Yin vs YangThe Battle for Success in Life

photo credit

Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Every Monday is personal development through Jiu Jitsu…

Jiu Jitsu is very much like a chess match. In each match, you are constantly positioning yourself to capitalize once all the pieces are in place. However, unlike chess, there is a very brief moment of time that those pieces will be in place. In fact, as you become more and more advanced at Jiu Jitsu, the shorter that window of opportunity becomes.

I can not tell you the countless times in my BJJ career that I have seen a perfect opportunity and failed to react to it. The majority of time is when I am rolling with someone who is better than me. When I am better, I am much more patient, and trusting in my abilities, but when the opposite is true, I tend to not trust my instinct as much because I am expecting to fail.

This is the mistake that I have learned to recognize.

The Window of Opportunity

Many times in life we have an opportunity appear in front of us. Be it at work, with a love interest, or anywhere else, all of us can talk about the times we should of done something, but failed to do so. The question I’d like to deal with is why?

Why do we let the fear of failure ruin our opportunities? If I analyze all of the times I can remember not going for a move in Jiu Jitsu when I should have, 99% of the time it was because I was afraid I would wind up in a worse position. I did not trust that the I would be successful going for the move, therefore, I was frozen in my tracks till the opportunity passed.

The same happens in everyday life. Ever see a girl or guy that you really wanted to talk to? Suddenly the opportunity presents itself, and you are full of excuses why you can not do it. The real reason you can’t do it, is the same reason I did not go for the move. We were both afraid of winding up in a worse position because we doubted our chances of success. However, on the mat, I have figured out a way to get around this, and it has really improved my game.

The Big Picture

What I had to do was come to terms with failure. I had to realize that not going for the move was actually worse than going for it, failing, and winding up in a worse position. You may be wondering how?

Simply put, I had to take my focus off of the moment, and look at the big picture. The moment suggests there is a pass or fail opportunity. The big picture though, paints quite the opposite picture. By going for the move and failing, I will learn a lesson. The next time that opportunity presents itself, I will be that much more prepared.

The same goes for life. Take the girl or guy from before. By talking to them, one of two things will happen. Either we will hit it off  and take it from there, or I will screw up and learn a lesson to help me the next time. Either way, if you look at the big picture, I come out on top.

If you walk through your life judging it from moment to moment, you will never see the big picture. Fear of the moment is over once the moment passes. However, with the unpredictability of life, it is safe to say that these moments can be few and far between. So the next time you have the chance to go for something, but fear has you frozen in your tracks, think of the big picture. Take your eyes off of the moment. If that does not work, then maybe you can try this.

Strange but True Solution

Another technique I use sometimes is to think of myself as an old man in a nursing home. Not just any old man, but actually myself in the future. I picture myself in a wheel chair telling the story of the moment I am facing to my peers in the home. I think about how I would want that story to sound. What would I want to say about the girl I saw? I would want to tell the other elderly that I went right up to that girl and gave it everything I got. I don’t want to say, yeah I should have, but I didn’t. It may sound strange, but this visualization has helped me on numerous occasions to see the big picture. By thinking like an old man in the future, I am able to glimpse the outcome of the opportunity in hindsight before it happens.

So the next time you are facing an opportunity, think of the big picture. The big picture is your life. The moment you are facing, is just that: a small moment in the long, long journey that life is. You think of the outcome in terms of the big picture, but you focus on the moment while in it to make the most of it. Either way, you win. When you look at it like that, why not take a chance?

Comments

How do you deal with windows of opportunity when fear freezes you in your tracks?

——————————————————————————————–

If you like what you see, get all the latest updates right to your email…

“Into this house we’re born
Into this world we’re thrown
Like a dog without a bone
An actor out alone
Riders on the storm”
–From Riders On The Storm Lyrics, by the Doors

Opening a door is a great way of describing what it means to create an opportunity in life. In business, they say it is not what you know, but who you know. Well, I say it is a little of both.

