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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Every Monday is personal development through Jiu Jitsu…

Everybody has read about the fear of failure at one time or another. I have even written about it myself. It is often talked about as the reason most people hold themselves back. However, there is another fear that can be just as strong an obstacle. It is the fear of success.

Back when I was in high school, I tried out each year for my varsity soccer team. I never made the cut, and even gave up my senior year because I doubted I would get playing time. In hindsight, it was one of the worst decisions I ever made. However, the funny part about the whole thing is I bet I could have made varsity at anytime if would I have just tried to do so.

I was reminded of these events this week while teaching my Jiu Jitsu class. There was a girl taking the class who has been training for awhile. She is pretty good, and just about approaching a blue belt level. We were doing guard drills when I asked her to go with a rather new and out of shape white belt. She hesitated because the guy was almost twice her size. For those who don’t know what guard drills are, she was going to get in between his legs while he was laying on his back. She needed to get her body past his legs while keeping control and not getting swept.

You could tell she was scared, but she gave it a shot. Unfortunately, she lost her balance and was swept over rather easily. Afterwards, I explained to her what she did wrong, and she actually knew what I was going to say before it even came out of my mouth. I realized she knew how to win, but she was afraid to do so. It was then I had the flash back to the soccer field.

Believing in Yourself

The problem the girl and the younger me shared was the lack of belief in our abilities. Both of us were afraid of the challenge in front of us, even though we were more than capable of meeting it. If she would have understood that here abilities were no match for her competition, she would have easily succeeded. Instead, she believed she was going to fail and that is exactly what happened.

Just like me, however, she was not afraid of failing. If she was, she would have never even tried. She was actually afraid of succeeding. By winning that battle, she would then have no excuse to face that challenge again. The safety net of being smaller and female would no longer be relevant. She would have conquered her fear, and therefore, eliminated the excuse. This is exactly what she was afraid of.

The same went for me on the soccer field. I was afraid of trying to be better than everyone around me. I was afraid of having to meet that challenge day in and day out against the best players in the school. I would have to come to compete everyday. I would have no excuse if I failed. This is what I was really afraid of.

Being a success, means you have a new expectation to live up to. You will be held in higher regard. No longer will you be able to blend in with the masses. Nope, as a success, you are on a pedestal that everyone else below you strives to be on.

This can be a very scary thought for some. Giving our best effort to succeed means we will have to continue to do so consistently. Being a success means we will be challenged and have to prove ourselves day in and day out. 

Blue Belt Blues

In Jiu Jitsu, it is similar to the ‘blue-belt blues’. When I first got my blue belt (the rank after white belt), I was extremely proud. I was one of the first to do so in my school, and it was quite an honor. That honor, though, quickly became a nightmare for me.

You see, as one of the few blue belts in the school at the time, I suddenly had a target on my back. Whereas it used to be okay to lose to someone with a white belt, suddenly I was supposed to be better just because my belt color changed. It was an enormous amount of pressure that actually set me back for a few weeks. During my matches, instead of just trusting my abilities, I was constantly afraid of not living up to the expectations.

It took some time, but I soon realized the reason my belt color changed was because I had the ability. I may not have realized it, but it was there. I just had to accept that success in my own head, in order to fulfill my potential.

Some people can see this situation before they achieve their goals. They can see that winning is going to set them apart and put enormous pressure on them. This is what causes the fear of success. To battle this, I have come up with three small steps on….

How to Overcome the Fear of Success

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1) Admit it to Yourself

The most important step is the admission of this fear. When I was trying out for soccer, I had no idea this was my fear. However, looking back, I can see it now. A surefire sign that this fear exists is if you are considered an underachiever at something. Simply put, that means you should be able to do something, but you are not. Chances are, it is because you are afraid of the challenges success might bring.

2) Live in The Moment

Rome was not built in a day. That saying is perfect for overcoming this fear. The fear of success is not the fear of the challenge in front of you, but rather the new challenges that success will bring. Well, you don’t have to conquer all of those right now. Take it one challenge at a time. Take a deep breath and conquer the challenge in front of you. Live in the moment.

