Yin vs YangThe Battle for Success in Life

René Magritte’s The False Mirror

In the last 5 or so years, the world has undergone a mini revolution, one able to fly under the radar due to it’s nonviolent nature. This revolution is the information age, taking over by storm. The days of controlling information have become obsolete, and the way we live our lives has transformed.

Large or small, companies, criminals, business owners, politicians, and anyone else who’s central purpose has been the control and dissemination of information, now find their business models obsolete.

Musicians no longer need labels to be discovered by the world. Filmmakers have the means and resources to make a Jurassic Park size movie in their bedroom and can distribute the final result on the web. Entrepreneurs no longer need outside resources to start their dream business. All they need is and idea and the motivation to see it through. This revolution is going on right now, everywhere around the world.

Growing up, it was always about who you know. Now, it is just about who you are.

There are no more excuses. You can’t say, ‘I didn’t know how to do that,’ when all the answers are a Google search away. You can’t say, ‘I didn’t know anyone’, when every person and business is accessible in some shape and form on the net. You can’t even say, ‘well I didn’t have the money,’ when nowadays you rarely need it to get started.

In reality, it just comes down to us, staring into the mirror and realizing, there are no more excuses except the ones we create. There is nothing ‘we have to do’ that we are not passionate about. The only thing stopping you is the excuses you accept, and the only person in your way is staring right back at you.

Forget the limitations you think your body has.

Forget the fears of failure your mind projects.

All that matters is your spirit and your desire.

Let desire be your guide, and spirit be your strength. You always knew you could do it, you just needed a little time to accept the task at hand. Remember, success is getting up every day doing what you love. The rest just takes some time to fall into place.

---

Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on twitter.

---

Recently, a friend of mine reached out to me about his problems. What transpired from our chat really opened up both of our minds. It’s quite amazing how trying to help people who no one else is willing to, can really help yourself.

My friend has currently lost his way in the world. His addictions have left him with no home, no family, no respect, and worse of all, a boatload of guilt. However, every chance my friend was ever given was never enough. Every hand that reached out to him was eventually bitten with regret for doing so. When everyone else said ‘no’, and someone believed in my friend, he would let them down every time.

People will say people like this are losers, addicts, weak, etc., and would probably be justified in doing so for the most part. I feel like even if they are all of these things, they are still a person who has accepted being so, something I find quite interesting. How does that happen? How does one settle to such a life?

As my friend and I were talking, he said something subtly that I couldn’t let go. He was speaking about his recent home in an island paradise, and how when he first went there, ‘I expected to find a wife, a new life, and happiness.’

At first, it was great. He was clean, had a job, a nice place, and some hope. But then life caught up when he lost his job after an argument with a co worker. He was denied unemployment, kicked out of his place, and had to live in a hostel because no one will lend an ex-addict money, not even family.

My friend confided how each experience like this digs a deeper whole in his soul. He is conflicted. On one hand, he says and believes he wants to be this ‘normal’ person with his own family, a job, and a small house somewhere. On the other hand, his actions show he chases every trail of debauchery he can find. This dual persona causes a deep depression and guilt for his choices in life.

As he was confiding this to me, I could not get over what he first said.

…I expected to find a wife, a job, a new life, and happiness.

…I expected….

That’s when it hit me. That was my friend’s entire problem. From day one, I realized he had this same reoccurring problem and it ruined his outlook. I also realized that is the same problem we all have. We all suffer from this, to one degree or another.

The problem is simply our expectations. Expectations play a huge part in our outlook on life. Think of it this way. If someone from meager beginnings grows up to get a small job, a wife, and enough money for his family to just live comfortably, they will feel great about their success.

If the same life was lived by someone from a wealthy background, they would probably feel like they were a failure. This is because, in their wealthy young life, they grew up expecting to live a certain way, at a certain standard. We all have these expectations, even now. We all picture where we ‘should be’ in life.

However, what if these seemingly motivating pictures (or goals as some may say) are the essence of our problems? What if when these pictures do not come true, we miss out on life’s true happiness simply because it is not as we pictured?

I think that is a major part of humanity’s issues. We all have these grand expectations for everything as human beings. We all do our best to live up to them. Some of us are even willing to die, or kill, to meet those expectations. Some of us are having a hard time dealing with not meeting those expectations, and are racked with self loathing guilt over it.

Life for me has changed as I have tried recently to forego all my expectations. Maybe it’s not so important where we are supposed to be. Maybe all that is important is where we really are, and what action we can take from there. Maybe we need to not only watch our own expectations, but also the expectations we place on others.

Think of all the times you expected someone to do something, or act a certain way, or do as you would have done in a situation. Think of all the times you were disappointed when people did not do as you thought. Then think about this.

If you never had those expectations, would you feel differently about those people? What if you just learned from those let downs? For example, if somebody blurted out a secret you confided in them, you would probably be livid. You expected they would keep it a secret. However, once they do not, isn’t easier to just understand that person can not keep a secret?

Instead, most of us, or at least me, tend to focus our energies on getting even, or getting back at this person for not meeting OUR expectations. I mean, who are we that we think we know the right way for everyone else to act?

