In Part 1 of this series, I wrote about how the mind and body balance one another to form a spirit. Part 2 took a deeper look into how the spirit works.  We looked at how your mind & body interact together, and how that affects your ability to achieve your goals.  In the final part, I am going to talk about the power of thoughts.

Thoughts are the fuel for the brain.

The brain controls the body.  Therefore that means your thoughts indirectly affect your body, which affects your actions, and then obviously, your life. This power of perception is severely underrated in my humble opinion.  People just don’t realize that their perception plays a MAJOR part in the outcome of their life.  That’s why it is so important to be aware of exactly how it affects you.

For example, a person may own an old junky car his Dad gave him when he was much younger.  The car is almost 50 years old, needs a paint job, has no AC, and eats gas like you can’t believe.  To this person, he would take anything to get rid of this piece of junk ruining the beauty of his rural property.  In fact, he is hesitant to put it up for sale because he wonders why on Earth anyone would give anything for this car.

Then, along comes Joe.

Joe loves old cars.  He collects classic automobiles.  He almost loses his mind when he sees the ad for the car in the paper.  ‘$500 is all he wants?’.  He can’t believe it.  He thinks there must be a mistake.  He immediately rushes over to see the car.  He acts cool, checks it over, and is dumbfounded by his luck.  He has just found a 1959 Chevrolet Impala for only $500!  After cleaning up his new toy, he happily drives it to the next classic car show in tip top shape.

Now, this is the same car. Nothing has changed.  Yet one person is enamored with it, and thinks it the luckiest day of his life to find it, and the other is practically giving it away.  What is the difference you ask?

Perception.

Joe perceives an amazing value whereas the original owner only sees a pile of junk. This may sound a bit silly, as obviously one man’s trash is another’s man gold.  We have all probably heard that before.  However, this lesson on perception can actually help you achieve your goals as well.

When you are heading down the path to your goal, you will face many obstacles, challenges, slip ups, and circumstances that are completely out of your control.  For instance, when I opened the mortgage company, I had no idea what was going to happen to the market.  I knew it could slow down, but I had no idea it would get as bad as it did.  I was not enjoying what I was doing to begin with, so when it got even tougher, I perceived everyday of work as a struggle.  To me, there was no possible way to survive in the industry.

Now, while many others felt just as I did, there were countless others who held strong.  These were the people who lived and breathe mortgages.  To them, and their perception, there was no alternative.  They only knew mortgages, and quitting was not an option.  These people did not perceive the dread that I did.  Instead, they looked at it like another challenge.  Some went into doing Reverse Mortgages. Many came up with very creative ways to get people into new houses, such as a ‘house swap’.    That is where two people who own homes with similar values and leans switch houses, instead of having to go through the mortgage process.

My point is, everything depends on your perception.  That is the power of thoughts.  Your mind is a powerful entity.  It controls your body and controls your energy.  When I am training Jiu-Jitsu, and reach a point where my body questions whether it can go anymore, it becomes a battle of the mind.  What I have learned is that you can always keep going somehow.  It’s just a test of your will.  Being tired, sore, or out of breath is just the warning signals.  However, the human body is extremely resilient.

Think of it like running.

When you run, it is not a test of your body.  Rather it is a test of your mind.  It is how long you can go without your mind & body agreeing to stop.  Your body is going to send signals to your mind every step of the way about how tired you are.  It is up to your mind to tell your body to relax and keep going.  And it all starts with a simple thought. “Yes I can!”

However, many times people will focus on different thoughts. How many times do your hear these words, or a variation, come out of your mouth, or pop into your head?

• I can’t.
• I won’t.
• It’s not for me.
• I’m unable to do that.
• It’s too hard.
• Are you crazy?  I can’t do that!
• I can’t go anymore. I have to stop.
• I’m too tired, or heavy, or skinny, or young, or old, or whatever!

Simply put, these are all excuses, no matter how true you may think they are at the time.  If you find yourself saying or thinking any of these statements, I have only one thing to tell you:

You are 100% right.

With that mindset, you will make those statements completely true.  Those thoughts right there are the beginning of your failure.  What you are really saying is that you need an excuse because you have no more willpower.  Your body has taken over your mind and is controlling its thoughts.

