Yin vs YangThe Battle for Success in Life

Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

As many of you know, I train and teach Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ) for a Royler Gracie affiliate. All of the lessons I have learned in BJJ mirror my real life. Jiu Jitsu is like a small sample of life’s lessons right on the mat. It is why I always learn a little something about myself almost every class I attend.

At each BJJ class, after warm-ups, a certain move, or series of moves are taught to the class by the Instructor. We call these ‘The Move of the Day.’ The Instructor will breakdown the move(s), showing us the nuances of the technique, and then the students will work with a partner at perfecting it.

Next, the partners will take turns giving some resistance to simulate the move(s) during a match experience. This helps each student see some holes in their technique that they might not have noticed without the simulated resistance.

Finally, after all of that, the students roll (a term for sparring in BJJ) with one another. In my school, it has been common practice to speak up if you are able to pull off ‘the move of the day‘ during one of these live matches. It’s kind of like a bravado thing I guess. It doesn’t really seem to mean anything, accept that you have listened well for the day. However, over time, I have found that it means much more than that.

In Jiu Jitsu, Failure Breeds Success

“Nothing fails like success because we don’t learn from it. We learn only from failure.” –Kenneth Boulding

Being that I get to teach, and watch the progression of white belts, it has become quite clear that the students that rise to the top are the students willing to fail first in order to get better.

These students are willing to risk losing those daily matches in order to try the move of the day. Pride is not an issue because they know they need to gain experience. Other students tend to be too focused on trying to ‘win’ the match, rather than trying to improve. Therefore, they stick to what they know, and they try to win with that. This may work well for the day, but over time, these students will see little progression, if any.

It is pretty clear from my experience that the students who continue to try new things in order to get better initially will fail. They may fail over & over for months. However, they never seem to care. They know they are trying to get better over the long haul, and all of these little battles will mean nothing in the end. It is after all of this failure that I have seen these students all of a sudden ‘get it’. They rise to the top because they have all the experience. They have failed so many times, that they know exactly what it takes to succeed.

The Same is True for life.

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.” –Confucius

Many of us have goals, dreams, ambitions, and/or wishes for our lives. We grow up talking about them, yet when it comes down to taking the risks, many of us give up rather quickly. We would rather not try, than fail. If we do try, and we fail, we immediately make excuses and give up. I know I have done this countless times over my life.

Just like the BJJ students, without risking the failure, we are not going to get better. Sometimes, even though we know we will fail, we have to do it anyway because the only way to success is through these failures. If you do not try, then you can not fail, but you also can not progress. You will stay stagnant. Some people find comfort in that, but successful people do not. Successful people keep moving, cause either they win, they learn, or both.

I often wonder nowadays why as a society we do not cherish our failures? Why do we not celebrate a person when they fail at something they took a chance on? Why is failing looked at as such a bad thing if it is the only sure thing that leads to success?

The fastest way to success at something is to continually jump in the fire over and over again.

“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; un-rewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan ‘press on’ has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”
–Calvin Coolidge

For instance, in BJJ, I can tell you exactly how to do an arm bar, step by step. However, when you try to apply it with real life resistance, there is no way you will get it on your 1st, 2nd or even 10th time. It takes persistent practice in live situations to be able to perfect the technique.

Well, the same goes for our ideas in life. If you fail at an idea, do not quit. Do not stop because you have failed once. As a matter of fact, you should realize that by failing once, you are actually one step closer to your goal. To start on another goal would be to waste the time & effort on the first.

Do not let the fear of failure control your life. If you think it does, then I suggest you take some time to try things you think are impossible. Jump into something that makes you feel uncomfortable. Put yourself through your fear and that fear will be no more. Learn to fail and learn how important it can be to your success.

Yesterday morning I took a Jiu Jitsu class.  My good friend & training partner, Tony, teaches at my school once a week.  He asked the class if they remembered the move he had taught the week before.  Even though many of them were there and Tony tried to explain it, they barely remembered it at all.  I, being the seasoned veteran I am, boldly declared that I remembered the move, which was a guard pass.

Tony picked me to be his dummy and began to review the details of the move with the class.  He was barely two steps into the demonstration when I realized I had forgotten numerous details.  I knew the idea of the move, but as far as the details, I was lost. Thank God I did not have to show it!

I tend to do this a lot though.  I learn something once and all of a sudden I feel I am an expert at it.  However, in order to be an expert at something, you have to have experience in it. When we first learn something, we learn the concept and the basic breakdown of things.  Then, because we have found this new knowledge, we suddenly feel we have no more to learn.  However, what we are forgetting is the details.

The details are what we learn through experience.

For example, when I first started in Jiu Jitsu, like any other competitor, I wanted to tap everyone.  Logical thinking lead me to believe that if I learned how to do an arm bar I would be set.  This, unfortunately, is not how things work in Jiu Jitsu.  Learning how to do any submission is only a tenth of the battle.  The other 90% is getting the proper position before you apply the submission.

