Recently, a friend of mine reached out to me about his problems. What transpired from our chat really opened up both of our minds. It’s quite amazing how trying to help people who no one else is willing to, can really help yourself.

My friend has currently lost his way in the world. His addictions have left him with no home, no family, no respect, and worse of all, a boatload of guilt. However, every chance my friend was ever given was never enough. Every hand that reached out to him was eventually bitten with regret for doing so. When everyone else said ‘no’, and someone believed in my friend, he would let them down every time.

People will say people like this are losers, addicts, weak, etc., and would probably be justified in doing so for the most part. I feel like even if they are all of these things, they are still a person who has accepted being so, something I find quite interesting. How does that happen? How does one settle to such a life?

As my friend and I were talking, he said something subtly that I couldn’t let go. He was speaking about his recent home in an island paradise, and how when he first went there, ‘I expected to find a wife, a new life, and happiness.’

At first, it was great. He was clean, had a job, a nice place, and some hope. But then life caught up when he lost his job after an argument with a co worker. He was denied unemployment, kicked out of his place, and had to live in a hostel because no one will lend an ex-addict money, not even family.

My friend confided how each experience like this digs a deeper whole in his soul. He is conflicted. On one hand, he says and believes he wants to be this ‘normal’ person with his own family, a job, and a small house somewhere. On the other hand, his actions show he chases every trail of debauchery he can find. This dual persona causes a deep depression and guilt for his choices in life.

As he was confiding this to me, I could not get over what he first said.

…I expected to find a wife, a job, a new life, and happiness.

…I expected….

That’s when it hit me. That was my friend’s entire problem. From day one, I realized he had this same reoccurring problem and it ruined his outlook. I also realized that is the same problem we all have. We all suffer from this, to one degree or another.

The problem is simply our expectations. Expectations play a huge part in our outlook on life. Think of it this way. If someone from meager beginnings grows up to get a small job, a wife, and enough money for his family to just live comfortably, they will feel great about their success.

If the same life was lived by someone from a wealthy background, they would probably feel like they were a failure. This is because, in their wealthy young life, they grew up expecting to live a certain way, at a certain standard. We all have these expectations, even now. We all picture where we ‘should be’ in life.

However, what if these seemingly motivating pictures (or goals as some may say) are the essence of our problems? What if when these pictures do not come true, we miss out on life’s true happiness simply because it is not as we pictured?

I think that is a major part of humanity’s issues. We all have these grand expectations for everything as human beings. We all do our best to live up to them. Some of us are even willing to die, or kill, to meet those expectations. Some of us are having a hard time dealing with not meeting those expectations, and are racked with self loathing guilt over it.

Life for me has changed as I have tried recently to forego all my expectations. Maybe it’s not so important where we are supposed to be. Maybe all that is important is where we really are, and what action we can take from there. Maybe we need to not only watch our own expectations, but also the expectations we place on others.

Think of all the times you expected someone to do something, or act a certain way, or do as you would have done in a situation. Think of all the times you were disappointed when people did not do as you thought. Then think about this.

If you never had those expectations, would you feel differently about those people? What if you just learned from those let downs? For example, if somebody blurted out a secret you confided in them, you would probably be livid. You expected they would keep it a secret. However, once they do not, isn’t easier to just understand that person can not keep a secret?

Instead, most of us, or at least me, tend to focus our energies on getting even, or getting back at this person for not meeting OUR expectations. I mean, who are we that we think we know the right way for everyone else to act?

Yet we all tend to think we do. We were each raised with these expectations for ourselves. They are not only self created. Our environments and life experience have played a major role in our expectations. Typically, these expectations define who we are, and our level of happiness in life.

Is it possible to forego all expectation in life. I actually think it is quite fun. It really opens up new doors you never imagined. While I spent most of my life closing all of these doors to people who did not live up to one expectation or another, I now try not to close any doors. Every person’s life experience can be useful in this world. Even people you loathe.

It may sound crazy, but try dropping your expectations for everything. Try not expecting the movie you go see to be great, or the dinner at the restaurant to be perfect, or the traffic on the way to work to be suddenly gone. Try just to take life as it comes, and roll with the punches. It has really helped me deal with many of my personal issues in life.

My friend was also taken back by this. For at least one night, his mind was opened, and there was a sense of relief. He wondered if maybe I was right. Is it possible the whole time he was just angry and could not deal with people living up to his expectations, including himself? Is it possible everything in his life would be different if he didn’t harbor these heavy expectations on his shoulders?

I don’t know. It’s just a thought….

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Life can be very confusing with all the stimulus our mind has to deal with each day. We have bills to pay, family to make happy, work to do, bosses/clients to satisfy, dreams of a better life, and reality standing in our way.

All of this stimulus can really throw a wrench in our ability to prioritize what is really important, and what appears important on a daily basis. There is so much going on that we don’t know what we should focus on. Instead, we try to focus on it all.

I experienced the same type of situation while gaining rank in Jiu Jitsu. When I was a white belt, there was so much going on that I tried to pay attention to, my mind was unable to keep up with more experienced and athletic opponents. Everything my opponent did seemed like a battle for life or death.

Over time, as I got more comfortable, I learned to relax my mind and only pay attention to what is important. You see, all of the stuff I was paying attention to seemed important when I was a white belt. That is why every time my opponent moved, I reacted, or more likely, over reacted. This is because I did not understand what was, and was not important. Since I was not sure, I had to fight every battle as if it was my last.

Now that I am a purple belt (before brown) and carry five years of real experience, I do not react to my opponent’s every move. Each situation I get into, I am able to focus on what is important and disregard what used to appear important. So if my opponent is threatening a move, I know whether or not to take it seriously because I understand my priorities in each position I have experience in. In simple terms, I carefully pick my battles.