However, what you need to understand, is that the same is true for the opposite thoughts.  What these thoughts should sound more like is…

• I can’t yet, but I will.
• I won’t want to, but I will anyway.
• It’s not for me, but I’ll give it a shot.
• I’m unable to do that yet.  Give me some time, and I can accomplish anything.
• It’s too hard because I have not tried it yet.
• Are you crazy?  Of course I can do that if I give it some effort.
• I can go some more even though it feels like I have to stop.
• I’m NOT too tired, or heavy, or skinny, or young, or old, or whatever!

It all depends on your perception. Nothing else matters. Not anyone else’s perception or anything else. Try it out for yourself.  The next time your mind starts to think these negative thoughts, turn the negative thought into a positive one.  That is the first step. That provides your body with the right FUEL.

Your brain will focus on your thought, and your body will naturally follow.

I teach Boxing, Kickboxing, and Jiu-Jitsu classes.  The boxing and Muay Thai Kickboxing classes are more Cardio based.  It amazes me each time the power of motivation I can give to someone when they are ready to give up.  Like at the end of a 3 minute boxing round in the hardest part of class, when their arms are just sooooo tired that they seem to be moving in slow motion.  This is when I will yell things like…

‘You are almost there.’
’30 more seconds, give it all you got.’
‘This is the tough part. You have to push yourself to make it through.’

What this does is replace their negative thoughts with positive ones.  As the end is nearing, they start to give up.  They slow down because their body is telling them to.  Their willpower is fading.  The thought of ‘I can’t go anymore’ is creeping into their mind.  When they hear my voice however, a new thought enters their head.  They say, I can do it. I made it this far.  I’m not giving up.

That is because they perceive it now as a challenge.  They have found their motivation.  Instead of focusing on failure, they are re-focused on success.  This is the key in life as well.  When our mind and body are battling, it is up to us to pick our perception.  Find the positive in everything. Learn that your entire day, as well as everyone around you, is affected by your thoughts whether you reveal them or not.

They are that powerful.

However, with every power, comes responsibility.  Use your thoughts wisely.  Don’t let doubt creep into your mind.  Instead of looking at everything as either good or bad, look at it all as experience.  That’s what it is.  You are gaining experience.  The mind, body, and spirit are all constantly gaining experience.  Your thoughts are the key to getting the most out of every experience.  Here is some neat things to try just to see the power of perception.

• If you don’t want to do something, try instead to look forward to it.  Try to make it fun, or a challenge, or a learning experience.  Flip the switch!
• If you think something is impossible to achieve, try pretending that it is possible.  Pretend that the way it is possible is a hidden secret.  No one has been able to find it as of yet. It is solely up to you. Take your time and consistently work towards finding that secret.
• If you are afraid of something, try to focus on the opposite. So if you are afraid of a being hit by a baseball in the batter’s box, try to focus on hitting a home run. By focusing on the possibility of getting hit, you are actually attracting it. The pitcher may even notice this and start to throw inside just to scare you.  Instead of focusing on the fear, focus on the glory. Think of it like whatever you focus on, is exactly what will happen.

This process of becoming aware of your perception is a lifelong journey.

Everyday I learn more about the power of thoughts. I think back to when I was younger and I can see the way my perception affected my life.  I used to think one way, and therefore I used to act one way. As I matured, my thinking changed, and therefore so did my actions.

Just think of the Guy that gets all the girls. They get most of the girls because they PERCEIVE that they will.  Their actions exude confidence because they believe they will attract any girl they wish.  They don’t hope, they know.  Whereas, someone like the younger me would hope that the girl liked him, and wind up watching her hang with someone with a more positive perception.

Take a couple of minutes and think back on your own life.

Think long & hard of all the things you might have been able to do if you just believed in yourself and went for it. Think of how much better you could take on high school, grade school, college, or any sport at all.  What has changed?  Your age?  Yes. Your experience?  Yes again.  However, it can all be summed up by what really changed: your perception.

Instead of waiting for the future to think back of what you could of accomplished in the past, start today to change your thinking. Open your mind to other possible perceptions and use them as motivation.

• Why not make today the day you use your new power of perception to accomplish your goals?
• Why not make today the day your perception takes you toward where ever it is you dream of going?
• Why not?

‘There is no day is better than today.’

