(taken from my iphone)

Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

I have been quite busy lately, and not able to write as often as I like. Actually, I probably could if I wanted to, but I honestly have been focused elsewhere.

One of the great things this break has given me is a chance to really re-evaluate some of the things I wanted to write. Well, I was lucky enough to see an example of this in the flesh when Robert Drysdale gave a seminar at my Jiu Jitsu school.

For those that don’t know, Robert Drysdale is one of the top Jiu Jitsu guys in the world. He was Randy Couture’s Jiu Jitsu coach on season 1 of the Ultimate Fighter, and he most recently was Frank Mir’s coach against Brock Lesnar at UFC 100.

I have been to many Martial Arts seminars by greats such as Royler Gracie, David Adiv, Joel Brutus, and Rodrigo Pinheiro. All of their seminars were filled with excellent technique demonstrations, powerful lessons, and incredible learning experiences. However, there is one way that Robert Drysdale’s seminar differed from all the rest.

He incorporated more than just the technique, he included lessons on attitude as well.

When he would show a move, he would talk about two parts. First, he spoke of how & when to perform the technique he was teaching. Secondly, he spoke about the state of mind needed to pull off the move. So for example, when facing a larger opponent, he spoke of completing 3 moves to every one that the larger guy does. This is how you use your speed to an advantage as a smaller individual.

It was very interesting to hear what I have been privately learning since I started Jiu Jitsu. The techniques are all teachable and easy to learn. However, in the state of mind you have during battle that determines how successful you are.

It is amazing how much an effect your state of mind has on your performance!

In life and in business, it is much the same. The art of making money, building a business, and doing the work is rather simple when you think about it. It is the state of mind you take into work everyday that makes all the difference. It is the vigor you attack the obstacles in the way of achieving your goals that matters most.

And, most importantly, as Robert Drysdale mentioned, it is the attitude of a winner that allows you to overcome any challenge. Being afraid of losing is the same as being afraid of winning.

What matters is building the confidence in yourself that you can solve and meet any challenges you face.

Then, when you wind up in a tough predicament, you will be confident you can overcome that too, b/c you have done it before, and can do it again.

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Every Monday is personal development through Jiu Jitsu…

“Sometimes your the hammer, sometimes your the nail.”

This is a saying everyone at my Jiu Jitsu school knows. My instructor is a big fan of repeating it because it sums up exactly what Jiu Jitsu is all about. In Jiu Jitsu, MMA, and in life, in order to truly master something, you must understand all aspects of it. You can not possibly master Jiu jitsu without understanding what it’s like to be both the hammer and the nail.

Being the hammer means you are putting a beat down on the nail. Being the nail is the opposite, meaning someone is putting the beat down on you. Everyone who comes into Jiu Jitsu wants to, and sometimes expects to, be the hammer. You’ve seen people train on the UFC, and you’ve watched some of the moves on YouTube, so you think you are pretty well prepared. Maybe you even have a wrestling background, or are an animal at the local gym. Regardless, you walk into that first class with the expectations of a champion.

Learning off Experience

This is where it can all go wrong for a first timer. No matter what your background is, and no matter how tough or in shape you are, there is nothing that can fully prepare you for Jiu Jitsu. It is similar to other types of ground fighting, and yes, you need to be in good shape, but neither of these are the obstacles that will stop you from becoming the hammer. The true obstacle is experience.

Experience is what makes us who we are. In order to become the hammer, you must first be the nail. There is no escaping it. Even if you come in and do well against other white belts, you are not going to hang with the other practitioners who have been sweating on the mat 4x a week for the last few years. Simply put, experience trumps all else.

The same goes for life. As humans, we have a habit of pumping ourselves up with these enormous expectations. We dream of being the hammer in everything we do. Yet, when we become the nail, a myriad of excuses flood our mind. It can’t be. There must be something wrong. How could someone like me not do well?

It is because of the lack of experience. If you are inexperienced at something, why would you think you can do well against other, more experienced individuals? We have a word for people like that. They are called prodigies. Prodigies, as we all know, are extremely rare. So unless you think you are a prodigy at something, maybe you should try and lower your expectations. Believe it or not, it actually will help you get to where you want to be.

The Roadblock of Expectations

The problem with the high expectations is that it actually stunts your growth. I have seen a ton of strong, muscular athletes come into Jiu Jitsu. They start out way above other white belts because they are able to muscle out of submissions, and muscle other inexperienced people into tapping. However, they also take the longest to develop. The reason is, because they can rely on their muscle, they tend to do so instead of learning the proper technique. So they tend to consistently play the hammer with white belts and get beat down like a nail by everyone else with more experience.

On the flip side, the person who comes into train Jiu Jitsu with no expectations is always the most dangerous. They simply approach it like anything else, and jump right in. If they lose, they get up and try again. If they win, they get up and try again. Neither matters, because during every match they are soaking up as much knowledge as they can. They are not worried about being a winner or a loser. They are only worried about improving.