Yet we all tend to think we do. We were each raised with these expectations for ourselves. They are not only self created. Our environments and life experience have played a major role in our expectations. Typically, these expectations define who we are, and our level of happiness in life.

Is it possible to forego all expectation in life. I actually think it is quite fun. It really opens up new doors you never imagined. While I spent most of my life closing all of these doors to people who did not live up to one expectation or another, I now try not to close any doors. Every person’s life experience can be useful in this world. Even people you loathe.

It may sound crazy, but try dropping your expectations for everything. Try not expecting the movie you go see to be great, or the dinner at the restaurant to be perfect, or the traffic on the way to work to be suddenly gone. Try just to take life as it comes, and roll with the punches. It has really helped me deal with many of my personal issues in life.

My friend was also taken back by this. For at least one night, his mind was opened, and there was a sense of relief. He wondered if maybe I was right. Is it possible the whole time he was just angry and could not deal with people living up to his expectations, including himself? Is it possible everything in his life would be different if he didn’t harbor these heavy expectations on his shoulders?

I don’t know. It’s just a thought….

---

Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on twitter!

---

For anyone new here, the goal of this blog is to motivate you in the daily battle for success in life. Sometimes that battle is financial, sometimes personal, sometimes internal, and sometimes out of your control. However, the important part about any battle, is understanding you are in one.

If you are not literally ‘battling’ for success, then chances are, success is not going to find you. Even someone I grew up with, now known worldwide as ‘the situation’, battled through a lot just to make it on to that reality show that made him famous. I’m not going to go into details, but trust me, the kid could not get someone to get a slice of pizza with him 2 weeks after the show stopped filming. Now, everyone I know talks about him and how ‘lucky’ he is.

I’m not a big believer in luck. I kind of think, bad or good, everyone has luck. It’s how you deal with everything else that matters. Battling for success is about understanding first & foremost that it is going to be a battle. A tough one at that. It is going to take everything you have to win this battle. There will be many ups and downs that cloud your confidence. Staying focused is the key.

Understanding how to battle your way to success is going to come from inside you. Only you know about the ‘voices’ or ‘intuition’ you get when you know you should do something, but you don’t want to. That is part of the battle. In fact, as I said before, you should try to look forward to the things you don’t want to do, cause each one brings you closer to your goal.

Reaching that goal is what this site is dedicated to helping you with. So, with that in mind, I have put together a few lessons I have learned about battling toward my goal of success, which is to make a living doing what I love.

Enjoy the Storm

As I write this there is a Winter Storm blaring on par with a level 2 Hurricane out my window. It’s a perfect analogy for the battle to success. Success is like a far destination you have to get to in this kind of weather. At first the road may seem easy to navigate, but as the weather worsens, and the storm picks, up, things will get extremely difficult to manage.

The way you react to these obstacles is what defines your success. Think of it this way. If you are driving in a snowstorm, what’s the best way to drive?

If you step on the gas, rev your engine, and peel out down the snow-covered block, chances are you will not get too far before the sound of metal crunching is heard.

If you put on your emergency lights, and drive 2 miles per hour, stopping every time the car seems to slip the slightest bit, as your two ghost-white sweaty palms grip the steering wheel like life depended on it, chances are you should not even bother getting on the road. Ever notice, car accidents happen a lot to people who seem solely focused only on avoiding them?

The best approach to driving in a snow storm is to take your time, not overreact, and calmly assess each situation on the road as it comes up. You have to come to a calm understanding that, even though things are really bad outside, you can handle it. In fact, you live to handle it.

There’s Only One Way to Get a Black Belt

Once you understand you are in a battle, you will realize you have to take your lumps too. Can’t become a great fighter without getting beat up. It’s just not possible. Same goes for success. You are going to make mistake after mistake. Some people call this failure. I call it learning. In fact, I have yet to meet a success that had not lived through some sort of failure.

There is a saying in Jiu Jitsu that there is only one difference between someone who gets a black belt, and someone who does not. It is not their athleticism, or their physique. It is not their genetics, their technique, or their personality. It is only one simple thing that separates every white belt who ever got on the mat and the people who eventually succeeded in getting black belts. Do you know what that difference is?

The black belts kept coming. That’s it. If any of those white belts would have done the same, eventually, they would have became black belts themselves. Maybe not as fast, or at the same pace, but they would have eventually reached their goal.

The point of the story for you is, what ever your goal, you must get on the mat. If you want to win the lottery, you must first play a ticket. If you want to hit a home run, you must first strike out (or get really lucky). If you want to be successful, you must first….TRY! Then you must try, try, try again, until you get there. No matter how long it takes, you will not give up.

Success is a mindset!

Being successful at anything is all about your mindset, not your finances, or your clothing brand, or your material things. Take all of that away from a successful person, and chances are they will get it right back. That’s because they believe they are successful.

If you can’t picture yourself successful, or you judge every detail of your journey as a make or break moment, then you will not be successful. Successful people are like black belts. They know, whatever challenges they face, they will be successful. They know if they fail a challenge, they will just come right back and try again. However, this time, they will be even stronger from their previous defeat.

