Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on twitter.

Recently, I have been training Jiu Jitsu only once or twice a week. The reasons are many, but the truth is, it has been time to focus more on my business and family. My son Benjamin was born less than 3 months ago, and my business needed to go to the next level.

The funny thing about trying to get to the next level is that, just like Jiu Jitsu, it is impossible to control. It always seems the more effort you put to get to the next level, the harder you get pushed back. If you have ever felt like this, you know what I am saying. It’s like the more you want something, the harder it is to get it.

Then, recently, an opportunity presented itself for our business that was better than anything we could ever imagine. In fact, it was not just one, it was a multitude of them. Luckily, all that getting pushed back had prepared us to capitalize on these opportunities.

As I have always said, when things are not going like you want, it is easy to lose focus on your goal. There are litany of questions, both from outside sources such as family and friends, as well as right inside our own head. It can be tough to stay on course, especially with no idea how, or if, you are going to get where you want to go. But I promise, if you make it through that, there is a light at the end of the tunnel brighter and warmer then anything you can imagine.

To help you succeed at your goals, I have come up with the Jiu Jitsu method for achieving success in anything you choose.

The Tale of a White Belt and a Black Belt

In Jiu Jitsu, there is no linear course to achieving your goals. I don’t care what rank you are, there is always challenges out there. Even the best in the world go through their ups and downs. There is an old parable in Jiu Jitsu about the difference between a white belt and a black belt. The parable is about a student asking a teacher what is the difference between someone who only achieves a white belt, and someone who goes on to become a black belt. The teachers answer is, the black belt kept coming.

In life, achieving your goals can be tough. It is not like every day gets better then the last. Some days, the world is your oyster, and other days, it is like living in a dark abyss. Sometimes, that dark abyss can last for months, even years.

There have been many times in the past 3 years that I was ready to give up. I’m sure the same goes for my partner. We have spent countless time and effort to try and pursue our passions, only to be knocked down every time we seemed to get up. We would just continue to do our best, learn from our mistakes, and trudge on. Then something funny happened. Great opportunities we were seeking started to present themselves and suddenly, all of that seemingly wasted time and energy became worth every ounce of effort.

The Jiu Jitsu Method

• Step 1: Set a goal.
• Step 2: Get on the mat. This literally means set out in any way at all to try and accomplish your goal.
• Step 3: Fail. Failure is the 1st step to success. Every up and down is an equally valuable part of your journey.
• Step 4: Keep going. Have faith and remain patient no matter how long it takes. Only giving up is considered failure.
• Step 5: Succeed. Enjoy the fruits of your labor, and relive the journey by telling incredulous tales of overcoming adversity.

As a white belt in Jiu Jitsu, you learn quickly that it is a long road to the top, and you have two choices: Either keep going, or give up.

There is no set time table to achieve your goals. In most Jiu Jitsu schools, there is not even a time table to test for your next level. You simply get on the mat as often as you can and battle it out. These tough battles define the type of Jiu Jitsu player you become. At some point, your instructor awards you your next rank because they see your evolution through these battles, even if you do not. The only ‘test’ was to see if the battles, which get tougher as you get closer to your goal, cause you to give up. Everyone has a breaking point, and Jiu Jitsu constantly tests where yours is.

The same goes for achieving our goals in life. The only way to lose is to give up. We have to understand that there is no time table for our success, even though we wish there was. There is no set amount of time to achieve a goal, even if we try to set it. It simply happens when it does. Just like in Jiu Jitsu, it is extremely rare, if ever, that someone achieves great success right away. If you need a reminder of this, simply walk into any reputable Jiu Jitsu school and tell the highest ranking member you will kick his ass. The next 30 seconds should remind you that becoming great takes time & patience.

All we can do, is keep getting on the mat we call life, battling our way through adversity, and wait for the opportunity to present itself. It takes a lot of losing, failing, and effort to get where we want to go. It is during these times that life can seem like an eternity. But one day, when it finally clicks, and we suddenly start to achieve our goals, all of that effort is validated. All of the sweat, tears, and blood becomes a battle scar to be proud of. The dark days become stories we reflect on with great admiration because we survived. We made it through, and the tougher it was, the better it feels.

So the next time those dark times cloud your day like a rainstorm, remember how good it will feel to make it through. Try to visualize telling those stories as battle scars and use that as your umbrella. The Jiu Jitsu method for achieving success is fail proof. It is not possible to fail. It is only possible to give up.

The choice is ours.

Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on twitter.

I recently was lucky enough to get to meet world renowned Brazilian Jiu Jitsu master, Jeff Glover. For those that don’t know, Jeff Glover is one of the best in the world, having won the No Gi Championship in 2007. Here is a great rundown on Jeff from the ADCC website…

This 145 pound black belt is a product of Ricardo “Franjinha” Miller. Now a days Jeff Glover is a teacher in a huge gym called Paragon Jiu-Jitsu, with four training centers in California. He was recently quoted in Gracie Mag to have “the most respected guard in the United States”. In 2007 Glover won gold in the no-gi World Championship.

Now, I have met and trained with, or taken seminars from, many world renowned Martial Artists. However, Jeff is the youngest I have ever encountered and what struck me was his personality. He is funny, over the top, and down right a joy to be around. Now, in a sport where you need to be tougher and smarter then your opponent, this may seem like a strange trait. However, to me, this is exactly why Jeff is a champion. He is himself at all times, and simply enjoys every minute of his day doing what he loves.

Jeff, himself is quoted on the ADCC website as saying…

I’ve been involved in jiu-jitsu for over ten years now, and my love for the art continues to be the driving force in my life.