If you can approach every challenge in life this way, you will find the road to success a much smoother path. I think a lot of the obstacles we face in life are of our own doing. Many times, myself included, we put pressure on ourselves to be who we think we should be, without taking into consideration who we really are.

A perfect example of this is my film career. In film school, I was so concerned with being the next film prodigy, that I almost gave it all up when it seemed impossible. However, now I realize I should have just been doing what I am doing now: working each day to improve at it as much as I can. Because, as the saying goes…

“Sometimes your the hammer, sometimes your the nail.”

Regardless, you are always learning, so learn to enjoy both sides of the coin.

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Every Monday is personal development through Jiu Jitsu…

Everybody has read about the fear of failure at one time or another. I have even written about it myself. It is often talked about as the reason most people hold themselves back. However, there is another fear that can be just as strong an obstacle. It is the fear of success.

Back when I was in high school, I tried out each year for my varsity soccer team. I never made the cut, and even gave up my senior year because I doubted I would get playing time. In hindsight, it was one of the worst decisions I ever made. However, the funny part about the whole thing is I bet I could have made varsity at anytime if would I have just tried to do so.

I was reminded of these events this week while teaching my Jiu Jitsu class. There was a girl taking the class who has been training for awhile. She is pretty good, and just about approaching a blue belt level. We were doing guard drills when I asked her to go with a rather new and out of shape white belt. She hesitated because the guy was almost twice her size. For those who don’t know what guard drills are, she was going to get in between his legs while he was laying on his back. She needed to get her body past his legs while keeping control and not getting swept.

You could tell she was scared, but she gave it a shot. Unfortunately, she lost her balance and was swept over rather easily. Afterwards, I explained to her what she did wrong, and she actually knew what I was going to say before it even came out of my mouth. I realized she knew how to win, but she was afraid to do so. It was then I had the flash back to the soccer field.

Believing in Yourself

The problem the girl and the younger me shared was the lack of belief in our abilities. Both of us were afraid of the challenge in front of us, even though we were more than capable of meeting it. If she would have understood that here abilities were no match for her competition, she would have easily succeeded. Instead, she believed she was going to fail and that is exactly what happened.

Just like me, however, she was not afraid of failing. If she was, she would have never even tried. She was actually afraid of succeeding. By winning that battle, she would then have no excuse to face that challenge again. The safety net of being smaller and female would no longer be relevant. She would have conquered her fear, and therefore, eliminated the excuse. This is exactly what she was afraid of.

The same went for me on the soccer field. I was afraid of trying to be better than everyone around me. I was afraid of having to meet that challenge day in and day out against the best players in the school. I would have to come to compete everyday. I would have no excuse if I failed. This is what I was really afraid of.

Being a success, means you have a new expectation to live up to. You will be held in higher regard. No longer will you be able to blend in with the masses. Nope, as a success, you are on a pedestal that everyone else below you strives to be on.

This can be a very scary thought for some. Giving our best effort to succeed means we will have to continue to do so consistently. Being a success means we will be challenged and have to prove ourselves day in and day out. 

Blue Belt Blues

In Jiu Jitsu, it is similar to the ‘blue-belt blues’. When I first got my blue belt (the rank after white belt), I was extremely proud. I was one of the first to do so in my school, and it was quite an honor. That honor, though, quickly became a nightmare for me.

You see, as one of the few blue belts in the school at the time, I suddenly had a target on my back. Whereas it used to be okay to lose to someone with a white belt, suddenly I was supposed to be better just because my belt color changed. It was an enormous amount of pressure that actually set me back for a few weeks. During my matches, instead of just trusting my abilities, I was constantly afraid of not living up to the expectations.

It took some time, but I soon realized the reason my belt color changed was because I had the ability. I may not have realized it, but it was there. I just had to accept that success in my own head, in order to fulfill my potential.

Some people can see this situation before they achieve their goals. They can see that winning is going to set them apart and put enormous pressure on them. This is what causes the fear of success. To battle this, I have come up with three small steps on….

How to Overcome the Fear of Success

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1) Admit it to Yourself

The most important step is the admission of this fear. When I was trying out for soccer, I had no idea this was my fear. However, looking back, I can see it now. A surefire sign that this fear exists is if you are considered an underachiever at something. Simply put, that means you should be able to do something, but you are not. Chances are, it is because you are afraid of the challenges success might bring.

2) Live in The Moment

Rome was not built in a day. That saying is perfect for overcoming this fear. The fear of success is not the fear of the challenge in front of you, but rather the new challenges that success will bring. Well, you don’t have to conquer all of those right now. Take it one challenge at a time. Take a deep breath and conquer the challenge in front of you. Live in the moment.