It is this mindset that lead successful people to their goals. They are not just lucky, or born more fortunate. They simply have taken the hand life dealt them and rolled with it. If someone’s got a better hand, so be it. If someone’s hand is worse, so be it too. After all, it’s not the cards, but how you play them.

In life, it’s not the battles that matter, it’s simply how you choose to fight them.

photo credit

Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Life can be very confusing with all the stimulus our mind has to deal with each day. We have bills to pay, family to make happy, work to do, bosses/clients to satisfy, dreams of a better life, and reality standing in our way.

All of this stimulus can really throw a wrench in our ability to prioritize what is really important, and what appears important on a daily basis. There is so much going on that we don’t know what we should focus on. Instead, we try to focus on it all.

I experienced the same type of situation while gaining rank in Jiu Jitsu. When I was a white belt, there was so much going on that I tried to pay attention to, my mind was unable to keep up with more experienced and athletic opponents. Everything my opponent did seemed like a battle for life or death.

Over time, as I got more comfortable, I learned to relax my mind and only pay attention to what is important. You see, all of the stuff I was paying attention to seemed important when I was a white belt. That is why every time my opponent moved, I reacted, or more likely, over reacted. This is because I did not understand what was, and was not important. Since I was not sure, I had to fight every battle as if it was my last.

Now that I am a purple belt (before brown) and carry five years of real experience, I do not react to my opponent’s every move. Each situation I get into, I am able to focus on what is important and disregard what used to appear important. So if my opponent is threatening a move, I know whether or not to take it seriously because I understand my priorities in each position I have experience in. In simple terms, I carefully pick my battles.

Life is much the same, though we don’t gain rank with colored belts. Instead, we gain rank in happiness. Much like any martial art, achieving happiness takes hard work. It is not easy to be happy. In order to truly be at peace with ourselves, we need to understand what we want in life.

On this Earth, no matter who we are, there is one thing we all have in common. That is time. Time is all any of us really have. If every government in the world toppled, and money no longer existed, time would still march on. There is no stopping it. The only thing you can do is roll with it. You can not save time. You have to spend it. So the question is, what do you invest your daily time in?

Valuing your time is a great way to prioritize your focus and motivate yourself. Remember, there is no choice on whether you spend your time or not. You are spending it regardless. Might as well get the most value out of it, no? If you look at the world from the view point of your time’s value, it becomes much easier to deal with the daily negativity and dilemmas we all face.

Here are some examples from my life:

photo credit

Someone says something bad about me.

In the past, I might try to confront them. To be honest, I probably wouldn’t be able to sleep until I did confront them. But now, I think of it in terms of my time’s value. Is it worth my time to deal with something somebody said? Or is it better to just move on and focus on my dreams?

I need to pay my bills, but I also have to grow my business.

My bills tell me I should get a job to pay them now. However, time tells me I need to invest as much of it as possible in my business to be successful. This helps me realize that, for me, growing my business takes priority over paying my monthly bills because it is my dream to earn a living doing what I love. It may suck for a little while, but in the end, I will be enjoying the time I spend working, and easily paying my bills.

Which job should I take?

Many of us look at one thing when it comes to work: the salary. We judge each job opportunity by the size of the salary and benefits package. However, when you take time into consideration, the salary does not seem so important. If I am going to spend the MAJORITY of my time doing something, I better be happy while I am doing it, or getting something equal to it’s investment.

If I am going to be miserable, even if the pay is good, it is not worth the time. On the same note, if I am going to spend my time to pay my bills each month, only to leave the job years later and have to immediately find another to pay my bills because I was unable to save, what is the point? I’d rather invest my time to help me climb up the financial ladder, then to just spend all my time moving laterally.

I can’t do that.

No matter what it is, this right here is the biggest bunch of baloney in the entire English language. This phrase should be banned for its lunacy. If all we have is time, then we certainly can do anything we put our mind to. We may not want to do something, or we may be afraid to do something, but saying we can’t do anything is just ludicrous. If we invest the time, anything is possible.

I really want to reach this goal, but I don’t have the time.

Well, if you’ve read this far you certainly understand that you do have the time. In fact, that is all we have. Now, your time may be tied up with other things, but the question is, what is more important to you: Spending your time doing other things that appear important, or taking the initiative to spend your time do what you always dreamed?

I’ll tell you this: No one ever accidentally lived a dream life.

How much do you value your time?

Are you spending the majority of your time doing what you love? Does getting up in the morning feel good, or is it the first of a long series of dreaded events in your day?

Remember, time is all we really have. We get to decide how we spend it and just like money, it is an investment. What are you investing your time in? Is the end result really worth it, or are you just delaying the inevitable?

Only time will tell.

——————————————————————————————–

If you like what you see, get all the latest updates right to your email…

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner

photo credit

Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

It took only one human to invent electricity, one to discover the theory of relativity, one doctor to cure polio, and one man to lead the civil rights movement of the 60s. Albert Einstein had a problem, Jonas Salk had a mission, Martin Luther King had a dream, Thomas Edison had a goal, and hundreds like them had the same courage to live out their dreams no matter what that entailed.