One of my favorite bands growing up was the Doors. Now, I was born in 1979, so I was no hippie child crowd surfing at the Whiskey Bar.  However, I became enamored with Jim Morrison after studying him for a biography. I was amazed at the incredibly intelligent individual he was, as I always thought of him as just a wild, drugged-out hippie.

One of the things I learned from Jim (as if we are friends ), is that a crucial key to life is opening doors, hence the name of the band (source)…

“The band took their name from the title of a book by Aldous Huxley, The Doors of Perception (1954). That title was in turn taken from a line in a poem by the 18th-century artist and poet William Blake:

“If the doors of perception were cleansed, every thing would appear to man as it is: infinite”.^[3]

What does this mean? Well, as with all poetry, it is open to personal interpretation. However, what I got out of it is, if we work at it hard enough, we can continually expand our perception till we are eventually all knowing.

Now, I did not take any LSD before writing this post, so when I speak about expanding your perception, please understand I do not mean to go out and do illicit drugs. (Yinvsyang said I should expand my mind officer )  I simply mean that you should open up your mind to all the possibilities right before your eyes.

“I’ll tell you this:
No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn”
–From The Wasp (Texas Radio And The Big Beat) Lyrics, by the Doors

This is your time to live out your dreams. This is the time to go out and do everything you ever wanted to. Not tomorrow, not next year. Right now.

So why do most people wait to achieve their dreams?

I believe it is fear. It is very scary to risk failure. If you ever have played Texas Hold’em before, and went all in, then you have a small idea of what I mean. It is tough to put everything you have on the line just for the chance of winning it all. However, it is something that we all must do if we want to have a chance to win, even in life.

The best way to do it in real life, is by continuing to open doors for yourself. Doors represent opportunities, or a pathway to something new. Once a door is opened, it is always possible to open again. The best way to open doors is to meet other people, whether you’d like to or not.

“People are strange when you’re a stranger
Faces look ugly when you’re alone
Women seem wicked when you’re unwanted
Streets are uneven when you’re down“
–From People Are Strange Lyrics, by the Doors

For instance, this morning, at about 6 am, I went to teach a boxing class at the local LA Boxing. Usually we have 4 or 5 people, but by start time, no one was there. At 6:05, I thought I had a free day when a car pulled up. I gritted my teeth, mad that one person actually came to the gym and ruined my joy.

However, instead of saying class was canceled, or making an excuse, I greeted him and went to work training him personally. Well, it turns out this guy works for Warner Brother’s pictures. He is nobody incredibly special, but he has worked there for 30 years.  He also has a host of local film connections that he is hooking me up with, and he is a great person to know when I am ready to submit a script.

And I was wishing he did not come.

By taking the time to treat this person right, I opened another door of opportunity for myself. Too many times in life, at least for me, we seal doors shut before they even had a chance to open. We do not wonder what could be behind them, or think of them as an opportunity. Instead, we perceive them like I perceived this guy this morning…..’what a pain in the ass!’

However, by recognizing everything for what it is, hence expanding our perception, we have a greater chance to be incredibly successful. No matter who the person is, just by knowing them and having a relationship, you have opened a door. It may lead to nothing, but is still an open door just in case. By making this a habit, you will eventually find what you are looking for behind one of the doors.

“Let’s swim to the moon
Let’s climb through the tide
You reach your hand to hold me
But I can’t be your guide“
–From Moonlight Drive Lyrics, by the Doors

Now that you hopefully understand the idea of opening doors, here are 5 Tips to help you create more opportunities for yourself each & every day.

1. Meet a new person every day

Whether in person, or through the internet, networking is key to getting where you want in life. Don’t be afraid to speak to someone or to contact them. Think of it simply as opening a door, regardless of the response. It is the simple fact that you took action that matters. You never know what may come of it.