Without the proper position, you are bound for failure.  Even better is the fact that there is not necessarily one single proper position either.  You have to learn to adapt your position constantly based on what your opponent is doing.  There can be thousands of decisions and movements in order to actually apply a simple submission such as an arm bar.  That is what I have learned through experience.   The simple fact is I can explain the entire theory, concept, and breakdown of moves to anyone in the world.  Until they have tried multiple times and failed at applying the submission, it would be fruitless for me to think they understood.

I also get to see this with many new students.  Eager for success, they surf YouTube for instructional Jiu Jitsu videos.  Sometimes they find stuff even my instructor has never seen.  They come into class foaming at the mouth, ready to pull their new Ace in the hole on a senior student.   The problem is it never works.  Not once.  No one pulls a move off perfect the first time, especially with limited experience in the sport.  They usually wind up asking for help in learning the details.

The same goes for life.

I believe I can kid myself sometimes into thinking I know more than I do.  The simple fact I have found is I always have more to learn.  Every day, every experience, I learn a little something different.  Or, maybe I learn the same lesson over again, and it reinforces that knowledge.  Whatever happens, each day, as a person, we all grow with knowledge if we allow ourselves to absorb it.

So don’t get frustrated, like I used to, when making the same mistake over and over.  Try to keep a clear mind.  On the mat, when someone is frustrated, their focus drops dramatically.  If they are able to keep a clear mind, and figure out what they are doing wrong, they will eventually succeed.

If you find your frustration is too much to handle, try these steps:

1. Breathe 5 really deep, slow breaths.  Inhale…..inhale again…..then exhale….
2. Release your mind of the blame game.  It does not matter if it is your fault or someone else’s.
3. Take a step back, clear your mind, and try to look at the situation from different view points.  Sometimes our focus on one factor hides the view of another.
4. Understand what phase you are in: you are learning.  Frustration is a part of the growth process, so learn to enjoy it because it makes what you are learning much more valuable.  If it was easy, everyone would do it.
5. Focus on the details.  Sometimes, instead of accomplishing the whole goal, we need to accomplish little steps at a time.  For instance, when in debt, it is better to pay back a little each month, rather than waiting for a day you have the whole sum. Try this approach.  What small step can you accomplish that will get you closer to your end goal?

Breathe, release your mind, step back, understand, and focus.

The goal of success is a long, perilous road where your only guide is the experience gained through numerous trial and errors.  Trial and error is the main concept in nature.  It is why, after re-learning the guard pass, I used it successfully at least 4 times in the class.  I now had the experience in it to be effective.  I understood the details I had initially forgotten.  Tony even decided he would teach every move from now on two classes in a row.  I think that is a great idea, as it gives us a chance to digest the information, and then re-learn it a week later.

This is why people with great minds in life never stop learning.  They are constantly trying to improve their depth of knowledge.  I am going to try and take the same approach.  I need to stop kidding myself, and be aware of what I really do know, and what I may think I know.

Has anyone else noticed this occurring in their own life?

Stumble It!

I always learn more by teaching Jiu Jitsu than just by rolling (sparring).  This morning, as I was helping instruct a brand new student, I wound up teaching myself something about life.  The new student was having trouble maintaining his balance.  He would start out kneeling in a strong position on the ground (sort of like the person in blue above), but after he began to try and pass the guard (his opponents legs), he would get swept to his back time and time again.

I explained to him that in Jiu Jitsu, the most important aspect is staying balanced at all times.  Staying balanced is easy when nothing much is going on, but it gets harder & harder as the intensity & pressure pick up.  As soon as the New Student would try to react, he would sacrifice his balance.  The key, I explained, is to calmly face one battle at a time.  Staying calm helps you maintain your focus.  To pass the someone’s guard, you do it methodically with effectiveness, staying close and tight, achieving one small step at a time, so that it is impossible to fail.  As I explained this, it occurred to me how much Jiu Jitsu mirrors life.

Staying calm in the face of pressure is a critical key to achieving success.

In life, the key is to calmly face one battle at a time, so as not to get overwhelmed.  During intense moments, such as someone trying to choke you in Jiu Jitsu, overreacting leads to a worse position.  Calmly assessing the situation and moving methodically is the only way to better your position & achieve success.  It’s not abut speed, it’s about effectiveness.

The New Student next asked me what he could do to better maintain his balance.  I answered, “do not concern yourself with what you should do, just worry about what you should NOT do.  The only way to learn that is to get on the mat, make all sorts of mistakes, and gain the invaluable prize known as experience.  Only then will you learn how to stay balanced.”

The same goes for achieving success at something in everyday life….

Just jump in there, make all sorts of mistakes, and gain the invaluable prize known as experience on your way toward success.

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