3) Be an Inspiration

If your own success is not the right motivation, then do it for others. In the Bronx Tale, the tag line from Robert DeNiro’s character was, “There is nothing worse than wasted talent.” Wasting the abilities you are given is a disservice not only to yourself, but to those around you. Successful people inspire others to achieve their own goals. Remember, by doing your best, even if it is not good enough, you are inspiring those around you to do the same. You will push them to be better, and in turn, they will push you to be better. It is why successful people are never alone.  Once you achieve something once, it becomes easier each time thereafter.

“The world cares very little about what a man or woman knows, it is what the man or woman is able to do that counts.” -Booker T Washington

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There were no mats. Just little pieces of rubber flooring on top of cheap carpet. I was the least athletic of the three of us, and we had never heard of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu before I got on the ground that very day 4 years ago. Kenny, a top shelf, athletic ex-wrestler I had just been introduced to, mounted me right away. He smothered my face, pushing my body into the ground with his hips. Just as I could take no more, he suddenly slid off my chest, giving me room to gasp for air. However, that momentary relief was immediately replaced with the sharp pain of my arm being hyper extended in an arm bar. I tapped as fast as I could, yelping…

‘TAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!’

I suddenly felt sick, and burst outside to throw my guts up. I wobbled back inside to find Brian, the instructor, amused.

‘So how do you like your first day?’ he asked.

I wearily nodded in approval, half scared he would tear off my limbs if I showed weakness, and half cause I did not have any air left to speak.  All I remember thinking as I sipped my Gatorade was…

‘Why on Earth did I agree to try this out?’

The Benefit of Trying New Things

As a writer, and someone addicted to creativity, I have found my greatest resource is attempting to try new things. Mixing up your life is a great way to expand your perspectives by seeing the world through different eyes. Each perspective you gain in life, helps increase the value of your collective perspective on life as a whole. I have never tried something new that did not come with a lesson. In fact, trying new things, especially those OUTSIDE my comfort zone, has been key to my own personal development.

Learning to Step Outside Your Comfort Zone

“Without having the courage to step outside our comfort zones, we can not possibly realize our full potential.”

Four years ago, I was very hesitant when a friend of mine asked me to start learning Brazilian Jiu Jitsu from him with a couple of superior athletes. I knew I would be on the bottom of the food chain, and who wants to go into something they know they are going to lose? Believe me, that first day was VERY uncomfortable. However, I stuck with it mostly cause of the challenge and my friendship with the instructor. Flash forward to now and I can not think of a single thing that has had a greater effect on the way I live my life. If not for Jiu Jitsu, I’m not quite sure where or who I would be today. It is the most consistent topic in all of my personal development posts. This is because Jiu Jitsu was personally challenging to me. By overcoming that challenge, I have filled myself with the confidence that I can overcome any other challenges in life. Therefore, simply by trying Jiu Jitsu, I became a stronger person in all the facets of my life. I replaced the fear of failing at a new challenge with the confidence of having overcome that fear.

The fear of failing, however strong it is, is just a fear.

Oxford American dictionaries defines fear as…

‘a feeling of anxiety about the outcome of something.’

Simply put, you are scared you will not meet your own expectations. To get passed this initial fear, here are….

5 Incredible Tips when trying new things:

1. Look Forward to the Challenge

Challenging yourself is quite rewarding to your spirit, even when you don’t succeed. Each time I feel anxious about trying something, I take it as a sign that I must do it. Conquering that anxiety becomes common practice after awhile, and that is the true victory of my efforts.

2. Remove All Expectations

Many people tend to get wrapped up in unrealistic expectations. On our first run, we want to beat a 6 minute mile. On our first swing of the bat, we expect to hit a home run. Be aware of the weight your expectations can hold. Otherwise, you are surely headed for disappointment.

3. Failure is a necessity

‘I can’t do it’ is not an excuse, it’s a reality. Of course you can’t do something you have no experience in. That’s why failing is necessary: It builds experience. Simply put, failing is the 1st step on the way to success. It’s like paying your dues, something every successful person has a story about. Forget the possibility that you are a one of a kind prodigy. Simply try it, fail, then try again. Repeat until successful.

4. Take Baby Steps

Talent is wonderful. Natural ability is a gift. Being a genius is an honor. All of these have one thing in common though: they represent no effort. All rewarding things in life take effort, and lots of it. Talent has to be developed. Natural Ability has to be discovered, and no matter what they tell you, no one becomes a genius without doing their share of work. When trying something new, take the pressure off of yourself to take that leap to success in one giant step. Try learning to crawl before you run.

5. Success Does Not Have A Time Frame

Do not put a time limit on achieving success. This is just another expectation that needs to be removed.  Giving up is the only surefire way to fail, so when you make the effort to try something new, stick to it. Give it time and see it all the way through, even on the bad days. The worst thing you can do is take one step and not follow up with another. Besides, you may be surprised just how far you can go.

What are you going to try?

Let’s start a discussion. What have you ever tried, despite your initial fears, that has benefitted you immensely?  Hopefully, each comment will provide motivation for all of those teetering on taking that first step out of their comfort zone!

