Yesterday my friend called me with a tale of road rage. He was on his way into Brooklyn when someone aggressively passed him on the road. About thirty minutes later he saw the same Cadillac next to him. He couldn’t help but laugh. All the trouble this guy went through to rush ahead, and now they were right next to each other. Well, the guy saw him laugh and just lost it. He pulled over, fuming, like he was going to get out and do something. My friend did the smart thing and simply drove away.
Emotion is a powerful part of each individual. Obviously this man let emotion overtake his body, as each of us have many times before. Emotions, like yin and yang, have different sides to them. There are good emotions like happiness, joy, and love. Then, there are bad emotions such as anger, hate, and horror. Either way though, they are still just that…emotions.
Emotions are defined as ‘a natural, instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others’. Basically, that means emotions are natural feelings we get from what’s going on in the world around us. I like to think of them as warning signals.
We get emotional when something unexpected happens. We get angry cause of a flat tire. Or we laugh because someone trips while walking. It is a natural reaction to the fact that what we expected to happen did not happen as we thought. We did not expect the flat tire, nor the person who tripped. They happened unexpectedly and our mind reacted to us with these natural warning signals called emotions.
Emotions, though, can be quite dangerous. Many people rely on emotions to help them determine the course of their life. Emotions are not good for decision making and because of this, those people are rarely successful. Emotion actually inhibits progress. Let me show you what I mean using Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ) as an example.
I am currently a four stripe blue belt in BJJ. For those that don’t know, BJJ is ‘known for its devastating ground techniques, allowing for a smaller man to defeat a larger and naturally more powerful opponent. Balance, leverage, technique and timing play a vital role in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.’ (from www.advancedbjj.com). Notice it doesn’t say anything about anger, pride, or rage.
Being a blue belt, and a BJJ teacher, I get to see many of the mistakes the less experienced white belts make. Each and every time we get a new student the same thing happens. When I train with them the first time (referred to as rolling in BJJ), they are filled with emotions. Right away they come at me a million miles an hour, trying to rip off any body part they can grab on to, as if all the rolling I have done for the last 3 plus years has not made a difference. Each time, they go until they can no longer breathe or they tap because I have submitted them. Never once has any of them ever succeeded with any of the experienced guys unless by some rare occurrence.
I tell you this not to flex my ego, but to show you what I’ve learned about emotion through BJJ. Those emotions of rage, anger, pride, all do nothing to help the newcomer. The newbie is experiencing that because he knows he is entering a world that he is not accustom to. Deep down inside, he knows he is going to lose and he does not know how to handle it. But the adrenaline rushes in and he feels like superman for at least the first 30 seconds. After that, it is all down hill. The student’s future success is all based on how they handle this initial encounter. They will either learn to relax and see what technique I am using, or they will quit. The key to BJJ is to not let emotion play any role. I am not angry at my opponents. I do not want to hurt them. I simply want to show them that I am more prepared.
Many people in life, like the road rage guy, or the new BJJ student, let emotions get the best of them. The key to getting more control of yourself is to better interpret your emotions. Are you angry at your friend? Well, why? They did something you do not approve of. Why did they do it? Was it really to intentionally hurt you? Or did you just think that they would do one thing, and they did another?
Each time you feel overly emotional, try to take a step back. Obviously I am not talking about joy or happiness. But whenever you feel overwhelmed with a bad emotion try to relax for a few seconds. Take some deep breaths if need be. Then think about the same set of circumstances that got you into that mood from an OUTSIDE perspective. Picture your friend telling you the same story as if it happened to someone else. I bet it doesn’t sound as bad as you think it does.
Emotions have a way of controlling your life if you let them. They can encourage you to take drastic measures over the tiniest set of circumstances. They can cloud your mind, forcing you to ignore reason or logic. Most importantly they can inhibit progress because your mind is not clear. The emotions you are feeling are just warning you that your expectations are not being met.
Maybe it’s those expectations that are the problem. Either way, the only way to feel better is to relax, think clearly, and handle the situation with your mind, not your adrenaline. It’s a lesson that took over three years of BJJ literally beating it into my brain. Hopefully this blog helps you learn it a little quicker then hard-headed me.
