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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Life can be very confusing with all the stimulus our mind has to deal with each day. We have bills to pay, family to make happy, work to do, bosses/clients to satisfy, dreams of a better life, and reality standing in our way.

All of this stimulus can really throw a wrench in our ability to prioritize what is really important, and what appears important on a daily basis. There is so much going on that we don’t know what we should focus on. Instead, we try to focus on it all.

I experienced the same type of situation while gaining rank in Jiu Jitsu. When I was a white belt, there was so much going on that I tried to pay attention to, my mind was unable to keep up with more experienced and athletic opponents. Everything my opponent did seemed like a battle for life or death.

Over time, as I got more comfortable, I learned to relax my mind and only pay attention to what is important. You see, all of the stuff I was paying attention to seemed important when I was a white belt. That is why every time my opponent moved, I reacted, or more likely, over reacted. This is because I did not understand what was, and was not important. Since I was not sure, I had to fight every battle as if it was my last.

Now that I am a purple belt (before brown) and carry five years of real experience, I do not react to my opponent’s every move. Each situation I get into, I am able to focus on what is important and disregard what used to appear important. So if my opponent is threatening a move, I know whether or not to take it seriously because I understand my priorities in each position I have experience in. In simple terms, I carefully pick my battles.

Life is much the same, though we don’t gain rank with colored belts. Instead, we gain rank in happiness. Much like any martial art, achieving happiness takes hard work. It is not easy to be happy. In order to truly be at peace with ourselves, we need to understand what we want in life.

On this Earth, no matter who we are, there is one thing we all have in common. That is time. Time is all any of us really have. If every government in the world toppled, and money no longer existed, time would still march on. There is no stopping it. The only thing you can do is roll with it. You can not save time. You have to spend it. So the question is, what do you invest your daily time in?

Valuing your time is a great way to prioritize your focus and motivate yourself. Remember, there is no choice on whether you spend your time or not. You are spending it regardless. Might as well get the most value out of it, no? If you look at the world from the view point of your time’s value, it becomes much easier to deal with the daily negativity and dilemmas we all face.

Here are some examples from my life:

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Someone says something bad about me.

In the past, I might try to confront them. To be honest, I probably wouldn’t be able to sleep until I did confront them. But now, I think of it in terms of my time’s value. Is it worth my time to deal with something somebody said? Or is it better to just move on and focus on my dreams?

I need to pay my bills, but I also have to grow my business.

My bills tell me I should get a job to pay them now. However, time tells me I need to invest as much of it as possible in my business to be successful. This helps me realize that, for me, growing my business takes priority over paying my monthly bills because it is my dream to earn a living doing what I love. It may suck for a little while, but in the end, I will be enjoying the time I spend working, and easily paying my bills.

Which job should I take?

Many of us look at one thing when it comes to work: the salary. We judge each job opportunity by the size of the salary and benefits package. However, when you take time into consideration, the salary does not seem so important. If I am going to spend the MAJORITY of my time doing something, I better be happy while I am doing it, or getting something equal to it’s investment.

If I am going to be miserable, even if the pay is good, it is not worth the time. On the same note, if I am going to spend my time to pay my bills each month, only to leave the job years later and have to immediately find another to pay my bills because I was unable to save, what is the point? I’d rather invest my time to help me climb up the financial ladder, then to just spend all my time moving laterally.

I can’t do that.

No matter what it is, this right here is the biggest bunch of baloney in the entire English language. This phrase should be banned for its lunacy. If all we have is time, then we certainly can do anything we put our mind to. We may not want to do something, or we may be afraid to do something, but saying we can’t do anything is just ludicrous. If we invest the time, anything is possible.

I really want to reach this goal, but I don’t have the time.

Well, if you’ve read this far you certainly understand that you do have the time. In fact, that is all we have. Now, your time may be tied up with other things, but the question is, what is more important to you: Spending your time doing other things that appear important, or taking the initiative to spend your time do what you always dreamed?