That is something we at Yin vs Yang have been preaching forever. With the economy in ragged shape, housing at an all time low, and the majority of the world struggling to stay afloat, Jeff is a constant reminder that if you do what you love, none of that matters. He didn’t set out to make money by becoming a Jiu Jitsu champion. He simply started out wanting to train and get better. He told our school that he would get tapped over and over and over again, continually just trying to find his game. Eventually, his persistence paid off, and he even became known as having one of the best guards around. He mastered the deep half guard game, becoming an expert and revolutionizing its use. He did all this because he loves to.

Sometimes in life, we set goals for ourself that are far away. In Jiu Jitsu, you don’t set out to be a world champion. That is a great accomplishment. Truth is, you set out to train every day. Eventually, the opportunity presents itself because of the hard work you put in. Then, when you enter the tournament, that is when the goal of being a world champion sets in.

To be happy in life, we must set out with one goal: find what we love to do, and do it every day no matter what. In another words, “When the Passion is There, Success is Easy”

For more incredible videos on Jeff Glover, check out Grappler’s Quest ‘Best of Jeff “The Pipelayer” Glover’ video list.

‘Peter, please don’t touch the stove.‘

PJ: ‘Okay Mom‘

(2 seconds later)

PJ: ‘Owwwwww!!!‘

‘Peter! James! Normandia! What did I just say?!!‘

Welcome to the life of a hardheaded child. Growing up I can certainly say that the best way to get me to do something was to tell me I couldn’t.  It was like a trigger inside my hard head. All I would hear was a voice saying…

‘What do you mean I can’t do it? Who are you to tell me what I can or can’t do? I’ll show you.’

I guess as Humans, we all have our share of hardheaded experiences. For me, it was more of a life theme. I was as hardheaded a child as you could imagine. I simply learned better from experience than anything else. I didn’t just want to know why, I wanted to experience why.

If you provided the resistance, I would naturally push right back.

All of this changed about 4 years ago, soon after I discovered the art of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ). BJJ was developed by the famous Gracie family of Brazil. Known for its devastating ground techniques, the art enables a smaller man to defeat a larger and naturally more powerful opponent.

This is the key here. When you first start in Jiu Jitsu, you naturally fight against the resistance. It is a natural instinct: somebody pushes your arm down, you push right back. White belts do this for their first year, and sometimes longer. It is what we are taught: don’t let anyone push you around. However, that is no way to defeat a larger, stronger opponent. They simply are stronger, and you learn that fighting against their resistance is a losing battle.

As you progress in BJJ, you begin to learn instead of fighting against the resistance, it is easier, and more effective, to go with the flow.

Arm bar from the bottom by Roger Gracie

For example, if someone you are rolling (sparring in BJJ) against applies an arm bar from the bottom (like this picture) your natural reaction is to pull your arm up and out. Some people, even like to pick up the person applying the arm bar to try and slam them on the mat and break their grip. Both of these are the wrong move to make on any high level BJJ practitioner. They actually are hoping you will do that because it makes their life easier.

The real way to get out of an arm bar is to go with the flow. Instead of pulling up and away, you put all of your weight right down where they are pulling you. If they are on top, then you do what is known as a rollout, such as in this video.

The lessons in BJJ mirror the lessons in life.

Many times when we meet with resistance, our instinct is either fight or flight. This is natural, so there is no reason to be ashamed if this describes you. It certainly described me for a long time. This is because this mentality was extremely effective for Mammals for many years in the wild. However, as we have evolved, so have our options.

In today’s world, fighting against the resistance does not determine our chances of success.

The real key is adaptability. When I find myself in a bad situation filled with resistance, instead of going into the emotional fight or flight mode, I revert back to the mentality I learned in BJJ.  I simply take a deep breath, throw out my emotion, and try to keep a positive attitude while going with the flow. The attitude during a tough situation is, let’s see where this takes me, cause this is not a good spot, and even if that’s my natural instinct, fighting against it is a sure way to lose.

I will not lie. Even in BJJ, sometimes going with the flow can be the wrong move. However, even that has its benefits as it comes with an invaluable lesson that prepares you for ALL of your future matches.

Instead of making your life more difficult by constantly going against the grain, try the path with the least resistance.

Go with the flow. Take a chance, and see where you end up. I have found that 9 out of 10 times, you will end up in a better position.

A perfect example of this is the day I received my first i-phone bill. They had charged me like $500 for the month because I completely underestimated my minutes. Being that it was the first month since I had switched over, I gave them a call to see if they could help me out.

I was connected with an AT&T representative who wanted nothing to do with it. She flat out told me there was nothing they could do and it was my fault. AT&T will not refund a single dollar. As she said this, my instinct told me not to lose my cool. I could tell that is what she was used to. So instead, I sucked up my emotion and said, ‘Okay. Well thanks for your help. I just thought that since it was my first month, and I obviously made a mistake, that maybe there was something you guys could do. Thanks anyway.’

All of a sudden, it was like a switch flipped on. ‘Well sir, you know what, it doesn’t hurt to ask. Let me ask my supervisor and we will see what they can do.’ Two minutes later, I saved over $250.  I am sure that if I would have yelled and screamed, I may have gotten money back, but it would have been after a nightmare experience. Instead, I did what most people fail to ever do: I went with the flow.

Sometimes in life, it is necessary to fight against the resistance provided, but many times there is simply a better, less stressful way.

I have personally found going with the flow to severely reduces my stress level, opens up new doors, and take me to outcomes I never imagined were possible.

No need to worry, fight, stress and yell when you can simply go with the flow. Try it out and let me know what you think in the comments. I will tell you this: If I did not see my parents practice this numerous times over my life, I would have never believed in its effectiveness. I used to think my parents were weak for going with the flow. It was only as I grew older and wiser, I learned the value of their approach.