Yin vs YangThe Battle for Success in Life

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Life can be very confusing with all the stimulus our mind has to deal with each day. We have bills to pay, family to make happy, work to do, bosses/clients to satisfy, dreams of a better life, and reality standing in our way.

All of this stimulus can really throw a wrench in our ability to prioritize what is really important, and what appears important on a daily basis. There is so much going on that we don’t know what we should focus on. Instead, we try to focus on it all.

I experienced the same type of situation while gaining rank in Jiu Jitsu. When I was a white belt, there was so much going on that I tried to pay attention to, my mind was unable to keep up with more experienced and athletic opponents. Everything my opponent did seemed like a battle for life or death.

Over time, as I got more comfortable, I learned to relax my mind and only pay attention to what is important. You see, all of the stuff I was paying attention to seemed important when I was a white belt. That is why every time my opponent moved, I reacted, or more likely, over reacted. This is because I did not understand what was, and was not important. Since I was not sure, I had to fight every battle as if it was my last.

Now that I am a purple belt (before brown) and carry five years of real experience, I do not react to my opponent’s every move. Each situation I get into, I am able to focus on what is important and disregard what used to appear important. So if my opponent is threatening a move, I know whether or not to take it seriously because I understand my priorities in each position I have experience in. In simple terms, I carefully pick my battles.

Life is much the same, though we don’t gain rank with colored belts. Instead, we gain rank in happiness. Much like any martial art, achieving happiness takes hard work. It is not easy to be happy. In order to truly be at peace with ourselves, we need to understand what we want in life.

On this Earth, no matter who we are, there is one thing we all have in common. That is time. Time is all any of us really have. If every government in the world toppled, and money no longer existed, time would still march on. There is no stopping it. The only thing you can do is roll with it. You can not save time. You have to spend it. So the question is, what do you invest your daily time in?

Valuing your time is a great way to prioritize your focus and motivate yourself. Remember, there is no choice on whether you spend your time or not. You are spending it regardless. Might as well get the most value out of it, no? If you look at the world from the view point of your time’s value, it becomes much easier to deal with the daily negativity and dilemmas we all face.

Here are some examples from my life:

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Someone says something bad about me.

In the past, I might try to confront them. To be honest, I probably wouldn’t be able to sleep until I did confront them. But now, I think of it in terms of my time’s value. Is it worth my time to deal with something somebody said? Or is it better to just move on and focus on my dreams?

I need to pay my bills, but I also have to grow my business.

My bills tell me I should get a job to pay them now. However, time tells me I need to invest as much of it as possible in my business to be successful. This helps me realize that, for me, growing my business takes priority over paying my monthly bills because it is my dream to earn a living doing what I love. It may suck for a little while, but in the end, I will be enjoying the time I spend working, and easily paying my bills.

Which job should I take?

Many of us look at one thing when it comes to work: the salary. We judge each job opportunity by the size of the salary and benefits package. However, when you take time into consideration, the salary does not seem so important. If I am going to spend the MAJORITY of my time doing something, I better be happy while I am doing it, or getting something equal to it’s investment.

If I am going to be miserable, even if the pay is good, it is not worth the time. On the same note, if I am going to spend my time to pay my bills each month, only to leave the job years later and have to immediately find another to pay my bills because I was unable to save, what is the point? I’d rather invest my time to help me climb up the financial ladder, then to just spend all my time moving laterally.

I can’t do that.

No matter what it is, this right here is the biggest bunch of baloney in the entire English language. This phrase should be banned for its lunacy. If all we have is time, then we certainly can do anything we put our mind to. We may not want to do something, or we may be afraid to do something, but saying we can’t do anything is just ludicrous. If we invest the time, anything is possible.

I really want to reach this goal, but I don’t have the time.

Well, if you’ve read this far you certainly understand that you do have the time. In fact, that is all we have. Now, your time may be tied up with other things, but the question is, what is more important to you: Spending your time doing other things that appear important, or taking the initiative to spend your time do what you always dreamed?

I’ll tell you this: No one ever accidentally lived a dream life.

How much do you value your time?

Are you spending the majority of your time doing what you love? Does getting up in the morning feel good, or is it the first of a long series of dreaded events in your day?

Remember, time is all we really have. We get to decide how we spend it and just like money, it is an investment. What are you investing your time in? Is the end result really worth it, or are you just delaying the inevitable?

Only time will tell.

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Everyone in life has their position. Whether at work, in your own business, in sports, at the dinner table, financially, or even in your personal relationships, their is an element of positioning. When trying to climb the ladder of success, we are inherently trying to improve our position in life, be it at work, or in our bank account.

Accountability

The first step to fighting for a better position in life is similar to a lot of first steps: Accountability. We must understand that what ever position we are in, it is because we settled for that spot. It is not because of any other reason. We decided at some point that this particular position was good enough. It might not have been a conscience decision. You may not have even thought of it that way, but the truth is, at some point, you accepted the position you are in.