I’ll tell you this: No one ever accidentally lived a dream life.

How much do you value your time?

Are you spending the majority of your time doing what you love? Does getting up in the morning feel good, or is it the first of a long series of dreaded events in your day?

Remember, time is all we really have. We get to decide how we spend it and just like money, it is an investment. What are you investing your time in? Is the end result really worth it, or are you just delaying the inevitable?

Only time will tell.

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

“The whole world is nuts. The only difference is the kind of shell we wear to protect us.” – Pj

Maybe it’s me, but lately I think everyone is a little on edge. I would imagine it has a lot to do with the economy. ‘Everyone is hurting out there, it’s just a matter to what degree’, a client recently told me. When money gets tight, emotions run high, and people can take out their rage in the strangest of places.

A perfect example of this is the other day. I was walking my dog through my development as I normally do. I live in a condo community, where you own everything on the inside, and they take care of the outside. You know, the basic definition of a condo. I stopped to talk to a neighbor about a stray cat everyone knows that animal control scooped up. I got the info I was looking for and continued walking. I stepped on the corner of grass in front of one of the condos when I heard a yell.

‘Hey, WTF are you doing? That’s the 2nd time I’ve seen you step on my grass.’

From out of their garage, this neighbor rapidly proceeded to get in my face with no shirt on. It was almost laughable. I explained to the dude that, first of all, it was not his grass. Second of all, you don’t have to be rude about it. If you would like me not to walk on someone elses’s grass, just ask politely. The dude acted as if he had snapped, and then regained control. He apologized briefly and just asked me to watch the grass he maintains.

Now, imagine being so angry in life that you are laying in your garage, waiting for someone to step on the corner of grass in front of a condo that you are renting. That’s right, not only does he not own the grass, he does not own the house either, yet he is worried about the grass.

I have noticed a rise in incidents like this ever since the economy started to decline. There seems to be more angry drivers, shoppers, customers, clients, and even business owners roaming about the world today. It is very tough out there right now, and the stress can weigh heavily on our minds throughout the day. Then, all of a sudden, one little incident can trigger a nuclear reaction. However, be careful out there. You never know when you might be messing with a blog writer who will tell your story to the whole world.

Even if you aren’t messing with a blog writer, it is important to not let the stress and emotions get the best of you. Currently, as I write this, I can think of many of my friends who would love to have their biggest challenge be navigating the current economy:

• My great friend, and ex-MMA fighter, who is now paralyzed after a motorcycle accident.
• My good friend growing up, who let drugs ruin his life, and now lives 50,000 miles away in Hawaii, unable to reconnect with his past out of fear of relapsing. He can’t even see his mother anymore.
• My sister’s friend who lost her sister in an automobile accident.
• A Cop in a town near me who’s 2 year old daughter just died from a rare sickness.

These are the kind of things that make us sit back and think that money problems are really no big deal. One way or another, we will get through them, and move on. Life is too big to stop for money issues, and so should we be. Why let some bills and debt ruin the days we are blessed to be above ground? So times are bad, economically. That does not mean they have to be bad overall.

I hope this post is a reminder to everyone of the important things in life. It sure is for me. It’s important to focus on your family, health, and happiness, not on the bills you can’t pay, or the job you hate. All of these things are changeable. None of them are life threatening, and in a few years, you may even sit back and laugh about it.

Until then, let’s all try to smile a little more during these trying times. Whether we are doing real good, or having the worst day, the fact that we are able to do one or the other, is really what we should be smiling about. I learned this first hand when I was hospitalized at 18 with Crohn’s disease. At the time, they did not know if I would get better. I remember all the little things I used to be concerned with kind of dissipated into thin air. They just seemed so trivial now that my quality of life was in danger.

Hopefully, it does not take a serious disease to teach you this valuable lesson. However bad things may seem, just remember, they could always be worse, just like they could always be better. At the end of the day, what’s really the difference? A good day is great, and a bad day makes you appreciate the good ones. Either way, we always win, no matter what our mind tries to tell us.

