…continued from yesterday’s post…
The next lesson on how to better read people is a phrase you have probably heard a 1000 times.
Actions speak louder than words.
This is a well known phrase everyone has heard at one time or another. However, I don’t think people realize how useful it is on a daily basis. Think of it like this: If actions speak louder than words, than you should be hearing people’s ‘actions’, not listening to what ‘words’ they use. I have written before about how people use excuses to rationalize what they ‘feel’ like doing instead of what they ’should’ do. Think of a dieting person who says ‘I’ve been good all day. I deserve a snack‘.
Listening to people’s actions helps us because we don’t get distracted by their rationalizations. We just ‘listen’ to their actions instead, giving us a better read on them. Once again, we must force ourselves to leave all judgments, expectations, and innate feelings behind. We must only view their actions as they are. If someone is a liar, then that’s what they are. I don’t judge them for it. I just understand what they are. When I hear something from them, I know it may be a lie. I don’t expect any different. The ‘words’ that they say are inconsequential. All they do is give you a glimpse of the individual’s personality.
For example, lets say you are dating a girl. You tell her you will pick her up at 8:30 p.m. When you get there, you are forced to wait a half an hour for her to get ready. When she finally comes down, she tells you her Mom needed her help with something and her friend Monica called right as the breaker blew while she was blow drying her hair, etc., etc. The next time you show up, again you have to wait 45 minutes before she comes down.
Now, there are a few ways to handle this. You could scream and yell about how rude it is to always be late. You could leave her house the next time it happens. You could pressure her to be more on time. But the smart thing to do is to simply realize the girl is probably always going to be at least a half hour late. Instead of judging her for it, or worrying about the way she ’should’ act, try instead to understand it, and use it to your benefit.
The next time you plan a date, tell her she has to be ready by a half hour earlier than she really does. The point is that expecting people to change to meet your expectations is useless. Instead, just use the information their actions give you to benefit you. Don’t worry about what they say at all. In fact, disregard it. Just worry about what they do, because actions always speak louder than words.
Judging People Gets You Nowhere
I’ve mentioned this twice before, but it is worth mentioning again. It is of the utmost importance to not judge others. Judging others will only cloud your mind. It will make it harder to read people because you will be allowing emotion to get involved. Judging others really means that you don’t agree with their actions. Their actions did not meet your expectations.
Don’t concern yourself with the way people ’should’ act. Just worry about the way they do act. Everyone is raised different, and the world is a big place full of many unique people. The mixture of many different cultures naturally causes conflicting thoughts, ideas, and customs. But the truth is there is no right way. There is a way that you would do things and there are a thousand ways a thousand other people may do things.
If you want to relieve some of the pressure and stress on your mind, then make sure you understand the following:
- Don’t worry about what people ’should’ do.
- Don’t worry about what people say they will do.
- Only worry about what people do, or have the reputation of doing.
It’s that simple. Forget about stressing over why someone did what they did. Every action is a lesson for you. A glimpse into who they are as a person. So don’t judge them for it. Smile at the fact you are getting more information on who they are. Accept it and move on.
Once again, even though it does help everyone, the point of this is not to benefit society. The ultimate benefactor is none other than yourself. No more ‘expecting’ people to do what they should. No more disappointment when they don’t live up to those expectations. Instead, you will be smirking to yourself at how habitual human beings are. Humans penchant for their habits is why dealing with change is the most difficult thing for many people. A routine is hard to break. That is why people’s actions are so much ‘louder’ than words. Words are easy to change, but actions are not.
These lessons are just a few of the major ones I have learned since I have been paying close attention to the way people act. There are countless others. Do yourself a huge favor and open yourself up to this world of communication, if you have not already. It will reduce your stress, strengthen your mind, and allow you to live a healthier life.
Now, that benefits everyone, doesn’t it?