That is okay. We all settle into a position at some point, at least until it gets uncomfortable again. Then we squirm around to try and find a new position. Some of us are eager to move up. Some of us will come tumbling down, and many of us will find it easier to move laterally. Moving laterally means we switch positions, but instead of moving up or down the ladder of success, we just move a little to the right, or to the left. So, yes our position has changed, but not the level we are on. It is almost like sitting in an uncomfortable chair, and then shifting your weight. It may feel good for a minute or two, but the bottom line is, no matter how much you try to make it, the chair will never be comfortable for long.

Settling for Less

Every position you are in you have settled for. Now that we understand that, we can see that if we are unhappy with our position, then we are really just unhappy that we settled for it. The position is not the problem. That is just a space that we fill. However, if you find that space uncomfortable, or unsatisfying, then only you can make the choice to improve it. To do this, you must make a deal with yourself that you will not settle for less than what you want.

When I graduated film school, I had to do something to make money quick. My family sold their 7 year old summer camp business, and now I was on my own to earn a living again. I was engaged to be married, had no job, lived at my parent’s house, and didn’t have a clue how to make money with the skills I had with a camera.

I started out trying to write screenplays, but they just were not good enough to garner any attention. So, instead of chugging along and finding my way, I jumped at the first opportunity I had to earn a living: mortgages. A friend of mine from Jiu Jitsu owned a huge company and I was eager to make some money and get some bills to pay. At the time, it seemed like the decision to take this job was what was best my wife to be, my parents, and myself.

This is the perfect example of settling for less. I didn’t want to just pay my bills. My goal was to pay my bills doing what I was passionate about. However, as soon as it got a little difficult, I switched paths to the easier road, and convinced myself paying my bills in anyway is what was best for everyone. So yes, for a little while I got to pay my bills, but in the end, when the economy got in trouble, I was left right where I started, with more debt, higher bills, and still with the problem of trying to earn a living using a camera.

Due to this, one rule of thumb I now live by is that if I am debating a decision, and the best argument I can come up with to do something is that it is what’s best for everyone ELSE, then I will no longer do it. I have learned that it is not selfish to do what’s best for you, cause in the end, what’s best for you is really what’s best for everyone else around you.

Learning First Hand on the Mat

As with most of life, I have found the perfect analogy for this in Jiu Jitsu. Just like chess, Jiu Jitsu is a big position battle. You are constantly fighting to get a better position then your opponent. In fact, many people who watch the UFC will complain when it goes to the ground because they feel the fight is boring. If you actually trained, you would enjoy all the battling for position that goes on when it looks like these fighters are just rolling around on the ground, because you would understand the importance.

Position is extremely important in Jiu Jitsu, just like in life. And, just like life again, if you wind up in a bad position on the mat, there is no one to blame accept you. You either made an error, or gave up fighting, and now your opponent has secured a dominant position.

When you are rolling (the term for sparring) in Jiu jitsu, many times you will find yourself tired as another one of these position battles happens. For example, you are exhausted, and your opponent is holding you down in side control like the following pic…

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From here, as you are trying to catch your breath to escape, your opponent begins sliding their right knee across your stomach to try and gain the following mount position.

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Once an opponent has the mount position, it can be very tough to survive much longer. They are in a dominant position that makes it extremely tough for you to get out without exhausting much of your energy. Many times this is the beginning of the end in a match.

So let’s review the steps one more time. An opponent who had side control while you are catching your wind, begins to slide their knee across to try and get the dominant mount position. You have two choices here.

1. You can rest up, let the opponent get the mount, and then try to fight from there.
2. You can suck it up and fight like hell to make sure the opponent never gets the knee across and secures the mount because you know the fight from there is a hell of a lot tougher then the one you face now, no matter how tired you are.

Many times as a white belt, I chose choice #1, letting my opponent advance while I recovered. This always turned out to be a mistake no matter how tired I was. By resting, I was delaying fighting a necessary battle to reach my goal of winning. Inevitably I would have to fight anyway, but now from a much worse position. Each time I thought the rest was more important when the battle started. Each time, I was wrong.

In life, it is much the same. Many times we decide not to fight for a certain position because we are tired, or we convince ourselves it is not worth it. We fail to fight for better pay, or a better deal, or a better whatever. We settle for what we don’t have to fight for and just like on the mat, we usually find ourselves still fighting that battle, but from a much worse position later on.

The Key

The best way to secure a better position in life is to always be prepared to fight for it. Identify the position you are in, and where you are trying to go. Then, even when you are tired, worn out, or it is the last thing you want, if it is relevant to your success, you must fight for it. Otherwise, you risk losing ground to many others who will be trying to pass you on their way up the ladder. Once they get ahead, it is at least twice as hard to catch up.