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

WARNING: The following article will obliterate any and all excuses you have created for why you can not be successful. If you wish to continue to effectively believe these excuses, please skip today’s post.

When I was a kid, I used to be sure that I was going to be rich. When I was in film school, I was sure I was going to be the next big movie director. And today, for the first time in a long time, I am sure of those things again. It’s just a matter of time.

I realized this the other day, before Jiu Jitsu class, while reading the back of a t-shirt. As stupid as that sounds, it is actually true. I’m sitting there stretching between classes and I see this printed on the back of my boy’s t-shirt

“What would you do if I told you, you could not fail”

I started thinking about YinvsYang immediately, and figured I’d write a post about the concept. However, I thought the quote could go even further. I started thinking about it, and suddenly, I realized something I could not believe. How did I not think of this before? My eyes popped open with excitement, like a kid who finally figures out the way to beat a tough video game. What I realized was…

Failure does not exist.

Take a minute to let this settle in for a second.

Failure does not really exist.

Think about it. What exactly is failure?

In the literal sense, ‘failure’ is a word. In the Oxford American dictionary, a ‘word’ is a single distinct conceptual unit of language, compromising inflected and various forms. Words are created by humans to have a meaning. Oxford American dictionary defines ‘failure’ in 2 ways.

1. A lack of success.

• An unsuccessful person, enterprise, or thing
• lack of success in passing a test
• A grade that is not high enough to pass a test.

2. The action or state of not functioning.

• A sudden cessation of power
• The collapse of a business

Upon closer study, you see that ‘failure’ is only specific to a moment in time.

• Being unsuccessful means you have not reached success yet. That is time specific. It only takes having success once to realize your time ‘being unsuccessful’ was actually just the bumpy ‘road to success’.
• Failing a man made test happens at a specific time. Many students have failed a test, and then passed the class.
• A sudden cessation of power has different details behind it every time.
• Businesses only collapse once, unless they are rebuilt and collapse again. Either way, it’s unique to a moment in time. 

The point is you can fail in the short term hundreds of times, but that does not make you a failure in the long run. Failure is a word that is based on other’s perception. An unsuccessful person, and a grade that is not passing, are both defined by man. Man creates the test, and Man creates a definition of failing that test.

Unless you let a time that you fail be your last moment chasing that goal, how can you possibly be a failure? The answer is, you can’t. If you continue chasing your dreams, it is impossible to be considered a failure. You are just going down your path to success, and these are the bumps in the road you are facing. Each one you navigate over builds character, confidence, and wisdom. Just look at some these ‘failures’ we know about in life….

• Was Michael Jordan a failure when he got cut from his high school basketball team?
• Was Donald Trump a failure when his business went bankrupt?
• Was Abraham Lincoln a failure when the country broke out into Civil War?

The answer to all of these is both ‘yes’ and ‘no’. If they would have gave up at those moments, then yes, they would have cemented failure for them self. However, they did not give up, and history shows that these men have been anything but failures.

‘Failure’ is not a term to define our life as a whole. It is used to define the sum of events up until right now. For example, if I fail my driving test, then right now, I am a failure. However, once I pass it, that is no longer the case. It just took me two times to succeed.

‘Failure’ is also a manmade term. Animals don’t understand failure. They are simply survivors. Whatever they fail at, they try again and again till they figure it out, or they move on and forget about it.

Failure does not exist, except in our own minds.

The mind is powerful, and can show you all sorts of potential devastating outcomes. However, the mind is a muscle. It needs to be developed and taught the right answers. The mind’s best teacher is experience. To get experience, you must fail over and over. These ‘failures’ are all just moments in time. Once you reach your goal, the ‘failures’ wind up becoming the obstacles you overcame. The bigger the failure, the bigger the obstacle, and subsequently, the better the story.

The fear of failure, is the fear of your own mind.