Yesterday, I wrote about how the mind, body & spirit interact inside each one of us.  Continuing on for those of you with excellent discipline , I wanted to talk about something very dear to me:  wild dreams.

Wild dreams are a great part of our humanity.  To me, they make everything feel a little better about daily life.  We can always sit back and picture our wildest dreams to feel a little better about ourselves.  We always have our hopes and dreams which no one can ever take away from us.

It is these hopes and dreams that guide our young lives.

For example, when I was younger, I used to dream of being a baseball player.  It was something my Dad held dear, and it was the first sport I really learned to play.  I used to dream of what it would be like to be a big league ball player.  I remember as a little kid in Brooklyn, I got a chance to meet some of the World Champion 1986 New York Mets.  Mookie Wilson, Bud Harrelson, and Lee Mazzilli were invited to hand out trophies in my little league.

My Dad walked up with me to meet Lee Mazzilli.  Lee turned to hand me my trophy and stopped suddenly.  His face signaled recognition.  He said “Hey Pete, how are you?”  I was stunned.  My name was not on the trophy.  How did he know a little 8 year old from Brooklyn?  All of a sudden my Dad (also named Pete) sticks out his hand and says “Hey Lee, long time.”  In my amazement, my Dad and Lee began talking like old buddies.  I found out later that they played baseball together in Brooklyn most of their lives before my Dad got hurt in college.  He had never said a word about it to me before.

This was the first ‘starstruck’ moment I can remember.  For awhile after that I wanted to be a ball player.  I talked about being a ball player.  I watched the games.  I played against my little sisters.  I even joined little leagues.  However, when it came time to practice, I usually made an excuse.  When I did not do so good, I figured maybe I was not meant to be a ball player.  No matter how many times I was told I needed to practice if I wanted to get better, I never seemed to listen.  I just figured if I was any good, it would come naturally.

This is where the Mind vs. Body comes in. As a kid, I was unaware of how the world operated.  My mind was telling me I wanted to be a ball player.  However, my body was telling me it was too tired to practice, or that practicing was boring.  My mind was also telling me whenever I would strike out or make an error that I was not to blame. I just was not born good enough.  I just did not have the same talent my Dad or other kids had.  This is what I perceived to be true.

The real truth is, it was all my fault.

Now, being that I was a kid, I am not trying to be hard on myself.  I am just using this as an example of my mindset.  It sounds rather simple.  Obviously, we all know we have to work at anything we want to achieve.  But what is important about this story is the way my mind tricked me.  It made me perceive that everything happening around me was out of my control.  All the things I wanted in life were like a lottery ticket.  If they happened, great.  If they did not, then it was not meant to be.  That is a scary way to think.  It’s like your whole life is one big crap shoot.

I think for me, it was tough to realize that if I did not achieve these goals, I would be a failure.  It was less pressure to not try too hard and take whatever success came to me.  That was the safe route.  What I have learned more than anything else in life, is that the safe route is usually the wrong one to take.  The tough path is always harder at first, but once you make it down the road, the rewards are priceless.  Instead of wondering if you should take the tough path, try wondering what happens if you do not.  What if you don’t take any chances to live the life you want to?  Is that how you want to spend the only guaranteed life you have?

The gift of life is your wildest dream!

It’s up to you to fill in the details.  You live only one life we are sure of, and therefore we only have one chance to do what we want.  There is a deep self-satisfaction at going after your wildest dreams.  Achieving them is the icing on the cake, but I bet many successful people will tell you, the time they treasured most is not after they achieved their goal, but rather while they were deep in the midst of attempting to.  It is the struggle we all look back on fondly, because that it was really makes you feel proud of yourself.  Just knowing that most other people would have quit when you kept going is enough fuel to help you achieve many more goals.  It is that pride that we hold dear, not the actual success.

Achieving Your Wildest Dreams

Below is a list of steps to start toward achieving your wildest dreams.  Please be warned:  these are not life changing tips.  You will not read the words below and be so mesmerized that you will suddenly achieve all of your dreams in the next 10 minutes.  Rather, the point of these steps is two fold.  First, I want you to try and identify exactly what these dreams are.  Second, I want you to understand just how possible they are to reach….