In Life, unlike Jiu Jitsu, instead of battling one opponent, we face a myriad of opposition every day. So these fights can come from every direction. Sometimes they don’t even appear to be a fight. However, the bottom line is, if you want a better position in life, it is not going to come easy. You have to be prepared to pay the price for the position you want, and fight like hell to maintain and improve it. The better the position, the harder the fight. It’s all relative.

So the next time you feel that something is no big deal, or you’ll just handle it later, think of your positioning. Many times, you will realize, better to fight now, rather then let it go, and have to work twice as hard later on.

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

First off, I hope every Mother had a great weekend. Seems like one day a year is kind of a small price to pay for the amount of support and love a mother can give all year long. Hope the weekend met every mother’s expectations.

Speaking of weekends, I read a great article on Sunday in ESPN the Magazine (May 18th, 2009) titled ‘Mixed Messenger’ by Michael Woods. For all you fight fans, it is a story about the life of Dana White, the head honcho of the UFC. The story takes place at some different times in the life of Dana leading up to the Anderson Silva vs. James Irvin fight. What struck me about the article is the quote they used at the end to sum up the story:

“The picture of Dana White? A little clearer. He’s savvy, but savage, creative but crude, organized but unpredictable – also the recipe for success in the cage.”

Basically, Woods describes him as a ‘walking contradiction’, but in a good way. Like the yin and the yang, Dana has two sides to him, both of which play a pivotal role in who he has become. It was in reading this quote that I felt a lot better about myself. I, too, can be a walking contradiction, as we all can.

What this quote, and story, showed me, was that it’s okay to be both sides of the coin. There are times that call for you to be a nice, caring person. However, if you want to survive in the shady world we live in, then you have to be able to flip the switch, and be ruthless against whatever obstacles stand in your way. In another words, being just one way is sometimes not enough. A fighter can not come in the cage and beat every opponent with the same strategy, and neither can we expect to overcome every obstacle with the same approach in real life.

To be successful in the cage, you have to be prepared, be adaptable, and ready for the unthinkable. Sounds a lot like life, huh? Well, it is. In the cage, all the chit chatter, the reputations, and the thoughts of other people mean absolutely nothing when those cage doors close. Same with life. If you think about it, all the chit chatter, reputations, and things people say about you mean are not the reason whether we succeed or not.

The recipe for success in the cage, and in life, is to be yourself. Dana White gets a lot of flak about his public cursing, his savage response to his critics, and his image as a ruthless CEO. So what? You think he, or his bosses the Fertita brothers, really care? Of course not. They know that Dana being Dana is the reason they are where they are today. They know Dana routinely gives money to people in need, and is a nice caring person. However, they know he is not someone the competition wants to cross either. We should all take note of this when we try to conform to what other people think around us.

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This is not to say it is okay to walk around and be an asshole. However, I am saying that sometimes in life, the best way to get what you want is to be an asshole. Early Sunday morning, while thinking about this, I caught the movie about Madonna’s rise to fame called Madonna: Innocence Lost.

One noticeable thing in the movie was how many of the friends she made that she left behind. It almost seem like she was a ruthless bitch going after her dreams, not caring who she hurt in her way. However, there is one line in the movie that really lets you understand what she is about. Madonna is about to make it big, and is very frustrated with her managers inability to get her a record deal. When she finds someone who can get her that deal, she jumps at the chance. Needless to say, the manager, who has risked everything on Madonna, is devastated. She gets very upset and threatens to throw Madonna out on the street. Madonna responds (at least in the movie):

“Don’t be mad at me because I am moving on and you can’t come with me.”

She goes on to explain how everyone gets mad at her because as she moves on, her friends can’t come with her. That is not her fault, that’s just the way it is. That really made a lot of sense. Life is not predictable, fair, or easy for any of us. Chances and opportunities are far and few between. So when one comes along that can make our dreams come true, we must not miss out because of what other’s may think. If the others are true friends, they will understand. I’m sure Madonna is not regretting getting that record deal and releasing ‘Like a Virgin’.

Dana White, Madonna, and a host of other successful people all have similar stories. They are all caring, creative, ambitious human beings who won’t take no for an answer, or let anyone get in the way of their goals. They can be caring, as well as ruthless in their ambition, depending on what the world calls for. I think we could all learn a little from them as we chase our own dreams in life.

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Every Saturday I teach people how to choke other people.

Well, not every Saturday. Many classes have no chokes in them. Instead we work other Jiu Jitsu moves such as positioning, leg locks, arm bars, triangles, escapes, etc. However, many days, my job as an instructor is to teach people the best way to choke their opponents.

This is not just a physical thing. Sure there are sequential steps to properly apply a choke, but mostly, the art of choking someone is a mental battle. There is a certain philosophy to achieve success. It takes focus, faith in yourself, and most of all, patience.

I have actually found that the philosophy behind choking someone properly, and achieving success at something, are one and the same. In fact, the process is quite relative. The steps to securing a successful choke on someone are almost identical to the steps to succeeding at whatever you choose.