Anything we want to accomplish can be done, if we just realize the road to success is going to be bumpy on the way there. Many people try to travel the road to success, but as soon as the terrain gets rough, they turn and run back. Successful people keep going. They know the road to success is never easy, therefore they never expect it to be. In fact, they know the more difficult the terrain, the greater the success will be. It’s all relative.

Once you realize this, than the truth becomes obvious. We really can do anything we want to as long as we put our mind to it. Putting our mind to it means we are willing to deal with the terrain of the road we choose to travel.

Becoming successful is really all about answering the following questions, which you can do in the comments below.

1. What do you dream of doing?
2. Are you truly willing to deal with ALL the bumps in the road it takes to get there, even if you don’t know what those bumps are?

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I swear on my life itself, if you don’t read this post in its entirety, stumble and comment on it, I am going to find you wherever you are and we will see if you EVER dare skip through a post of mine again. You HEAR me?! Now GET TO IT!

10 years ago, that probably would have been my approach as a blogger.

I had that bad of a temper. I could not deal with people thinking they were getting over on me, or someone who thought they were better, smarter, faster, stronger, or whatever.  I was ready to fight over anything, because I thought that was how I had to be.

Then, right after my freshman year of college, a strange twist of fate occurred.

My parents, with a partner, bought 86 Acres of land in central NJ. They went through the HUGE undertaking of turning it into one of the finest Day Camps in the area. Suddenly, at 18, I had a top management position in a camp with 600+ kids and over 250 employees.

Trial By Fire

Managing employees can be tough for anyone, but as a hot-headed 18 year old, it was definitely trial by fire. Most of the employees I supervised were middle aged adults working through their summer vacation. Believe me, they did not care what I thought or have any respect for my ability to make decisions.

How do you handle people who have no respect for you?

At 18, steam & SCREAM! was my style of choice. With the conviction of a revolutionary, I would charge into my Father’s office, face red as an apple, detailing why this problem employee needed to be fired, or maybe even shot. Their disobedience was hurting the day camp. Something needed to be done now or else!

Each time my parents would have the same 2 reactions:

1. They agreed I was correct in my assessment. The employee was not acting up to par.
2. They criticized me for losing my temper and overreacting. “Let it go,’ they would say.

This left me feeling betrayed. I was only doing my job. How could they let someone walk all over me, or even them? Why don’t they flip out? They said I was right, but they do nothing? I understood day camping was an 8 week gig and, with only 3 weeks left, finding a replacement for a sub par employee was next to impossible, but did that mean we had to take shit too?

True Strength

Whether a problem employee or client, my parents always remained diplomatic. They never would never lose their cool, or display any emotion, even if the other party did. By remaining calm, they remained in control, focused intently on finding a resolution.

My parents showed more strength in being diplomatic then they ever could have in giving into their emotions like me. I learned that winning each battle is not what’s important. As a matter of fact…

“..it’s not those you fight, but rather which battles you strategically avoid that determine the success of a war.”

These first-hand lessons were a great factor in my development as a business owner. I learned that true strength is not shown by your reaction, but rather by your restraint. For those that are like the younger me, and don’t quite understand the secret strength of diplomacy, I have created a short list to give you….

5 Reasons to Flex Your Diplomatic Muscles

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1. Gain Perspective

If you find yourself in any kind of conflict, business or personal, try to visualize the other person’s perspective. There may be something you are not seeing from your side of the argument. By taking the time to see it from their point of view, you will open up a clearer picture on how to properly douse the flames they are trying to fan. Sometimes, understanding the other person’s perspective leads to the best solution for both parties.

2. Gain Respect

In the dog world, the Alpha male of any pack rarely fights, even when he is bitten. By simply showing that he can not be hurt, the other dogs give in before the fight even begins. An Alpha Male knows their true strength, and will avoid at all costs having to display it. They earn more respect by not fighting a battle they know they will win, then they ever could by winning it.

