Yin vs YangThe Battle for Success in Life

Yesterday morning I took a Jiu Jitsu class.  My good friend & training partner, Tony, teaches at my school once a week.  He asked the class if they remembered the move he had taught the week before.  Even though many of them were there and Tony tried to explain it, they barely remembered it at all.  I, being the seasoned veteran I am, boldly declared that I remembered the move, which was a guard pass.

Tony picked me to be his dummy and began to review the details of the move with the class.  He was barely two steps into the demonstration when I realized I had forgotten numerous details.  I knew the idea of the move, but as far as the details, I was lost. Thank God I did not have to show it!

I tend to do this a lot though.  I learn something once and all of a sudden I feel I am an expert at it.  However, in order to be an expert at something, you have to have experience in it. When we first learn something, we learn the concept and the basic breakdown of things.  Then, because we have found this new knowledge, we suddenly feel we have no more to learn.  However, what we are forgetting is the details.

The details are what we learn through experience.

For example, when I first started in Jiu Jitsu, like any other competitor, I wanted to tap everyone.  Logical thinking lead me to believe that if I learned how to do an arm bar I would be set.  This, unfortunately, is not how things work in Jiu Jitsu.  Learning how to do any submission is only a tenth of the battle.  The other 90% is getting the proper position before you apply the submission.

Without the proper position, you are bound for failure.  Even better is the fact that there is not necessarily one single proper position either.  You have to learn to adapt your position constantly based on what your opponent is doing.  There can be thousands of decisions and movements in order to actually apply a simple submission such as an arm bar.  That is what I have learned through experience.   The simple fact is I can explain the entire theory, concept, and breakdown of moves to anyone in the world.  Until they have tried multiple times and failed at applying the submission, it would be fruitless for me to think they understood.

I also get to see this with many new students.  Eager for success, they surf YouTube for instructional Jiu Jitsu videos.  Sometimes they find stuff even my instructor has never seen.  They come into class foaming at the mouth, ready to pull their new Ace in the hole on a senior student.   The problem is it never works.  Not once.  No one pulls a move off perfect the first time, especially with limited experience in the sport.  They usually wind up asking for help in learning the details.

The same goes for life.

I believe I can kid myself sometimes into thinking I know more than I do.  The simple fact I have found is I always have more to learn.  Every day, every experience, I learn a little something different.  Or, maybe I learn the same lesson over again, and it reinforces that knowledge.  Whatever happens, each day, as a person, we all grow with knowledge if we allow ourselves to absorb it.

So don’t get frustrated, like I used to, when making the same mistake over and over.  Try to keep a clear mind.  On the mat, when someone is frustrated, their focus drops dramatically.  If they are able to keep a clear mind, and figure out what they are doing wrong, they will eventually succeed.

If you find your frustration is too much to handle, try these steps:

1. Breathe 5 really deep, slow breaths.  Inhale…..inhale again…..then exhale….
2. Release your mind of the blame game.  It does not matter if it is your fault or someone else’s.
3. Take a step back, clear your mind, and try to look at the situation from different view points.  Sometimes our focus on one factor hides the view of another.
4. Understand what phase you are in: you are learning.  Frustration is a part of the growth process, so learn to enjoy it because it makes what you are learning much more valuable.  If it was easy, everyone would do it.
5. Focus on the details.  Sometimes, instead of accomplishing the whole goal, we need to accomplish little steps at a time.  For instance, when in debt, it is better to pay back a little each month, rather than waiting for a day you have the whole sum. Try this approach.  What small step can you accomplish that will get you closer to your end goal?

Breathe, release your mind, step back, understand, and focus.

The goal of success is a long, perilous road where your only guide is the experience gained through numerous trial and errors.  Trial and error is the main concept in nature.  It is why, after re-learning the guard pass, I used it successfully at least 4 times in the class.  I now had the experience in it to be effective.  I understood the details I had initially forgotten.  Tony even decided he would teach every move from now on two classes in a row.  I think that is a great idea, as it gives us a chance to digest the information, and then re-learn it a week later.

This is why people with great minds in life never stop learning.  They are constantly trying to improve their depth of knowledge.  I am going to try and take the same approach.  I need to stop kidding myself, and be aware of what I really do know, and what I may think I know.