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EEEEH! EEEEH! EEEEH!….

I was awoken this Friday morning by the 5 am alarm clock on my iphone. As I wiped the crust from my eyes and stumbled into the bathroom, I realized that today was really the 1st day in 2009. I turned on the shower, debating whether to really count the 1st, which is more of a holiday than a typical day. Now that that was over, I had to once again teach a Muay Thai class at 6 am, just like the Fridays of last year.

As the water warmed, I stepped in the shower and thought about why this is considered a new year. I mean, yes the calendar has changed, and the dates on my checks will have 2009 on them, but other than that, what exactly is new? My routine is still the same. Nothing significant has changed in my life, and yet I am supposed to be excited for 2009?

That’s when it hit me (not the water, of course). If you plan to reach all of your resolutions in 2009, then TODAY is your opportunity to get started on the right foot. TODAY is the one day you must have the courage to change. TODAY is the first in a line of 363 other dominoes waiting to fall. The choice is yours whether they fall the same way as last year.

Make a Change

It is time to replace the words ‘New Year’ with the phrase ‘New Opportunity’. If you are expecting to make this year better than the last, then you have to make a commitment to change by taking your first big action TODAY. That is your opportunity.

Do something different. Take that initiative, and let the rest of the year follow suit. Many of us spend our Holiday recapping the prior year, and thinking about all the wonderful things 2009 can possibly bring for us. Well, the only way any of those things will come true is if we start to make a change right now.

Not tomorrow.

Not next week.

Not on Monday.

Today!

If you plan to lose weight, then start that diet today. If you plan to get in shape, make today your 1st workout. If you drink coffee every morning, maybe for some motivation today, you should try tea. The point is you must make an effort to change.

If you just go about the same routine as last year, how can you expect anything to change? Think of the movie Groundhog Day. Until Bill Murray actually made a change, he kept waking up to the same pattern over and over again..

That is why it is imperative to start on your resolutions NOW. To help get you motivated to do so, Yin vs Yang has come up with some resolutions of our own.

A NEW Year at Yin Vs Yang

This being our 2nd year, we have decided to take a more routine approach with our writing. We are going follow our own advice on change and set a new weekly routine.

• Mondays - Personal Development through Jiu Jitsu
• Wednesdays – Personal Development through Business
• Fridays – Video post or Video review.

In between, we will have random topics, jokes, stories, and quotes. However, this routine will give everyone a chance to know what’s coming, and when. So if you are a fan of the Mixed Martial Arts world, then you know every Monday I will have a story for you. If you read Yin vs Yang to improve your networking, business approach, or financial situation, then Wednesdays will be for you.

If you are a fan of the increasing popularity of videos on the world wide web, then Fridays will be a fun day for you.

If you enjoy them all, then sign up for our RSS Feed or subscribe by email below.  This way you won’t ever miss an article.

Take some inspiration from Yin vs Yang and make a change today in your own life. Our goal this year is to help make 2009 the best year for all of us. However, it all starts with today. Are you up for it?  Inspire us all by leaving the change you are going to make in the comments section below.

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“I’m Starting With The Man In The Mirror. I’m Asking Him To Change His Ways.
And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer. If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place, Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change.”
-Michael Jackson from the song ‘Man in the Mirror‘

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

As many of you know, I train and teach Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ) for a Royler Gracie affiliate. All of the lessons I have learned in BJJ mirror my real life. Jiu Jitsu is like a small sample of life’s lessons right on the mat. It is why I always learn a little something about myself almost every class I attend.

At each BJJ class, after warm-ups, a certain move, or series of moves are taught to the class by the Instructor. We call these ‘The Move of the Day.’ The Instructor will breakdown the move(s), showing us the nuances of the technique, and then the students will work with a partner at perfecting it.

Next, the partners will take turns giving some resistance to simulate the move(s) during a match experience. This helps each student see some holes in their technique that they might not have noticed without the simulated resistance.

Finally, after all of that, the students roll (a term for sparring in BJJ) with one another. In my school, it has been common practice to speak up if you are able to pull off ‘the move of the day‘ during one of these live matches. It’s kind of like a bravado thing I guess. It doesn’t really seem to mean anything, accept that you have listened well for the day. However, over time, I have found that it means much more than that.

In Jiu Jitsu, Failure Breeds Success

“Nothing fails like success because we don’t learn from it. We learn only from failure.” –Kenneth Boulding

Being that I get to teach, and watch the progression of white belts, it has become quite clear that the students that rise to the top are the students willing to fail first in order to get better.

These students are willing to risk losing those daily matches in order to try the move of the day. Pride is not an issue because they know they need to gain experience. Other students tend to be too focused on trying to ‘win’ the match, rather than trying to improve. Therefore, they stick to what they know, and they try to win with that. This may work well for the day, but over time, these students will see little progression, if any.

