Yin vs YangThe Battle for Success in Life

Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on twitter.

Recently, I have been training Jiu Jitsu only once or twice a week. The reasons are many, but the truth is, it has been time to focus more on my business and family. My son Benjamin was born less than 3 months ago, and my business needed to go to the next level.

The funny thing about trying to get to the next level is that, just like Jiu Jitsu, it is impossible to control. It always seems the more effort you put to get to the next level, the harder you get pushed back. If you have ever felt like this, you know what I am saying. It’s like the more you want something, the harder it is to get it.

Then, recently, an opportunity presented itself for our business that was better than anything we could ever imagine. In fact, it was not just one, it was a multitude of them. Luckily, all that getting pushed back had prepared us to capitalize on these opportunities.

As I have always said, when things are not going like you want, it is easy to lose focus on your goal. There are litany of questions, both from outside sources such as family and friends, as well as right inside our own head. It can be tough to stay on course, especially with no idea how, or if, you are going to get where you want to go. But I promise, if you make it through that, there is a light at the end of the tunnel brighter and warmer then anything you can imagine.

To help you succeed at your goals, I have come up with the Jiu Jitsu method for achieving success in anything you choose.

The Tale of a White Belt and a Black Belt

In Jiu Jitsu, there is no linear course to achieving your goals. I don’t care what rank you are, there is always challenges out there. Even the best in the world go through their ups and downs. There is an old parable in Jiu Jitsu about the difference between a white belt and a black belt. The parable is about a student asking a teacher what is the difference between someone who only achieves a white belt, and someone who goes on to become a black belt. The teachers answer is, the black belt kept coming.

In life, achieving your goals can be tough. It is not like every day gets better then the last. Some days, the world is your oyster, and other days, it is like living in a dark abyss. Sometimes, that dark abyss can last for months, even years.

There have been many times in the past 3 years that I was ready to give up. I’m sure the same goes for my partner. We have spent countless time and effort to try and pursue our passions, only to be knocked down every time we seemed to get up. We would just continue to do our best, learn from our mistakes, and trudge on. Then something funny happened. Great opportunities we were seeking started to present themselves and suddenly, all of that seemingly wasted time and energy became worth every ounce of effort.

The Jiu Jitsu Method

• Step 1: Set a goal.
• Step 2: Get on the mat. This literally means set out in any way at all to try and accomplish your goal.
• Step 3: Fail. Failure is the 1st step to success. Every up and down is an equally valuable part of your journey.
• Step 4: Keep going. Have faith and remain patient no matter how long it takes. Only giving up is considered failure.
• Step 5: Succeed. Enjoy the fruits of your labor, and relive the journey by telling incredulous tales of overcoming adversity.

As a white belt in Jiu Jitsu, you learn quickly that it is a long road to the top, and you have two choices: Either keep going, or give up.

There is no set time table to achieve your goals. In most Jiu Jitsu schools, there is not even a time table to test for your next level. You simply get on the mat as often as you can and battle it out. These tough battles define the type of Jiu Jitsu player you become. At some point, your instructor awards you your next rank because they see your evolution through these battles, even if you do not. The only ‘test’ was to see if the battles, which get tougher as you get closer to your goal, cause you to give up. Everyone has a breaking point, and Jiu Jitsu constantly tests where yours is.

The same goes for achieving our goals in life. The only way to lose is to give up. We have to understand that there is no time table for our success, even though we wish there was. There is no set amount of time to achieve a goal, even if we try to set it. It simply happens when it does. Just like in Jiu Jitsu, it is extremely rare, if ever, that someone achieves great success right away. If you need a reminder of this, simply walk into any reputable Jiu Jitsu school and tell the highest ranking member you will kick his ass. The next 30 seconds should remind you that becoming great takes time & patience.

All we can do, is keep getting on the mat we call life, battling our way through adversity, and wait for the opportunity to present itself. It takes a lot of losing, failing, and effort to get where we want to go. It is during these times that life can seem like an eternity. But one day, when it finally clicks, and we suddenly start to achieve our goals, all of that effort is validated. All of the sweat, tears, and blood becomes a battle scar to be proud of. The dark days become stories we reflect on with great admiration because we survived. We made it through, and the tougher it was, the better it feels.

So the next time those dark times cloud your day like a rainstorm, remember how good it will feel to make it through. Try to visualize telling those stories as battle scars and use that as your umbrella. The Jiu Jitsu method for achieving success is fail proof. It is not possible to fail. It is only possible to give up.

The choice is ours.