Yin vs YangThe Battle for Success in Life

Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

For those of you who don’t know me, I am currently a purple belt in Gracie Jiu Jitsu. I have been training for over 4 years and I can safely say Jiu Jitsu has changed my life for the better. I have not only become a better Martial artist, but I have become a 1000x better person as well. Jiu Jitsu is a martial art which naturally permeates throughout the rest of your life.

This is because Jiu Jitsu takes persistence, patience, and perseverance to be successful at, just like anything else in life.  Even getting just my purple belt is probably one of the accomplishments I am most proud of in my young life. However, if you don’t train Jiu Jitsu, then you probably don’t understand why. Lucky for you, that’s what I’m here to explain.

The goal of everyone who starts out in Jiu Jitsu is to get a black belt. There is no test to pass, or requirements to meet. There is no specific time period. Simply put, after you pass the white belt level, you only get promoted when your Instructor thinks it is time. It is completely a judgment call. That’s what makes it so special. Getting a black belt probably takes on average about 10 or so years.

Most people never get one.

Being a purple belt, I have met & rolled with a few different Jiu Jitsu black belts. Lou Vintaloro, Tyrone Elijea, Jim Destefano, Joe Lombardo, Rich Dimino, Rodrigo Piniero, Royler Gracie, David Adiv, & Asher Willner (who I saw actually get his black belt). These guys are all different ages, backgrounds, sizes, body types, etc. The only thing that they all have in common is one simple trait:

They never stopped trying.

That’s the only difference. They never stopped training, and eventually, they got to a goal that once seemed impossible.

A black belt is the pinnacle. It means you have mastered your art. You have reached the top level in your field. It commands automatic respect and is a constant reflection of all the effort, sweat, and persistence it took to get there.

I have known 4 or 5 of these aforementioned names before they were black belts. Now that they wear that dark cotton around there waist, you can see the sheer pride reflected in their gait. It’s almost as if they derive power from that belt. The fact that their peers deemed them worthy boosts their own confidence level. They now believe that they are a black belt. They became better overnight, when all that changed was the color of their belt.

Any dream you desire in life is achieved exactly the same way a black belt is.

It takes persistence, but most of all, it just means never giving up. If you don’t stop, then how can you can have possibly failed?

That does not mean it is easy, but it is simple. Just keep going no matter what. No one can tell you how long it will take, or when it will happen. Whatever dream you are after, just start slowly working towards it one day at a time. Some days will be bad, some days will be worse, and some days it will feel like it is all worth it.

However, no matter what kind of day you are experiencing, the important thing is to keep moving forward. If you want to succeed, giving up is not an option. In fact, it’s the only way to actually fail.

Don’t spend your day questioning if it is all worth it, or trying to decide each moment if you are going to succeed or not. That is a waste of time & energy. If you are having doubts, the best thing to do is to either take a break, or just get back to work.

Eventually, if you keep persisting, you will get the recognition you deserve, except probably for the 2-inch wide dark cotton belt around your waist. Oh well, if it’s a problem, I’m sure you can get one of those in the store

Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

“Darling I don’t know why I go to extremes
Too high or too low there ain’t no in-betweens
And if I stand or I fall
It’s all or nothing at all
Darling I don’t know why I got to extremes” -Billy Joel: ‘I Go To Extremes’

For whatever reason, I have always been someone who could not walk away from a challenge. My wife even uses this to her advantage by dropping her tangled jewelry in front of me and watching as I grumble incoherently for however long it takes to untangle. She knows I can’t stop until it is done, even if I want to.

It’s how I’ve always been since I can remember. Growing up, if you told me not to do something, all I heard was…

DO IT, I DARE YOU!!!!

Everything was a challenge to me. My young life was extremely black and white with no room for any gray area whatsoever. I was either your best friend, or your enemy. I would hate a girl one week, and love her the next. Any hobby I was into was the greatest thing ever. When I got bored of it, I hated it. When I critiqued a movie, it was either the best I had ever seen, or it just plain SUCKED.

Simply put, I was an extremist from the moment I was born. Deep down, I believe we all are born extremists, and life slowly beats us into conformity as we grow. This is because being an extremist at anything is not easy.

For example, even though I graduated film school on a roll, in less than a year I jumped into the mortgage game eager to chase the easy money. I could have kept toughing it out at my parent’s house with film, but that seemed too extreme. I thought it was better to get a simple job rather than keep struggling with how to make a living doing what I love. Besides, I had time to do what I love after I got rich, right?

Boy was I wrong.

I failed miserably with this mindset and am still feeling the effects of it financially right now. However, because of this outright failure, I had a complete epiphany on the importance of having ….

…the mindset of an Extremist!

Being extreme is who I am. However, who I am comes with certain personal faults that other people notice. It took a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that it’s okay to be me, flaws and all, just like it’s okay to be you. As a matter of fact, the flaws are the most beautiful part! So let them shine….

It’s okay to be the fanatic yelling his head off at the football game.