Albert Einstein once said ‘It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.’

Martin Luther King had a dream that many were afraid to listen to, yet he told the world about it.

Jonas Salk tested the initial polio vaccine on his wife, daughter, and himself.

Thomas Edison failed thousands of times before he revolutionized the world by inventing the incandescent light bulb.

All of these men were not afraid to be themselves, and trust in who they were, especially when times were rough. They knew the obstacles they faced caused everyone else to run in the opposite direction, however they stayed the course because they believed in themselves, no matter what that meant.

The question is, are you afraid to be yourself and live out your dreams?

This is not a challenging question, but rather one to be contemplated for a bit. You see, I can admit that I was very afraid to be myself for a long time. If you would have asked me then, I would have told you you were crazy, and probably tried to fight you (ooooh, to be young again).

Finding ourselves

Being who we are can be very difficult at times, especially when it conflicts with those around us. That is why there are so many mean people in the world. They are mean because they are afraid to be themselves, and some, rightfully so. Being themselves has caused others to mock, pick on, or worse, even physically hurt them. The world can be a tough place when you try to walk your own path. However, the end result is you wind up where no one else has before.

Being honest with ourself is another daily challenge we all face. Are we really listening to ourselves, or are we listening to our own excuses? It is the complexity of our mind that can make self honesty such a challenge. Yet, if we can truly be honest with ourselves, our life intelligence will grow at a rapid pace.

It took major surgery and a year of being stricken with a severe case of Crohn’s disease for me to see the importance of being myself. I was 18 years old, and faced with the prospect of never living a normal life again. After that experience, I started to chase what I love in life. There have been some bumps in the road since then, but somehow, I always wind up back on the same course toward my dreams. Sometimes a tragic experience can have an effect where suddenly, everything you thought was important means nothing now. In another words, your mind is cleared from all the bullshit we encounter in our lives, so it can see what really is important in our life.

Just Go Do It

Being yourself is not as easy as we might think. It takes hard, consistent work. Our brains are extremely adept at rationalization. So you may want to be that baseball player, but your brain will rationalize whether or not you can before you even try. You may think you are not big enough, or fast enough, or strong enough, or athletic enough, or even lucky enough. Whatever rationalization works best, your brain will find to avoid failure.

However, if we were never told such things, and wanted to be a ball player, we would simply just go out and do it.

What I have found is that being yourself is a challenge worth undertaking. It is like an individual revolution all inside your head. Suddenly, the straps are off, and you are free to roam the world fueled by your passion, without the chains of other’s judgement and/or opinion to hold you down. Every decision you make is actually decided internally, and not through three phone conversations and your Facebook friends list.

Standing Out is a Superpower

Being yourself is the only true way to stand out from the crowd, and conquer your dreams. You may think and feel like everyone else, but we are all unique in certain ways. It can be our passions, dreams, goals, or simply confidence that we can go where no one else has gone before, that separates us from the pack. Whatever it is, it is certainly worth pursuing.

Becoming an individual is like having a superpower, and not the crap super powers you see on twitter either. It is a superpower of individuality. No longer will you have to have others think for you. No longer will you accept the spoken word as fact. No longer will you live an ordinary life. It will become extraordinary, because it becomes your own.

Life in pursuit of your dreams is a sacrifice many of us are unwilling to undertake. There is much bark, but little bite when it comes down to the moment of truth. I think this is because the first, and hardest step, is going out on our own and simply being who we are, no matter what that means. People may not admit it, but there is a certain respect we have for someone who does their own thing, even if it’s not our thing. If we were to dig deeper in our psyche, I bet we would find that that respect is based on a hint of jealousy we have not done the same.

Everyday I work on being myself. I discover new things, work on my weaknesses, and continue to grow. We all do, whether we realize it or not. Some days are better than others. I can safely say that it is not a steady climb up the mountain. Some days we climb up, and some days we fall down. However, if we keep pursuing that goal, there is only one possible destination.

If you need a reminder stronger than this, check out the stories of Albert Einstein, Martin Luther King Jr., Jonas Salk, and Thomas Edison. Believe it or not, they were not that much different than you.

——————————————————————————————–

If you like what you see, get all the latest updates right to your email…

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner

photo credit

Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

“The whole world is nuts. The only difference is the kind of shell we wear to protect us.” – Pj

Maybe it’s me, but lately I think everyone is a little on edge. I would imagine it has a lot to do with the economy. ‘Everyone is hurting out there, it’s just a matter to what degree’, a client recently told me. When money gets tight, emotions run high, and people can take out their rage in the strangest of places.

A perfect example of this is the other day. I was walking my dog through my development as I normally do. I live in a condo community, where you own everything on the inside, and they take care of the outside. You know, the basic definition of a condo. I stopped to talk to a neighbor about a stray cat everyone knows that animal control scooped up. I got the info I was looking for and continued walking. I stepped on the corner of grass in front of one of the condos when I heard a yell.

