Photo Credit

Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on twitter.

Colin, a talented friend of mine recently was inspired by the BP Oil incident and made the gut wrenching video below from all of the photos released about the spill. The visuals really hit home for me, choked me up, and inspired me to write some feelings I have had for a long time…

<

The BP Oil Spill in the Gulf has really started to highlight a point I think the world has been missing for a long, long time. The truth is, WE are all connected. Yes, we meaning the Earth, all of its inhabitants, and humanity itself. Every creature plays a part in making this world what it is: but a small part of an expanding universe.

Yet for some reason, some time ago, the idea that animals, the Earth itself, or any other living organisms have the equal right to life as humans was discarded as hogwash. Humans are much more important, with a greater right to life, because we have a brain. That incredible brain that separates us as the cream of the animal crop is what allows us, and gives us the right, to F up the world when we want to. Right?

So what if we slaughter species after species of animals or no reason, or we ruin the one planet we have ever found that supports life. As long as someone somewhere is able to make large sums of money, who really cares about the ecosystem and the environment? I mean, if we screw up the earth, we can just move to…um….we can go live on….um…, yeah, exactly.

This is why, I just don’t get it anymore. I am fed up with humanity. On a smaller level, I simply drive down the road (an environmental issue onto itself), and I see animal after animal dead in the street. People don’t care. It’s cool, as long as they get where they are going. Then, on a major disaster level, we see something like the BP oil spill. Everyone is up in arms like this is first time, or unfortunately the last, an oil company has F’ed up an ecosystem. People will hoot and holler, but at the end of the day, it will just continue on, as long as we are able to live comfortably. Some politician(s) will use this to try and drum up votes at the next election. Some entrepreneur will find a way to profit, and the rest of us will simply move on to the next catastrophe.

However, this perspective needs to change, or it will be humanity’s downfall. A friend of mine recently mentioned something he heard and it completely blew my mind. Basically, he put it like this…

When the human body gets a virus, it lives and grows until it becomes a threat. Then the body naturally fights it with everything it has until the virus is dead, or the human is. Right now, we (humanity) are the virus. The Earth is the body, and it is fighting back against us. Volcano after volcano, earthquake after earthquake, tsunamis, etc. The Earth is tired of humanity and is doing its best to save itself and rid its body of the threat that humanity has become. And even if humanity survives, will the Earth?

I just don’t understand the universal logic that humans have a greater right to life than anything else on this planet. I mean we all live here, we all contribute, and we are all part of this once beautiful, sacred planet we call the Earth.

The government will do what they can to help, as long as it helps their supporter’s pocketbooks, or contributes to more votes for them. The majority of humans, probably including myself, will get over this at some point, and move on. This circle of life will continue until at some point, it will come to a crashing halt that will make this nightmare of a recession we are in look like heaven on Earth.

All I can say to everyone is please wake up.

The only way to change our perspective is through one person at a time. So the next time you pass a dead animal in the road, and swerve your car annoyed that it might get some blood on your tires, think of the animal itself. Think of that on a mass level happening everyday. Humanity is slowly biting the hand that feeds it. What started as a few nibbles, has snowballed into a voracious appetite for total destruction of the beautiful planet we live on, and everything that gets in our way.

Unfortunately for us, there is no check anyone can write to buy another Earth. So once again, please remind me, who are the animals with the advanced brains?

If you are not literally ‘battling’ for success, then chances are, success is not going to find you. Even someone I grew up with, now known worldwide as ‘the situation’, battled through a lot just to make it on to that reality show that made him famous. I’m not going to go into details, but trust me, the kid could not get someone to get a slice of pizza with him 2 weeks after the show stopped filming. Now, everyone I know talks about him and how ‘lucky’ he is.

I’m not a big believer in luck. I kind of think, bad or good, everyone has luck. It’s how you deal with everything else that matters. Battling for success is about understanding first & foremost that it is going to be a battle. A tough one at that. It is going to take everything you have to win this battle. There will be many ups and downs that cloud your confidence. Staying focused is the key.