Has anyone else noticed this occurring in their own life?

Stumble It!

When I was in grade school, I remember some of the crazy perceptions I had.  One of these was that only people born with innate special talents in something were successful in it.  For instance, if I played basketball and did not have some immediate success, I figured I was not meant for the game.  Based on what I was taught, mistakes were not a good thing.  They meant you were not good at something.  They were a sign of failure.

This is just another form of the crap they used to teach us in school.

Mistakes are a great thing and everyone makes them.  It is part of our nature. We are not perfect beings.  We are beings capable of making decisions toward becoming perfect.  This brings up the other major fallacy I had: the thought that people are born special.  They are not.  Don’t be upset.  You, I, or the next person are not anymore special than anyone else.  Some people are born with better abilities for certain things then others, but this is just a starting point.   Think about it.  Not every 7 foot tall person is a basketball star.

People are not special.  Some of them just do special things.

Determination always triumphs talent.  Think of the greatest athletes or out time.  Would you say Michael Jordan, Lance Armstrong or Tiger Woods were the most talented in their respective sports?  Maybe.  But I bet you would have no doubt that their ruthless determination to win is unmatched by any of their competitors.

When you see a Tiger Woods commercial, does it show how far he can hit the ball?  Not the ones I have seen. However, I have seen one where Tiger practices every day no matter what, even in the rain.  And plenty of ones where he triumphs through all sorts of distractions with his signature mental toughness.

The point is that these men may be very talented, but they do special things because of their determination.  We all have different talents, but they are just that, talents.  They are undeveloped.  In order to take your talent to the next level, you must develop it.  You must work hard, practice hard, research everything, and become a sponge of knowledge on your goal.  You must do everything in your power to get there.  I will repeat it again:

People are not special.  Some of them just do special things.

Remember this the next time you think to yourself, ‘I can’t do this.’  What you are saying is that you can not do it as well as others, yet.  But the key word is…YET.  If you were determined enough, I bet you could do anything.  Just look at the videos on this blog from previous Fridays if you have any doubt about the power of determination.

The greatest thing about being human is our ability to control our own destiny.  Do not take it for granted.  It is a power like nothing else on this earth.  If we set our mind on something, anything, it is only a matter of time and effort before we achieve it.  So, for the last time, please remember…

People are not special.  Some of them just do special things.

Tony Robbins is one of my favorite Orators.  He really emphasizes many of the points I strongly believe in, especially the idea of pursuing what you love.  Nothing is more important to our well being than doing something we love each day.

Enjoy your weekend.

Things are getting rough.  This past week has been a nightmare financially.  Back in June, when I did my first commercial pro-bono with the hope of getting more work from it, I knew it would effect the upcoming month.  However, when you take a month a ‘free’ project, it can have a negative outcome on your finances.

So was it all worth it?

Isn’t that what I’ve been writing about these past months? How following your dreams is worth it.  How no matter what anyone else says, just follow your heart.  I have been riding the happy bus for 3 months now, giving every reason imaginable for readers to be inspired to follow their own dreams.  Now things look cloudier than ever.

When weeks like this happen, you question if it is all worth it.  Would it have been easier for me to just get a job?  Maybe I could just build my dream company on the side, after working all week to pay my monthly bills.  Maybe my first commitment should be to my bills, and my 2nd to my dreams.  It definitely seems like the right choice when all my bills are coming due and my bank account looks like a goose egg collection.

One thing about me, though.  I don’t fold easily and neither should you.

I am definitely the type of person who sticks to my guns if I believe in anything with all my heart.  And I still do believe.  This is all part of the journey.  Unpaid bills, debt, stress, and hope are a major part of any entrepreneur’s start.  Why should I be different?

Well, yesterday, all of a sudden some sunlight started to peek through the rain.  Brian Katz, who we did the ‘free’ commercial for, called me up.  It seems not one, but two other Jiu Jitsu schools he is associated with would like to get commercials.  This would give us a total of 3 commercials in 3 sections of NJ, all in MMA / Jiu Jitsu.  Not only that, but I learned there are 50 other schools in the network of Brian’s school.  All may be interested after I get these two done.

All it took was one phone call to brighten things up.