‘Hey, WTF are you doing? That’s the 2nd time I’ve seen you step on my grass.’

From out of their garage, this neighbor rapidly proceeded to get in my face with no shirt on. It was almost laughable. I explained to the dude that, first of all, it was not his grass. Second of all, you don’t have to be rude about it. If you would like me not to walk on someone elses’s grass, just ask politely. The dude acted as if he had snapped, and then regained control. He apologized briefly and just asked me to watch the grass he maintains.

Now, imagine being so angry in life that you are laying in your garage, waiting for someone to step on the corner of grass in front of a condo that you are renting. That’s right, not only does he not own the grass, he does not own the house either, yet he is worried about the grass.

I have noticed a rise in incidents like this ever since the economy started to decline. There seems to be more angry drivers, shoppers, customers, clients, and even business owners roaming about the world today. It is very tough out there right now, and the stress can weigh heavily on our minds throughout the day. Then, all of a sudden, one little incident can trigger a nuclear reaction. However, be careful out there. You never know when you might be messing with a blog writer who will tell your story to the whole world.

Even if you aren’t messing with a blog writer, it is important to not let the stress and emotions get the best of you. Currently, as I write this, I can think of many of my friends who would love to have their biggest challenge be navigating the current economy:

• My great friend, and ex-MMA fighter, who is now paralyzed after a motorcycle accident.
• My good friend growing up, who let drugs ruin his life, and now lives 50,000 miles away in Hawaii, unable to reconnect with his past out of fear of relapsing. He can’t even see his mother anymore.
• My sister’s friend who lost her sister in an automobile accident.
• A Cop in a town near me who’s 2 year old daughter just died from a rare sickness.

These are the kind of things that make us sit back and think that money problems are really no big deal. One way or another, we will get through them, and move on. Life is too big to stop for money issues, and so should we be. Why let some bills and debt ruin the days we are blessed to be above ground? So times are bad, economically. That does not mean they have to be bad overall.

I hope this post is a reminder to everyone of the important things in life. It sure is for me. It’s important to focus on your family, health, and happiness, not on the bills you can’t pay, or the job you hate. All of these things are changeable. None of them are life threatening, and in a few years, you may even sit back and laugh about it.

Until then, let’s all try to smile a little more during these trying times. Whether we are doing real good, or having the worst day, the fact that we are able to do one or the other, is really what we should be smiling about. I learned this first hand when I was hospitalized at 18 with Crohn’s disease. At the time, they did not know if I would get better. I remember all the little things I used to be concerned with kind of dissipated into thin air. They just seemed so trivial now that my quality of life was in danger.

Hopefully, it does not take a serious disease to teach you this valuable lesson. However bad things may seem, just remember, they could always be worse, just like they could always be better. At the end of the day, what’s really the difference? A good day is great, and a bad day makes you appreciate the good ones. Either way, we always win, no matter what our mind tries to tell us.

——————————————————————————————–

If you like what you see, get all the latest updates right to your email…

Enter your email address:  

Delivered by FeedBurner   

photo credit

Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Everyone in life has their position. Whether at work, in your own business, in sports, at the dinner table, financially, or even in your personal relationships, their is an element of positioning. When trying to climb the ladder of success, we are inherently trying to improve our position in life, be it at work, or in our bank account.

Accountability

The first step to fighting for a better position in life is similar to a lot of first steps: Accountability. We must understand that what ever position we are in, it is because we settled for that spot. It is not because of any other reason. We decided at some point that this particular position was good enough. It might not have been a conscience decision. You may not have even thought of it that way, but the truth is, at some point, you accepted the position you are in.

That is okay. We all settle into a position at some point, at least until it gets uncomfortable again. Then we squirm around to try and find a new position. Some of us are eager to move up. Some of us will come tumbling down, and many of us will find it easier to move laterally. Moving laterally means we switch positions, but instead of moving up or down the ladder of success, we just move a little to the right, or to the left. So, yes our position has changed, but not the level we are on. It is almost like sitting in an uncomfortable chair, and then shifting your weight. It may feel good for a minute or two, but the bottom line is, no matter how much you try to make it, the chair will never be comfortable for long.

Settling for Less

Every position you are in you have settled for. Now that we understand that, we can see that if we are unhappy with our position, then we are really just unhappy that we settled for it. The position is not the problem. That is just a space that we fill. However, if you find that space uncomfortable, or unsatisfying, then only you can make the choice to improve it. To do this, you must make a deal with yourself that you will not settle for less than what you want.

When I graduated film school, I had to do something to make money quick. My family sold their 7 year old summer camp business, and now I was on my own to earn a living again. I was engaged to be married, had no job, lived at my parent’s house, and didn’t have a clue how to make money with the skills I had with a camera.

I started out trying to write screenplays, but they just were not good enough to garner any attention. So, instead of chugging along and finding my way, I jumped at the first opportunity I had to earn a living: mortgages. A friend of mine from Jiu Jitsu owned a huge company and I was eager to make some money and get some bills to pay. At the time, it seemed like the decision to take this job was what was best my wife to be, my parents, and myself.