2. Return ALL Calls & Emails

Too many times, I have returned an email or call that I did not feel like, and it worked out for the best. I have learned that getting back to people is just as important as meeting them. It is not just a matter of opening a door. Once you see what you like behind it, it is important to capitalize on the work you did to open the door through consistent communication.

3. Build Your Social Network

This is the great thing about blogging. Building up your social network is directly related to your success today. Meeting, continuing to meet, and staying in touch with people can be an all day task. By taking advantage of the new online technologies such as twitter, facebook, and other social networking sites, you can keep in touch with thousands of people and still keep sane.

4. Say Hello, even when you don’t want to.

Ever get one of those phone calls you don’t want to answer? Or better yet, ever run into someone you do not want to speak to at a local store? It is these moments that will define you. Say hello. Answer the phone. Think of it as opening another door. It may be a short pain in the ass, but just like the annoyance of finding a coin for a scratch-off ticket, it may all be worth it in the end.

5. Make these 4 steps a habit.

Consistency is key. Just taking a day or two to do this will show no results. It is important to make this a habit. Make it part of your routine. Only through consistently taking this approach will you begin to see the benefits. Trust me, I know .

“Strange days have found us
And through their strange hours
We linger alone
Bodies confused
Memories misused
As we run from the day
To a strange night of stone“
–From Strange Days Lyrics, by the Doors

How do you create more opportunities for yourself in life? Have you ever found an opportunity through a ‘pain in the ass’ experience? Help contribute and open more doors right now by commenting with some feedback

Look to your right.

Now look to your left.

Look up above you.

Now look under your desk.

Look all around everywhere you can see.

That is where you’ll find opportunity.

-Peter James

I guess I am feeling a bit poetic this Friday.  My company just finished another great commercial yesterday.  For all of those relatively new to YinvsYang, I will fill you in.  A little over 6 months ago (wow, time flies), my partner and I started this blog to mark a big change in our lives.  We had just started a New Media production company Reimagine, and soon after began writing.

The concept for Yin vs Yang was simple.  We were going to completely give up all the stuff in our lives that we did not want to do.  We were going to fight all the fear, obstacles, limits, and setbacks that life could throw at us will the sole desire to build the dream life we desired.  We were going to win the ongoing battle of Mind vs. Body in us all to do what we want, not what we can.  That meant only doing the projects we love, and not working just to pay our bills.  We were going to do all this and write about it, just to prove one thing:

Doing what you love to do will take you wherever it is you desire.

I’m sure this sounds admirable, as my ego would like you to believe, but in fact, it is quite a war of attrition.  Building a dream life &/or business is a huge process requiring patience, persistence, and perseverance.  Without these traits, you will probably give up over time.  In fact, I learned one simple fact about any challenge:

Success isn’t a possibility.  It must be your only option!

Do not take no for an answer.  Do not give up, ever.  When the going gets tough, you need to dig deep within yourself, find your resolve, and keep going.    It can be rough facing tremendously tough challenges.  You must understand that win or lose, it does not matter.  It is only about the path you take, not the outcome that occurs.

Sure, I am not out of the financial mess that chasing money got me into in the first place, but I am definitely on my way.  I am steadily building the life I want to live, as is my partner.  Because of this, our work is growing stronger, our reputation is spreading, and we are much better people on a daily basis because of it {well, at least most of the time }.

I imagine a lot of you have thought about just doing what you love, only to have reality laugh at you.  We are not any different, except we try to laugh right back.  It has been quite challenging and at the same time, quite rewarding.  I learn more and more about myself everyday, simply by sharing my inner most thoughts with the blogging universe.  My partner and I continue to fight each and every day towards this goal of living the life we desire, and sharing our feelings with others on similar paths is a blessing in itself.

We just would like to take moment to say Thank you.

We have had to believe with all our souls in our own success, or we would never get off our feet.  Sometimes, believing in yourself can be the toughest challenge of all.  It is our reader’s wonderful comments, or emails, that have kept us inspired to keep going. What we have learned is actually quite amusing.  I guess the best way to sum it up is like this:

Everyone wants to know how they can make a million dollars.  Well why not just ask the only person who knows the answer:

Yourself!

