Yin vs YangThe Battle for Success in Life

If the title enticed you to read this, than you are exactly the type of person this was written for.

Like me, you probably can not resist a respectable challenge, no matter how trivial it may be. Even if it’s only a simple game of Checkers, finishing in any place other than first is an agony that won’t let you sleep for days. You may have even been called a sore loser in the past because of your obvious disgust with defeat.

Competition is an addiction…..your drug of choice so to speak.

I know, because I am the same way.

A competitive nature is a great trait to have, but if you want to be successful, you better be able to deal with losing. This was the hardest challenge for me growing up. However, once I came to terms with losing, I was able to achieve things that once seemed impossible.

It just took quite a long time to sink into my thick head. Hopefully this post will speed things up for you.

As a young child, I would blame my luck if I lost. As I got a little older, I started blaming fate instead, as if certain challenges I failed at were because of genetics, intelligence, athletic ability, connections, or whatever excuse seemed most rational. If I did not make the All-Star baseball team, it was because my Father was not the coach. If I did not get good grades in school, it was because the teacher sucked. Whatever excuse fit the bill was fine for my ego.

Then, as I became a young man, I realized that maybe I was the one to blame. This was a step in the right direction, but I did not know how to change.

It seemed I wanted to win real bad, but only if it came easy.

In hindsight I can see this was a recurring theme in my life until, at about 24, I started to take Jiu Jitsu and it changed my perspective completely.

In Jiu Jitsu, if you want to win, you better put in the work.

The only way to get better in Jiu Jitsu is what we call ‘Mat time‘.  Simply put, this means how much time you have spent on the Mat. In another words, it is your experience level.

If you train once a week, and someone else trains twice a week, then the latter will most likely progress twice as fast in the same amount of time. This is because they have spent double the time on the mat, gaining double the experience.

Jiu Jitsu teaches you, after a lot of frustration, that losing is a big part of being a winner. As a matter of fact, losing is the best way to get better because it allows you to see concrete examples of what you must do to get to the next level. Think of it like this….

If you never lose, how are you ever going to get better?

For example, a fighter does not want to train with people they can beat up easily. A fighter needs to be challenged if they want to get better. They need to be put in uncomfortable situations. They need to be pushed to their limit. They need to get their ass handed to them during training so that the fight feels like a piece of cake.

The same goes for any challenge, be it business, life, checkers, or a sport. It is all the same. The more quality time and effort you put into the preparation, the better your results will be. This is what I failed to understand as a young man.

Nowadays, I chuckle when I am on the mat and a newer white belt tries to beat me with all their effort. They think that if they ‘try harder’ they may succeed. I see it in their eyes when they try to pull some crazy concocted move they learned off of Youtube, in the hopes of catching me off guard. It as if they think by getting lucky and catching me once, it will make them better. The truth is, it won’t do anything but satisfy their ego for a minute.

What they will come to realize over the years of ‘mat time’, is it is not about their effort on one particular day. It is about the culmination of their consistent effort over a long period of time.

I know, because I had to learn the same lesson.  I used to judge myself on my daily effort, till I realized, a few good days don’t add up to a consistent bunch of regular ones.

Jiu Jitsu, allowed me to see real life examples of this. Many people I started with, who were more talented and athletic than I ever was, never even came close to reaching my level because I put in more ‘mat time’ over the years. I was not more gifted, blessed with better genetics, or anything of the sort. I was simply more persistent.

Jiu Jitsu showed me the preparation and effort it takes to be a winner, and it has permeated through the rest of my life. I look forward to challenges now because I know working past these obstacles is the way to reach my goals. It is because of this experience, that I no longer carry the reputation of a sore loser. I have learned to respect winning. If someone beats me at something, then I know there is a reason for it. They were more prepared.

I never think of myself as a loser. Losing just means I am gaining experience.

What does losing mean for you?