Life is much the same, though we don’t gain rank with colored belts. Instead, we gain rank in happiness. Much like any martial art, achieving happiness takes hard work. It is not easy to be happy. In order to truly be at peace with ourselves, we need to understand what we want in life.

On this Earth, no matter who we are, there is one thing we all have in common. That is time. Time is all any of us really have. If every government in the world toppled, and money no longer existed, time would still march on. There is no stopping it. The only thing you can do is roll with it. You can not save time. You have to spend it. So the question is, what do you invest your daily time in?

Valuing your time is a great way to prioritize your focus and motivate yourself. Remember, there is no choice on whether you spend your time or not. You are spending it regardless. Might as well get the most value out of it, no? If you look at the world from the view point of your time’s value, it becomes much easier to deal with the daily negativity and dilemmas we all face.

Here are some examples from my life:

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Someone says something bad about me.

In the past, I might try to confront them. To be honest, I probably wouldn’t be able to sleep until I did confront them. But now, I think of it in terms of my time’s value. Is it worth my time to deal with something somebody said? Or is it better to just move on and focus on my dreams?

I need to pay my bills, but I also have to grow my business.

My bills tell me I should get a job to pay them now. However, time tells me I need to invest as much of it as possible in my business to be successful. This helps me realize that, for me, growing my business takes priority over paying my monthly bills because it is my dream to earn a living doing what I love. It may suck for a little while, but in the end, I will be enjoying the time I spend working, and easily paying my bills.

Which job should I take?

Many of us look at one thing when it comes to work: the salary. We judge each job opportunity by the size of the salary and benefits package. However, when you take time into consideration, the salary does not seem so important. If I am going to spend the MAJORITY of my time doing something, I better be happy while I am doing it, or getting something equal to it’s investment.

If I am going to be miserable, even if the pay is good, it is not worth the time. On the same note, if I am going to spend my time to pay my bills each month, only to leave the job years later and have to immediately find another to pay my bills because I was unable to save, what is the point? I’d rather invest my time to help me climb up the financial ladder, then to just spend all my time moving laterally.

I can’t do that.

No matter what it is, this right here is the biggest bunch of baloney in the entire English language. This phrase should be banned for its lunacy. If all we have is time, then we certainly can do anything we put our mind to. We may not want to do something, or we may be afraid to do something, but saying we can’t do anything is just ludicrous. If we invest the time, anything is possible.

I really want to reach this goal, but I don’t have the time.

Well, if you’ve read this far you certainly understand that you do have the time. In fact, that is all we have. Now, your time may be tied up with other things, but the question is, what is more important to you: Spending your time doing other things that appear important, or taking the initiative to spend your time do what you always dreamed?

I’ll tell you this: No one ever accidentally lived a dream life.

How much do you value your time?

Are you spending the majority of your time doing what you love? Does getting up in the morning feel good, or is it the first of a long series of dreaded events in your day?

Remember, time is all we really have. We get to decide how we spend it and just like money, it is an investment. What are you investing your time in? Is the end result really worth it, or are you just delaying the inevitable?

Only time will tell.

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Every person in the world runs into at least one problem a day. When you are a business owner, it can seem like you run into a problem per minute. Every time you solve one dilemma, an even tougher one seems to pop up out of nowhere. 

Dealing with problems is part of the job description for every entrepreneur. If you are not dealing with them, you are certainly delegating who is. Either way, you are going to set the tone for how problems are handled in your business, and better know the difference between problem solving and problem evolving.

If you tend to get emotional, your staff will do the same. If you tend to ignore the problems, your staff will follow suit. If you are waiting for someone to care more about your business than you, you are simply not cut from entrepreneurial cloth. Your business is your baby. Problems come with the business. Therefore, problems become your baby. The question is, are you a problem evolver, or a problem solver?

Problem Evolvers

Oxford American dictionaries states the definition of evolve is ‘to develop gradually, from a simple to a complex form‘. When a problem arises in a business, a problem evolver takes the initial problem and begins to mold it into something much, much worse. Their focus is solely on the problem, it’s possible consequences, and how they can be affected by it the least.

Problem evolvers tend to constantly bring up the problem, it’s inevitable doom, and who is to blame. They focus on the problem, who is responsible for it, and what consequences that party shall face. Instead of focusing on the solution, they make the person most responsible for the problem the target of their energy.

Problem Solvers

To solve a problem, according to Oxford American, means to ‘find an answer to, explanation for, or means for effectively dealing with (a problem or a mystery).‘ Essentially, problem solvers treat problems like a big game. They turn problems into fun riddles and challenges that drive them to find solutions.

Problem solvers never pinpoint blame, even if it is rightfully deserved. They don’t see an employee or a client as a problem. They see the position that that employee or client was put in as the problem. Problem solvers don’t worry about the potential consequences. They focus on how to surpass those obstacles, even when it seems there is no hope of doing so. Problem solvers remain calm, cool, and collected in order to take a fresh approach to the problem. After all, it is a game, and they want to win as much as possible.

The Unavoidable Truth

Truth be told, if you are in business, you are going to have to learn to deal with problems on a consistent basis. The growth of your business, especially if it’s yours, solely depends on your ability to navigate through the daily, sometimes seemingly insurmountable problems that swoop in like rain clouds on a sunny day.

