I swear on my life itself, if you don’t read this post in its entirety, stumble and comment on it, I am going to find you wherever you are and we will see if you EVER dare skip through a post of mine again. You HEAR me?! Now GET TO IT!

10 years ago, that probably would have been my approach as a blogger.

I had that bad of a temper. I could not deal with people thinking they were getting over on me, or someone who thought they were better, smarter, faster, stronger, or whatever.  I was ready to fight over anything, because I thought that was how I had to be.

Then, right after my freshman year of college, a strange twist of fate occurred.

My parents, with a partner, bought 86 Acres of land in central NJ. They went through the HUGE undertaking of turning it into one of the finest Day Camps in the area. Suddenly, at 18, I had a top management position in a camp with 600+ kids and over 250 employees.

Trial By Fire

Managing employees can be tough for anyone, but as a hot-headed 18 year old, it was definitely trial by fire. Most of the employees I supervised were middle aged adults working through their summer vacation. Believe me, they did not care what I thought or have any respect for my ability to make decisions.

How do you handle people who have no respect for you?

At 18, steam & SCREAM! was my style of choice. With the conviction of a revolutionary, I would charge into my Father’s office, face red as an apple, detailing why this problem employee needed to be fired, or maybe even shot. Their disobedience was hurting the day camp. Something needed to be done now or else!

Each time my parents would have the same 2 reactions:

1. They agreed I was correct in my assessment. The employee was not acting up to par.
2. They criticized me for losing my temper and overreacting. “Let it go,’ they would say.

This left me feeling betrayed. I was only doing my job. How could they let someone walk all over me, or even them? Why don’t they flip out? They said I was right, but they do nothing? I understood day camping was an 8 week gig and, with only 3 weeks left, finding a replacement for a sub par employee was next to impossible, but did that mean we had to take shit too?

True Strength

Whether a problem employee or client, my parents always remained diplomatic. They never would never lose their cool, or display any emotion, even if the other party did. By remaining calm, they remained in control, focused intently on finding a resolution.

My parents showed more strength in being diplomatic then they ever could have in giving into their emotions like me. I learned that winning each battle is not what’s important. As a matter of fact…

“..it’s not those you fight, but rather which battles you strategically avoid that determine the success of a war.”

These first-hand lessons were a great factor in my development as a business owner. I learned that true strength is not shown by your reaction, but rather by your restraint. For those that are like the younger me, and don’t quite understand the secret strength of diplomacy, I have created a short list to give you….

5 Reasons to Flex Your Diplomatic Muscles

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1. Gain Perspective

If you find yourself in any kind of conflict, business or personal, try to visualize the other person’s perspective. There may be something you are not seeing from your side of the argument. By taking the time to see it from their point of view, you will open up a clearer picture on how to properly douse the flames they are trying to fan. Sometimes, understanding the other person’s perspective leads to the best solution for both parties.

2. Gain Respect

In the dog world, the Alpha male of any pack rarely fights, even when he is bitten. By simply showing that he can not be hurt, the other dogs give in before the fight even begins. An Alpha Male knows their true strength, and will avoid at all costs having to display it. They earn more respect by not fighting a battle they know they will win, then they ever could by winning it.

3. Chit Chatter Matter

People love to talk. Don’t give people a reason to make your reputation the #1 topic of their ire. Every person plays some part in the community. Try to quell all fires before they spread by listening and addressing the upset person’s concerns, even if you feel they are wrong. Sometimes, just being given a voice is enough to steer people back in the right direction.

4. Brain Power

Ever try to think clearly under duress? Not the easiest thing in the world. Well this goes for when you get emotional as well. As soon as that temper flares, your brain is no longer clear to think for itself. It becomes consumed with feelings, emotions, and racing thoughts. Staying calm is the only way to keep a clear head. Sometimes people like to yell & scream because they feel you are not listening. Try focusing on what they are trying to say, not how they are saying it. Eventually, they will stop screaming because they will find it a waste of energy.

“The person full of emotion displays no control. The person full of control displays no emotion.”

5. Focus

Just like Brain Power, keeping your focus is important, especially on the big picture. Day to day, every battle can seem like life or death, but the truth is, most of the time those battles are forgotten about in a short while. Don’t get caught up in the heat of the moment. Stay calm, cool & collected. Focus on what your goal is, and don’t let anyone’s emotion, including yours, cloud that focus.

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

I love it when this happens. I need to be somewhere in 15 minutes that is 11 minutes away without traffic.  I’m all set to go, however, my new puppy does not seem to want to pee. I am walking back and forth to all the ‘hot-spots’  my puppy usually frequents around my community, hoping to see her squat.

‘Make a pee-pee. Come on girl.’

She continues to sniff for the perfect spot unaware of my urgency. If she actually goes in the next few minutes, I should be able to make it on time. Ever since I was younger, I can not tolerate being late. It’s probably the way I was raised, but as soon as a time approaches that I said I would be somewhere, I start to sweat.  Call it a personal challenge, lunacy, or whatever you wish, but I have to be on time.

Finally, like a site from the heavens, my dog squats in the grass and looks at me for approval. I yell loudly in a girly voice about how happy I am, and hand her a treat.

(in my best animal voice) ‘Good girly girl.  Who’s a good girl? Who’s my good girly girl?’

