simply someone else’s interpretation of your work. Sometimes we just need a few moments to let the emotion subside, and think clearly about it in our heads.

STEP 3: Picture yourself in their shoes and be open.

Have you ever been on the opposite end? Giving criticism is not so easy either. People tend to walk on egg shells because their last intention is to hurt someone’s feelings. They actually intend to help. Remember this when you are taking criticism. They may be helping, or they may not. But their intentions are good.

Don’t sit their with a stern face, staring through their soul as they speak their words. Smile, relax and take it for what it is worth. If you are not open, then a person may hold back. No one wants to be told something is perfect if it is not. Make them comfortable, and get everything you can out of it

…Follow these simple steps on taking criticism, and watch your work improve drastically. Remember, criticism is not a judgment. It is simply necessary to push ourselves in the right direction. Their is nothing more valuable then understanding how people will interpret your work. Instead of fighting the criticism, take that energy and work with it. Make sure you get over the emotional attachment and listen. You may be surprised just how much better that work becomes.

I saw the only rational method of art criticism I have ever come across … “Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best.” The mortality among pianists in that place is marvellous.

-Oscar Wilde, Impressions of America, 1906

Being heavily involved in the sport, I watch a lot of Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) fights. For those that do not know, it is like the UFC fights. There just happens to be a lot of different organizations many people don’t know besides the UFC. MMA is probably the fastest growing sport in the world. This past weekend, for the first time ever, an MMA fight was on national TV. CBS broadcast Kimbo Slice vs. James Thompson on Saturday night.

MMA is one of my favorite sports because it is extremely symbolic of life in general. It takes great endurance, dedication, intelligence, and patience to succeed. The other great thing about MMA is there are no excuses. When two guys fight it out, one wins & one loses. Simple as that. Life tends to not define winners as quickly.

A great MMA fighter, though, has to have one trait. They have to have a killer instinct. When you are fighting a tough opponent, having success has a problem. You are going to bring out the best in someone. When someone starts to get beat up, they usually make an all out effort to survive. Their best naturally comes out when you start to succeed, and when they are good, that means one tough fight.

A lot of fighters hold back during a tough fight, because they have a fear of losing. They have a fear of not winning the fight. So their number one priority is not losing. Their second priority is winning. These fighters rarely come out on top in these fights. When they do, you would think they had lost by the crowd’s reaction. The crowd respects a killer instinct, as does life.

Life is all about hurdling over your fears. One thing I have realized, is that success can be scary for many reasons. One, it is a big change with more responsibility. Two, just like the MMA fight, if you start to succeed, your work intensity is bound to pick up. Things will always get more challenging as you climb up the ladder. I think for these reasons, a lot of us hold back in life. Not blatantly, but just a bit.

We may start to have success, and then freeze up out of the fear of what that success means. The best example of this I can remember in my life was on the Jiu Jitsu mat. I was rolling with my instructor a few years ago. Please understand that he is heads & shoulders above me in every aspect of Jiu Jitsu, MMA, and Muay Thai, plus he has taught me everything I know.

We were training together, and I just so happened to set him up for a choke. He was helping me train, so his aggression was low, but a teacher never wants to get ‘tapped’ by a student. Getting tapped means they have been submitted and lost. The set up was pretty good, and as I reached my hand across to apply the choke, I realized he never saw it coming.

I could not believe it. No one had tapped the instructor in the whole school. Here I was, his face turning beat red, and gurgling sounds coming out of his mouth. The choke was sunk in real deep and he was struggling to work the escape. Then all of a sudden, like lightening, another wave of thoughts poured in.

‘If I tap the instructor, he will probably kill me. If I tell people I tapped him, I will have to live up to that level. Am I ready for that level yet? I don’t think I am ready for that.’

As these thoughts poured in, my hands stopped applying pressure. My killer instinct was gone. It had evaporated because of my fears. My instructor, during this momentary pause of pressure, managed to wedge his hand in and break my grip. Finally free from danger, he smiled and said ‘That was pretty close.’ I smiled back, not sure if I was relieved or mad I missed my chance. Two seconds later, he tapped me.

I am not saying without those thoughts I would have tapped my instructor. He may have very well gotten out of the choke anyway. Who’s to know? The point is, though, I will never know if I could have. I froze during my big opportunity because I was not sure if I wanted it.

In life, we have to be ready for the same thing. We have to know what we want. We have to not be afraid of going after it. If it’s something we really want, then we have to develop a killer instinct for it. We have to want it so bad, that nothing, no one, or no thing will stop of us from attaining it. If we don’t know what we are going for, then when it is in our face, we will have to make the choice then. That is a recipe for failure.

I was not sure if I really wanted to tap the instructor and incur the wrath for it. Now I know I would love it, but then I was just trying to be competitive. I was not trying to win. It is a different mentality. Successful people are not trying to be competitive. They are trying to dominate you. They think of nothing else, but winning. They don’t want to be on your level. They want to be above it. They will do anything they can to get to that point.

We could all learn from that. When one person wins, another loses. For some of us, that can be a catch 22. We feel bad for the losers instead of good for winning. For others, being a winner puts pressure on them to win again and again, or not ever be a winner again. It’s like winning the championship belt. It is a great achievement. It is also a great burden, as everyone else wants a chance at getting it.

Make sure you are prepared for your success. Make sure that success, and everything it brings with it, is truly what you want. And if it is, then you better just go for it. Go for it like no other person ever has. Bring a new level of determination to it. Bring that killer instinct. Understand that you are going to reach that goal. There is no one or no excuse why you can’t. Nothing can stop you. Nothing.

The minute these thoughts sink in is the minute you have already achieved these goals. Now you just have to go out and do it. Simple as that, and you should never settle for less.

I have a habit I started in the gym a long time ago. It developed from my family consistently teaching me to push myself. Eventually, this habit of constantly seeing if I can beat my own expectations came about. It is one of the best habits I have.

It probably comes from my competitive nature. I am so competitive that I even compete against myself! But the truth is, this is the best thing we all can do for ourselves, especially when working out. Keeping fit is a challenge in itself, but don’t get caught up in what other people think. Don’t get caught up with anyone but yourself.

What I’ve noticed from training with so many people is that a simple exercise class can have a different affect on everyone. That is because not everyone gives the same effort. Now, sometimes there are external factors such as an injury, sickness, or just a bad mental day. However, excuses aside, it is important for each of us to realize that it is not what others think we are doing. It’s what we think.

Have you ever gone to the gym with a partner that likes to work hard? So each exercise, because your ego does not like to be outdone, you give an amazing effort like never before. At the end of the day you feel like a new person ready to fall over. Then, at your next workout, you team up with an average partner. One who does just what they are supposed to and not a single ounce more. Turns out, that after working out with them, you did not get the same workout.

Now, is it the partner’s fault? They are an easy target, but the answer is ‘No’. It’s your fault. You have chosen to be a follower rather than a leader. The most important thing when working out is setting your own pace. It does not matter if anyone notices or what they think. You could be all alone working out on an island, and still be able to know what pace you have to attain.

Don’t wait for others to set your pace. Don’t wait for others to watch you in order for you to give your best effort. On the other hand, don’t feel compelled to catch up to someone else’s pace either. The only competition you need to be concerned with is yourself. Pay attention to what’s going on inside YOU.

After all, there should be no tougher competition out there.