If you can’t avoid them, you might as well learn to enjoy them. Become a problem solver, make it all a game, and challenge yourself to lead your business through whatever storm might come next. You are ready. You are confident. You are excited, because you are a Problem solver. Problems are what you love. In fact, you look forward to them and revel in setting an example for your staff and clients. Handling them is the daily challenge that gets you out o bed in the morning. What once was a burden, now becomes your fuel. Say it with me…

‘I am a problem solver. Handling problems is what I do. I know a problem without a solution does not exist. In fact, the bigger the problem, the more fun the challenge.‘

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Inspired recently by Napolean Hill’s classic book ‘Think and Grow Rich‘, my partner and I recently sat down to plan our strategy to make more money than we can count. The following steps are the process we went through over the last year to get to the point where we were able to make this plan. There are six steps in the plan put forth in ‘Think and Grow Rich’. I have included them in this list, and added my interpretation of them. If you have not read ‘Think and Grow Rich’, I certainly suggest it. I can’t say it will make you rich, whatever your definition of that is, but it will certainly open your mind to the fact of just how possible it is to become so.

1. Think about what type of life you would like to live.

Don’t think about money. Money is pointless at this stage. In fact, pretend money does not exist. You simply have to choose what you will spend the majority of your time on. Now, don’t worry about changing your mind. That is okay. The important thing is to be successful in whatever you do, so learning how to succeed on one path will easily translate over to the next. Even if you pick the wrong path, it will not be a waste of time.

2. Write down how much money you would like to make.

As Napolean Hill says, you need to define this number and make a commitment to it. Write it down on a piece of paper right now. Don’t be scared either. I wrote down $200 million. My partner wrote down $333 million. Remember, this is our one life. If we are not going to try and go big, then why try at all? 

3. Write down what you are willing to sacrifice for this financial gain.

Napolean Hill opened my eyes to a very simple concept, that for some reason or other, had eluded me. If you want to make a lot of money, it is going to take sacrifice. It is not simply, think about it, and it will happen. You are going to have to give up family time, weekends, hobbies, television, and all sorts of things. Right now, list all of the things you are willing to give up to reach this goal. Remember, the higher the sum, the more sacrifice it requires.

4. Make a due date.

Another great step from ‘Think and Grow Rich’. Define the time period in which you want to achieve this goal by setting a due date to reach it. Now, don’t be scared to make the commitment. I wrote down 3 years with a due date of 7/4/2012. You can write down anything you like. The important part is to make that date and stand by it no matter what. Write it down right now.

5. Make a plan to acquire those sums.

This step from the book is quite useful. It helped us tremendously. You see, my partner and I had a couple of services that we are releasing this June. Now, originally, we were set on a certain strategy for marketing these services. We were thinking, in a few years, we may be able to collect enough monthly to pay all our bills. However, with this new commitment to a large financial gain, we had to think bigger. So we did, and what we came up with is incredible! I am not able to delve into details at this time, but the idea is probably our best idea yet. I can’t believe we didn’t see it before. We would have never thought of it had we not been forced to plan a way on how to make our fortune.

What I learned while doing this is, if you do not make a plan, how can you hope to achieve that sum? The answer is you can’t. That’s why, right now, you need to take some time and write down exactly how you plan to acquire the sum you desire. Don’t worry about the small details. Just get to thinking how you are going to take your passion, and turn it into gold.

6. Read it 2x a Day

So you now have a list. Napolean Hill, and my partner who had read hundreds of similar books, both say you should write the plan as if it already happened. For example, you may write…

“In the last 3 years, I have acquired $200 million dollars. To get this sum, I have sacrificed time with my family, weekends, television, training, luxuries, expensive dinners, good credit, sweat, blood, and tears. My fortune was acquired by (insert plan here). 3 years ago, I made a deal that by today, I will have acquired $200 million. There is no feeling quite like knowing I achieved my goal. It is too treasured to try and explain with mere words.“

Napolean Hill suggests reading it when you wake up, and before you go to bed. I think, as long as you read it daily, it will have the same effect. The important part is to get a taste of the incredible feeling of reaching that goal every time you read it. That is your daily motivation, Not the money, but that feeling of success. Right now, write down your own tale, as you would be telling it to others, after it is accomplished.

7. Believe in Your Ability

One of the things this book has done for me is it cemented the thought in my head that I really can do anything I want to. I think, along the course of our life, barraged by negativity day after day, we tend to doubt our ability to achieve things. ‘Sure, I’d love to be rich, but I’m just not the rich type.’ If you think like this, unfortunately, you are a 100% right.

To follow your plan, you must believe in it whole heartedly. You must believe that even if you are not ready at this very moment, by following that path, you will become as ready as you will ever be. It is not you that makes the path, but rather the path that makes you. You have made a commitment because you believed in your self. Now you have to do your best to stick to it.

8.  Start Right Now!

This is Napolean Hill’s final step in his book. He points out that, whether you are ready or not, you must start on this plan right now. It reminds me of starting out in Jiu Jitsu. They don’t show you moves, and make sure you know what to do before you start. Instead, they simply throw you right into the fire. To become good at Jiu Jitsu, you must first learn what NOT to do, before you learn what to do. The same goes for your plan. Jump right into the fire, and trust in your ability to adapt. Humans are nature’s greatest example of adaptation, so don’t tell me you don’t adapt well. Tell me you choose not to let yourself adapt well, because you are afraid you might not succeed. That is the truth, and from here on out, as you set out to start on this plan, the truth is all you have left.

9. Be honest with yourself.

Making a commitment to reach a goal is quite scary. It may sound ridiculous to others. It may invoke some teasing from friends and family. People think I am a moron when I tell them I am going to make $200 million in the next three years. However, I don’t care what anyone thinks. I don’t expect them to believe me. If someone told me that, I would not believe them either.