Let’s take a look, using the philosophy of applying the Rear Naked Choke, pictured below, as an example.

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Step 1: Set it Up right from the Start

Obvious, but very true. The set up is everything. If you have a bad setup, you will never succeed, be it a choke, or a business venture. You can not build anything solid on a shaky foundation. You have to put yourself in the proper position from the start to apply the choke successfully, or don’t bother wasting your energy. With the choke, everyone knows the hand has to be around the neck, but did you see in the picture how the feet (called hooks) are wrapped around his waist. This is also an important part of the set up that many beginners over look. Without the hooks, the person can roll out of the choke. Without putting yourself in the proper position, you will severely limit any chance for future success.

Step 2: Go for it.

The Choke is not going to come to you. It is one thing to finish a choke on someone while learning, and a whole other process to learn how to apply it in a real life situation when people are going live. No one is going to roll over and say, okay, I’m ready, choke me (at least I hope not). You have to commit yourself to going for it.

Step 3: Try, Try, and Try again.

Success in anthing takes trial and error. Sometimes their resistance is so strong, that you really have to slowly dig your hand under their chin just to slip it in there. It can be a tough road when people are competing against you to succeed. They never make it easy. However, once you succeed a few times, you’ll gain the confidence of a natural. The important thing is to be patient, and learn from your mistakes. Trust in the fact that eventually, over time, you will figure it out. Just continue to faithfully battle your hands around the neck of success until you see an opportunity to capitalize on it.

Step 4: Finish the move

You can’t believe it. You actually put yourself in the perfect position, and now the time is here to reach your goal and finish the choke. Take a deep breath, and relax. I know it has been a long road, but you don’t want to have to start all over again from the beginning. Stay focused.

Once you get a good grip with one hand on the neck, the next step is slipping in your other hand in to tighten the choke. This is where most people mess up. Setting up the choke, and getting the grip are the first two steps. They take patience, and so does this step. Remember, the closer you get to your goal, the harder the resistance is going to be.

However, you will remain calm, because you know you set up a solid foundation, properly applying the previous steps. Therefore, you will ignore the chaos around you as the other person fights vigorously to escape, simply focusing all your energy on finishing what you started. It is always the calm, steady approach, like a snake choking it’s lunch, that wins the war. Being over aggressive, or over anxious, will make your life 100x more difficult every time.

All in all, hopefully you will try to use these metaphorical tips achieve success in whatever your heart desires, and not just to try choking the people you know.

Well, at least not the good people.

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Every Monday is personal development through Jiu Jitsu…

Becoming focused on our goals is the best way to achieve them. We can learn about how to improve that focus from MMA fighters.

For a Mixed Martial Arts Fighter to be great, they must have incredible focus. Not just during the fight, but also in the months leading up to it. Focus is what a fighter gets better at as they gain more experience. The things that were once distractions, like the crowd, making weight, etc., seem to dissipate into thin air as they evolve into a better, more experienced fighter.

This is very noticeable by looking at the careers of some of the Ultimate Fighter Reality Show veterans such as Forrest Griffin, Diego Sanchez, Joe Stevenson, Keith Jardine, Kenny Florian, and others. Since that show went on the air, there have been many fighters that have got their jump to fame from starring in it. However, the ones that last are the ones that evolve, like Kenny Florian. If you look at his fights on the first season, compared to now, you can see the elevation of his focus. He gets better each time, as his focus improves with every fight.

Improving Your Focus

Improving your focus does not mean you try harder, nor does it mean before those fights, you were unfocused. It just means you were not focused on what you needed to be in order to be your best. Being focused is about learning to focus on what is important to focus on, if that made any sense.

It’s about experience, and learning from it. As a fighter, you can not focus your energy on the possibility of losing, or on what the crowd might think, or even on winning. You have to focus on the task at hand. That means you have to put yourself in the best possible state of mind to be able to handle any and all adversity that is thrown your way. Being focused is ultimately about being as prepared as you can be for whatever obstacles come your way.

Using a Fighter’s Focus in Real Life

In life, as always, the process is much the same. We may be focused on getting rich, paying our bills, becoming famous, or getting the best job. However, in truth, what we need to focus on is putting ourselves in the best possible frame of mind to achieve our goals. We need to focus on ourselves as a person, and what it takes to improve that person on a daily basis.

Don’t worry about the distractions, the naysayers, or even those that support you. All of it means nothing in the end. Sure it is nice to get some support, and we all hate the haters of the world, but neither of these polar opposites is going to get you where you are going. In truth, the world is a lonely place when it comes to success. Either you make it yourself, or you don’t, no matter the level of hate, or the level of support.

Think of it like a fighter. His corner is supporting him. The crowd may love or hate him. The other corner is completely against him. Yet, none of this really matters once the cage doors shut. It is at that moment, that we truly find out about the fighter’s focus.