Understanding how to battle your way to success is going to come from inside you. Only you know about the ‘voices’ or ‘intuition’ you get when you know you should do something, but you don’t want to. That is part of the battle. In fact, as I said before, you should try to look forward to the things you don’t want to do, cause each one brings you closer to your goal.

Reaching that goal is what this site is dedicated to helping you with. So, with that in mind, I have put together a few lessons I have learned about battling toward my goal of success, which is to make a living doing what I love.

Enjoy the Storm

As I write this there is a Winter Storm blaring on par with a level 2 Hurricane out my window. It’s a perfect analogy for the battle to success. Success is like a far destination you have to get to in this kind of weather. At first the road may seem easy to navigate, but as the weather worsens, and the storm picks, up, things will get extremely difficult to manage.

The way you react to these obstacles is what defines your success. Think of it this way. If you are driving in a snowstorm, what’s the best way to drive?

If you step on the gas, rev your engine, and peel out down the snow-covered block, chances are you will not get too far before the sound of metal crunching is heard.

If you put on your emergency lights, and drive 2 miles per hour, stopping every time the car seems to slip the slightest bit, as your two ghost-white sweaty palms grip the steering wheel like life depended on it, chances are you should not even bother getting on the road. Ever notice, car accidents happen a lot to people who seem solely focused only on avoiding them?

The best approach to driving in a snow storm is to take your time, not overreact, and calmly assess each situation on the road as it comes up. You have to come to a calm understanding that, even though things are really bad outside, you can handle it. In fact, you live to handle it.

There’s Only One Way to Get a Black Belt

Once you understand you are in a battle, you will realize you have to take your lumps too. Can’t become a great fighter without getting beat up. It’s just not possible. Same goes for success. You are going to make mistake after mistake. Some people call this failure. I call it learning. In fact, I have yet to meet a success that had not lived through some sort of failure.

There is a saying in Jiu Jitsu that there is only one difference between someone who gets a black belt, and someone who does not. It is not their athleticism, or their physique. It is not their genetics, their technique, or their personality. It is only one simple thing that separates every white belt who ever got on the mat and the people who eventually succeeded in getting black belts. Do you know what that difference is?

The black belts kept coming. That’s it. If any of those white belts would have done the same, eventually, they would have became black belts themselves. Maybe not as fast, or at the same pace, but they would have eventually reached their goal.

The point of the story for you is, what ever your goal, you must get on the mat. If you want to win the lottery, you must first play a ticket. If you want to hit a home run, you must first strike out (or get really lucky). If you want to be successful, you must first….TRY! Then you must try, try, try again, until you get there. No matter how long it takes, you will not give up.

Success is a mindset!

Being successful at anything is all about your mindset, not your finances, or your clothing brand, or your material things. Take all of that away from a successful person, and chances are they will get it right back. That’s because they believe they are successful.

If you can’t picture yourself successful, or you judge every detail of your journey as a make or break moment, then you will not be successful. Successful people are like black belts. They know, whatever challenges they face, they will be successful. They know if they fail a challenge, they will just come right back and try again. However, this time, they will be even stronger from their previous defeat.

It is this mindset that lead successful people to their goals. They are not just lucky, or born more fortunate. They simply have taken the hand life dealt them and rolled with it. If someone’s got a better hand, so be it. If someone’s hand is worse, so be it too. After all, it’s not the cards, but how you play them.

In life, it’s not the battles that matter, it’s simply how you choose to fight them.

Every morning I take my cat Winx for a walk.  This may seem strange, as most people do not walk their cats, but my cat loves it.  I do not have a leash, or anything like that.  I have a patch of grass on the side of my house, and some wooded area behind it, that Winx loves to explore.  It is like he becomes a kitten every time we get to go outside. I simply take out my laptop, sit in the field, and let him roam free to do what cats do.

It is amazing to me how much joy Winx gets out of a simple half hour outside.  I try to start every morning this way (weather permitting), because it reminds me about the importance of having something to look forward to.  Winx loves being in that environment where bugs are crawling through dirt stained with random animal scents, where the trees breathe life, the flowers taste good, and the amount of stimulus is invigorating.  It’s something he looks forward to daily, so much so, that every morning he cries by the door like a desperate lover in despair.