My company has been struggling to get the word out as much as possible. We have been promoting, building, re-building, organizing, and proceeding with an unprecedented determination.  Yet, it had been fruitless until now.  This is the start we were hoping for.

Not only that, but my website business picked up a few new clients as well.  So now, at least for the moment, we get a sunshower in our forecast.  Oh well, one day, if I’m right, the rain will clear, and I will be vouching instead of preaching how my theories work.

Guess you will have to read on to find out!

Each of us face our own unique adversities on a daily basis.  They can range from simple, minor difficulties with small consequences, to giant misfortunes with catastrophic ramifications.  Many people try their best to avoid adversity, but it is inevitable we will all have to face the music sometime or other.

When I was younger, I got into a couple of fights that taught me some great lessons in handling adversity.  One day at a high school party, a younger kid named Frank and I were hitting on the same girl, joking back and forth, trying to see who she liked more.   Well, one of Frank’s friends, Jay, decided it should not be a joke.  One word lead to another and before I knew it, I had this little dude talking all kinds of smack to me.

I left the party, shrugging it off as no big deal.  The next week in school, this kid continued his rampage.  I heard he was going to beat me up.  I heard I was scared of him.  I heard his whole ‘crew’ was looking for me and so on.  This was simply a typical high school confrontation.

The following weekend, Jay showed up where I was at.  He wanted to fight me.  I laughed and asked why?  What was the deal?  Nothing even happened and you still want to fight me a week later.  I don’t get it.  Well, now, it started to get embarrassing.  People were whispering ‘why doesn’t he fight him?”  It was starting to make me look really bad.

A week passed.  I was hoping the entire thing would blow over.  It wasn’t that I was scared of Jay.  I just really didn’t see the point in fighting over nothing.  Well, two weeks after the original incident I was at my friend Melissa’s house party.  I had heard rumors that Jay was going to show up to fight me, but at this point that was not new.  Sure enough, though, Jay and his entire crew showed up looking for me.

Now,  Melissa was trying to have a quiet party and there are a crew of kids here to fight me.  I told her not to be concerned.  This was no big deal.  If necessary I would leave. I went out to talk to Jay and settle this once and for all.  He got right in my face.  Melissa got nervous something would happen at her house.  I turned to her to reassure her it was okay.  Right at the moment I turned away…SMACK!

Jay punched me right in the face. We fell to the ground and I wound up on top.  Jay grabbed my face.  We scrambled but were broken up right away.  I had scratch marks below my eye where Jay grabbed me.  Unscathed, Jay and his crew left in their glory.  I was left to take care of my eye and deal with the fact a younger kid just embarrassed me in front of most of my peers.

The next few months in school were brutal.  Things were squashed between Jay and I, so that was over.  However, I had to deal with my reputation.  All of a sudden, I was considered weak and vulnerable because I had failed to stick up for myself.  I had turned away in the face of adversity and it smacked me hard.

This was a major turning point for me.

The one thing I could not get over was why I did not face the music when I should have.  I waited for weeks of this problem building until it blew up in my face.  And to make it worse, it’s not like I avoided anything.  We still fought.  If I had done the difficult task of sticking up for myself originally, it would have made everything afterward easier.  Instead, I now had bigger problems to deal with.

Luckily for me, things would come full circle.  As the year progressed, I made newer friends, started working out, and vowed I would never make the same mistake again.  A few months after the original incident, Jay’s bigger best friend Joe decided he liked the same girl I did, and again, she happened to like me (at least for a week).  So instead of him moving on, he decided to try and sabotage the relationship.

This time, I went to confront Joe right after school, but he was not there.  The next day in school, he came up to me right in front of the girl.  Backed by 4 guys, he told me he was going to kick my ass after school.   I was livid, but kind of relieved.  I was getting a chance to redeem myself by facing a similar adversity again.

That day, after school, I met Joe in the woods behind a convenience store.  I walked right through a giant crowd of Joe supporters and punched him right in his nose.  I knocked him down and beat the crap out of him until he quit.  It was quite vindicating.

Now the point of this blog is not to go and beat everyone up (not yet at least).  The point is that these two situations were handled totally different and had opposite conclusions.  The first incident I ignored the adversity.  I secretly hoped it would go away even though I figured it would not.  Instead it wound up getting worse.