1. Identify Your Dream – Simply put, pick your wildest dream or desire, no matter what anyone else thinks of it, and run with it.  It is very important to know just what you want.  Being rich is not a realistic goal.  It is more of a desire.  To get rich, you create a realistic goal to make money.  You don’t just really want to be rich bad and go around chasing every potential money maker you can find.  Make sure you identify exactly what you want to do.  Pick something you love to do, not something you like.  Something you truly enjoy whether the pay check is good or not.
2. Believe – A crucial step is to leave all doubts behind.  Don’t worry about if you can succeed.  Just worry about if you want to.  If it is something you truly dream of doing, the success will come to you.  Worrying about whether or not you can be successful is a waste of time in the beginning.  No one is ever able to identify success for sure before they try something.  Instead, worry about succeeding.  Worry about your desires.  Worry about yourself.  Don’t let your mind tell you any different: If you love to do something, success will find you.
3. Plan – This is the part most people skip.  You need to identify a realistic strategy for achieving your goal.  The way I do this is I pretend I am doing it for someone else.  I make a plan of how I would want a perfect employee to do the tasks I need to accomplish the goal.  By making believe it is someone else, I am able to ignore my personal feelings (& laziness).  This prevents me from making internal excuses for not doing what I really think needs to be done.
4. Implement – Now, we all know, even with a full-fledged plan we probably won’t follow it everyday.  That is okay.  We just want you to have one as a guide.  Start out trying your plan for 1 whole week without judging any part of it.  Even if it feels terribly wrong, just give it a shot for 1 week.  This is the most critical step.  If you do not try out your plan, then why even bother creating one?
5. Fail – Yep, you read it right.  Life is a constant learning experience, so don’t expect your plan to go smoothly.  An important step toward any goal is failing. You must fail in certain aspects. I would like to say it is impossible, even though I have no proof, that you can create a perfect plan and not fail right from the start.  Chances are, you will fail at some part or another of the initial planning process.  Failing is an important step, because fixing these weak links is the best way to strengthen the whole chain for the long journey.
6. Adjust – After you have given it a serious try, and failed in some regard, now is the time to adjust your plan.  Maybe you overcompensated for this aspect, or maybe you underestimated the effectiveness of that strategy.  Either way, plans should always be adjusted.  I like to make 3 month plans, this way you give yourself some time to achieve small goals, and mix in any changes along the way you did not see coming.
7. Persist – Keep going and repeat steps 3-7 as necessary.  The most important part of achieving any dream is the refusal to give up.  Remember it is this easy: If you don’t give up, there is no way you can possibly have failed.  Be persistent and don’t accept permanent failure.  Just understand that you will probably fail in some major battles on the way to winning the big war.  Just check any history book on war for real life examples of that.

Remember, that’s what the battle for success is: A war of attrition.

No matter what your mind tells you.  No matter what your body warns you of.  Achieving your dreams, whatever they may be, is definitely a realistic possibility.  It is up to you to make it a reality, no one else.  Not destiny, not fate, nor divine intervention.  It is all up to you. Just don’t expect it to be easy.  Instead, expect it to be gratifying.

I have never heard anyone say they were sorry for going after their dream.  I also have never heard anyone tell me they succeeded at their wildest dreams without ever trying.  Keep that in mind when those little inner whispers of doubt start to get louder in your head, or when other people don’t believe in it like you do.  Those negative thoughts are your mind challenging your body.  That is your mind warning you that maybe ‘no way we can do that.’  It is up to you to make it believe it can.

The final part of this short series will be about how to better balance your mind and body.  It will discuss some different ways for how to get your body to better listen to your mind by revealing the power of thoughts.

Until then, try to think objectively….

Does the fear of failing play a big role in your decision making?

Are you really going after the life you want?

Every Jiu Jitsu class starts out with warm-ups, then some drills, a few instructional lessons, more drills, and live sparring which is called ‘rolling’. Yesterday, right as we were about to roll, I was matched up with a 4-stripe White Belt. White belt is the initial belt in Jiu Jitsu. After that it goes blue, purple, brown, and finally black. There is only one ‘red’ belt that I know of, and that is the absolute highest you can go.

I am a purple belt, which is about 4 years worth of experience. This 4-stripe white belt is only about a year and 1/2 deep in his experience. However, he is pretty good for his level. I have taught classes where he has rolled considerably well against higher ranked opponents. We slapped hands and just as we are about to start rolling, he leans in and says….