This is because the outside allows Winx to just be himself.  It satisfies his curious urges for the day, releases some energy which relaxes him, and gives him something to look forward to each & every morning.  Without it, his life would be extremely monotonous.

Now, I also have two other cats, who do not like to go outside as much.  For them, they have different things that they look forward to.  My one cat loves the garage, and my other cat loves anytime things are quiet and safe (he was originally a stray).

I think looking forward to something is very important for all of us on a daily basis.

There should be something, anything that gives us this same feeling of joy.  Something that allows us to forget everything, and just be ourselves.  It could be anywhere, real or digital, such as…

1. The Workplace
2. The Gym or other workout facility
3. A Community Website/Blog/Forum
4. With your children and/or family
5. Playing a sport or sports in general
6. The Outdoors
7. The Beach
8. A Walk or Bike Ride
9. Dancing in a Night Club
10. Video Games
11. Shopping
12. The Movies
13. Drawing
14. Reading
15. Relaxing

The list could go on forever, but hopefully you get the idea.  For me, I would say my Jiu Jitsu school is one of the places where I get to forget the daily rigors of life and just be myself.  It releases a ton of stress and energy, while feeding my inner thirst for competition and knowledge.  After rolling in Jiu Jitsu, I feel great inside and out.  I feel energized and ready for anything.  Most importantly, I feel satisfied with myself, re-energized, and ready to get back to life again.

We all should have a place like this for us.  We may not be able to get to it everyday, but we sure can look forward to getting there at all.  If we have nothing to look forward to, then passing time is all the same.  It never ends.

What kind of things do you look forward to?

About 6 months ago, I decided to give up on my miserable, failing mortgage branch.  I could have got a job somewhere to try and pay some of my bills but I was saddled with so much debt, I figured I might as well go for it all now.  Plus, chasing money got me into this mess in the first place.  I needed a change.

I had graduated film school only to wind up in the mortgage business trying to pay my bills.  Lucky for me, I met my future partner, Chris, through a fellow friend and broker.   Chris offered me the opportunity to get back involved in video, something I always wanted in the first place but was not ready to go after myself.  This was my chance.

We decided we would start our own media production company.  It would be our dream company tailor suited to fit all our needs and desires so we would be able to produce the most amazing work around.  That would be our key to success.

This all sounded great, but it took months to figure out the details.  In this time we discovered who we were through months of research, arguing, trial and error.  We went in one direction, only to circle back to the original direction.  However, we just kept on going.  We even started this blog to track the experiences on our journey to build our dream company.

What exactly is a dream company? Well, for us it had to encompass…

1. Only doing what we were passionate about.
2. Free time every week to spend working out, on personal projects & with our families.
3. Something that would not tie us down to one particular location.
4. Something with multiple income streams and the ability for passive income.

Again, this list was tailor suited to fit for our needs.  For you, it may be different.  However, I would recommend #1 be on everyone’s list.  Doing what you love is something I can’t stress enough.  We never know when our time may be up, so it is important to get the most joy out of every day.  Doing something for money definitely helps in the short term, but long term, I have found it drains me mentally and is actually harder.  Doing something I am passionate about starts out hard, but gets easier every day.

My partner is extremely adamant about being passionate with his work.  It reflects in the quality he provides and has thankfully trickled down to me as well.  What I have learned from him is the quality of work is incredibly valuable in ways you can not even imagine.

For example, one of our first video projects was a commercial we did for my Jiu Jitsu school.  We did it with a $500 budget, and we worked on it for FREE.  That’s right, for FREE.  Not only that, but we also did a $5,000 website for FREE as well.  We basically gave my friend four months of our hard work for NOTHING, and we did it with a smile.

Because we were passionate about what we were doing, we excitedly challenged ourselves to reach a level we had never achieved.  Even when I thought we went far enough, Chris kept pushing.  We were not getting paid, but at least the work might sell itself.  We accepted the risk and managed any personal bills through various side jobs just to make it work.  By June, we had our first commercial complete.  We had the website up and running.  We also had no money and no work in sight.