The truth is, you are not telling these people when you speak to them. You are telling yourself. You are being honest with yourself and your intentions. This is an important part of self confidence. Be firm in what you want. Don’t let anyone tell you different. It is your life, and the only thing you can do, is be honest with yourself about how you want to live it.

10. Money is not important.

This may seem ironic. If money is not important, than why the hell did we waste our time on the first 9 steps? The answer is that money is one part of living a stress free life. The feeling of reaching the goal you set out to reach is the true treasure of this journey. Imagine the possibilities that will open if you firmly believed you can achieve anything if you actually committed your mind to it. Think about the smug feeling of confidence you would have the next time somebody laughs at your lofty goals.

This is the feeling you need to have right now. This is the feeling of confidence you need to make your plan a reality. It’s not about the money, even though there will be plenty. It’s about harnessing the power of your mind, and realizing that with the gifts you have right now, anything, anything at all, is possible. It’s just a matter of committing yourself to it. Are you ready?

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

“The whole world is nuts. The only difference is the kind of shell we wear to protect us.” – Pj

Maybe it’s me, but lately I think everyone is a little on edge. I would imagine it has a lot to do with the economy. ‘Everyone is hurting out there, it’s just a matter to what degree’, a client recently told me. When money gets tight, emotions run high, and people can take out their rage in the strangest of places.

A perfect example of this is the other day. I was walking my dog through my development as I normally do. I live in a condo community, where you own everything on the inside, and they take care of the outside. You know, the basic definition of a condo. I stopped to talk to a neighbor about a stray cat everyone knows that animal control scooped up. I got the info I was looking for and continued walking. I stepped on the corner of grass in front of one of the condos when I heard a yell.

‘Hey, WTF are you doing? That’s the 2nd time I’ve seen you step on my grass.’

From out of their garage, this neighbor rapidly proceeded to get in my face with no shirt on. It was almost laughable. I explained to the dude that, first of all, it was not his grass. Second of all, you don’t have to be rude about it. If you would like me not to walk on someone elses’s grass, just ask politely. The dude acted as if he had snapped, and then regained control. He apologized briefly and just asked me to watch the grass he maintains.

Now, imagine being so angry in life that you are laying in your garage, waiting for someone to step on the corner of grass in front of a condo that you are renting. That’s right, not only does he not own the grass, he does not own the house either, yet he is worried about the grass.

I have noticed a rise in incidents like this ever since the economy started to decline. There seems to be more angry drivers, shoppers, customers, clients, and even business owners roaming about the world today. It is very tough out there right now, and the stress can weigh heavily on our minds throughout the day. Then, all of a sudden, one little incident can trigger a nuclear reaction. However, be careful out there. You never know when you might be messing with a blog writer who will tell your story to the whole world.

Even if you aren’t messing with a blog writer, it is important to not let the stress and emotions get the best of you. Currently, as I write this, I can think of many of my friends who would love to have their biggest challenge be navigating the current economy:

• My great friend, and ex-MMA fighter, who is now paralyzed after a motorcycle accident.
• My good friend growing up, who let drugs ruin his life, and now lives 50,000 miles away in Hawaii, unable to reconnect with his past out of fear of relapsing. He can’t even see his mother anymore.
• My sister’s friend who lost her sister in an automobile accident.
• A Cop in a town near me who’s 2 year old daughter just died from a rare sickness.

These are the kind of things that make us sit back and think that money problems are really no big deal. One way or another, we will get through them, and move on. Life is too big to stop for money issues, and so should we be. Why let some bills and debt ruin the days we are blessed to be above ground? So times are bad, economically. That does not mean they have to be bad overall.

I hope this post is a reminder to everyone of the important things in life. It sure is for me. It’s important to focus on your family, health, and happiness, not on the bills you can’t pay, or the job you hate. All of these things are changeable. None of them are life threatening, and in a few years, you may even sit back and laugh about it.

Until then, let’s all try to smile a little more during these trying times. Whether we are doing real good, or having the worst day, the fact that we are able to do one or the other, is really what we should be smiling about. I learned this first hand when I was hospitalized at 18 with Crohn’s disease. At the time, they did not know if I would get better. I remember all the little things I used to be concerned with kind of dissipated into thin air. They just seemed so trivial now that my quality of life was in danger.

Hopefully, it does not take a serious disease to teach you this valuable lesson. However bad things may seem, just remember, they could always be worse, just like they could always be better. At the end of the day, what’s really the difference? A good day is great, and a bad day makes you appreciate the good ones. Either way, we always win, no matter what our mind tries to tell us.

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Everyone in life has their position. Whether at work, in your own business, in sports, at the dinner table, financially, or even in your personal relationships, their is an element of positioning. When trying to climb the ladder of success, we are inherently trying to improve our position in life, be it at work, or in our bank account.

Accountability

The first step to fighting for a better position in life is similar to a lot of first steps: Accountability. We must understand that what ever position we are in, it is because we settled for that spot. It is not because of any other reason. We decided at some point that this particular position was good enough. It might not have been a conscience decision. You may not have even thought of it that way, but the truth is, at some point, you accepted the position you are in.

That is okay. We all settle into a position at some point, at least until it gets uncomfortable again. Then we squirm around to try and find a new position. Some of us are eager to move up. Some of us will come tumbling down, and many of us will find it easier to move laterally. Moving laterally means we switch positions, but instead of moving up or down the ladder of success, we just move a little to the right, or to the left. So, yes our position has changed, but not the level we are on. It is almost like sitting in an uncomfortable chair, and then shifting your weight. It may feel good for a minute or two, but the bottom line is, no matter how much you try to make it, the chair will never be comfortable for long.

