Yin vs YangThe Battle for Success in Life

I’m not a big morning paper guy anymore. I used to read the paper when I lived in Brooklyn, but now I tend to surf the net for my news. However, yesterday at the bagel store, I picked up the NY Daily News for old times sake. On page 3 was an article titled “Ven You Beat It…” by Michael Daly.

The article was about Julie Reed, and 18 year old cancer survivor who just returned to the same stage she collapsed on 18 months earlier. She was diagnosed with a rare abdominal cancer and had to endure months of intense chemotherapy. On top of that, before she could even begin chemotherapy, she had to beat a serious infection that scared even the doctors. It took intravenous antibiotics administered through a gigantic needle so big that it made Julie cry.

Yet, Julie persevered through this all, and 18 hard months later, she was back at the one place she never wanted to leave: the stage. She gave a riveting performance even though she felt as if she would pass out any minute. Afterward, they asked her how she managed to get through this entire ordeal, and she gave an answer that really struck my heart.

“Mental Strength. When you really want to do something, your mind is stronger than any other force.”

I am a huge advocate of the mind’s potential power. But this story really hits home for me because I went through something similar, though far less severe. When I was 18, my life abruptly changed when I was diagnosed with Crohn’s diesease. It’s an intestinal disorder where your own body begins to attack a section of your GI track for no particular reason. This causes swelling in that area, and screws up the whole digestive process.

My Crohn’s was located where the small and large intestines meet. It caused me to drop from 185 pounds all the way down to 118 pounds in under 6 months. I was forced to have surgery to remove a foot of my intestines, a fistula attached to my bladder, and hope that it would send the disease into remission. Once you have Crohn’s diseases, you have it for life. The surgery also was risky because they did not know if they would have to give me a permanent colostomy bag until they got in there.

The disease was not really life threatening yet, but if I did not get better, my life would never be the same. It was definitely a tough time, but I never really was scared for some reason. I kind of just accepted this was something I had to go through, but it would not beat me. In fact, it would make me stronger. Once I had the surgery, I recovered in under a month, and have lived a relatively normal life ever since.

The one thing about the experience was it changed me forever. Being put in a situation with no alternatives, facing the possibility of never living the same lifestyle again, you begin to understand the power of the mind. It is stronger than any other force, as Julie said. If you really want to do something, anything can be possible. Anything at all.

Many people never believe they can do something. They rationalize it with reasons that seem rational and may even be to the current school of thought. These are people who lack mental strength. I was one of those people, until my experience opened my eyes. And once your eyes are opened to the possibilities of the mind, anything is possible.

It’s why millionaires tell you the first million is the hardest. Once you’ve made a million once, it’s easier every time. The reason is because now your mind believes it because it experienced it. If you believe it to be true, than it already is no matter what.

Julie’s story is one of many we see all the time proving what people can accomplish with their mind when put into dire circumstances. My question is, why wait for the dire circumstances? Why not accomplish what you want to right now?

Believing takes perseverance, persistence, and patience. If those traits are enough to beat a rare cancer, then I think our goals, whatever they are, definitely pale in comparison.

The other day I opened my fridge to find a surprise random piece of cheesecake from my in-laws. I looked at it, thought about tasting it, and then passed. I am trying to cut out as much refined sugar from my diet as possible, and a cheesecake definitely doesn’t fit the bill. I searched the rest of the fridge, hoping to find something healthier to snack on. Unsuccessful, I looked back at the cheesecake. The way it was cut, it had a small piece sticking off of it. I rationalized that the little small piece is no big deal. All I was doing was tasting the cake. I quickly grabbed a fork, happy with my rationalization, and nipped off the piece.

Not that this is some huge deal, but it made me think. We all cheat on our diets here and there. However, I had one bite of the cheesecake and it made me sick. Not because it wasn’t any good. On the contrary it was quite tasty. Not because I broke my diet. It wasn’t the 1st time. Nope, I got sick because something I had been thinking about writing had just happened to me before I even knew it. I had become a victim of my mind’s rationalization.

Rationalization can be much worse than a small piece of cheesecake. It is a silent, little voice that creeps up in our head just at the right time, giving us the excuse to do what we want even when we know we should not. Rationalization is defined in Oxford American dictionaries as ‘the attempt to explain to justify (one’s own or another’s behavior or attitude) with logical, plausible reasons, even if they are not true or appropriate’.

I’ve noticed a process in my own head that I’m sure you have had happen to you. I will see something I want. Could be anything at all. Yet, my initial reaction is disappointment because I know it is not something I can or should have. For example, you are at the store and see this brand new item you want. Initially, you think to yourself ‘I can’t afford this.’ Then the rationalization starts to creep in:

‘Oh but it’s so nice’ (not a strong enough rationalization yet)

‘It would look great in my place’ (getting closer, but not quite)

‘How can I afford it?’ (reality makes a last ditch effort to surface)

‘I can just pay it out of my next check’ (Ut…oh)

‘Ooooh. Look. No interest for 3 months.’ (Danger! Danger!)

‘You know what. I work hard. I deserve this. I should reward myself.’ (the process is complete)

This happens to us all the time. Rationalization makes us feel good about what we do until reality hits. Like for example, 3 months later, you still don’t have the $$$ for the purchase you made and now the interest is starting to accrue. You sit back and wonder why the hell you ever bought this. What made you do it?

The reason is because your mind rationalized it. We human beings are smart creatures. Our mind has more power than any of us can truly imagine. But sometimes, that power can work against us. Our desires infiltrate our mind searching for some rational thought to make them acceptable. And the smarter we are, the more thoughts there are to search through.

The key to stopping this process Is to recognize it. That seems rather simple, but it can be tricky. Be aware the next time your initial reaction is ‘No’ but it turns into a ‘Yes’. Sometimes we even know we are rationalizing and still proceed with it. It is because our desires are clouding our mind, narrowing our thoughts down to one single thought that makes the desire seem plausible, at least for the moment.

Recognizing rationalization will at least remove these clouds. It will give reality a fighting chance over desire. Think back to the initial reaction of ‘No’. Try to rationalize that as well as the ‘Yes’ decision. Which one holds more weight in reality. Is it really worth the extra debt? Calories? Time? Trouble? or Whatever?

Chances are, probably not. Don’t become a victim of desire’s weapon of choice. Try hard to make a clear decision not affected by desire. Three things can help you achieve this:

1. Ask someone else who does not share the same desire what their opinion is. This let’s clearer heads prevail.

2. Wait a day. Instead of making the hasty decision. Come back the next day or week and see if it is worth it. Remember, in today’s day and age, you could probably just get it online.

3. Just say no. If you recognize you have to rationalize something, then maybe it is not for you.

Hopefully this will help with more than just an extra sliver of cheesecake. I have seen many people dig themselves into serious financial holes because of rationalization. Be careful. Your mind is a powerful thing.

It’s just a matter of understanding which way you choose to use it.