July was the toughest month for me personally.  I was in desperate need of cash.  I was questioning how much longer I could go on like this.  Everything I was doing felt right, but I was not seeing any financial return.  Nothing.  For a man, I don’t think there is a more inadequate feeling than not being able to pay your own bills.  Times were really rough with no possible end in sight.

Then, in the course of one week, things suddenly changed.

Our commercial started to make some noise.  Suddenly, I had two other Jiu Jitsu schools calling for commercials.  I also had another school calling for a website.  Plus, on top of that, another person called us to do a National commercial.  I could not believe it.  In a mere week, we were suddenly swamped.

But it did not stop there! The work kept on coming in.  After getting those 3 commercials, we also got a huge Web project in a field we love: MUSIC.  We were ecstatic about the project, not to mention the price tag it came with.  By only doing what we love, we have attracted even more work that we love to do.

Only this time, it pays even better!

Starting out on this road has been a challenge all the way through.  Everyday, I still get up and have to manage my debt day by day.  I have to sometimes borrow, finagle, work a side job, or do whatever I can to get by.  However, 6 months in and I can taste the possibilities.  I can see that it is definitely all worth it in the end, if I can just make it there.

Starting any business is not easy, so why not pick one you really like to do?  Even if you can’t see how the money will come, it is okay.  Neither could we.  Sometimes you have to head blindly on instinct and just have faith.  I know this is not easy.  I’m here to tell you, it most certainly is not.  In fact, it is quite hard.  I imagine if it was easy, everyone would do it.  I have found the biggest rewards in life usually come from traveling through the toughest roads.

Don’t be afraid to go after what you want.  In fact, be afraid to NOT go after it.

I am telling you, and my partner will attest, all it takes is passion, patience, and persistence.  You can have anything you want if actually set your mind on it.  That is not just some garbage a parent tells their kid.  That is the utter, and deepest truth I have learned in all my life.  I truly believe there are no circumstances, obstacles, or tribulations that humans can not overcome.  My experience has taught me to ignore all possible excuses because…..

I am the only one to blame.  I am the only one who can stop me from achieving my dreams.  If I do not stop, how can I ever have failed?

If you enjoyed this, please share it on del.icio.us, Stumble It, Digg It or .  Thanks for the support

In my last post I told you how I got my ass kicked on a regular basis. I’m sure you had a laugh. Such is life. Another childhood story about courage.

I’m sure many of you have a brother or sister, cousin or family member whose aim in life was to torture your existence. I have older boy cousins. They are about 10-13 years older than me. Their idea of fun when we were little was things like, filling my sneakers with tadpoles,driving me on a snowmobile and flipping it on purpose, to shooting BB guns at me as I run for my life. Those BB’s hurt like hell!

One summer I went to stay with my Uncle Jim and Aunt Lucile and my 3 older cousins: James, Joseph, and Keith. Boy did I have fun, there’s nothing like hanging out with the older kids when your 10. But along with acting cool comes a price to pay. Everyday we would do something together. Rather they would do something to the proverbial guinea pig …ME.

One night we watched a horror film together. I was really scared. Not even so much from the movie. I thought to myself “wow, I have not been harmed in some shape for or fashion today.  Somethings up…” Sometimes it was the usual rush and tackle. Other times their tricks were more cerebral. This time they devised a plan to lure me into one of their spare bedrooms and before I knew it I was ambushed. One lifted me by my legs and and the other lifted me under my arms. They placed me sideways like a pig in a blanket in an old rickety beat up metal folding cot.

FOLDED AND LOCKED IT!

Thank God when I was 10 I was a toothpick. They locked the latch as I am screaming bloody murder. I swore I would take my revenge on them and have their heads on a platter (who was I kidding I didn’t own any swords and didn’t even know what a platter was I was 10), as they stuck me in a closet, locked in a cot, my arms next to me, and only my head and feet sticking out of the sides. A living Chris in a blanket or a cot.