The same goes for you trying to accomplish something. Every one has an opinion, comment, and/or advice for you when you are chasing a goal. Some of it helps, and some of it does not. However, it has nothing to do with your focus. If you are focused on your goal, like a fighter is focused on winning in the cage, then you will accomplish more than your fair share of success. It is just a matter of time.

So for you all, I have come up with….

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5 Ways to Sharpen Your Focus to the Level of a Cage Fighter and Reach Your Goals:

1. Identify the end goal. If this was a cage fight, your end goal is to do the best you can in the ring. The bonus is winning. The goal is to put yourself in a position to win.

2. Identify what YOU can do to help reach this goal. Only concentrate on what is in your control. If it is out of your control, then disregard it.

3. Set up a plan to attack this goal, and help you breakdown key milestones to reach. An example would be a fighter who wants to cut to a certain weight a week before the fight. The plan would be the diet. The milestone would be the weight.

4. Each day, ask yourself, what have you done to further yourself toward your goal. Every day, there should be an answer. Every day!

5. If reaching this goal is dependent on a big moment, similar to a fight, make sure you are focused on how to handle that moment. The way you accomplish that is by being as prepared as you can possibly be, while at the same time, being prepared for anything unexpected. This is done through relentless preparation, till you reach a point of such confidence, that no matter what, you can’t imagine not reaching your goal.

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Every Monday is personal development through Jiu Jitsu…

“Sometimes your the hammer, sometimes your the nail.”

This is a saying everyone at my Jiu Jitsu school knows. My instructor is a big fan of repeating it because it sums up exactly what Jiu Jitsu is all about. In Jiu Jitsu, MMA, and in life, in order to truly master something, you must understand all aspects of it. You can not possibly master Jiu jitsu without understanding what it’s like to be both the hammer and the nail.

Being the hammer means you are putting a beat down on the nail. Being the nail is the opposite, meaning someone is putting the beat down on you. Everyone who comes into Jiu Jitsu wants to, and sometimes expects to, be the hammer. You’ve seen people train on the UFC, and you’ve watched some of the moves on YouTube, so you think you are pretty well prepared. Maybe you even have a wrestling background, or are an animal at the local gym. Regardless, you walk into that first class with the expectations of a champion.

Learning off Experience

This is where it can all go wrong for a first timer. No matter what your background is, and no matter how tough or in shape you are, there is nothing that can fully prepare you for Jiu Jitsu. It is similar to other types of ground fighting, and yes, you need to be in good shape, but neither of these are the obstacles that will stop you from becoming the hammer. The true obstacle is experience.

Experience is what makes us who we are. In order to become the hammer, you must first be the nail. There is no escaping it. Even if you come in and do well against other white belts, you are not going to hang with the other practitioners who have been sweating on the mat 4x a week for the last few years. Simply put, experience trumps all else.

The same goes for life. As humans, we have a habit of pumping ourselves up with these enormous expectations. We dream of being the hammer in everything we do. Yet, when we become the nail, a myriad of excuses flood our mind. It can’t be. There must be something wrong. How could someone like me not do well?

It is because of the lack of experience. If you are inexperienced at something, why would you think you can do well against other, more experienced individuals? We have a word for people like that. They are called prodigies. Prodigies, as we all know, are extremely rare. So unless you think you are a prodigy at something, maybe you should try and lower your expectations. Believe it or not, it actually will help you get to where you want to be.

The Roadblock of Expectations

The problem with the high expectations is that it actually stunts your growth. I have seen a ton of strong, muscular athletes come into Jiu Jitsu. They start out way above other white belts because they are able to muscle out of submissions, and muscle other inexperienced people into tapping. However, they also take the longest to develop. The reason is, because they can rely on their muscle, they tend to do so instead of learning the proper technique. So they tend to consistently play the hammer with white belts and get beat down like a nail by everyone else with more experience.

On the flip side, the person who comes into train Jiu Jitsu with no expectations is always the most dangerous. They simply approach it like anything else, and jump right in. If they lose, they get up and try again. If they win, they get up and try again. Neither matters, because during every match they are soaking up as much knowledge as they can. They are not worried about being a winner or a loser. They are only worried about improving.

If you can approach every challenge in life this way, you will find the road to success a much smoother path. I think a lot of the obstacles we face in life are of our own doing. Many times, myself included, we put pressure on ourselves to be who we think we should be, without taking into consideration who we really are.

A perfect example of this is my film career. In film school, I was so concerned with being the next film prodigy, that I almost gave it all up when it seemed impossible. However, now I realize I should have just been doing what I am doing now: working each day to improve at it as much as I can. Because, as the saying goes…

“Sometimes your the hammer, sometimes your the nail.”

Regardless, you are always learning, so learn to enjoy both sides of the coin.