3. Chit Chatter Matter

People love to talk. Don’t give people a reason to make your reputation the #1 topic of their ire. Every person plays some part in the community. Try to quell all fires before they spread by listening and addressing the upset person’s concerns, even if you feel they are wrong. Sometimes, just being given a voice is enough to steer people back in the right direction.

4. Brain Power

Ever try to think clearly under duress? Not the easiest thing in the world. Well this goes for when you get emotional as well. As soon as that temper flares, your brain is no longer clear to think for itself. It becomes consumed with feelings, emotions, and racing thoughts. Staying calm is the only way to keep a clear head. Sometimes people like to yell & scream because they feel you are not listening. Try focusing on what they are trying to say, not how they are saying it. Eventually, they will stop screaming because they will find it a waste of energy.

“The person full of emotion displays no control. The person full of control displays no emotion.”

5. Focus

Just like Brain Power, keeping your focus is important, especially on the big picture. Day to day, every battle can seem like life or death, but the truth is, most of the time those battles are forgotten about in a short while. Don’t get caught up in the heat of the moment. Stay calm, cool & collected. Focus on what your goal is, and don’t let anyone’s emotion, including yours, cloud that focus.

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In Jiu Jitsu, life is all made pretty clear right on the mat.  You can always tell if a new guy is going to last by the way they handle competition.  Those who thrive on winning, and throw temper tantrums when they lose, never last too long.  Instead of learning the most consistent ways to be effective, they spend the entire time trying to find cheap, lucky ways to win.

The people who last in Jiu Jitsu typically react to winning and losing exactly the same.  If you looked at their face right after a match, you wouldn’t be able to tell the outcome.  They lose, they move on.  They win, they move on.  Either way, they are just happy to be competing.

The same goes for life.  Don’t let the ups and downs of life define who you are.  You define who you are, this way the ups and downs in life are all just a part of one big ride.

Since I have started this blog, I have displayed videos about a blind painter, an armless guitar player, and a crippled musician born with no eyes.  All have achieved unparalleled success by hurdling obstacles no one thought were possible to clear.  The one universal theme in these inspirational stories: the individuals did not let their situations in life define them.

They defined their own life simply by being themselves.

For many people, their life is sadly defined by things like a prestigious job, a wonderful car, good looks, or a big bank account. However, to quote an old proverb, ‘there are good times and there are bad times.‘  Life’s only constant is change.  You should never feel too good when you are up, or too bad when you are down because it is inevitable that you will be both.

If you are going to go through ups & downs anyway, why be mad about it?  You should enjoy the journey rather than fighting it. Besides, the down times produce invaluable lessons, and the good times leave you with lasting memories.  So either way it’s a win.  Just because life changes, does not mean we have to.  We should be the same person no matter what.

Our situations in life do not define who we are.  Only we do.  So says the definition of life itself…

Life: the condition that distinguishes organisms from inorganic objects and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism, reproduction, and the power of adaptation to environment through changes originating internally.

Whether it is an ‘up’ or a ‘down’ time, it is all just one part of a long journey called life.  Try to remember this when approaching the highs and lows of your own life. Face them both with the same demeanor.  It is a valuable lesson that can take a lifetime to learn.

Luckily for me, Jiu Jitsu is a much quicker teacher.

He dares to be a fool, and that is the first step in the direction of wisdom.  ~James Gibbons Huneker

Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.  ~Elbert Hubbard

I came across this video on YouTube and had to share. It is another inspirational video about a person who overcomes obstacles others couldn’t even imagine. The story is about Patrick Henry Hughes, and his dedicated family.

Life would be so much better if we only worried about the things we have, and not the things we don’t. It may not be how we intended, but that does not mean it can’t be everything we ever dreamed.

Enjoy….

One of the most important parts of business, especially today, is networking. With the internet at its peak, and communication in many mediums as easy as a touch of a button, it is more important than ever for people to be good networkers.