I yelled and did my best Hulk impression but nothing worked. I was stuck. To make matters worse, my cousin Keith, who was the youngest and most diabolical of them all, used to capture animals in the woods, some which he kept… They told me there were snakes in the closet, LOOSE!

I freaked. I honestly was in the closet for probably about a half hour. They both stood outside the door hissing for 30 minutes. Kicking and banging the door, while I was stuck in the dark closet. I was completely traumatized by this experience. So much so, that it carried over into later years. Anytime I got stuck in an elevator or a confined place I would completely lose my cool. Sweat would bead up and fall down my face frantically. I would start to panic and lose my breath. This stayed with me for a long time up until adulthood.  One time I was with my fiance (then girlfriend) in a store, and I started to sweat because it was crowded. I mean sweat, like heavily. Who wants to be next to the human water fountain?

A few years into college I took a summer job with a friend. We ran electric wires for outdoor lighting. The job was a summer thing so I was pretty bored of it. One job we had to run the coaxial cable from the deck of the house under a wooden deck, to the gazebo which was about 50 feet away. Under the deck was a crawl space about 2 1/2 feet high. This would give me enough breathing room to military crawl the entire way. However I had to be facing the deck, so instead I had to shimmy on my back the entire way. My friend who was a Marine got into a very bad car accident right home from the service and broke his back in 3 places. Suffice to say he couldn’t get under the deck. So I had no choice but to do it.

I started to freak out inside. Then I calmed myself down and realized I was the only person who could do this at that moment, it needed to be done and there is no choice in the matter. When your in a situation when it’s now or never sometimes you don’t have the luxury to rationalize. I laid down and started to shimmy, at first really slow. Then I started to think to myself, ‘WOW I am going to be attacked by a king cobra.’ I said to myself, ‘Self..’ lol.  No I didn’t say that.  That would make me insane.  I said ‘Chris, you are not in the closet.  That was 15 years ago. You are here in the dirt safe under a deck. Now sit up (no don’t sit up) and act right.’ That’s what my grandfather would say to me when I acted up as a young one. From that moment on my fear was gone. I actually got the job done faster than I thought.  After a while I actually enjoyed doing it. I felt like I could have brought a 6-pack and a few TV dinners down there to camp out for a week.

The point of this story is not about me getting tortured through out childhood. It’s to show how we all drag old memories into the present. We are not the past. The past is gone and it will never return. Conversely the future is forever tomorrow, and the only glimpse of the future you ever get is in the now. Don’t take your past failures or issues into the present. They are nothing but old baggage that’s out of style. Trash ‘em!  As people I feel we are much too hard on ourselves. We forgive others so easily but we forgive ourselves the least. Realize its a new day, and with that comes new opportunities. Courage is measured in many ways, staying resolute in the face of your fears is the building blocks of courage.

Show your support by clicking Stumble It, Digg It, or Technorati below. You might also find future posts on yinvsyang.com helpful – so don’t forget to subscribe

Growing up I was always rather shy. I got picked on a few times in school. It wasn’t as if I was really afraid of other kids, rather, just unprepared. One time when I was young an older kid on our block used to pick on me relentlessly. I mean this kid would take ice cream out of other kids hands (I grew up in Brooklyn and there was a whole army of these type of kids)…Anyhow one day this kid made my little sister cry (mind you my sister was 3 and I was 8 ) I can’t remember specifically what had happen, but we got into an altercation over it and he punched me in the chin. It didn’t hurt all that much. For some odd reason I didn’t hit him back. My grandfather was standing in the window. I was shocked more than anything I guess. Probably a little too young to have an inflated ego to mend. Old enough to know that I just got punched by the neighborhood bully…

When I went inside my grandfather came over to me in a hurry. He said “Don’t you ever let someone take advantage of you, you do whatever you have to in the face of fear.” Actually….Being a WW2 Vet and tough as nails plus a very blunt man. It sounded more like “Come here! You see that guy over there? If someone bigger than you ever hits you like that again. You grab the nearest object and hit him with it. Then ask him if he still has a problem!” Now I am not promoting violence in the least. And neither was he, but he was saying something the older generation got well, stand up for yourself.