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Every Monday is personal development through Jiu Jitsu…

Yesterday I went to train Jiu Jitsu at my school. Thank goodness, because in NJ today, there is about 6-7 inches of snow, which means no training tonight. I’m glad I got it in yesterday, as these days, I could use every session I can get to improve. The Sunday open mats at my school are always helpful, as you never know who is going to be there.

Yesterday I was rolling with my good friend, who I got my blue belt with. We are both purple belts now, and have been training for awhile together. He fights, and I have cornered him for all three contests. We rolled for a while, neither quite doing anything spectacular, and no one tapping the other. Then, we kind of came to a strange conclusion: Lately our games have been growing stale.

The False Comfort of Success

What I mean by this is we have reached a comfort level on the mat because of our success. We are good enough to survive without a full effort, but due to this, our progress of late has been minimal. We are at the top of the food chain in our school, and some times that’s a bad thing because it means no one is pushing us. It means, to continue to grow, we have to keep pushing ourselves.

You see, to be a winner in Jiu Jitsu, you have to keep that hungry mindset. You have to train on the mat till no one else is there. You have go into a match attacking. You have to be relentless in your pursuit of your opponent. You have to have the mentality of a true winner. This means, your focus is on winning. It is not on losing, or conserving your energy, or fooling around with showcase moves. No, it is focused on being the best you can be at all times, each and every match, consistently.

Since we had grown comfortable in our school, it is easy for us to get slightly lazy. We may leave before everyone else is done rolling. We may take it easy when rolling with others of lesser skill. This sounds fine, till you realize, that while you are getting comfortable, others are gunning for your spot. Continuing to stay comfortable, means you are not progressing.

Life is One Big Jiu Jitsu School

The same goes in life. Sometimes we reach a level in business or our personal life, where we get comfortable. In another words, we settle. We have worked hard as hell to get here, so we figure it’s time to enjoy the fruits of our labor. That is okay from time to time, but if that becomes your everyday mentality, then you will not be comfortable for long.

Lately, these other hungry guys in our gym have been getting better and better. They have been training like we used to. They are hungry for the position we are in.We may be able to fend them off today, but if we lose the mentality that it took us to get where we are, our time feeling comfortable is sure to run out.

It seems, many times in life, we strive to get to a position where we are comfortable, when in reality, it is the uncomfortable positions that take us where we want to be.

Yesterday, my friend & I realized, it’s time to bring back the hunger. Forget all this training light, going easy, or seniority crap. It’s time to rip through people again. It’s time to remember the mentality it took us to get where we are. After all, practice makes permanent.

So for all those out there basking in their success who do not have the luxury of seeing their competitor’s progress, this is a reminder to remember the mindset it took you to get where you are. See what you can do to maintain that mentality as you push forward further than you ever imagined.

Because, itf you enjoy that comfortable feeling for too long, you may wind up like I will: getting choked out, at least, figuratively.

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Every Friday is Video Day. If the video will not play, click here…

For Video Friday, I wanted to put up something for all the Yin Yang fans that love Jiu Jitsu. I was lucky to get Brian Katz, the Instructor/Owner of Advanced Martial Arts, and current Royler Gracie Brown Belt to agree to do the video. I am working on getting Brian to do this on a regular basis, but we will see.

Brian is going to take you through all the steps to properly apply the Peruvian Neck Tie, and the transition to the Head & Arm Guillotine. It is very detailed and great instruction (I even learned some details myself). So for all you BJJ & MMA practitioners, here is a little treat from Yin Vs Yang.

Enjoy!!!

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Every Monday is personal development through Jiu Jitsu…

This past Friday, I spent the day in Atlantic City. After a crazy 2 hour ride through the Pine Barrens (literally through them) we finally made it. I was there to corner my friend who I train with, Ricardo Romero. He was fighting for a title shot at Louis Neglia’s Ring of Combat, a professional Mixed Martial Arts Organization, like a smaller UFC.

In fact, I saw UFC fighters Gabriel Gonzaga, Dan Miller, Nick Serra, Pete Sell, Dante Rivera, and a host of others as I always do. Each time we go down, I learn more and more about the sport just from watching the way these professionals handle themself. I am lucky enough to train with someone of Ricardo’s caliber, and it has been a great ride since he walked into our gym.

This weekend though, I saw my friend evolve. In my opinion, he went from being a talented fighter, to being great. It made me think for a minute. What does it mean to be great? After watching Ricardo’s second round Rear Naked choke of his opponent, I knew exactly what it meant. But first, let’s look at the journey to get there.

The Road to Greatness

Ricardo has been wrestling since high school. He was a star D1 wrestler at Rutgers University, and like most athletes, he kept training after his career ended. That led him to our gym, and he picked up BJJ, Muay Thai, and MMA, as quick as anyone I have ever seen. Of course, the fact he is a 220 pound athletic specimen with a long history of ground fighting also helps slightly.