The 2nd incident, I had learned my lesson.  The minute I knew a fight was unavoidable, I went all out.  Instead of hoping the adversity would go away, I did everything I could to handle it.  I stood up and faced it like a man should.  I focused all my attention on it.  In turn, the adversity was over that day.  As a matter of fact, I became very good friends with Joe for a long time after that.

This is an important lesson in life.

We face all sorts of adversity on a daily basis.  However, if we properly handle each situation up front, there will be much less adversity over the long haul.  It can be difficult mustering up the courage to face the music.  Confrontation can be intimidating, but it is a necessary obstacle you must overcome.

I remember thinking to myself, ‘Just punch him in the face, just hit him first.‘  Once I did, everything got easier.  The stress was gone, the burden lifted.  Sometimes, life just likes to test us.  It’s how we react to these tests that defines who we are.

This goes for all sorts of adversities.  Whether a sickness, an injury, or a financial nightmare, it is all about attacking the problem right away.  Waiting around will only make things worse. The next time you face any adversity, try and nip it in the bud.  Take care of it right there.  Don’t wait hoping it will subside.  Get right on top of it.

Your future will thank you for it.

In Jiu Jitsu, life is all made pretty clear right on the mat.  You can always tell if a new guy is going to last by the way they handle competition.  Those who thrive on winning, and throw temper tantrums when they lose, never last too long.  Instead of learning the most consistent ways to be effective, they spend the entire time trying to find cheap, lucky ways to win.

The people who last in Jiu Jitsu typically react to winning and losing exactly the same.  If you looked at their face right after a match, you wouldn’t be able to tell the outcome.  They lose, they move on.  They win, they move on.  Either way, they are just happy to be competing.

The same goes for life.  Don’t let the ups and downs of life define who you are.  You define who you are, this way the ups and downs in life are all just a part of one big ride.

Since I have started this blog, I have displayed videos about a blind painter, an armless guitar player, and a crippled musician born with no eyes.  All have achieved unparalleled success by hurdling obstacles no one thought were possible to clear.  The one universal theme in these inspirational stories: the individuals did not let their situations in life define them.

They defined their own life simply by being themselves.

For many people, their life is sadly defined by things like a prestigious job, a wonderful car, good looks, or a big bank account. However, to quote an old proverb, ‘there are good times and there are bad times.‘  Life’s only constant is change.  You should never feel too good when you are up, or too bad when you are down because it is inevitable that you will be both.

If you are going to go through ups & downs anyway, why be mad about it?  You should enjoy the journey rather than fighting it. Besides, the down times produce invaluable lessons, and the good times leave you with lasting memories.  So either way it’s a win.  Just because life changes, does not mean we have to.  We should be the same person no matter what.

Our situations in life do not define who we are.  Only we do.  So says the definition of life itself…

Life: the condition that distinguishes organisms from inorganic objects and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism, reproduction, and the power of adaptation to environment through changes originating internally.

Whether it is an ‘up’ or a ‘down’ time, it is all just one part of a long journey called life.  Try to remember this when approaching the highs and lows of your own life. Face them both with the same demeanor.  It is a valuable lesson that can take a lifetime to learn.

Luckily for me, Jiu Jitsu is a much quicker teacher.

He dares to be a fool, and that is the first step in the direction of wisdom.  ~James Gibbons Huneker

Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.  ~Elbert Hubbard

One of the benefits of living in the information age is the availability of inspiring stories right on your computer.  These inspiring people all seem to have one trait in common:  They never take the ‘reality’ of a situation into consideration.  They simply follow their innate desires, ignoring the entire world’s doubts, fears, and reservations.  To them, those thoughts are worthless.

All that matters is their own belief in themselves.

Nothing encompasses this message better than the following story.  It makes you wonder:  what else may be possible?  My guess is anything at all. Happy Fourth Of July to everyone.  Enjoy the extended weekend.