This is the perfect example of settling for less. I didn’t want to just pay my bills. My goal was to pay my bills doing what I was passionate about. However, as soon as it got a little difficult, I switched paths to the easier road, and convinced myself paying my bills in anyway is what was best for everyone. So yes, for a little while I got to pay my bills, but in the end, when the economy got in trouble, I was left right where I started, with more debt, higher bills, and still with the problem of trying to earn a living using a camera.

Due to this, one rule of thumb I now live by is that if I am debating a decision, and the best argument I can come up with to do something is that it is what’s best for everyone ELSE, then I will no longer do it. I have learned that it is not selfish to do what’s best for you, cause in the end, what’s best for you is really what’s best for everyone else around you.

Learning First Hand on the Mat

As with most of life, I have found the perfect analogy for this in Jiu Jitsu. Just like chess, Jiu Jitsu is a big position battle. You are constantly fighting to get a better position then your opponent. In fact, many people who watch the UFC will complain when it goes to the ground because they feel the fight is boring. If you actually trained, you would enjoy all the battling for position that goes on when it looks like these fighters are just rolling around on the ground, because you would understand the importance.

Position is extremely important in Jiu Jitsu, just like in life. And, just like life again, if you wind up in a bad position on the mat, there is no one to blame accept you. You either made an error, or gave up fighting, and now your opponent has secured a dominant position.

When you are rolling (the term for sparring) in Jiu jitsu, many times you will find yourself tired as another one of these position battles happens. For example, you are exhausted, and your opponent is holding you down in side control like the following pic…

photo credit – Side Control Position

From here, as you are trying to catch your breath to escape, your opponent begins sliding their right knee across your stomach to try and gain the following mount position.

photo credit – Mount Position

Once an opponent has the mount position, it can be very tough to survive much longer. They are in a dominant position that makes it extremely tough for you to get out without exhausting much of your energy. Many times this is the beginning of the end in a match.

So let’s review the steps one more time. An opponent who had side control while you are catching your wind, begins to slide their knee across to try and get the dominant mount position. You have two choices here.

1. You can rest up, let the opponent get the mount, and then try to fight from there.
2. You can suck it up and fight like hell to make sure the opponent never gets the knee across and secures the mount because you know the fight from there is a hell of a lot tougher then the one you face now, no matter how tired you are.

Many times as a white belt, I chose choice #1, letting my opponent advance while I recovered. This always turned out to be a mistake no matter how tired I was. By resting, I was delaying fighting a necessary battle to reach my goal of winning. Inevitably I would have to fight anyway, but now from a much worse position. Each time I thought the rest was more important when the battle started. Each time, I was wrong.

In life, it is much the same. Many times we decide not to fight for a certain position because we are tired, or we convince ourselves it is not worth it. We fail to fight for better pay, or a better deal, or a better whatever. We settle for what we don’t have to fight for and just like on the mat, we usually find ourselves still fighting that battle, but from a much worse position later on.

The Key

The best way to secure a better position in life is to always be prepared to fight for it. Identify the position you are in, and where you are trying to go. Then, even when you are tired, worn out, or it is the last thing you want, if it is relevant to your success, you must fight for it. Otherwise, you risk losing ground to many others who will be trying to pass you on their way up the ladder. Once they get ahead, it is at least twice as hard to catch up.

In Life, unlike Jiu Jitsu, instead of battling one opponent, we face a myriad of opposition every day. So these fights can come from every direction. Sometimes they don’t even appear to be a fight. However, the bottom line is, if you want a better position in life, it is not going to come easy. You have to be prepared to pay the price for the position you want, and fight like hell to maintain and improve it. The better the position, the harder the fight. It’s all relative.

So the next time you feel that something is no big deal, or you’ll just handle it later, think of your positioning. Many times, you will realize, better to fight now, rather then let it go, and have to work twice as hard later on.

——————————————————————————————–

If you like what you see, get all the latest updates right to your email…

Enter your email address:  

Delivered by FeedBurner

photo credit

Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

The last few weeks have been a bit tough for me. Although it has been quite exciting building my business, and seeing projects coming to fruition, the problem has been in making enough steady money to live comfortably.  The future actually looks bright. It’s just, in the present, it’s still raining. I’m sure every entrepreneur knows the feeling. The money you make goes right back into the business as you keep on molding it to perfection, time and time again.

Yesterday, it just seemed like from the minute I got up, to the minute I went to sleep, the bad news just kept on rolling in. To sum it up briefly, there were credit card problems, client issues, a sick family cat that is not looking good, and my wife quit her job. You could say it was quite a whirlwind day.

In the middle of this nightmare, I went to my partner’s house to work on further branding our business, and finally put up our own website instead of everyone else’s. While he was going through the process, my head was spinning with all sorts of nonsense. I had too many things to worry about. The pressure felt overwhelming. What was I going to do? 

“PETE!”

….my partner yelled. He could tell I was on another planet. I fessed up and tried selling him on my problems, but he wouldn’t bite. Then he said something that took a little while to sink in, but eventually eased my mind. It was one of those things that is so obvious you almost don’t pay attention to the legitimacy of it.