However,in my opinion, even with all this talent, it took almost 2 years of fighting for Ric to become great. He is 6-0 now, with 1 DQ.  The DQ was because as he knocked his opponent out, he through a kick that hit his neck when he fell. He immediately grabbed his head like ‘why did I do that‘ before the ref even realized, but it was too late. The punch had knocked the fighter out, and he could not continue. Because of the kick to the neck, Ric was Disqualified. Therefore, he had to lose the title, and now he was fighting for his chance to reclaim it.

Learning and Evolving

I can not be sure, but I think that DQ really changed Ric’s attitude. He came into that fight too laid back, had a chance to finish it early but let it go. Then one punch to his face, and he got beat up for the next two rounds before he suddenly woke up out of his funk. It was then he threw a vicious overhand right that knocked out his opponent. However, he should have never even been in that position. He was better than that.

When you fight, it is a tough balance. You have to be calm, cool, and collected while your heart, mind, and body are going a million miles/hour. If you are too calm, you will not be aggressive enough. If you are too aggressive, you will lose all your wind too quickly, and be easy to gameplan against. You have to be somewhere in the middle. The great fighters all come out like its a day at the park. There is not too much emotion. Just a look of pure focus.

Becoming Great

Becoming great is something we all dream about. No matter if you are a fighter, a writer, or a teacher, we all want to be great at what we do. Ric has always been great. Everyone knew he could be this good. When he turns it on, there are not many who can hang with his pace. However, until this past weekend, I don’t think Ric knew it.

Sure, he knows how good he can be, and he is a relentless worker, but when you fight, the real battle is inside your head. Getting in the cage is easy. Getting to the cage in the proper frame of mind, and in the right condition, is the real battle. You have to train everyday, eat right, cut weight, travel, and then when it is time, you have to be able to bring your A game. It takes some time to get used to the whole thing, both physically and mentally.

This past weekend, Ric knew everything he wanted to do down to the minute. As we were watching the earlier fights, I kept asking him, are we going to warm up now? ‘No.’ My Instructor Brian Katz, who owns Advanced Martial Arts, kept telling him, we have to go warm up. ‘Nope, not yet’ he said. About the 9th fight, I want to go down. We didn’t agree, but okay. Whatever you say.

After the 9th fight, we went down, got his hands wrapped and signed, and began warming up. Ric was as calm and focused as I have ever seen him. He hit the pads nice and easy, warming up his body, and getting loose. Then, finally right before we were about to go to the on-deck area, he began really banging.

At the on-deck area, he continued warming up nice and easy. I got him his energy drink, which he knew exactly when he wanted to drink it. He had a plan, and no one could convince him other wise. From my perspective, another way of putting it was he was in the zone.

Accomplishing Great Things

Then came fight time. We were fighting a fighter we had become friendly with over the course of Ric’s career. He is a smart fighter, not nearly as talented as Ric, but definitely dangerous. If Ric has a weak spot, it would be his stand up. Not because he is bad at it, but just because he is so good on the ground it does not compare.

His opponent’s plan was to stand with him. As soon as the fight began though, it was all Ric’s world. He moved with the perfect blend of agression and calmness. No matter what his opponent tried to do, it was unsuccessful. Ric owned the cage. He didn’t just beat up his man. He completely shut him down. Every fighter gets beat up now and again. It comes with the territory, so it is not really a big deal. But when someone is just better than you technically in every aspect of a fight, it can be really frustrating. You feel helpless. How do you attack someone who seems invincible?

After the opponent tapped out right in front of us, we all jumped up for joy. I pumped my fist, cause I was in amazement. If Ric was a painter, this fight would be his masterpiece. He had really evolved.

That’s when it dawned on me. Ric had become a great fighter. Not cause he won. Not cause he did so well. Not even cause he finally put it all together. No, Ric became great way before this fight. It just took this fight for us to see it. Ric became great for one reason…

He believed it himself.

Believing In Your Self

What does it mean to be great? It means to believe you are, without any hint of doubt at all. There is no easy way to do this. It is something you have to work very hard to achieve. No other sport is this more apparent then Mixed Martial Arts, where it is you, your opponent, the cage, and the unexpected. 

How could I tell Ric believed he was great? This was the first time that Ric told us what to do. Throughout the night, he made comments about things he knew better now. For instance, he knew when he wanted to warm up & when he wanted to drink his energy drink. He mentioned that he wanted to try and come out more aggressive this fight. He talked about the changes he made this time around and that is proof of his evolution.

Why would a fighter want to come out more aggressive? They do because they believe more in them self. The fear of losing is a battle in itself for a fighter. No one wants to lose. However, if you fight not to lose, chances are, you will. That is the balance, or the yin and the yang, if you will. When Ric mentioned he planned to be more aggressive, I knew he was ready. He knew he was going to win. I could tell he was visualizing not only winning, but destroying his opponent.