It’s okay to be the neat freak who cleans their house 2x before the cleaning lady comes.

It’s okay to be the person with the craziest costume on Halloween, or the most detailed school project in the class, or the most organized nerd at work.

It’s okay, because it means you are the type of special person willing to go to extremes regardless of what anyone thinks.

Don’t EVER let anyone take that away from you.

Looking back, I can definitely admit I used to be afraid to go after my desires. I was afraid to give all of my effort and risk failure. I was afraid of the pressure success might bring. I was afraid to show I was better than the next person, because I might have to do it again sometime. Most of all, I was afraid to admit this all to myself. Rather than trying to win, I was more concerned with not losing in the eyes of others.

Maybe you had a similar experience.

• Have you ever went through the motions at something instead of giving it your all, even though you could have?
• Have you ever ignored your gut instinct because you were afraid it might be wrong?
• Have you ever denied doing something because you thought others would think bad of you?

Well, I certainly did many times. I always had an extreme desire to be the best at everything I did, however, being the best meant standing out from the crowd. That in itself presented its own challenges.

Standing out is definitely not a comfortable feeling. It can take some getting used to. Jealous people will ridicule you for challenging the wisdom of the masses. Others will call you crazy for going out on your own. Shit, sometimes, it’s those closest to you that have the biggest doubts. However, if you want to succeed, I feel learning to enjoy standing out it is a bridge you must cross.

Going to extremes is what life is all about.

Think of the most successful people in the world and you show me one who was not extreme. Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Oprah Winfrey, Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky, Mark Cuban, etc. These people were not trying to fit in. They did not worry about what everyone else thought. No, they just went for it all and let the chips fall where they may. You name any person successful at anything in the world, and I bet they were considered extreme in one way or another.

If you only do what you are supposed to do, or just enough, then how can you ever expect to get ahead?

The answer is you can’t. However, when you let your instinct lead the way, you have no choice but to stand out, even if you don’t succeed. Think about it. There is only one of you.  So if you are yourself, than it’s impossible not to stand out.

To me, there is nothing worse in life than just going through the motions whether it’s your job, a sport, or your workout. It’s just so freakin’ boring.  Life is too precious to let it be wasted like that. Why not find something you love to do, and go all out with it? Take it to the extreme and enjoy the gratifying journey. Be proud of the extremities you are known for because that’s what makes you who you are.

Give back to life the extreme gift it has given you by being an individual. Worry not what others think.  Worry only what you think, and then go out there, and give it everything you got to get what you desire.

The best way I can remember it being said is…..

‘I don’t care what you choose to do, just make sure whatever it is, you do it better than everybody else.’ -unknown

Growing up, probably like most of you, I always wondered if I was going to be special at something.  I was told I was special many times by teachers, parents, grandparents, and other relatives (admittedly sometimes mockingly).  However, deep down inside, I really wondered, if I was special at anything, because it certainly did not seem like it.

I would try all sorts of things hoping I would be naturally talented in it.  Throughout school, I tried baseball, hockey, soccer, guitar, tennis, marketing, business, math, science, English, French, writing, film making and countless other things.  Yet, in each one of them I found the same situation:  I was not special at it, and it would take really hard work to be so.

As you get older, you naturally start to focus more on money.  Maybe I would be special at making money, I thought.  However, once again, I found myself in the same situation.  It takes hard work, patience, persistence, and time to attain wealth, or any other goal for that matter.

It turns out, I have not found anything I was born special in, ever.  Not one single thing.

I found that I was talented in film, though mostly, it was only because I loved to do it.  I also had some glimpses of talent in writing, and editing, but again, it was because I enjoyed it. So, all my hopes as a kid of being born special, my expectations of being this special person who did special things, all went out the window.  That is, until I realized that the issue was not me, it was my expectations.

I was expecting to be naturally special at something.  I was waiting for the easy route.  I thought great people like Michael Jordan and Wayne Gretzky were just born special.  I did not think they started out just like me.  No way.  They were superstars, not little kids from Brooklyn.

However, time is life’s greatest teacher.  As I got older and looked back at my journey, I realized one common theme:  I was looking to be special, without actually trying to work for it. Instead of thinking other successful people were special, or smarter, or more resourceful than me, I started to understand we are all pretty much the same.

“People are not special.  They just do special things.”

I’m not sure where I read that quote, or something like it, but it always stayed with me.  It is the truest of all things in life that I have learned thus far.  Growing up, parents always try to make you feel special.  So do your relatives, teachers, and other influential people.  But, in my opinion, this can be a mistake.  Parents do it out of love, and we feel good, but is it good preparation for life?  Probably not.

In truth, the only way to become special is to earn it.  No one is born special.  It takes hard work, dedication, and most of all, time.   Therefore, the pressure is off.  None of you have to hope to be special at anything.  It is much easier than that.  All you have to do is to keep doing whatever it is you love, because…

Special is not something you are, it is something you become.

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