3) Be an Inspiration

If your own success is not the right motivation, then do it for others. In the Bronx Tale, the tag line from Robert DeNiro’s character was, “There is nothing worse than wasted talent.” Wasting the abilities you are given is a disservice not only to yourself, but to those around you. Successful people inspire others to achieve their own goals. Remember, by doing your best, even if it is not good enough, you are inspiring those around you to do the same. You will push them to be better, and in turn, they will push you to be better. It is why successful people are never alone.  Once you achieve something once, it becomes easier each time thereafter.

“The world cares very little about what a man or woman knows, it is what the man or woman is able to do that counts.” -Booker T Washington

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A little while back, my aunt mentioned to me that she had a Yin vs Yang moment one day. My aunt is an avid reader of the blog, but I was not sure what she meant by this. She explained that she was running on a treadmill, about to give up at the same time she always does, when she thought of what I wrote in a post. She sincerely said it gave her the strength to run longer than she ever had before. I smiled, as the compliment immediately inflated my head.

Then again, the other day, a friend of mine mentioned to me….

‘Dude, I had a Yin Yang kinda moment the other day.’

He explained he had to do a big project for a new class at school that required he give a speech. He is not the public speaker type and he was literally sweating bullets just thinking about it (Actually it is quite amazing the amount of perspiration the fear of pulic speaking can cause!). Then he thought of a post I recently wrote about changing your perception.  He said it calmed him caused he realized, in the scheme of things, this was all part of the process. It was a one time class, and really, what did he have to lose. He gave the speech and just got an A on it.  I would say it worked out perfect, but he said he still sweat a lot in the process. Oh well, almost

This is not to toot our own horn at Yin vs Yang. Of course it feels great to hear things like this. The goal of this site is to help people enhance their wisdom by revealing how their body, mind, and soul work together, as well for us to help expand our own wisdom by writing about it.

I wanted to thank all of the readers who have either emailed us or commented, because it is you who have helped steer us in the right direction.

It is a wonderful feeling when you hear that something you created actually helps other people.  As we have continuously grown in the past 7 months, it seems that YinVsYang has started to take on a life of its own. I definitely had an idea of what this site was about when we started, but as time has progressed it is clear what Yin vs Yang has become.

A Yin vs Yang moment is anytime you use your mind to overcome any fears, limitations, nervousness, or emotions to reach your goal.

It is anytime you are able to step back from a personally difficult moment, as if you were someone else, and capitalize on what you see from the outside looking in. It is about leaving behind all judgments, expectations, and preconceptions in order to see only what actually is.

The common thread between these two stories, and the numerous emails we have received, is that a Yin vs Yang moment is when you realize it is only you who is setting the limitations.

That is a Yin vs Yang moment, and I wanted to thank my readers, friends, and family for identifying it for me. As a writer about self development and improvement, it can be tough to cling to a single message about how you can improve. There are so many schools of thought on improving yourself, and no clear way to prove which is best. Plus, as a person constantly trying to improve myself, I understand it is a journey that never ends. Therefore, different concepts work for different people at different times. In fact, what is most clear is that there is not one single way that works for everyone.

However, everyone has experienced the kind of moments where it is solely up to you and you alone. You either give it your best, or let the fear of failure defeat you before you even try.

For example, my aunt on the treadmill was approaching the limits that she had naturally set for herself. No one had tested her to see exactly how much she could go before she had to stop. Without knowing it, she had set that limit herself. When she had that Yin vs Yang moment, she naturally destroyed that personal limitation. Plus, like anything else, it is contagious. Think of the confidence boost you get whenever you have exceeded your own expectations. It is amazing how good it feels and it makes you want to destroy even more limitations.

Opening up your mind to the limitations it can set on itself is the most important concept to get out of this site.

The first step to destroying these limitations is to become aware of them. The next time you face a personally challenging moment, think of Yin vs Yang. Take a deep breath and think of the many examples our readers have given us about how they started to overcome their own personal limitations simply by recognizing them. Hopefully this will help give you the motivation to understand that you can do just the same. Anyone can achieve anything if they just put their mind to it. Even you or me

Have you ever had a Yin vs Yang moment before?