She excitedly wags her tail and follows me quickly inside. 12 minutes to go.  I still should make it, and even if I’m a minute late, big deal.  I lock everything up, put up the gate for the puppy, and dart out of the house.

I jump in my car, and start it up relieved I will be on time. As I go to pull out of my driveway, a light on my dashboard causes me to do a double take.

‘Shit!’

My gas light is emanating a bright yellow glow & my gas meter hangs all the way below the ‘E‘ as if it’s hiding from ‘F‘. I immediately wonder if it’s worth the risk to try and make it without stopping at a station, but it seems foolish. I probably won’t and even if I do, how will I get home?

All of a sudden a wave of memories flood my mind. I remember passing the gas station numerous times in the last day or two, completely aware I needed gas. However, it was not until this dire moment that it ever seemed worth the extra time to stop. I always figured I would just stop next time.

I feel like this happens to me a lot. Not running out of gas, or course. I am talking about handling potential problems. How many times have you ignored potential problems until they develop into real problems?  Then you sit and wonder why you did not take care of it in the first place.

Humans have something called ‘intuition,’ what the Oxford American Dictionary defines as ‘a thing one knows or considers likely from instinctive feeling rather than conscious reasoning.‘

For example, I walk into my garage to take out the trash. I have a coffee in a to-go cup in my hand. I place it down on top of my shoe rack, making the mental note, ‘don’t forget you put it here.’ It’s not until two hours later, on my way to a meeting, that I wonder ‘what happened to my coffee’ and a shoe rack dances through my head. The thought I had when I placed the cup on the shoe rack was my intuition.

The proper habit is to ‘Handle your problems before they develop.’

This means you must start to recognize your intuition and listen to it. If you have a major project due at work, why wait? If you have to go to the bank, start working out, stop eating fatty foods, or anything else, why wait?

Waiting is called procrastination. You can recognize procrastination because you will make the excuse….

‘I have time for that later‘

or….

‘I will do that tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, etc.‘

These are the excuses we make to ourselves when we attempt to convince our mind it’s okay to wait.

It is a natural occurrence I guess. However, there have been many times I have handled a problem right off the bat. For example, last month I heard a noise on my car and immediately went into the shop. I replaced my brake pads and the mechanic informed me if I would have waited I may have cut into the rotors, something much more expensive to replace. This is the advantage of handling something right away.

I learned this the hard way as well. When I was 18 at college, I started to have severe stomach pain in random 30 second intervals throughout the day. My intuition told me to get it checked out, but I made the excuse that it was no big deal because it was so short and random.

Less than a year later, I was in the hospital having 12 inches of my intestines removed.

I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease, and the disease had grown very strong since I had ignored it for so long. It almost became too late for me.

Any potential problem, no matter how insignificant it may seem, is better to be handled right away. Of course, we all know this, however, it is during the moments of laziness, that we still allow potentially big problems to hang around.

To help you recognize the importance of handling potential problems right away, here are 5 Helpful Tips!

1. Potential problems are recognized through past experiences.

Most people don’t just make up crazy, unrealistic potential problems for no reason [except my wife of course ]. So most likely, if you think something could be a problem, it is because in your past experiences, it probably has been one. This is a surefire sign that you need to take action right away, not hope it is different this time.

2. Clear your mind!

An invisible foe to every human is stress. Stress can be sourced from many, many different things. However, one of the major sources is the worrying that accompanies unsolved problems. It causes a lack of sleep, increases tension, decrease endurance, and weighs heavily on your mind throughout the day whether you realize it or not.  Handling these potential problems right away relieves your mind from that stress. You know you acted on it already, and that relieves any worry about the problem growing any bigger.

3. Present Time vs. Future Time

This one usually works for me. I will use the example of placing a drink down in your house. Sometimes, we place a drink in an area we immediately recognize it is highly likely to be spilled. This leaves us two choices. Move the drink somewhere better, or live with the risk and hope it does not spill. The first choice will take all of 5 seconds to accomplish, even if we don’t feel like it.

The second choice may not take any time at all. However, if the drink does spill, we will spend at least 5-10 minutes cleaning it up. So what I do is judge the problem solving time (5 seconds) versus the potential problem handling time (5-10 minutes). To me, spending 5 seconds is a lot better than the potential and likely handling time if it develops into a problem. Plus, once it’s handled, I no longer have to worry about it.

4. Look at it Like a Challenge

I like to play video games sometimes. One of the challenges in video games is to try and play a perfect game. This means you try to attack every potential foe with all of your might. This is exactly how you should treat these potential problems.

Challenge yourself to take care of things immediately. Look at it like a game. Give yourself points for tackling problems right away. If you like, I suggest even keeping track. Just jog down some things you handled right away. Compare that with other potential problems you did not handle right away. Notice a difference in the outcomes?

5. Take it one problem at a time

If you are like me, then on an inspired day you will try to tackle every problem you have ever had. Then the next day, you will be back to your old habits. Try to take this advice one problem at a time. Change does not happen overnight, nor should you expect it to. Consistency is what is important. Try to develop the habit of handling your problems right away. Doing it for one day does not make it a habit. Doing it again and again does.

Start Now!

In the comments section below, list one potential problem you are going to handle today.