2 days later, here comes Niko (the same bully, a big Greek 13 year old boy, from down the block).. My grandfather the day before, cut down a Mimosa tree in our backyard. He sawed all the logs into pieces for the garbage men to take. In Brooklyn if you don’t make your garbage organized they have a habit of “not seeing it”. They were piled in a heap by the driveway. Niko as usual had something abusive to say to me, then pushed me over the logs..I fell, and for a split second even though I was afraid, reasoning measured the odds quickly and I figured they sucked. In one motion I grabbed a piece of log that would start a wonderful fire. Blam!!! I clocked him right in the forehead… He ran home crying.  Suffice to say he never bothered me again. Matter of fact we became friends afterwards.

My point to this story about getting my ass kicked on a consistent basis is this:

Courage is not about being a superhero. Superheros I am sure they are even scared putting on their tights! Even soldiers or trained combatants are afraid. Its not about having no fear. That’s a cliche. In real life fear lets you know something is not right. It’s a survival mechanism. It’s about being afraid and controlling yourself enough to do something anyway. That’s in situations with bullies, and in life. A great quote from the movie Three Kings “You do the thing you are scared shit-less of, THEN you get the courage. Not before.” A soldier remarks “well that’s a raw deal..” I guess so but look on the bright side, it’s through the doing of that which you are terrified of, you find out how courageous you really are. You find your capacity is limitless.

Courage

1.the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.

In Jiu Jitsu, life is all made pretty clear right on the mat.  You can always tell if a new guy is going to last by the way they handle competition.  Those who thrive on winning, and throw temper tantrums when they lose, never last too long.  Instead of learning the most consistent ways to be effective, they spend the entire time trying to find cheap, lucky ways to win.

The people who last in Jiu Jitsu typically react to winning and losing exactly the same.  If you looked at their face right after a match, you wouldn’t be able to tell the outcome.  They lose, they move on.  They win, they move on.  Either way, they are just happy to be competing.

The same goes for life.  Don’t let the ups and downs of life define who you are.  You define who you are, this way the ups and downs in life are all just a part of one big ride.

Since I have started this blog, I have displayed videos about a blind painter, an armless guitar player, and a crippled musician born with no eyes.  All have achieved unparalleled success by hurdling obstacles no one thought were possible to clear.  The one universal theme in these inspirational stories: the individuals did not let their situations in life define them.

They defined their own life simply by being themselves.

For many people, their life is sadly defined by things like a prestigious job, a wonderful car, good looks, or a big bank account. However, to quote an old proverb, ‘there are good times and there are bad times.‘  Life’s only constant is change.  You should never feel too good when you are up, or too bad when you are down because it is inevitable that you will be both.

If you are going to go through ups & downs anyway, why be mad about it?  You should enjoy the journey rather than fighting it. Besides, the down times produce invaluable lessons, and the good times leave you with lasting memories.  So either way it’s a win.  Just because life changes, does not mean we have to.  We should be the same person no matter what.

Our situations in life do not define who we are.  Only we do.  So says the definition of life itself…

Life: the condition that distinguishes organisms from inorganic objects and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism, reproduction, and the power of adaptation to environment through changes originating internally.

Whether it is an ‘up’ or a ‘down’ time, it is all just one part of a long journey called life.  Try to remember this when approaching the highs and lows of your own life. Face them both with the same demeanor.  It is a valuable lesson that can take a lifetime to learn.

Luckily for me, Jiu Jitsu is a much quicker teacher.

He dares to be a fool, and that is the first step in the direction of wisdom.  ~James Gibbons Huneker

Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.  ~Elbert Hubbard

Sometimes we can forget what’s really important in life.

It’s meeting people like John Challis that helps put things back into perspective.  His message is Courage + Believe= Life.  It is a message we should all live by every day of our lives.  So go ahead and watch the video, but be forewarned:

Meeting John Challis will definitely change your perspective on life.