Settling for Less

Every position you are in you have settled for. Now that we understand that, we can see that if we are unhappy with our position, then we are really just unhappy that we settled for it. The position is not the problem. That is just a space that we fill. However, if you find that space uncomfortable, or unsatisfying, then only you can make the choice to improve it. To do this, you must make a deal with yourself that you will not settle for less than what you want.

When I graduated film school, I had to do something to make money quick. My family sold their 7 year old summer camp business, and now I was on my own to earn a living again. I was engaged to be married, had no job, lived at my parent’s house, and didn’t have a clue how to make money with the skills I had with a camera.

I started out trying to write screenplays, but they just were not good enough to garner any attention. So, instead of chugging along and finding my way, I jumped at the first opportunity I had to earn a living: mortgages. A friend of mine from Jiu Jitsu owned a huge company and I was eager to make some money and get some bills to pay. At the time, it seemed like the decision to take this job was what was best my wife to be, my parents, and myself.

This is the perfect example of settling for less. I didn’t want to just pay my bills. My goal was to pay my bills doing what I was passionate about. However, as soon as it got a little difficult, I switched paths to the easier road, and convinced myself paying my bills in anyway is what was best for everyone. So yes, for a little while I got to pay my bills, but in the end, when the economy got in trouble, I was left right where I started, with more debt, higher bills, and still with the problem of trying to earn a living using a camera.

Due to this, one rule of thumb I now live by is that if I am debating a decision, and the best argument I can come up with to do something is that it is what’s best for everyone ELSE, then I will no longer do it. I have learned that it is not selfish to do what’s best for you, cause in the end, what’s best for you is really what’s best for everyone else around you.

Learning First Hand on the Mat

As with most of life, I have found the perfect analogy for this in Jiu Jitsu. Just like chess, Jiu Jitsu is a big position battle. You are constantly fighting to get a better position then your opponent. In fact, many people who watch the UFC will complain when it goes to the ground because they feel the fight is boring. If you actually trained, you would enjoy all the battling for position that goes on when it looks like these fighters are just rolling around on the ground, because you would understand the importance.

Position is extremely important in Jiu Jitsu, just like in life. And, just like life again, if you wind up in a bad position on the mat, there is no one to blame accept you. You either made an error, or gave up fighting, and now your opponent has secured a dominant position.

When you are rolling (the term for sparring) in Jiu jitsu, many times you will find yourself tired as another one of these position battles happens. For example, you are exhausted, and your opponent is holding you down in side control like the following pic…

photo credit – Side Control Position

From here, as you are trying to catch your breath to escape, your opponent begins sliding their right knee across your stomach to try and gain the following mount position.

photo credit – Mount Position

Once an opponent has the mount position, it can be very tough to survive much longer. They are in a dominant position that makes it extremely tough for you to get out without exhausting much of your energy. Many times this is the beginning of the end in a match.

So let’s review the steps one more time. An opponent who had side control while you are catching your wind, begins to slide their knee across to try and get the dominant mount position. You have two choices here.

1. You can rest up, let the opponent get the mount, and then try to fight from there.
2. You can suck it up and fight like hell to make sure the opponent never gets the knee across and secures the mount because you know the fight from there is a hell of a lot tougher then the one you face now, no matter how tired you are.

Many times as a white belt, I chose choice #1, letting my opponent advance while I recovered. This always turned out to be a mistake no matter how tired I was. By resting, I was delaying fighting a necessary battle to reach my goal of winning. Inevitably I would have to fight anyway, but now from a much worse position. Each time I thought the rest was more important when the battle started. Each time, I was wrong.

In life, it is much the same. Many times we decide not to fight for a certain position because we are tired, or we convince ourselves it is not worth it. We fail to fight for better pay, or a better deal, or a better whatever. We settle for what we don’t have to fight for and just like on the mat, we usually find ourselves still fighting that battle, but from a much worse position later on.

The Key

The best way to secure a better position in life is to always be prepared to fight for it. Identify the position you are in, and where you are trying to go. Then, even when you are tired, worn out, or it is the last thing you want, if it is relevant to your success, you must fight for it. Otherwise, you risk losing ground to many others who will be trying to pass you on their way up the ladder. Once they get ahead, it is at least twice as hard to catch up.

In Life, unlike Jiu Jitsu, instead of battling one opponent, we face a myriad of opposition every day. So these fights can come from every direction. Sometimes they don’t even appear to be a fight. However, the bottom line is, if you want a better position in life, it is not going to come easy. You have to be prepared to pay the price for the position you want, and fight like hell to maintain and improve it. The better the position, the harder the fight. It’s all relative.

So the next time you feel that something is no big deal, or you’ll just handle it later, think of your positioning. Many times, you will realize, better to fight now, rather then let it go, and have to work twice as hard later on.

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Are you a control freak? I think we all are at times, some more than others. Over the course of the last few years, as my business has slowly grown, I have learned that a big key to success is learning to let go and not freak the hell out about it. If you find yourself freaking out at the thought of letting someone else do work for your business without you looking over their shoulder, then this post is definitely for you.

For those of you who don’t know, I am partners in the media production company Pixel Mobb. Being that we are content creators, as well as web and video guys, it would seem logical for us to design our own website and marketing materials. However, when you are building a business, paying the bills comes first. So creating content for clients has taken priority over our creating content for us.

Not only that, but we also have had quite a hard time branding ourselves, though apparently that is normal. My partner recently read about a famous logo designer that took 12 years to design his own logo. I guess it can be hard when you have to do it for yourself, and not a client. A client gives direction, feedback, and provides work that has no previous emotional attachment. When it’s time for you to give direction and feedback on your own company, many things can cloud the focus you need to have.