He said, ‘What is worrying going to do about it?’

That had always been my motto on life. When I was sick, I did not worry about getting better. I just focused on getting through each day. The same goes for now. Things are rough out there, and starting a business in these times is very challenging. It is even more challenging when you need to sustain a certain level of living that your family is used to.

However, worrying about things is only wasting time.

In fact, I’ll take it further and say that worrying is actually a cop out to dealing with the problem. Instead of taking proactive steps to sturdy my situation, and fight through the rough spots, I was feeling sorry for myself. I was worrying about what I was going to do instead of actually doing something.

It’s like a fighter standing in the ring worried about getting knocked out. If you are thinking about it, chances are, it will happen. You don’t worry about getting hit when you fight. You expect it. You just focus on your game and trying to set the pace no matter what they throw at you.

If you are worried, you are not focused, and that means you will most likely fail.

I think this is a common trap many entrepreneurs fall into while trying to get their business off the ground. We get tied down with deciding each day whether or not we are going to make it. We worry about the outcome instead of dealing with the now. In the end, though, the ‘now’ is all we can control. We may be able to come up with all sorts of possible outcomes in our head, but none of them matter. The only thing that matters is what you do TODAY.

We must learn to stop worrying about whether or not it’s going to work out. As my partner said, have faith in yourself. It is going to work. It’s just a matter of taking care of the now. After this pep talk, we got down to branding Reimagine, and it went rather well. Instead of wasting time worrying about my situation, we spent it on making my situation easier for the future. I just have to remember that it all happens just one step at a time. Nobody leaps the staircase to success in a single bound. Not even Superman.

——————————————————————————————–

If you like what you see, get all the latest updates right to your email…

Enter your email address:   

Delivered by FeedBurner

photo credit

Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

WARNING: The following article will obliterate any and all excuses you have created for why you can not be successful. If you wish to continue to effectively believe these excuses, please skip today’s post.

When I was a kid, I used to be sure that I was going to be rich. When I was in film school, I was sure I was going to be the next big movie director. And today, for the first time in a long time, I am sure of those things again. It’s just a matter of time.

I realized this the other day, before Jiu Jitsu class, while reading the back of a t-shirt. As stupid as that sounds, it is actually true. I’m sitting there stretching between classes and I see this printed on the back of my boy’s t-shirt

“What would you do if I told you, you could not fail”

I started thinking about YinvsYang immediately, and figured I’d write a post about the concept. However, I thought the quote could go even further. I started thinking about it, and suddenly, I realized something I could not believe. How did I not think of this before? My eyes popped open with excitement, like a kid who finally figures out the way to beat a tough video game. What I realized was…

Failure does not exist.

Take a minute to let this settle in for a second.

Failure does not really exist.

Think about it. What exactly is failure?

In the literal sense, ‘failure’ is a word. In the Oxford American dictionary, a ‘word’ is a single distinct conceptual unit of language, compromising inflected and various forms. Words are created by humans to have a meaning. Oxford American dictionary defines ‘failure’ in 2 ways.

1. A lack of success.

• An unsuccessful person, enterprise, or thing
• lack of success in passing a test
• A grade that is not high enough to pass a test.

2. The action or state of not functioning.

• A sudden cessation of power
• The collapse of a business

Upon closer study, you see that ‘failure’ is only specific to a moment in time.

• Being unsuccessful means you have not reached success yet. That is time specific. It only takes having success once to realize your time ‘being unsuccessful’ was actually just the bumpy ‘road to success’.
• Failing a man made test happens at a specific time. Many students have failed a test, and then passed the class.
• A sudden cessation of power has different details behind it every time.
• Businesses only collapse once, unless they are rebuilt and collapse again. Either way, it’s unique to a moment in time. 

The point is you can fail in the short term hundreds of times, but that does not make you a failure in the long run. Failure is a word that is based on other’s perception. An unsuccessful person, and a grade that is not passing, are both defined by man. Man creates the test, and Man creates a definition of failing that test.

Unless you let a time that you fail be your last moment chasing that goal, how can you possibly be a failure? The answer is, you can’t. If you continue chasing your dreams, it is impossible to be considered a failure. You are just going down your path to success, and these are the bumps in the road you are facing. Each one you navigate over builds character, confidence, and wisdom. Just look at some these ‘failures’ we know about in life….

• Was Michael Jordan a failure when he got cut from his high school basketball team?
• Was Donald Trump a failure when his business went bankrupt?
• Was Abraham Lincoln a failure when the country broke out into Civil War?

The answer to all of these is both ‘yes’ and ‘no’. If they would have gave up at those moments, then yes, they would have cemented failure for them self. However, they did not give up, and history shows that these men have been anything but failures.

‘Failure’ is not a term to define our life as a whole. It is used to define the sum of events up until right now. For example, if I fail my driving test, then right now, I am a failure. However, once I pass it, that is no longer the case. It just took me two times to succeed.

‘Failure’ is also a manmade term. Animals don’t understand failure. They are simply survivors. Whatever they fail at, they try again and again till they figure it out, or they move on and forget about it.