Networking is important because it opens doors. Nowadays, contacting professionals in your field is as easy as can be online. However, people tend to be afraid still to reach out. ‘What if I sound stupid?’ some people think. Well, at least you sound something, because without ever trying to open the door, you can only guess what is behind it.

A person who excels at networking has one trait. They return phone calls, emails, or any other forms of communication, even when they don’t want to. How many times have you received a message from someone and you thought why on earth is this person calling me? It could be someone you have not spoken to in awhile or a person you do not like. It could be anyone about anything. It is still important to return the call.

For example, I had a friend from high school give me a call about three months ago. Now, I haven’t spoke regularly to this person in 10 years. They call every once in a blue moon about recreational activities. Well, three months ago, I was driving home from a tough day at the office. The phone rang, and I checked the ID. I had the same thought as before, ‘What on earth could this guy possibly want?’ I put down the phone, then thought better of it. I took a deep breath and answered the phone. ‘Heeeeey, what’s up man?’

This phone call, which I seriously thought of ignoring, was about fantasy football. The guy was calling me about a league. I was not interested, but in passing he asked how is my mortgage business doing. I responded that the business was getting crazy, but luckily I had another business that does websites & video.

Well, low & behold, before you know it, my friend flipped out. He had been looking for someone to redo his company’s website. He was basically telling me the job is mine, after I only showed him one site. Fast forward three months, I now have an extremely satisfied customer, another piece of work to show in a brand new field, and of course, some profit as well.

I could have very easily skipped that phone call. I could have been lazy, said to myself it was a tough day, and just moved on. However, when someone is trying to communicate with you, it is important to keep those lines open. Shutting doors in life just closes opportunities, especially today. Skipping that phone call would have cost me more than I could have ever imagined. How was I to know my friend needed a website, or even had his own company? On the flip side, how was he to know I had my new business when he picked up the phone to call me?

But we both picked up the phone, and we both opened up a new business relationship. I know it can be tough sometimes returning those emails, phone calls, or texts. Just try to remember, that each one presents its own unique opportunity for you. And no matter what you think, you never really know what that opportunity is.

In today’s day and age, doing research is not quite the same as our parents and grandparents. It is a hell of a lot easier. However, if ease is the positive, then what is the negative? The answer is the amount of information that is false.

I was training the other night, when a respected friend of mine began telling me about a discovery at John’s Hopkins. He said they found out that if you cut refined sugar & red meat out of your diet, then the cancer cells can no longer live. They apparently feed off of the sugar.

I was amazed by this and quickly made a mental check of my diet. I didn’t eat too much sugar, but I love red meat. ‘Not if it causes cancer, though’, I thought to myself. Over the weekend, I told my family and a few friends about what I had heard. They couldn’t believe it either. What an amazing discovery they all agreed. I was ready to change my diet.

Then today, I decided to research exactly what my friend had told me. I did a google search and found some article from 2005 about sugar proteins and cancer, but nothing like my friend had said. I changed around te words in my search and did another. That’s when it popped up.

I found a website with the exact letter my friend had read from Johns Hopkins. It was embedded in another letter, this one from the REAL Johns Hopkins.

Here is the link: http://www.snopes.com/medical/disease/cancerupdate.asp

Johns Hopkins was letting the public know the chain letter supposedly from them about cancer living off of sugar is completely false. They had nothing to do with it, nor did they know who did. It was simply another case of someone using a big name to back up their own beliefs.

And that is the negative of this information filled world we live in. It is more important than ever to do all of your research on everything. People, like my friend, have the sincerest intentions when they pass over valuable information because they believe it to be true. It’s up to us to make sure it is.

So do your research. I mean, come on. You don’t even have to leave your room.

The other day I opened my fridge to find a surprise random piece of cheesecake from my in-laws. I looked at it, thought about tasting it, and then passed. I am trying to cut out as much refined sugar from my diet as possible, and a cheesecake definitely doesn’t fit the bill. I searched the rest of the fridge, hoping to find something healthier to snack on. Unsuccessful, I looked back at the cheesecake. The way it was cut, it had a small piece sticking off of it. I rationalized that the little small piece is no big deal. All I was doing was tasting the cake. I quickly grabbed a fork, happy with my rationalization, and nipped off the piece.