America is a giant competitive country built on a dream.  Any person has a chance to make a fortune and everyone is chasing it, especially where I live in the Northeast.  While being financially sound is a necessary goal, the path to getting there may not be as clear.  As a matter of fact, I believe it is hidden for good reason.  But instead of chasing the dollar, what if you could make the money find you?  Sounds crazy?  Maybe not.

Let’s break it down to basics.  You grow up, leave your nest (some earlier than others), and are forced to sink or swim.  Each of us have many options and ways of making money.  What happens is, we tend to focus on the short term.  I need $2000 for expenses this month, therefore where can i get a job making $2000 or more.  Though this seems logical, and it may very well be, but it is extremely short sighted.

The only way to excel in this world is to do what you love.

Whatever that is, you do it to the best of your ability and I guarantee money will attract to you like a magnet.  It will come out of the woodwork and feel like it is falling off trees.  When we do what we love, it no longer becomes work.  It becomes a challenge, a game, and it is fun every time.  Success, money, and opportunity all come knocking eventually.   It just takes time.

For me, this love is film making.  Whether a commercial, short film, or a dance recital, I love to create something from a puzzle of moving images.  Since I was little, all I did was watch movies.  Not that I sat on the couch all day, but if I was watching TV, it was not a show, it was a movie.  Any movie.  I have seen movies made in Africa, Australia, France, Japan, Russia, Taiwan, China, India, Iran, France, Italy, Spain, Mexico, South America, Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Iceland, and countless other places.

I have also seen thousands of American movies before my time including silent films, early talkies, musicals, film noir, and anything else I could get my hands on.  I went to film school with a voracious appetite for film and I ate up everything I could. I soaked up as much knowledge as possible.  I even worked on countless other people’s films multiple times for free who never returned the favor.  However, I never got mad.  Not even once.

Now, the reason I saw all these films and dove head first into the world of film making, was because I love it.  I was gravitating around it my whole life.  I didn’t have to force myself to watch all those films or go to all those shoots on my own dime.  I did it for myself, because I wanted to.

Yet, when I graduated film school, I was torn.  I wanted money to live the life I was used to and film making was not bringing me any money anytime soon.  So instead of sticking with my dream, I went on a two year chase after the almighty dollar only to wind up in more debt than I ever have. I was chasing the dollar in my head, but in reality it was getting further and further away.

It was only when I was pulled back into film making by a friend that things started to turn around.  Since then, I have been asked numerous times at Jiu Jitsu if I have been working out extra.  They ask if I have started going to the gym because I feel stronger to them.  I laugh because it is not physical strength.  It is mental strength.  My head is at a better place now, therefore my body is much more in tune with it’s desires.

Doing what you love is one of the hardest things to accomplish in life.  It is a struggle up a mountain filled with people yelling at you to turn back.  It is only those with the resolve not to listen that wind up in a place those detractors will never see.

Doing what you love will make you rich, not just financially, but spiritually as well.  And the best thing of all, is it comes to you.  Just keep on grinding.  The apex of the mountain is just over the bend.

When I went to college in the mid 90s, I had a very good friend I met in my freshman dorm.  He was an Armenian young man, strong as an ox with an unmatched resolve.  He was also incredibly smart at anything he put his mind to.  However, the one thing I learned from him more than anything else is how to read people.

My friend had a gift for it.  He seemed to know things before they happened.  He was like Vito Corleone telling his Consigliore Tom exactly what every gangster would do before they did it.  He opened up my mind to a whole other world of communication I had no idea existed.  It consisted of reading others body language, responses, and actions. It was honestly the single most important thing I learned in my two years at the University of Maryland.  It is a skill I have been developing ever since.

All it requires is that you pay attention more to what people do and what they say.  Then you simply remove all your expectations, judgments, and innate feelings.  If you are able to do this, you will observe all of the expectations, judgments, and innate feelings in others.  You will begin to see who acts the part and who is the part.

Over my experience, I have come up with a few lessons to help you better read people.  I can’t say it is a fact with proven results.  I can only say, that they are lessons I believe with every ounce of my mind to be true.

People always make the most ‘noise’ about what they fear the most.