I read an article on Yahoo the other day about how another 100 brand new species were discovered recently. I was intrigued that so many new species could be discovered in today’s technologically advanced world. Doing some further research, I learned a shocking piece of news:

In real life, nearly 15,000 to 20,000 new species are discovered each year. According to a recent report from IISE and its partners, 2006 saw 16,969 species named-the first time in scientific literature. (from here)

Think about it. In 2008, even after the invention of all this modern technology that is rapidly shrinking the world, over 15,000 new species are discovered each year. That’s right, over 15,000 and I’m not just talking about some remote, hidden species. This includes frogs, bats, plants, insects, fish, dinosaurs and more. Last year, a brand new species of mushrooms were discovered on Imperial College’s campus in London, right under everyone’s nose!

You may be wondering why this news is so intriguing to me. Well you have to look at it from a YinVsYang perspective. If there are tens of thousands of new species all throughout the world waiting to be discovered each year, think about how many opportunities there must be. Think about how many ideas people have not thought of. Think about how many exciting solutions to problems that people have not yet discovered. Think about how you can discover them.

If you see the world through this point of view, opportunities will open up right before your eyes. I know I sometimes feel there are limited opportunities out there as I’m sure some of you do. It can be tough to keep a positive outlook, especially in today’s economy, where even Las Vegas Casinos are struggling to keep their doors open. However, the opportunities out there are endless, I promise you. You just have to open up your eyes and keep looking.

Someone out there today is going to capitalize on opportunities that help them achieve all of their wildest dreams. Someone is going to believe enough in themselves to start the ball rolling on an idea they have always had. Someone is going to see opportunities where no one else has before.

The question I’m asking is: Why can’t it be us?

Today, after training this morning, I was driving home by myself.  My Jiu Jitsu school is located about a good 25 minutes away from my house.  The ride is quiet, through the backroads and farmland of North Brunswick, Jamesburg, Monroe Township, and Englishtown NJ.  There is not much to see except some old houses and lots of empty land.

I had the radio off and my mind was just wondering.  I was trying to drive and type in some notes on my phone to remember some of the thoughts I had.  This is not recommended.  However, it got me thinking.  Most of my blog ideas, my creative inspirations, and all sorts of ideas, come to me during my alone time.

The Dalai Lama recommended we spend some time alone with ourselves each day.  Well, if the Dalai Lama is not good enough for you, little old me is going to elaborate on it.  Spending time alone each day is a simple way to get the most out of yourself.  There are countless reasons, but the main reason is…

Spending time alone actually can increase your productivity.

When you are alone, you are not forced to think.  Your mind naturally, and calmly, wanders away.  It reviews whatever thoughts may be lingering in your head.  It cleans up some of the muddled mess that our minds become during the work day.  It also gives us a chance to breathe, which in turn helps our whole body, mind & spirit relax.

Now, many people know the benefits of a nice walk in the park, or quiet car ride, or an outdoor lunch, yet they still do not make time.  The day is filled with things to do that seem much more important.  I mean, how does going for a walk in the park help someone be more productive?

The answer is it clears your head.  Simple as that.  It gives you a chance to regain your thoughts in the solitude of your own head. It takes you out of the fire of everyday life and gives your mind a chance to rest.  This, in turn, helps your mind work at full capacity once it gets back into the swing of things.

Think of it like a wrestling match.  You wrestle until you get really tired.  Then you relax, grab a drink, and get right back on the mat.  Now, think of just wrestling straight through without ever stopping to rest or take that drink.  Who do you think is going to be a more productive wrestler? The one who had the break?  Or the one who did not?

Your brain works the same way.  Give it a chance to relax and regain its composure, and you will be twice as productive without the rest.  Your brain is a muscle.  It needs time to relax just like any other.  So spend some time alone with yourself.  Give your brain a chance to sort out its thoughts.  Your body will thank you for it, and so will everyone else around you.

I would love to start a discussion of how people spend their alone time and how it helps them.  Our minds could all use the advice, so please do comment.

Alright, it’s time for me to get to work.  I’m looking forward to my alone time already.

Tiger Woods is one of the greatest athletes of our time. The man has pushed the boundaries of his sport all while maintaining full integrity with the whole world. He is an inspiration to us all

I came across this Nike Commercial on the net and was floored. As only a father can, Earl Woods explains how Tiger grew to be the man he is.  The theme is every dedicated, living dad can make a difference, one child at a time.

We can all learn something from this advice.