“Listen.  I am going to try my hardest this time and really push the pace because you are pretty good.  Okay?”

I laughed, and said “That’s no problem.  Next time, you don’t have to warn me.”

And so we engaged….

I couldn’t help think why on earth this kid would say that.  I mean, I know he is going to come at me full speed.  We have rolled before and I have killed the kid with technique.  It’s not that I am more talented, I am just more experienced.  That’s it.  However, for some reason probably pertaining to the Ego, this kid had decided he had not tried his all.  He had decided to make it clear to me that the last few times he was not ready.  The last few times were different.  Now, by expressing himself verbally, he had made his point that this was the real test.  This would decide if I really could beat him.

The thing that made me laugh most about this was the mindset.  Why on earth would you warn someone that you are going to try your hardest?  Did I expect any less?  Does he think that this changes anything?  Was he not trying his hardest the last few times?

As the match started, I realized this kid just wanted to tap me, not necessarily beat me.  He was trying to satisfy his Ego.  For example, he tried these ridiculously fancy, low percentage arm-bars.  By low percentage, I mean he had a very small chance of actually landing these on anybody, let alone someone more experienced.  This was his way of saying I’m going to throw caution into the wind and see what happens.

He had decided his only option was to take drastic measures because nothing else had worked.

Needless to say, I controlled and tapped the kid two or three times in 4 minutes.  It was the exact same result as the previous two times, if not a bit worse.  The kid, who is an extremely nice guy, thanked me and moved on.  I showed him a couple of things I noticed about his game, and that was that.

I thought I would share this story because I have been in that kid’s shoes many times before.  When you are facing a tough challenge, one that you have failed at before, it is important to realize the reality of the situation.  Every one will always make the excuse that they did not put in enough effort, but that is rarely the case.

Working hard is important.  However, working smart is the key to tackling any challenge.  Many people will always question their own effort after a failure.  The truth is, whether you succeed or fail, there is always more effort you could have given.  There is always more work you could have done.  That does not mean it would have been any more effective.  Losing may have been inevitable.  There is nothing wrong with that.

Sometimes, when tackling a challenge, we wind up in over our head.

When I started my mortgage company, I thought I knew what I was doing.  I thought if I tried as hard as I could I would be able to accomplish anything.  However, working hard is only part of the battle.  As hard as I tried, I just did not find much success in it. In fact, I failed miserably. The odds were heavily against me.  The industry was dying, the economy was changing, and I was very inexperienced.  Could I have done more?  Absolutely.  Would that have made a difference?  If anything, it would have postponed my inevitable failure.

Just like the white belt, sometimes we all make tough personal challenges even tougher.  We can put unnecessary pressure on our self which actually inhibits our ability to succeed, rather than help it.  Plus, even when me make a greater effort, we usually wind up with the same results anyway.

It is only when we accept that we have failed, and look for the lesson in it, that we are able to move forward.

Working smart and relaxed is much more effective than overworking.  Over working just makes the challenge that much tougher.  Without a clear, relaxed mind, your body will not be able to deal with the tension.  The mind & body are directly related to one another.  Your body will tire out physically, rendering you unable to perform at an optimal level mentally.

When facing a tough challenge, I think it is best to forget the past, disregard the possible futures, and just enjoy the process. Do not even concern yourself with the outcome.  Just deal with the task at hand.  When I roll with a tougher opponent that I know will kick my ass, I simply try to enjoy the learning process.  I may lose, but at least I will get better each time.  Eventually, that challenge will no longer be a challenge, and I will have advanced closer to my end goal of a black belt.

Success is more about persistence and perseverance, than plain old effort.  Effort is not enough when the odds are against you.  The best way I have found to deal with a tough challenge is by calming myself with these thoughts….

• Relax by breathing in extra deep, and exhaling out your tension.
• Focus on the task at hand. Any potential outcomes are meaningless.
• Failure or Success in this battle is not the end of the war.  It is only a part of it.
• Each challenge you experience helps prepare you for future challenges.
• Be proud you are trying to accomplish what many others only talk about.
• Enjoy the process by remembering, win or lose, you are getting more experience either way.

By relaxing my mind & body, I am ready to tackle any challenge.  I may not succeed, but I will always learn something from the process to help me out in future challenges.

How do you deal with facing tough challenges?

Stumble It!