Failure does not exist, except in our own minds.

The mind is powerful, and can show you all sorts of potential devastating outcomes. However, the mind is a muscle. It needs to be developed and taught the right answers. The mind’s best teacher is experience. To get experience, you must fail over and over. These ‘failures’ are all just moments in time. Once you reach your goal, the ‘failures’ wind up becoming the obstacles you overcame. The bigger the failure, the bigger the obstacle, and subsequently, the better the story.

The fear of failure, is the fear of your own mind.

Anything we want to accomplish can be done, if we just realize the road to success is going to be bumpy on the way there. Many people try to travel the road to success, but as soon as the terrain gets rough, they turn and run back. Successful people keep going. They know the road to success is never easy, therefore they never expect it to be. In fact, they know the more difficult the terrain, the greater the success will be. It’s all relative.

Once you realize this, than the truth becomes obvious. We really can do anything we want to as long as we put our mind to it. Putting our mind to it means we are willing to deal with the terrain of the road we choose to travel.

Becoming successful is really all about answering the following questions, which you can do in the comments below.

1. What do you dream of doing?
2. Are you truly willing to deal with ALL the bumps in the road it takes to get there, even if you don’t know what those bumps are?

——————————————————————————————–

If you like what you see, get all the latest updates right to your email…

Enter your email address:       

Delivered by FeedBurner

photo credit

Article by Peter J. Normandia. Follow me on Twitter.

Every Monday is personal development through Jiu Jitsu…

Jiu Jitsu is very much like a chess match. In each match, you are constantly positioning yourself to capitalize once all the pieces are in place. However, unlike chess, there is a very brief moment of time that those pieces will be in place. In fact, as you become more and more advanced at Jiu Jitsu, the shorter that window of opportunity becomes.

I can not tell you the countless times in my BJJ career that I have seen a perfect opportunity and failed to react to it. The majority of time is when I am rolling with someone who is better than me. When I am better, I am much more patient, and trusting in my abilities, but when the opposite is true, I tend to not trust my instinct as much because I am expecting to fail.

This is the mistake that I have learned to recognize.

The Window of Opportunity

Many times in life we have an opportunity appear in front of us. Be it at work, with a love interest, or anywhere else, all of us can talk about the times we should of done something, but failed to do so. The question I’d like to deal with is why?

Why do we let the fear of failure ruin our opportunities? If I analyze all of the times I can remember not going for a move in Jiu Jitsu when I should have, 99% of the time it was because I was afraid I would wind up in a worse position. I did not trust that the I would be successful going for the move, therefore, I was frozen in my tracks till the opportunity passed.

The same happens in everyday life. Ever see a girl or guy that you really wanted to talk to? Suddenly the opportunity presents itself, and you are full of excuses why you can not do it. The real reason you can’t do it, is the same reason I did not go for the move. We were both afraid of winding up in a worse position because we doubted our chances of success. However, on the mat, I have figured out a way to get around this, and it has really improved my game.

The Big Picture

What I had to do was come to terms with failure. I had to realize that not going for the move was actually worse than going for it, failing, and winding up in a worse position. You may be wondering how?

Simply put, I had to take my focus off of the moment, and look at the big picture. The moment suggests there is a pass or fail opportunity. The big picture though, paints quite the opposite picture. By going for the move and failing, I will learn a lesson. The next time that opportunity presents itself, I will be that much more prepared.

The same goes for life. Take the girl or guy from before. By talking to them, one of two things will happen. Either we will hit it off  and take it from there, or I will screw up and learn a lesson to help me the next time. Either way, if you look at the big picture, I come out on top.

If you walk through your life judging it from moment to moment, you will never see the big picture. Fear of the moment is over once the moment passes. However, with the unpredictability of life, it is safe to say that these moments can be few and far between. So the next time you have the chance to go for something, but fear has you frozen in your tracks, think of the big picture. Take your eyes off of the moment. If that does not work, then maybe you can try this.

Strange but True Solution

Another technique I use sometimes is to think of myself as an old man in a nursing home. Not just any old man, but actually myself in the future. I picture myself in a wheel chair telling the story of the moment I am facing to my peers in the home. I think about how I would want that story to sound. What would I want to say about the girl I saw? I would want to tell the other elderly that I went right up to that girl and gave it everything I got. I don’t want to say, yeah I should have, but I didn’t. It may sound strange, but this visualization has helped me on numerous occasions to see the big picture. By thinking like an old man in the future, I am able to glimpse the outcome of the opportunity in hindsight before it happens.

So the next time you are facing an opportunity, think of the big picture. The big picture is your life. The moment you are facing, is just that: a small moment in the long, long journey that life is. You think of the outcome in terms of the big picture, but you focus on the moment while in it to make the most of it. Either way, you win. When you look at it like that, why not take a chance?

Comments

How do you deal with windows of opportunity when fear freezes you in your tracks?

——————————————————————————————–

If you like what you see, get all the latest updates right to your email…

Enter your email address:     

Delivered by FeedBurner