It is pretty clear from my experience that the students who continue to try new things in order to get better initially will fail. They may fail over & over for months. However, they never seem to care. They know they are trying to get better over the long haul, and all of these little battles will mean nothing in the end. It is after all of this failure that I have seen these students all of a sudden ‘get it’. They rise to the top because they have all the experience. They have failed so many times, that they know exactly what it takes to succeed.

The Same is True for life.

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.” –Confucius

Many of us have goals, dreams, ambitions, and/or wishes for our lives. We grow up talking about them, yet when it comes down to taking the risks, many of us give up rather quickly. We would rather not try, than fail. If we do try, and we fail, we immediately make excuses and give up. I know I have done this countless times over my life.

Just like the BJJ students, without risking the failure, we are not going to get better. Sometimes, even though we know we will fail, we have to do it anyway because the only way to success is through these failures. If you do not try, then you can not fail, but you also can not progress. You will stay stagnant. Some people find comfort in that, but successful people do not. Successful people keep moving, cause either they win, they learn, or both.

I often wonder nowadays why as a society we do not cherish our failures? Why do we not celebrate a person when they fail at something they took a chance on? Why is failing looked at as such a bad thing if it is the only sure thing that leads to success?

The fastest way to success at something is to continually jump in the fire over and over again.

“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; un-rewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan ‘press on’ has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”
–Calvin Coolidge

For instance, in BJJ, I can tell you exactly how to do an arm bar, step by step. However, when you try to apply it with real life resistance, there is no way you will get it on your 1st, 2nd or even 10th time. It takes persistent practice in live situations to be able to perfect the technique.

Well, the same goes for our ideas in life. If you fail at an idea, do not quit. Do not stop because you have failed once. As a matter of fact, you should realize that by failing once, you are actually one step closer to your goal. To start on another goal would be to waste the time & effort on the first.

Do not let the fear of failure control your life. If you think it does, then I suggest you take some time to try things you think are impossible. Jump into something that makes you feel uncomfortable. Put yourself through your fear and that fear will be no more. Learn to fail and learn how important it can be to your success.

If the title enticed you to read this, than you are exactly the type of person this was written for.

Like me, you probably can not resist a respectable challenge, no matter how trivial it may be. Even if it’s only a simple game of Checkers, finishing in any place other than first is an agony that won’t let you sleep for days. You may have even been called a sore loser in the past because of your obvious disgust with defeat.

Competition is an addiction…..your drug of choice so to speak.

I know, because I am the same way.

A competitive nature is a great trait to have, but if you want to be successful, you better be able to deal with losing. This was the hardest challenge for me growing up. However, once I came to terms with losing, I was able to achieve things that once seemed impossible.

It just took quite a long time to sink into my thick head. Hopefully this post will speed things up for you.

As a young child, I would blame my luck if I lost. As I got a little older, I started blaming fate instead, as if certain challenges I failed at were because of genetics, intelligence, athletic ability, connections, or whatever excuse seemed most rational. If I did not make the All-Star baseball team, it was because my Father was not the coach. If I did not get good grades in school, it was because the teacher sucked. Whatever excuse fit the bill was fine for my ego.

Then, as I became a young man, I realized that maybe I was the one to blame. This was a step in the right direction, but I did not know how to change.

It seemed I wanted to win real bad, but only if it came easy.

In hindsight I can see this was a recurring theme in my life until, at about 24, I started to take Jiu Jitsu and it changed my perspective completely.

In Jiu Jitsu, if you want to win, you better put in the work.

The only way to get better in Jiu Jitsu is what we call ‘Mat time‘.  Simply put, this means how much time you have spent on the Mat. In another words, it is your experience level.

If you train once a week, and someone else trains twice a week, then the latter will most likely progress twice as fast in the same amount of time. This is because they have spent double the time on the mat, gaining double the experience.

Jiu Jitsu teaches you, after a lot of frustration, that losing is a big part of being a winner. As a matter of fact, losing is the best way to get better because it allows you to see concrete examples of what you must do to get to the next level. Think of it like this….

If you never lose, how are you ever going to get better?

For example, a fighter does not want to train with people they can beat up easily. A fighter needs to be challenged if they want to get better. They need to be put in uncomfortable situations. They need to be pushed to their limit. They need to get their ass handed to them during training so that the fight feels like a piece of cake.

The same goes for any challenge, be it business, life, checkers, or a sport. It is all the same. The more quality time and effort you put into the preparation, the better your results will be. This is what I failed to understand as a young man.

Nowadays, I chuckle when I am on the mat and a newer white belt tries to beat me with all their effort. They think that if they ‘try harder’ they may succeed. I see it in their eyes when they try to pull some crazy concocted move they learned off of Youtube, in the hopes of catching me off guard. It as if they think by getting lucky and catching me once, it will make them better. The truth is, it won’t do anything but satisfy their ego for a minute.

What they will come to realize over the years of ‘mat time’, is it is not about their effort on one particular day. It is about the culmination of their consistent effort over a long period of time.