That’s why you need to learn about letting go.

Entrepreneurs are hungry, motivated, do-it-yourself type of people. They don’t let obstacles stand in the way of their goals. They do what they have to to get things done. These are excellent traits, and necessary in order to achieve success. However, the one thing entrepreneurs have a tough time with, is letting go of the steering wheel for their business.

For example, I have had many clients who hired us to do a site with this exact problem. They loved our ideas, our portfolio, and our personality. We sign the contract, work out the details, and get to building the site. When they look at the design comps however, they want to make changes. They want to move things around for no particular reason other then that’s where they think it should go. They want to resize things, and use elements in the site they think are cool, or that a friend of a friend gave them.

Now, you may be reading this saying that is their right as a client. Truth be told, you are right. In the end, we will do what the client wants. However, time and time again, that client’s site does not succeed the way they envisioned. Sure, they get what they wanted, but they don’t get the important part: our company’s experience. Each decision we make is based on the tons of experience we have. The funny thing is, our experience is the only reason a client even hires us anyway.

The reason they hired us was because they liked what we have done as professionals. After they hired us, though, these particular clients acted as if they were the professionals. They hired us to do a job, and now they are telling us what to do.

Picture this with another occupation, such as a house builder. Imagine telling the builder what materials to use, where to put the nails, and the order to build the house in. The builder would tell you you’re crazy, and not take the job.

Now, while I complain about my clients like this, as a business owner, I have also been THOSE clients. I have caught myself telling ideas to people with much more experience than me, then thinking to myself, what the hell am I doing? I hired these professionals, let me do what they say. That is when the relief washes over me. It’s not my responsibility. Give them a chance and see if they do well. If not, you will find out that you have not hired the right person, which is my responsibility. Hiring a robot is not good for any business, as what’s the point of hiring a company you have to take time to manage?

There is none, except to ease your fears that it won’t turn out the way you want. However, you need to move past that, and trust in your ability to hire the right people for the job.

This is called letting go.

It can be the single toughest thing for you to possibly do with your business. At the end of the day, most business owners are control freaks in one way or another. In order to learn to let go, and keep your wits about you, I have come up with the following list.

5 Reasons To Let Go & Not Freak the Hell Out

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1. Know your role.

You have hired a person to do a job. There is a reason for that. Either you can not do it yourself, you lack the experience, of you simply lack the time. Whatever the reason, you have hired this person to take their time to complete your objective. If you don’t have the time, experience, or knowledge to do it yourself, then you don’t have the time, experience, or knowledge to tell someone how to do it either. Make sense?

2. Your input has it’s limitations.

Many entrepreneurs are great idea people. It comes with the territory. However, you must know the limitations of your input. It is very cool to give ideas, concepts, examples, and goals to the people you have hired to do a job. It is very important to also understand that these are just ideas. Your ideas are the starting point, not the ending point. You have hired this person to take you from start to finish. Give them the starting point, and then let them lead you to the finish.

3. Encourage, don’t direct

The goal when you hire someone is to get them to do the best job possible. Sometimes, to understand their job, I will put myself in the person’s shoes who I have hired.

• How would I react to the direction I am giving?
• If this was me, what would make me do the best possible job?

I try to answer these questions before I give my direction. A good baseball coach doesn’t tell the pitcher what to throw. Instead he uses motivation to get the pitcher confident enough to have faith in whatever pitch he chooses to throw. The same should go for you.

4. Firm vs. Flexible

I’m sure you all want to know, what happens if you let go, and the person screws it up royally? Well, that is a legitimate fear for concern. In order to avoid this, it is important to understand where to be firm and where to be flexible. The place to put your foot down is in your goals for the project. If I am building you a website, I need to understand what your goal is for the site. It is very important that a client stay firm in what they want to accomplish. This is important, because it is a major part of the starting point.

Where you need to be flexible is in the approach to reach the goal. Let the professional guide you into the right approach. Ask them why this approach is best to meet your goals. Question them on the process, and how that is going to help you reach your goal. However, don’t direct them on how to achieve the goal you want. That is why you hired them. Your job is to provide them what they need to do their job, not on how to do it.

5. Freaking out is a waste of precious time.

You heard it here first. Well, probably not, but it is true. Freaking out, worrying, or any of that emotional stuff is simply a waste of time. Better to spend your day controlling what you can, then worrying about all the things you can’t.

This is not to say anticipating problems is bad. It is quite beneficial to anticipate what could go wrong. However, all you can do is anticipate and prepare for it. Worrying and stressing over it just puts you in a weaker mind state which makes getting imperative work done twice as hard. Be confident in your preparation, and learn to let go.

You may be quite amazed the amount of clarity you have when you learn to let go. It is a scary, but great feeling. Remember, if someone does not do a good job, it’s not because you weren’t telling them how to do it. It’s cause you hired the wrong person for the job. Concentrate on finding the right people, testing them out, and if they are good, you will not have to worry again. That is where you can become more successful as an entrepreneur.

That is why letting go is so important. Don’t think of it as letting go of control. Think of it as letting go of useless fear, worry, and stress, cause in reality, that’s what it really is. The only place these fears, worry, and stress exist is in your head. If it is not in your head, then truth be told, it doesn’t even exist. Imagine that.