For example, picture a guy with cut off sleeves, jacked biceps, tattoos, & a goat tee walking around with tight clothes, clenched fists, & an angry look on his face.  This guy’s entire demeanor reads ‘don’t mess with me!‘  To me, if his demeanor is screaming ‘don’t mess with me,’  than that is what he fears the most.  He does not like to be messed with, simple as that.

He has learned, that if he walks and acts like this, he will avoid the average person messing with him.  This is his defense to the world.  He also gets the ‘tough guy’ attention he loves.  He probably promotes himself to girls as a guy ‘no one should mess with.’  Chances are that is not the case.  This guy simply wants nobody to mess with him.  He likes to play the ‘tough guy’, cause chances are, he is not tough at all.

In Jiu Jitsu and MMA, we get a lot of guys like this. They come into the gym with their new ‘Tapout’ gear on, goat tees, tatoos, and dirty looks for everyone.  Some have even fought before.  It is these guys that usually get wrecked.  They have a problem with their ego they have not worked out yet, therefore they need to look the part, in order to feel the part.  It stunts their training growth, because they believe they are tougher than everyone else, and not that they have more to learn.

However, we also get some people who are exactly the opposite.  They come in, are friendly, knowledgeable, and completely humble.  It is these people that are the scariest.

A great example of this is the last pro fight I cornered in Atlantic City, NJ.  My friend and training partner Ricardo, who is 5-0 in pro MMA and the light heavyweight champ of Louis Neglia’s Ring of Combat, was 4-0 at the time.  He had walked through every opponent.  None had made it past the first round.  None had even challenged Ricardo.  He is that good.

Fighters always arrive at the fights a day early for medical stuff and the weigh ins.  You always run into the guy you are going to fight because you are all eating and staying at the same hotel.  It is very common to have the elevator door open, and have to get in next to your opponent and his entourage.  Every fighter deals with this differently.  Many try to look tough, and stay silent.

Ricardo’s opponent was named Constantinos.  He was a pro boxer from Greece.  He had never fought in an MMA fight before, but had been training with a top school for awhile.  Each time Ricardo ran into him, he was nice, smiling, and genuinely kind.  He was not the slight bit nervous at all.  In fact, he was almost as calm as Ricardo.

I said to my fellow cornerman that I thought this was going to be a tough fight.  He looked at me like I was crazy.  And for good reason.  Ricardo is almost inhuman.  He destroyed some of the top fighters in the Northeast in under a round.  He was a division 1 wrestler who was ranked 10th in the country at one time.  He is one of the calmest people I have ever been around.  You would never know he was fighting if you hung out with him that day.  He is so mentally strong, that he is completely relaxed.

I noticed this trait about the other fighter though, too.  My fellow corner man, Chris, thought logically that this was Constantinos’s first fight and it was against a champ.  I thought differently.  This guy was too calm to be scared.  And if he is not scared of facing the champ in his first fight, than he must be tough.  Chris and I made a gentleman’s bet on it.

In the first round, Constantinos knocked down Ricardo, but then Ricardo took him down, mounted and controlled him for the majority of the round.  In the 2nd round, Constantinos nearly knocked out Ricardo.  The ref was a half step away from jumping in, when again, Ricardo took him down and controlled him.  In the 3rd round, Ricardo took him down and maintained control the rest of the fight.  It was, by far, the toughest fight Ricardo has ever had, and he was a second away from losing in the 2nd round.  I didn’t even have to tell Chris “I told you so.’  His body language said it all.

The bottom line is, it is important to read people’s body language, and not just use logic.  Logic said Ricardo would dominate, but logic only goes so far.  By reading this fighter’s body language, I was able to tell he was mentally ready.   And anyone mentally prepared for a pro fight is going to be a tough match for anyone.

Reading people’s body language, their statements, and their traits, is a great way to get an edge in life.  Sometimes logic is not enough because every situation is unique in some way.  The best way to prepare is to learn to pay attention to how other people work. It opens up the door to a whole new world of communication you may have never realized existed.  It is a language much more truthful than any language we speak.

I guess my early college days were good for something.  Tune in tomorrow for part two.