Not that this is some huge deal, but it made me think. We all cheat on our diets here and there. However, I had one bite of the cheesecake and it made me sick. Not because it wasn’t any good. On the contrary it was quite tasty. Not because I broke my diet. It wasn’t the 1st time. Nope, I got sick because something I had been thinking about writing had just happened to me before I even knew it. I had become a victim of my mind’s rationalization.

Rationalization can be much worse than a small piece of cheesecake. It is a silent, little voice that creeps up in our head just at the right time, giving us the excuse to do what we want even when we know we should not. Rationalization is defined in Oxford American dictionaries as ‘the attempt to explain to justify (one’s own or another’s behavior or attitude) with logical, plausible reasons, even if they are not true or appropriate’.

I’ve noticed a process in my own head that I’m sure you have had happen to you. I will see something I want. Could be anything at all. Yet, my initial reaction is disappointment because I know it is not something I can or should have. For example, you are at the store and see this brand new item you want. Initially, you think to yourself ‘I can’t afford this.’ Then the rationalization starts to creep in:

‘Oh but it’s so nice’ (not a strong enough rationalization yet)

‘It would look great in my place’ (getting closer, but not quite)

‘How can I afford it?’ (reality makes a last ditch effort to surface)

‘I can just pay it out of my next check’ (Ut…oh)

‘Ooooh. Look. No interest for 3 months.’ (Danger! Danger!)

‘You know what. I work hard. I deserve this. I should reward myself.’ (the process is complete)

This happens to us all the time. Rationalization makes us feel good about what we do until reality hits. Like for example, 3 months later, you still don’t have the $$$ for the purchase you made and now the interest is starting to accrue. You sit back and wonder why the hell you ever bought this. What made you do it?

The reason is because your mind rationalized it. We human beings are smart creatures. Our mind has more power than any of us can truly imagine. But sometimes, that power can work against us. Our desires infiltrate our mind searching for some rational thought to make them acceptable. And the smarter we are, the more thoughts there are to search through.

The key to stopping this process Is to recognize it. That seems rather simple, but it can be tricky. Be aware the next time your initial reaction is ‘No’ but it turns into a ‘Yes’. Sometimes we even know we are rationalizing and still proceed with it. It is because our desires are clouding our mind, narrowing our thoughts down to one single thought that makes the desire seem plausible, at least for the moment.

Recognizing rationalization will at least remove these clouds. It will give reality a fighting chance over desire. Think back to the initial reaction of ‘No’. Try to rationalize that as well as the ‘Yes’ decision. Which one holds more weight in reality. Is it really worth the extra debt? Calories? Time? Trouble? or Whatever?

Chances are, probably not. Don’t become a victim of desire’s weapon of choice. Try hard to make a clear decision not affected by desire. Three things can help you achieve this:

1. Ask someone else who does not share the same desire what their opinion is. This let’s clearer heads prevail.

2. Wait a day. Instead of making the hasty decision. Come back the next day or week and see if it is worth it. Remember, in today’s day and age, you could probably just get it online.

3. Just say no. If you recognize you have to rationalize something, then maybe it is not for you.

Hopefully this will help with more than just an extra sliver of cheesecake. I have seen many people dig themselves into serious financial holes because of rationalization. Be careful. Your mind is a powerful thing.

It’s just a matter of understanding which way you choose to use it.

“Never again clutter your days or nights with so many menial and unimportant things that you have no time to accept a real challenge when it comes along. This applies to play as well as work. A day merely survived is no cause for celebration. You are not here to fritter away your precious hours when you have the ability to accomplish so much by making a slight change in your routine. No more busy work. No more hiding from success. Leave time, leave space, to grow. Now. Now! Not tomorrow!”

–Og Mandino