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]]> http://yinvsyang.com/2009/05/04/how-to-learn-to-let-go-and-love-it/feed/ 10 http://yinvsyang.com/2009/04/22/is-worrying-stopping-you-from-success/ http://yinvsyang.com/2009/04/22/is-worrying-stopping-you-from-success/#comments Wed, 22 Apr 2009 12:28:31 +0000 Peter James http://yinvsyang.com/?p=1516

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

The last few weeks have been a bit tough for me. Although it has been quite exciting building my business, and seeing projects coming to fruition, the problem has been in making enough steady money to live comfortably.  The future actually looks bright. It’s just, in the present, it’s still raining. I’m sure every entrepreneur knows the feeling. The money you make goes right back into the business as you keep on molding it to perfection, time and time again.

Yesterday, it just seemed like from the minute I got up, to the minute I went to sleep, the bad news just kept on rolling in. To sum it up briefly, there were credit card problems, client issues, a sick family cat that is not looking good, and my wife quit her job. You could say it was quite a whirlwind day.

In the middle of this nightmare, I went to my partner’s house to work on further branding our business, and finally put up our own website instead of everyone else’s. While he was going through the process, my head was spinning with all sorts of nonsense. I had too many things to worry about. The pressure felt overwhelming. What was I going to do? 

“PETE!”

….my partner yelled. He could tell I was on another planet. I fessed up and tried selling him on my problems, but he wouldn’t bite. Then he said something that took a little while to sink in, but eventually eased my mind. It was one of those things that is so obvious you almost don’t pay attention to the legitimacy of it.

He said, ‘What is worrying going to do about it?’

That had always been my motto on life. When I was sick, I did not worry about getting better. I just focused on getting through each day. The same goes for now. Things are rough out there, and starting a business in these times is very challenging. It is even more challenging when you need to sustain a certain level of living that your family is used to.

However, worrying about things is only wasting time.

In fact, I’ll take it further and say that worrying is actually a cop out to dealing with the problem. Instead of taking proactive steps to sturdy my situation, and fight through the rough spots, I was feeling sorry for myself. I was worrying about what I was going to do instead of actually doing something.

It’s like a fighter standing in the ring worried about getting knocked out. If you are thinking about it, chances are, it will happen. You don’t worry about getting hit when you fight. You expect it. You just focus on your game and trying to set the pace no matter what they throw at you.

If you are worried, you are not focused, and that means you will most likely fail.

I think this is a common trap many entrepreneurs fall into while trying to get their business off the ground. We get tied down with deciding each day whether or not we are going to make it. We worry about the outcome instead of dealing with the now. In the end, though, the ‘now’ is all we can control. We may be able to come up with all sorts of possible outcomes in our head, but none of them matter. The only thing that matters is what you do TODAY.

We must learn to stop worrying about whether or not it’s going to work out. As my partner said, have faith in yourself. It is going to work. It’s just a matter of taking care of the now. After this pep talk, we got down to branding Reimagine, and it went rather well. Instead of wasting time worrying about my situation, we spent it on making my situation easier for the future. I just have to remember that it all happens just one step at a time. Nobody leaps the staircase to success in a single bound. Not even Superman.

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http://yinvsyang.com/2009/04/15/how-learning-to-choke-people-can-help-you-succeed/ http://yinvsyang.com/2009/04/15/how-learning-to-choke-people-can-help-you-succeed/#comments Wed, 15 Apr 2009 14:29:48 +0000 Peter James http://yinvsyang.com/?p=1502

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Every Saturday I teach people how to choke other people.

Well, not every Saturday. Many classes have no chokes in them. Instead we work other Jiu Jitsu moves such as positioning, leg locks, arm bars, triangles, escapes, etc. However, many days, my job as an instructor is to teach people the best way to choke their opponents.

This is not just a physical thing. Sure there are sequential steps to properly apply a choke, but mostly, the art of choking someone is a mental battle. There is a certain philosophy to achieve success. It takes focus, faith in yourself, and most of all, patience.

I have actually found that the philosophy behind choking someone properly, and achieving success at something, are one and the same. In fact, the process is quite relative. The steps to securing a successful choke on someone are almost identical to the steps to succeeding at whatever you choose.

Let’s take a look, using the philosophy of applying the Rear Naked Choke, pictured below, as an example.

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Step 1: Set it Up right from the Start

Obvious, but very true. The set up is everything. If you have a bad setup, you will never succeed, be it a choke, or a business venture. You can not build anything solid on a shaky foundation. You have to put yourself in the proper position from the start to apply the choke successfully, or don’t bother wasting your energy. With the choke, everyone knows the hand has to be around the neck, but did you see in the picture how the feet (called hooks) are wrapped around his waist. This is also an important part of the set up that many beginners over look. Without the hooks, the person can roll out of the choke. Without putting yourself in the proper position, you will severely limit any chance for future success.

Step 2: Go for it.

The Choke is not going to come to you. It is one thing to finish a choke on someone while learning, and a whole other process to learn how to apply it in a real life situation when people are going live. No one is going to roll over and say, okay, I’m ready, choke me (at least I hope not). You have to commit yourself to going for it.

Step 3: Try, Try, and Try again.

Success in anthing takes trial and error. Sometimes their resistance is so strong, that you really have to slowly dig your hand under their chin just to slip it in there. It can be a tough road when people are competing against you to succeed. They never make it easy. However, once you succeed a few times, you’ll gain the confidence of a natural. The important thing is to be patient, and learn from your mistakes. Trust in the fact that eventually, over time, you will figure it out. Just continue to faithfully battle your hands around the neck of success until you see an opportunity to capitalize on it.

Step 4: Finish the move

You can’t believe it. You actually put yourself in the perfect position, and now the time is here to reach your goal and finish the choke. Take a deep breath, and relax. I know it has been a long road, but you don’t want to have to start all over again from the beginning. Stay focused.

