Yin vs YangThe Battle for Success in Life

Ever been in a fight before? Or at least almost?

Remember the rush of fear as your muscles tense, your perception expands, and sweat begins emanating from places you didn’t know had glands? Remember the feeling of time speeding up and slowing down?

These are the same feelings a new white belt experiences during their first Jiu Jitsu class. It’s like learning how to swim for the first time in an ocean of sharks trying to pull you under. The more you struggle to stay above water, the faster you will drown. On the mat, instead of sharks, there are lifelong wrestlers going at 100 miles per hour, experienced veterans laughing through your guard, and a host of other supreme athletes trying to use you as their learning dummy.

Ahhhh….to be a white belt again.

Jiu Jitsu can be quite frustrating in the beginning for anyone. I tried all the typical short cuts to success, as I had most of my life using physical strength, wits, combined with a host of excuses. However, all were completely useless over time. In Jiu Jitsu, talk is very cheap, cause your words can easily be proven right on the mat. There is no short cut to get ahead of the pack.

The only way to success is to pay your dues on the mat.

Paying your dues is something I learned all about through Jiu Jitsu. I was around 24 when I started, and I had made an art out of getting around paying dues my whole life.

In the end, I probably worked harder trying to avoid them, than I would have if I just sucked it up from the start. Unfortunately, I was under the impression skipping my dues was more advantageous to my future than going through the initial bumps in the road.

Getting choked, tapped, and knocked out, can be very enlightening though.

It was through my Jiu Jitsu career that I learned the necessity of paying your dues. In fact, I have learned to enjoy doing so because if you want to be successful at anything, there is only one way:

Pay your dues, and do it with a smile.

It’s that simple. Get on the mat, get choked, tapped, beat up, and then do it all over again. The more you experience, the better off you are. You smile, cause you know you are on the path to success.

If you just want to jump on the mat and be a superstar, Jiu Jitsu is not for you. I have seen Division One college wrestlers tapped like little boys in the beginning. Believe me, this does not last long, but the point is clear. Without any experience on the mat in the actual sport of Jiu Jitsu, you can not possibly expect to win.

The same goes for life. Without any experience at something, why should you expect to win?  Without putting in the work, how can you expect to be great?

Everybody dreams of being something.

Whether it’s to be rich, famous, successful, in shape, healthy, or whatever, we want all the good things in life. The issue is, many of us tend to only concentrate on the glorious ending, and not the time it takes to get there.

If you want to be an NFL quarterback, you may dream of throwing the game winning touchdown in the Super Bowl like thousands of other young men. However, it is only a small percentage of those thousands that actually make time in their daily schedule to reach that dream. The rest will simply talk, dream, and fantasize about it.

The same goes for a Cage Fighter. Any man with a beer or two in them may debate whether they could be one of these professional fighters. They see the knockouts, the glory of a win, and they think, that’s not that hard.

What they don’t see is the blood, sweat, & tears that is took to get there. They don’t see the daily sacrifices that were made by the fighter at home, at work, and in life.  Becoming a good cage fighter is no accident. It takes consistent dedication, just like anything else in life.

If you throw out the idea that you may be a prodigy at something, reaching that goal becomes rather simple.

You just go through the experience, and learn a little more each time. Eventually, if you work at it enough, you will reach the level you are hoping to attain.

That’s it.

However, when you put the pressure on yourself to reach an elite level right off the bat, even though you have little or no experience, the journey becomes confusing and most likely you will wind up giving up.

Think about it….

• Why set the bar so high?
• Why set the bar at all?
• What does it matter if you try something and fail?
• If you have no experience, why would you expect to be successful, or care if you are not?

The next time you feel like a white belt at something, try to alleviate the natural pressure your expectations can put on you. Relax, take a deep breath, and smile.

Smile because no one gets to the top without paying their dues, so you are on your way. Don’t look at it as a drag. Instead, look at it for what it really is…

A stepping stone to success.

This is a preview to the E-book to be titled ‘A Stepping Stone to Success.’ Look for this FREE gift to our readers during the holiday season on Yin vs Yang.

Growing up, probably like most of you, I always wondered if I was going to be special at something.  I was told I was special many times by teachers, parents, grandparents, and other relatives (admittedly sometimes mockingly).  However, deep down inside, I really wondered, if I was special at anything, because it certainly did not seem like it.

I would try all sorts of things hoping I would be naturally talented in it.  Throughout school, I tried baseball, hockey, soccer, guitar, tennis, marketing, business, math, science, English, French, writing, film making and countless other things.  Yet, in each one of them I found the same situation:  I was not special at it, and it would take really hard work to be so.

As you get older, you naturally start to focus more on money.  Maybe I would be special at making money, I thought.  However, once again, I found myself in the same situation.  It takes hard work, patience, persistence, and time to attain wealth, or any other goal for that matter.

It turns out, I have not found anything I was born special in, ever.  Not one single thing.

I found that I was talented in film, though mostly, it was only because I loved to do it.  I also had some glimpses of talent in writing, and editing, but again, it was because I enjoyed it. So, all my hopes as a kid of being born special, my expectations of being this special person who did special things, all went out the window.  That is, until I realized that the issue was not me, it was my expectations.

I was expecting to be naturally special at something.  I was waiting for the easy route.  I thought great people like Michael Jordan and Wayne Gretzky were just born special.  I did not think they started out just like me.  No way.  They were superstars, not little kids from Brooklyn.

However, time is life’s greatest teacher.  As I got older and looked back at my journey, I realized one common theme:  I was looking to be special, without actually trying to work for it. Instead of thinking other successful people were special, or smarter, or more resourceful than me, I started to understand we are all pretty much the same.

“People are not special.  They just do special things.”

I’m not sure where I read that quote, or something like it, but it always stayed with me.  It is the truest of all things in life that I have learned thus far.  Growing up, parents always try to make you feel special.  So do your relatives, teachers, and other influential people.  But, in my opinion, this can be a mistake.  Parents do it out of love, and we feel good, but is it good preparation for life?  Probably not.

In truth, the only way to become special is to earn it.  No one is born special.  It takes hard work, dedication, and most of all, time.   Therefore, the pressure is off.  None of you have to hope to be special at anything.  It is much easier than that.  All you have to do is to keep doing whatever it is you love, because…

Special is not something you are, it is something you become.

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