The Key to Achieving Great Things

No matter what you do, becoming great at it is always the goal. The question is, do you become great after you do great things, or before? I believe it is before. To become great, you have to push yourself to evolve. It all starts with your mindset. Answer these questions in your head before reading on…

1. What do you want to be great at?
2. Do you really believe you can be great?
3. How do you define being great?
4. Does it matter if others recognize your greatness?

#1 is your preference. I’m sure everyone said ‘yes’ to #2. Number 3 has no right answer. Whatever you define it as is what it is. Just make sure you have some idea of a definition of greatness. As for #4, I think the answer should be no. Some may believe it is motivating to get recognition, but I believe it is distracting. Being great at something means your entire focus is on it. If you are worried about the crowd, or what your friends may say, then how can you focus on your goal?

Sometimes it takes witnessing other’s greatness to push you towards your own. Ric’s performance was inspirational. It showed proof in the fact that if you work very hard, and believe in yourself, you can become anything you want in life.

In the comments, tell me….how do you define being great?

I’ll go first…

To me, Greatness is defined by your focus. Once you become great, you have to maintain that focus each and every time in order to stay great. In order for me to be great, I must be focused on my goal and in my belief in myself. If those are equally balanced, then I can achieve anything I imagine.

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

As many of you know, I train and teach Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ) for a Royler Gracie affiliate. All of the lessons I have learned in BJJ mirror my real life. Jiu Jitsu is like a small sample of life’s lessons right on the mat. It is why I always learn a little something about myself almost every class I attend.

At each BJJ class, after warm-ups, a certain move, or series of moves are taught to the class by the Instructor. We call these ‘The Move of the Day.’ The Instructor will breakdown the move(s), showing us the nuances of the technique, and then the students will work with a partner at perfecting it.

Next, the partners will take turns giving some resistance to simulate the move(s) during a match experience. This helps each student see some holes in their technique that they might not have noticed without the simulated resistance.

Finally, after all of that, the students roll (a term for sparring in BJJ) with one another. In my school, it has been common practice to speak up if you are able to pull off ‘the move of the day‘ during one of these live matches. It’s kind of like a bravado thing I guess. It doesn’t really seem to mean anything, accept that you have listened well for the day. However, over time, I have found that it means much more than that.

In Jiu Jitsu, Failure Breeds Success

“Nothing fails like success because we don’t learn from it. We learn only from failure.” –Kenneth Boulding

Being that I get to teach, and watch the progression of white belts, it has become quite clear that the students that rise to the top are the students willing to fail first in order to get better.

These students are willing to risk losing those daily matches in order to try the move of the day. Pride is not an issue because they know they need to gain experience. Other students tend to be too focused on trying to ‘win’ the match, rather than trying to improve. Therefore, they stick to what they know, and they try to win with that. This may work well for the day, but over time, these students will see little progression, if any.

It is pretty clear from my experience that the students who continue to try new things in order to get better initially will fail. They may fail over & over for months. However, they never seem to care. They know they are trying to get better over the long haul, and all of these little battles will mean nothing in the end. It is after all of this failure that I have seen these students all of a sudden ‘get it’. They rise to the top because they have all the experience. They have failed so many times, that they know exactly what it takes to succeed.

The Same is True for life.

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.” –Confucius

Many of us have goals, dreams, ambitions, and/or wishes for our lives. We grow up talking about them, yet when it comes down to taking the risks, many of us give up rather quickly. We would rather not try, than fail. If we do try, and we fail, we immediately make excuses and give up. I know I have done this countless times over my life.

Just like the BJJ students, without risking the failure, we are not going to get better. Sometimes, even though we know we will fail, we have to do it anyway because the only way to success is through these failures. If you do not try, then you can not fail, but you also can not progress. You will stay stagnant. Some people find comfort in that, but successful people do not. Successful people keep moving, cause either they win, they learn, or both.

I often wonder nowadays why as a society we do not cherish our failures? Why do we not celebrate a person when they fail at something they took a chance on? Why is failing looked at as such a bad thing if it is the only sure thing that leads to success?

The fastest way to success at something is to continually jump in the fire over and over again.

“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; un-rewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan ‘press on’ has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”
–Calvin Coolidge

For instance, in BJJ, I can tell you exactly how to do an arm bar, step by step. However, when you try to apply it with real life resistance, there is no way you will get it on your 1st, 2nd or even 10th time. It takes persistent practice in live situations to be able to perfect the technique.

Well, the same goes for our ideas in life. If you fail at an idea, do not quit. Do not stop because you have failed once. As a matter of fact, you should realize that by failing once, you are actually one step closer to your goal. To start on another goal would be to waste the time & effort on the first.

Do not let the fear of failure control your life. If you think it does, then I suggest you take some time to try things you think are impossible. Jump into something that makes you feel uncomfortable. Put yourself through your fear and that fear will be no more. Learn to fail and learn how important it can be to your success.