Once you get a good grip with one hand on the neck, the next step is slipping in your other hand in to tighten the choke. This is where most people mess up. Setting up the choke, and getting the grip are the first two steps. They take patience, and so does this step. Remember, the closer you get to your goal, the harder the resistance is going to be.

However, you will remain calm, because you know you set up a solid foundation, properly applying the previous steps. Therefore, you will ignore the chaos around you as the other person fights vigorously to escape, simply focusing all your energy on finishing what you started. It is always the calm, steady approach, like a snake choking it’s lunch, that wins the war. Being over aggressive, or over anxious, will make your life 100x more difficult every time.

All in all, hopefully you will try to use these metaphorical tips achieve success in whatever your heart desires, and not just to try choking the people you know.

Well, at least not the good people.

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http://yinvsyang.com/2009/04/08/ever-dreamed-of-doing-something-remarkable-with-your-life/ http://yinvsyang.com/2009/04/08/ever-dreamed-of-doing-something-remarkable-with-your-life/#comments Wed, 08 Apr 2009 19:33:30 +0000 Peter James http://yinvsyang.com/?p=1482

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Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

WARNING: The following article will obliterate any and all excuses you have created for why you can not be successful. If you wish to continue to effectively believe these excuses, please skip today’s post.

When I was a kid, I used to be sure that I was going to be rich. When I was in film school, I was sure I was going to be the next big movie director. And today, for the first time in a long time, I am sure of those things again. It’s just a matter of time.

I realized this the other day, before Jiu Jitsu class, while reading the back of a t-shirt. As stupid as that sounds, it is actually true. I’m sitting there stretching between classes and I see this printed on the back of my boy’s t-shirt

“What would you do if I told you, you could not fail”

I started thinking about YinvsYang immediately, and figured I’d write a post about the concept. However, I thought the quote could go even further. I started thinking about it, and suddenly, I realized something I could not believe. How did I not think of this before? My eyes popped open with excitement, like a kid who finally figures out the way to beat a tough video game. What I realized was…

Failure does not exist.

Take a minute to let this settle in for a second.

Failure does not really exist.

Think about it. What exactly is failure?

In the literal sense, ‘failure’ is a word. In the Oxford American dictionary, a ‘word’ is a single distinct conceptual unit of language, compromising inflected and various forms. Words are created by humans to have a meaning. Oxford American dictionary defines ‘failure’ in 2 ways.

1. A lack of success.

• An unsuccessful person, enterprise, or thing
• lack of success in passing a test
• A grade that is not high enough to pass a test.

2. The action or state of not functioning.

• A sudden cessation of power
• The collapse of a business

Upon closer study, you see that ‘failure’ is only specific to a moment in time.

• Being unsuccessful means you have not reached success yet. That is time specific. It only takes having success once to realize your time ‘being unsuccessful’ was actually just the bumpy ‘road to success’.
• Failing a man made test happens at a specific time. Many students have failed a test, and then passed the class.
• A sudden cessation of power has different details behind it every time.
• Businesses only collapse once, unless they are rebuilt and collapse again. Either way, it’s unique to a moment in time. 

The point is you can fail in the short term hundreds of times, but that does not make you a failure in the long run. Failure is a word that is based on other’s perception. An unsuccessful person, and a grade that is not passing, are both defined by man. Man creates the test, and Man creates a definition of failing that test.

Unless you let a time that you fail be your last moment chasing that goal, how can you possibly be a failure? The answer is, you can’t. If you continue chasing your dreams, it is impossible to be considered a failure. You are just going down your path to success, and these are the bumps in the road you are facing. Each one you navigate over builds character, confidence, and wisdom. Just look at some these ‘failures’ we know about in life….

• Was Michael Jordan a failure when he got cut from his high school basketball team?
• Was Donald Trump a failure when his business went bankrupt?
• Was Abraham Lincoln a failure when the country broke out into Civil War?

The answer to all of these is both ‘yes’ and ‘no’. If they would have gave up at those moments, then yes, they would have cemented failure for them self. However, they did not give up, and history shows that these men have been anything but failures.

‘Failure’ is not a term to define our life as a whole. It is used to define the sum of events up until right now. For example, if I fail my driving test, then right now, I am a failure. However, once I pass it, that is no longer the case. It just took me two times to succeed.

‘Failure’ is also a manmade term. Animals don’t understand failure. They are simply survivors. Whatever they fail at, they try again and again till they figure it out, or they move on and forget about it.

Failure does not exist, except in our own minds.

The mind is powerful, and can show you all sorts of potential devastating outcomes. However, the mind is a muscle. It needs to be developed and taught the right answers. The mind’s best teacher is experience. To get experience, you must fail over and over. These ‘failures’ are all just moments in time. Once you reach your goal, the ‘failures’ wind up becoming the obstacles you overcame. The bigger the failure, the bigger the obstacle, and subsequently, the better the story.

The fear of failure, is the fear of your own mind.

Anything we want to accomplish can be done, if we just realize the road to success is going to be bumpy on the way there. Many people try to travel the road to success, but as soon as the terrain gets rough, they turn and run back. Successful people keep going. They know the road to success is never easy, therefore they never expect it to be. In fact, they know the more difficult the terrain, the greater the success will be. It’s all relative.

Once you realize this, than the truth becomes obvious. We really can do anything we want to as long as we put our mind to it. Putting our mind to it means we are willing to deal with the terrain of the road we choose to travel.

Becoming successful is really all about answering the following questions, which you can do in the comments below.

1. What do you dream of doing?
2. Are you truly willing to deal with ALL the bumps in the road it takes to get there, even if you don’t know what those bumps are?

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