I know, because I had to learn the same lesson.  I used to judge myself on my daily effort, till I realized, a few good days don’t add up to a consistent bunch of regular ones.

Jiu Jitsu, allowed me to see real life examples of this. Many people I started with, who were more talented and athletic than I ever was, never even came close to reaching my level because I put in more ‘mat time’ over the years. I was not more gifted, blessed with better genetics, or anything of the sort. I was simply more persistent.

Jiu Jitsu showed me the preparation and effort it takes to be a winner, and it has permeated through the rest of my life. I look forward to challenges now because I know working past these obstacles is the way to reach my goals. It is because of this experience, that I no longer carry the reputation of a sore loser. I have learned to respect winning. If someone beats me at something, then I know there is a reason for it. They were more prepared.

I never think of myself as a loser. Losing just means I am gaining experience.

What does losing mean for you?

Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

For those of you who don’t know me, I am currently a purple belt in Gracie Jiu Jitsu. I have been training for over 4 years and I can safely say Jiu Jitsu has changed my life for the better. I have not only become a better Martial artist, but I have become a 1000x better person as well. Jiu Jitsu is a martial art which naturally permeates throughout the rest of your life.

This is because Jiu Jitsu takes persistence, patience, and perseverance to be successful at, just like anything else in life.  Even getting just my purple belt is probably one of the accomplishments I am most proud of in my young life. However, if you don’t train Jiu Jitsu, then you probably don’t understand why. Lucky for you, that’s what I’m here to explain.

The goal of everyone who starts out in Jiu Jitsu is to get a black belt. There is no test to pass, or requirements to meet. There is no specific time period. Simply put, after you pass the white belt level, you only get promoted when your Instructor thinks it is time. It is completely a judgment call. That’s what makes it so special. Getting a black belt probably takes on average about 10 or so years.

Most people never get one.

Being a purple belt, I have met & rolled with a few different Jiu Jitsu black belts. Lou Vintaloro, Tyrone Elijea, Jim Destefano, Joe Lombardo, Rich Dimino, Rodrigo Piniero, Royler Gracie, David Adiv, & Asher Willner (who I saw actually get his black belt). These guys are all different ages, backgrounds, sizes, body types, etc. The only thing that they all have in common is one simple trait:

They never stopped trying.

That’s the only difference. They never stopped training, and eventually, they got to a goal that once seemed impossible.

A black belt is the pinnacle. It means you have mastered your art. You have reached the top level in your field. It commands automatic respect and is a constant reflection of all the effort, sweat, and persistence it took to get there.

I have known 4 or 5 of these aforementioned names before they were black belts. Now that they wear that dark cotton around there waist, you can see the sheer pride reflected in their gait. It’s almost as if they derive power from that belt. The fact that their peers deemed them worthy boosts their own confidence level. They now believe that they are a black belt. They became better overnight, when all that changed was the color of their belt.

Any dream you desire in life is achieved exactly the same way a black belt is.

It takes persistence, but most of all, it just means never giving up. If you don’t stop, then how can you can have possibly failed?

That does not mean it is easy, but it is simple. Just keep going no matter what. No one can tell you how long it will take, or when it will happen. Whatever dream you are after, just start slowly working towards it one day at a time. Some days will be bad, some days will be worse, and some days it will feel like it is all worth it.

However, no matter what kind of day you are experiencing, the important thing is to keep moving forward. If you want to succeed, giving up is not an option. In fact, it’s the only way to actually fail.

Don’t spend your day questioning if it is all worth it, or trying to decide each moment if you are going to succeed or not. That is a waste of time & energy. If you are having doubts, the best thing to do is to either take a break, or just get back to work.

Eventually, if you keep persisting, you will get the recognition you deserve, except probably for the 2-inch wide dark cotton belt around your waist. Oh well, if it’s a problem, I’m sure you can get one of those in the store

Article by Peter Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

If you are not a fan of Mixed Martial Arts (MMA), or the UFC, then you probably have never heard of Lyoto ‘the Dragon’ Machida.  However, you do not have to be a fan to appreciate his story.  He is a wonderful example of the unlimited power of the mind, and I learned a lot about the human spirit from the story of his life.  Here is a brief synopsis of his background from Wikipedia…

Lyoto Carvalho Machida (born May 30, 1978) is a Brazilian professional mixed martial arts fighter. Son of a Japanese-Brazilian Shotokan Karate master Yoshizo Machida, Lyoto is a rising star in MMA. He is currently ranked as the #3 light heavyweight fighter in the world by Sherdog.

Machida began training in karate at the age of four, earning his black-belt at the age of 13. He began training in Sumo at 12 and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu at 15. He won a number of amateur karate tournaments, including 2001 Pan American Karate tournament. He was also runner up in the 2000 Brazilian Sumo Championships in the 115-kg division.

