Yin vs YangThe Battle for Success in Life

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Every Monday is personal development through Jiu Jitsu…

Today, it occurred to me that achieving success in life is a lot like setting up a good arm bar. For those that don’t know, an arm bar is a submission attempt in which you use your body to hyperextend the elbow on someone’s arm. In training, and even fights, the person ‘taps’ before their elbow is hyperextended, unless they are rather dumb, which happens from time to time.

Today I was rolling with a lower belt in Jiu Jitsu. He was a stronger person than me, and weighed about 30 pounds more. I was on my knees in his guard (between his closed legs). He was ripping my right arm with all his strength, desperate to kick his leg over my head and apply an arm bar, similar to the guy on his back in the picture below.

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Now, trying to force a move on someone may work when they are less experienced because they don’t know what to do either. However, when dealing with someone more experienced, it’s a waste of time. This is because, one of the keys to Jiu Jitsu is…

Position before Submission

Before you attempt to apply the arm bar, you must first put yourself in a position to succeed. When my opponent starts pulling my arm, and sloppily wrapping his leg over my head, I immediately know what he is going for. Not only that, but there is plenty of space to escape through. This means my defense will be more successful than his submission attempt. He is trying to force my position, instead of properly setting it up.

The Set Up

After training for a bit, you realize that you must ‘set-up’ a successful arm-bar. You do this by applying the proper grips. Then you place your foot on the hip, rotate, slice your leg over their head, and apply pressure with your hips.  After doing these for a while, you realize the key is the first few steps. By making the first few steps successful, the rest of the move just flows. Once the grips are secured, and the foot is tight on the hip, the person will have a very tough time escaping, whether they know the move or not. Here is the right way to set up an arm bar…

Life is Like An Arm Bar

Life is very much the same. You can not force your way into any position in life. In order to reach your dream position, you must take the proper initial steps. Depending on your goal, it may take a long time, even years to achieve, but it is certainly worth the wait. Remember, it is not the speed that matters, it is the results.

The rest should be as simple as following your plan of action. The proper set up to any plan will make the final steps that much easier. However, if you take sloppy initial steps, your chances of success will diminish drastically, just like my opponent’s arm bar attempt. In fact, you could even wind up in a much worse position then when you started, just like he did.

Whatever you do in life, make sure you take the right steps and do it right. Put yourself in the position to succeed, or take the risk of dealing with the failure.

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Every Jiu Jitsu class starts out with warm-ups, then some drills, a few instructional lessons, more drills, and live sparring which is called ‘rolling’. Yesterday, right as we were about to roll, I was matched up with a 4-stripe White Belt. White belt is the initial belt in Jiu Jitsu. After that it goes blue, purple, brown, and finally black. There is only one ‘red’ belt that I know of, and that is the absolute highest you can go.

I am a purple belt, which is about 4 years worth of experience. This 4-stripe white belt is only about a year and 1/2 deep in his experience. However, he is pretty good for his level. I have taught classes where he has rolled considerably well against higher ranked opponents. We slapped hands and just as we are about to start rolling, he leans in and says….

“Listen.  I am going to try my hardest this time and really push the pace because you are pretty good.  Okay?”

I laughed, and said “That’s no problem.  Next time, you don’t have to warn me.”

And so we engaged….

I couldn’t help think why on earth this kid would say that.  I mean, I know he is going to come at me full speed.  We have rolled before and I have killed the kid with technique.  It’s not that I am more talented, I am just more experienced.  That’s it.  However, for some reason probably pertaining to the Ego, this kid had decided he had not tried his all.  He had decided to make it clear to me that the last few times he was not ready.  The last few times were different.  Now, by expressing himself verbally, he had made his point that this was the real test.  This would decide if I really could beat him.

The thing that made me laugh most about this was the mindset.  Why on earth would you warn someone that you are going to try your hardest?  Did I expect any less?  Does he think that this changes anything?  Was he not trying his hardest the last few times?

As the match started, I realized this kid just wanted to tap me, not necessarily beat me.  He was trying to satisfy his Ego.  For example, he tried these ridiculously fancy, low percentage arm-bars.  By low percentage, I mean he had a very small chance of actually landing these on anybody, let alone someone more experienced.  This was his way of saying I’m going to throw caution into the wind and see what happens.

He had decided his only option was to take drastic measures because nothing else had worked.

Needless to say, I controlled and tapped the kid two or three times in 4 minutes.  It was the exact same result as the previous two times, if not a bit worse.  The kid, who is an extremely nice guy, thanked me and moved on.  I showed him a couple of things I noticed about his game, and that was that.

I thought I would share this story because I have been in that kid’s shoes many times before.  When you are facing a tough challenge, one that you have failed at before, it is important to realize the reality of the situation.  Every one will always make the excuse that they did not put in enough effort, but that is rarely the case.

Working hard is important.  However, working smart is the key to tackling any challenge.  Many people will always question their own effort after a failure.  The truth is, whether you succeed or fail, there is always more effort you could have given.  There is always more work you could have done.  That does not mean it would have been any more effective.  Losing may have been inevitable.  There is nothing wrong with that.

Sometimes, when tackling a challenge, we wind up in over our head.

When I started my mortgage company, I thought I knew what I was doing.  I thought if I tried as hard as I could I would be able to accomplish anything.  However, working hard is only part of the battle.  As hard as I tried, I just did not find much success in it. In fact, I failed miserably. The odds were heavily against me.  The industry was dying, the economy was changing, and I was very inexperienced.  Could I have done more?  Absolutely.  Would that have made a difference?  If anything, it would have postponed my inevitable failure.

Just like the white belt, sometimes we all make tough personal challenges even tougher.  We can put unnecessary pressure on our self which actually inhibits our ability to succeed, rather than help it.  Plus, even when me make a greater effort, we usually wind up with the same results anyway.

It is only when we accept that we have failed, and look for the lesson in it, that we are able to move forward.

Working smart and relaxed is much more effective than overworking.  Over working just makes the challenge that much tougher.  Without a clear, relaxed mind, your body will not be able to deal with the tension.  The mind & body are directly related to one another.  Your body will tire out physically, rendering you unable to perform at an optimal level mentally.

When facing a tough challenge, I think it is best to forget the past, disregard the possible futures, and just enjoy the process. Do not even concern yourself with the outcome.  Just deal with the task at hand.  When I roll with a tougher opponent that I know will kick my ass, I simply try to enjoy the learning process.  I may lose, but at least I will get better each time.  Eventually, that challenge will no longer be a challenge, and I will have advanced closer to my end goal of a black belt.

Success is more about persistence and perseverance, than plain old effort.  Effort is not enough when the odds are against you.  The best way I have found to deal with a tough challenge is by calming myself with these thoughts….

• Relax by breathing in extra deep, and exhaling out your tension.
• Focus on the task at hand. Any potential outcomes are meaningless.
• Failure or Success in this battle is not the end of the war.  It is only a part of it.
• Each challenge you experience helps prepare you for future challenges.
• Be proud you are trying to accomplish what many others only talk about.
• Enjoy the process by remembering, win or lose, you are getting more experience either way.

By relaxing my mind & body, I am ready to tackle any challenge.  I may not succeed, but I will always learn something from the process to help me out in future challenges.

How do you deal with facing tough challenges?

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