It really is that simple, or at least we believe it is. Do what you love and the rest will follow.  It WILL be difficult at first, but all great paths usually are.  For us, so far, so good.  Till next time, enjoy the weekend, and thanks as always for reading!

For all those interested, here is the local commercial we just finished….

Elite Martial Arts from Reimagine New Media on Vimeo.

The other day, I ran into a person I went to high school with.  We both looked at each other and had that five seconds of an awkward moment when you are racking your brain trying to remember where you know each other from.  To break the awkwardness, I smiled, and put out my hand.  Immediately, he shook my hand and we began the routine ‘how have you been?’ convo.

I tend to run into a lot of people because I have known them through my family and businesses.  One of the things that I always find strange is that moment of awkwardness that happens on these chance run-ins.  You know, you have just left your home in a hurry, not looking your best.  You enter the super market all frazzled just trying to grab the necessities and get on the shortest line possible.

You finally make your way through the slow moving crowd trying not to lose any items.  You look for the shortest line and WHAM!….Right there is a person about to pay with not too many items.

You rush over to secure your spot, and drop all of the items on counter.  All of a sudden the person about to pay turns around.  It is a person you sat next to in high school for four years in homeroom.  You both look away pretending not too notice.

The obvious feeling is that who wants to talk to this person?  You really were not close in school.  You barely said hi to them then.  You owe them nothing, therefore there is no point in even talking.  Who cares if you know them?  You even hope to God that the other person feels the same way.

However, it is moments like these that successful people capitalize on by taking a different approach.

They immediately smile and say hello.  They take the lead by acting first.  It shows leadership and maturity.  It conveys authority.  All of a sudden, you are in control, whether the person wanted to speak to you or not.  Either way it always leads to the routine conversation.

That routine convo always seems to include asking each other how have you been?, do you still talk to so and so?, and the most important question of all, ‘so what are you up to now?’.  This is where I have found opportunities present themselves like never before.  This is where successful people shine.  This is why they start the conversation.  For this very question.

What are you up to now gives you a chance to speak about your business with someone new.  You never know where this will lead.  Opportunities do not present themselves.  They are like hidden Easter eggs in video games, you have to find them.

Here are 5 simple ways to find more opportunities in life:

1. Speak to as many people about what you do as possible.  It is never wrong to let people know how you can help them or their family.
2. Speak to people who you do not know.  There are many times we find ourselves next to someone on the train, or bus, or whereever.  Most of the time, I don’t speak to these people either.  However, sometimes opportunities present themselves to talk.  It is at this point the decision is ours.  Do we open up an opportunity or do we not?  Successful people almost always open up the opportunity.
3. Change your point of view.  Stop looking at these random run-ins as a drag.  They are not.  They may seem awkward, but that is because you have the opportunity to take control and create more opportunities.  So, instead of a drag, look at them as a big opportunity.
4. Be proud of what you do.  If you do something day in and day out, you should be proud of it.  If not, you may need to rethink what you do.  Because if you are not proud of it, then how can you possibly be successful at it?
5. Don’t be afraid to open up.  Many people try to put on a certain ‘face’ in front of people they are not comfortable around.  They think they better act a certain way, but it actually works against them.  Try to realize this as it happens, and then try slowly to move past it.  Opening up and being sincere may sound like it makes you vulnerable, but actually it is more effective then you can ever imagine.  The only way for me to prove it to you is to have you try it out yourself.

If anyone has anything of their own to add to the growing list, simply leave a comment below.

These are but a few of the countless ways to open up new opportunities in your life.  Next time you see someone you know, try this out.  You may be surprised.

Opening a door is always better than just guessing there is nothing behind it!

If you liked this, or any other of my writings, I would be much obliged if you clicked DIGG IT below.  Thanks in advance.