In addition to his Sumo and Karate achievements, he has a college degree in Physical Education. Lyoto’s brother, Chinzo, is a Shotokan vice-champion (Australia 2006), losing only to #1 ranked Shotokan master Koji Ogata. Lyoto and Chinzo fought in a Karate Final 10 years ago in which Lyoto gave Chinzo a cheek scar that still exists today. His other brother, Kenzo Machida, is a TV journalist for one of Brazil’s biggest TV stations.

What I found most interesting about the life of Lyoto Machida is the role his father played in his development.  When Lyoto was a young, young boy, his Father noticed his signature toughness and told him he had the spirit of a Samurai within him.  This would effect the outcome of his entire life.  For the rest of his days, the one thing Lyoto’s Father always made clear, was that Lyoto had a Samurai Spirit.

“I can understand the real thinking of the samurai because the martial arts came from Japan,” he reflected. “The samurai thinks as much as he fights in the martial arts. Then my father always teached me (sic) about everything—about technique, but about out of the ring.” –Lyoto Machida from here.

Flash forward to present day.

Lyoto is currently fighting in the 205 lb Light Heavyweight division.  If you do not watch MMA, then I will give you a little insight into the weight classes.  Most fighters, in order to get an edge, cut weight before the weigh ins.  This means a man who normally weighs 225 lbs can cut down to 205 lbs the day before his fight.

After the weigh ins, the fighters are free to re-hydrate themselves, and eat up.  By the time they walk into the ring, they can weigh nearly 215-220 lbs again.  Lyoto is not one of these fighters.  He walks around at about the weight he fights at.  In fact, he usually weighs a few pounds less than the required weight, so he is not the biggest, baddest fighter by far.  He is more of a technician, and a good one at that.  He mixes many different fighting styles into a blend he can call his own, to defeat larger, more powerful opponents.

In the UFC, where the elite of MMA are, being a technician is not enough.  You need to be tougher than you can ever imagine.  This is because, the real fight in MMA is against yourself.  MMA is a war of attrition.  Sure, you have to be a good fighter, but anything, and I mean anything, can happen in a fight.  A slip here, a distraction there, or a bad call by the ref, can alter the entire make-up of a fight.  It is during these moments a fighter finds out who they are.

“Many men feel that they should act according to the time or the moment they are facing, and thus are in confusion when something goes beyond this and some difficulty arises.  The man whose profession is arms should calm his mind and look into the depths of others. Doing so is likely the best of the martial arts.“  –Shiba Yoshimasa (1350-1410)

When Lyoto Machida gets into rough spots like this, you can see the spirit light up his face.  It seems, as the situation gets more dire, Lyoto actually gets stronger.  His eyes light up, his focus unites, and the spirit of the Samurai lifts him out of trouble.  It is amazing to watch as this unassuming man turns into a warrior at the first sign of trouble.

I believe this is directly due to his father.  His father, a Karate master himself, obviously knew about the power of the warrior spirit.  By constantly reinforcing his son’s belief in his own spirit’s power, Lyoto grew to have a spirit stronger than any of his challengers.  He full well believes, with every ounce of his being, that he has a Samurai spirit living within him.  This singular belief, that he has had since he was a small child, has carried him to victory in countless areas of life.

You don’t have to fight in a cage to benefit from the Samurai spirit.

Any challenge you face in life is a test of your spirit.  Humans are remarkable beings that have consistently overcome insurmountable odds to achieve what was once thought impossible.  The reason is solely due to their belief in themselves.  For example, no one ever ran a 4 minute mile before it was broken in the early  1950s.  Within two years, eight other people broke the record.  Coincidence?  Or do you think that these other people finally believed it was possible once they heard someone else did it?

Anything is possible.  Humans have always dreamed of being able to fly.  Well now we have helicopters, jets, planes, and space shuttles.  Humans have always dreamed of a time machine.  Now we have television, dvds, movie theaters, and documentaries which can re-create what past times may have been like.  The point is, whatever your dream may be, no matter how far-fetched it may seem, it is definitely possible in some way or another.

All you have to do is believe in yourself.

Remember about the Samurai spirit the next time you are ready to give up.  Remember how it has carried Lyoto through his most pressing times.  I always say MMA reflects the challenges we face in life.  Try to use the same tools these fighters do.  Believe in your preparation, in your own ability, and great things will be sure to come.

Such is the way of the Samurai….

“Life is like unto a long journey with a heavy burden. Let thy step be slow and steady, that thou stumble not. Persuade thyself that imperfection and inconvenience are the natural lot of mortals, and there will be no room for discontent, neither for despair. When ambitious desires arise in thy heart, recall the days of extremity thou has passed through. Forbearance is the root of quietness and assurance forever. Look upon the wrath of the enemy. If thou knowest only whatit is to conquer, and knowest not what it is to be defeated, woe unto thee; it will fare ill with thee. Find fault with thyself rather than with others.” –Ieyasu Tokugawa (1543-1616)

Every Jiu Jitsu class starts out with warm-ups, then some drills, a few instructional lessons, more drills, and live sparring which is called ‘rolling’. Yesterday, right as we were about to roll, I was matched up with a 4-stripe White Belt. White belt is the initial belt in Jiu Jitsu. After that it goes blue, purple, brown, and finally black. There is only one ‘red’ belt that I know of, and that is the absolute highest you can go.

I am a purple belt, which is about 4 years worth of experience. This 4-stripe white belt is only about a year and 1/2 deep in his experience. However, he is pretty good for his level. I have taught classes where he has rolled considerably well against higher ranked opponents. We slapped hands and just as we are about to start rolling, he leans in and says….

“Listen.  I am going to try my hardest this time and really push the pace because you are pretty good.  Okay?”

I laughed, and said “That’s no problem.  Next time, you don’t have to warn me.”

And so we engaged….

I couldn’t help think why on earth this kid would say that.  I mean, I know he is going to come at me full speed.  We have rolled before and I have killed the kid with technique.  It’s not that I am more talented, I am just more experienced.  That’s it.  However, for some reason probably pertaining to the Ego, this kid had decided he had not tried his all.  He had decided to make it clear to me that the last few times he was not ready.  The last few times were different.  Now, by expressing himself verbally, he had made his point that this was the real test.  This would decide if I really could beat him.

The thing that made me laugh most about this was the mindset.  Why on earth would you warn someone that you are going to try your hardest?  Did I expect any less?  Does he think that this changes anything?  Was he not trying his hardest the last few times?

As the match started, I realized this kid just wanted to tap me, not necessarily beat me.  He was trying to satisfy his Ego.  For example, he tried these ridiculously fancy, low percentage arm-bars.  By low percentage, I mean he had a very small chance of actually landing these on anybody, let alone someone more experienced.  This was his way of saying I’m going to throw caution into the wind and see what happens.

He had decided his only option was to take drastic measures because nothing else had worked.

Needless to say, I controlled and tapped the kid two or three times in 4 minutes.  It was the exact same result as the previous two times, if not a bit worse.  The kid, who is an extremely nice guy, thanked me and moved on.  I showed him a couple of things I noticed about his game, and that was that.

I thought I would share this story because I have been in that kid’s shoes many times before.  When you are facing a tough challenge, one that you have failed at before, it is important to realize the reality of the situation.  Every one will always make the excuse that they did not put in enough effort, but that is rarely the case.

Working hard is important.  However, working smart is the key to tackling any challenge.  Many people will always question their own effort after a failure.  The truth is, whether you succeed or fail, there is always more effort you could have given.  There is always more work you could have done.  That does not mean it would have been any more effective.  Losing may have been inevitable.  There is nothing wrong with that.

Sometimes, when tackling a challenge, we wind up in over our head.

When I started my mortgage company, I thought I knew what I was doing.  I thought if I tried as hard as I could I would be able to accomplish anything.  However, working hard is only part of the battle.  As hard as I tried, I just did not find much success in it. In fact, I failed miserably. The odds were heavily against me.  The industry was dying, the economy was changing, and I was very inexperienced.  Could I have done more?  Absolutely.  Would that have made a difference?  If anything, it would have postponed my inevitable failure.

Just like the white belt, sometimes we all make tough personal challenges even tougher.  We can put unnecessary pressure on our self which actually inhibits our ability to succeed, rather than help it.  Plus, even when me make a greater effort, we usually wind up with the same results anyway.

It is only when we accept that we have failed, and look for the lesson in it, that we are able to move forward.

Working smart and relaxed is much more effective than overworking.  Over working just makes the challenge that much tougher.  Without a clear, relaxed mind, your body will not be able to deal with the tension.  The mind & body are directly related to one another.  Your body will tire out physically, rendering you unable to perform at an optimal level mentally.

When facing a tough challenge, I think it is best to forget the past, disregard the possible futures, and just enjoy the process. Do not even concern yourself with the outcome.  Just deal with the task at hand.  When I roll with a tougher opponent that I know will kick my ass, I simply try to enjoy the learning process.  I may lose, but at least I will get better each time.  Eventually, that challenge will no longer be a challenge, and I will have advanced closer to my end goal of a black belt.

Success is more about persistence and perseverance, than plain old effort.  Effort is not enough when the odds are against you.  The best way I have found to deal with a tough challenge is by calming myself with these thoughts….

• Relax by breathing in extra deep, and exhaling out your tension.
• Focus on the task at hand. Any potential outcomes are meaningless.
• Failure or Success in this battle is not the end of the war.  It is only a part of it.
• Each challenge you experience helps prepare you for future challenges.
• Be proud you are trying to accomplish what many others only talk about.
• Enjoy the process by remembering, win or lose, you are getting more experience either way.

By relaxing my mind & body, I am ready to tackle any challenge.  I may not succeed, but I will always learn something from the process to help me out in future challenges.

How do you deal with facing tough challenges?

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